Original subtitles

If I could transmit the written word along an electrical wire in an instant,

why, it might outdate the entire postal system.

Speaking of dates, there's something else I have to do today. Well, don't

to pick me up in half an hour.

Yeah, a magnificent concert.

Jasper?

Oh, yeah.

Jasper, did you understand a word I said?

Oh, yeah, well, of course. Yes, of course. And I will pick you up after I

the pension.

Oh, gosh.

This method of ordering material and then, you know, waiting months for

delivery. It's, uh, yeah.

It's absolutely... I think Larry's in a pole.

But transmitting the written word on a wire in an instant. What a concept.

Whoa.

Frazier, my remedies.

Calm yourself, cousin Minerva.

Olympia, look.

My tranquility tea.

How will I ever calm myself now?

Oh, relaxation through free movement. Mind and body are one.

Jasper. Oh, goodness.

Foolishly, I only booked lodgings for yourself and your mother. A blessing in

disguise. Now we can be together.

Of course you remember, Lancelot. Oh, yes.

Potassium nitrate.

Perfect for potatoes.

And you remember Casper, do you?

Casper, anything new under the sun?

Life on Mars.

More canals than Venice. What sort of life forms are we looking at?

Next time I'm back there, I'll write you a full report.

I can't wait to introduce you all to Olivia, my wife.

She wasn't expecting us?

Nevertheless, she'll be thrilled.

What improvidence.

Bohemians. I live and breathe vagrants. Now, Olivia, you stay put here.

I'll deal with this. But there's Jasper! Jasper!

I'll like Jasper to allow this sort of impropriety.

Jasper Dale.

Just what in Hades is going on here?

Skin and bone.

Sallow skin and porous bones. Luckily, I have just the remedy.

Selina, the calcarea carbonica regulates the colon, too. Why, you could set your

clock back. Madam, this is private property.

Dale property.

Minerva Dale, and I'm pleased to meet you. Dale?

You mean that all of these are... Dales.

Most dales ever assembled in one place at one time.

Hetty King.

Oh, weak nails.

James is full. I suppose I could ask them to leave.

Jasper, they are your family.

We don't want to offend them.

I guess we'll just have to invite them to stay.

Stay? Where?

Here? Just for the... Week?

Weekend. Oh, they won't move. Putting up with house guests in their advanced

condition. It appears your wife has taken leave of her senses, Jasper.

Are you too distracted to notice?

I think he's right.

There's this faulty logic, sharp logic.

But for the life of me, I can't think where we're going to put them all.

Dry skin around the mouth.

The forehead.

Large pores.

My skin's as soft as my baby brother's.

Selina, the cucumber creamed liquid.

If we house some of them, what's your contribution, Hedy?

Well, if I must uphold a traditional king hospitality, I'll

take the girl, the daughter.

I seem the most normal.

Rather the least abnormal.

Well, that's one.

Who else do you want?

Oh, no, no.

One is plenty.

My sentiments, exactly.

Well,

certainly. Seems like a lot of luggage for one weekend.

We plan to stay in Avonlea to help Olivia look after her baby.

My table.

Oh, my parlor, my house.

Oh, no, no.

Things will stay where they are put.

Thank you.

I don't know.

The situation of this table and the rest of the furniture impedes the flow of

nurturing particles circulating in the air.

If you wish to avail yourself of the air, the door is open to you.

Mother! Where should I hang the wind chimes?

What? They're really very nice, Aunt Heather. Just inside the front archway,

dear.

Trap, trap. Hold the roll.

Oh, it inspires peace of mind. Oh, not mine, it doesn't.

Selina, you'll find your temperament vastly improved with the arrangements I

have in mind.

Find my temperament vastly improved if you put me on the table and...

Daughter would try to approximate the behavior of rational human beings.

Oh,

it still isn't working.

Olivia, really.

If I didn't know you better, I think you were turning into a Dale.

That's the nerve of a woman.

Selina Dale.

Taken over my house entirely.

Turn my life topsy -turvy with their peculiar notions.

Oh, Lydia.

Lydia, you're not in your condition.

Well, it's not a disease, Eddie.

You know, the deals may be an eccentric group, but they're very well -meaning.

Well -meaning? Well, they mean to spend the next year taking care of your child.

Oh, that won't do.

Oh, Lydia, I'm so relieved to hear it.

Being in the family will sometimes transform a woman, I've heard. But from

king to a deal, well, I'd hope not.

No, Bill, I'll have to go.

And I'll help you get rid of him.

Oh, thank you.

I may be crazy, but I can't stand this chair. That loves to eat another minute.

before the baby comes because I won't have time to clean up once I'm into

diapers and feeding.

And Hedy says I'm crazy.

I like it when you're a little loony.

Yes, more like a Dale.

Like those odd cousins.

You should hear what Hedy has to say about them.

Speaking of them, somebody has thought to organize this family reunion, Jasper.

What would you think of a picture? Over at King Farms.

Just a little gathering for the two families to get acquainted.

I don't know, whatever you like.

I'll leave it up to you. I think this is the future.

Oh, Jasper.

This is my future.

You want to change the world and I just want a clean house.

Don't worry.

I don't think of anybody else, and we've always just done exactly what we

wanted. I think we're doing okay right now. I've got my magazine work, my

researches, and my inventions.

I know, but they're temporary, and we just never know when another one will

in. Well, I think I'm suited for this kind of life.

Yes, I know, but our life is pain.

Are you saying you think I could get a permanent position somewhere?

Oh, wishful thinking.

You said yourself you're not suited for regular hours and regular salaries.

You know that I would do anything for you.

Good, then please move that old bug feet back into the house.

My. My.

I couldn't stop working even if I wanted to, which I do not.

Because a family requires a steady income.

And don't you go telling me that that's a man's responsibility.

My lips are sealed.

Good.

Except to say that Jasper used to strike me as one of a kind, but after meeting

his next of kin and living with him, I'll vouch.

There's not a Dale who's ever done an honest day's work in his life.

Sarah, what are those two up to up there?

Selina calls it acupuncture.

What's that?

It's a painless Chinese cure for most modern ills.

Sounds like Greek to me.

Don't let them make a mess up there, will you?

Selina Dale.

An unfortunate girl with an overbearing mother.

Well, Jasper's awfully fond of her.

I guess I'll just have to get used to her.

I've accepted her offer to stay and help with the baby.

You're what?

Well, that's absurd.

A helpless king, baby. The mercy of a hapless daylight won't do.

Well, Hedy, I can't very well leave the baby unattended while I go to work.

Long hours spent with Selina Dale at such an impressionable age.

It's only for the first year.

A year with Selina Dale?

Oh, Hattie, it's not my dream come true.

Oh, no, it is not. It is a nightmare.

I want you to know that I am here to

make sure that never happens.

Oh, Hattie, that's sweet.

Don't you see?

With me in charge of the child, well, you'll be quite free to pursue your

hobby as a journalist. Oh, but what about your teaching?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I've thought long and hard about this for some time.

Clearly my duty is to my family, that is to say, to you and to our new

baby. Eddie, it's... It's just not necessary.

Your place is in the classroom. My place is with my sister.

Then, too, I can be sure that that child erased the king, not Adele.

Perish the thought.

Where is that tea?

Sarah?

Hold still now.

Sarah!

Sarah! Sarah!

Are you all right, child? I'm fine.

You shall have better luck next time. Your cousin is too skittish.

I'm sorry, Mother. She made me lose the target.

Good thing.

No deal.

It's going to turn my niece into a...

I'm sorry, Aunt Hattie.

Olivia, there, there, you see.

The very idea of these lunatics taking care of your child.

A porcupine, perhaps.

Selina, kindly tell your cousin Olivia just what sort of proper upbringing

you've had.

Oh, yes, please do, Selina.

One full of freedom and love.

At every turning point in my life, my mother has allowed me to ex... ex... You

can't have too much love.

Oh, you spare the rod, you spoiled child.

Eating whatever, whenever hungry, seems reasonable.

Babies are to be fed every four hours. It's the rule.

Expression.

Creativity. Not being constrained by unnatural things.

Such a nappies, I suppose.

Hattie! For heaven's sake, it can't hurt to be open to new ideas.

Why, every single king baby has been raised in exactly the same way.

Yes, the right way.

Maybe another time. Hear my mother calling. All right.

I

don't

think so.

I'm not saying that, boy.

Well,

I hope that's addled your brains in the direction of common sense.

Yes, Aunt Abby.

At least so.

Carefully.

Spinning like a cocoon, turning into a beautiful...

E. coli.

In my kitchen.

Bacteria are everywhere.

Yes, I'm sure they are.

Beginning with you.

Release my instrument.

Outside, with the rest of the bacteria.

Out!

What's that dirt doing in my tub? Mud.

Good Lord.

Rare mud from the Nile.

Cleopatra's beauty, bath time secret.

Very relaxing and beautifying.

Your family, perhaps, but I most certainly have not, Alec.

Now, Alec, in your capacity as chairman of the school board... Oh, not now,

Hattie. I've got enough problems as it is. We did, Alec. It's a serious matter.

I trust you'll take it seriously.

All right, hold on a minute.

You're requesting a sabbatical?

Yes, correct.

Olivia's baby is to be born in two weeks.

Should be ample time for you to find a suitable replacement for me.

You're going to give up teaching to be a nursemaid? Yes, temporarily.

Olivia needs me.

She's a grown woman, Hattie.

Helping out is one thing, but ruling the roost is quite another.

Primitive, but it worked. I mean, the letters are being transmitted.

Yeah.

Well, sometimes.

Now, don't get down on yourself, man. It takes a real gift to invent something

like this.

Well, it's not a gift to be different.

Believe me, Jasper, compared to the rest of your family, you are positively

normal, even boring.

Do you think I have what it takes to be a good father?

Huh?

I've... I've been reading all these books on childbirth and child -rearing

the... They all contradict.

Well, there's no mathematical formula, Jasper, and I'm not sure

any of these gadgets of yours are going to help, but...

Being a good father is pretty straightforward.

Children need stability and discipline.

And, uh... Well, a father's job is to sustain the family through the good and

bad. And be a provider. Try and, uh... Well, try and give them more than we

huh?

Love. What about love?

Of course.

I've no doubt you'll provide plenty of that. But then, uh...

Love doesn't put three square meals on the table, hmm?

Children are a big responsibility.

Oh, yes.

Yes, indeed.

Very,

very rewarding.

Titus! Andromeda!

Isdora!

Persephone! Or...

Bellarophilae.

Hamlet. Horatio.

Horatio. Jupiter.

Caligula. Giselle.

What do you think of Giselle?

Giselle? Yes.

Olivia, make me a word.

Oh, Jasper, yes.

Oh, Olivia, have you thought of a name for the baby?

Oh, well, yes, actually.

I rather like Montgomery.

It's a name that's been in the King family.

Montgomery King.

Oh, Margie. Oh, Olivia.

Wasn't he that scrapper who ran with the sideshows?

That's probably a spider, Janet.

Scrapper. Professional pugilist.

I rather favor Portia for a gal.

Oh, that's a lovely name.

But it is a boy.

I can always tell.

A boy, then?

Ariel.

Great name from literature.

It's a rather feeble name for a strapping king baby.

Oh, that's true. You wouldn't want a name that would subject the boy to

ridicule.

Nigel, there's a naming to say with pride to a prospective employer.

Not that any day seems overly concerned with steady employment.

Petty.

It seems a little premature to think about that.

Maybe we should name him Doctor or Mr. Justice or the Right Honorable. Take

of the vocation and the... Name in one fell swoop.

It seems to me that the Dale family are propositive that you can tell a lot from

a name.

Oh, Galileo.

Betty, that's enough.

All of you.

Jasper and I will make the final decision about our baby's name.

Jasper?

What on earth are you doing?

Mother told me to come here.

No room at my house.

Salad de mar a la Felix.

For the picnic.

Some lobster, celery.

It's all stuck together in this yellow glue?

Mayonnaise. Chef can never eat too much.

Made it last night.

Last night?

Did you hear?

My parents were talking this morning.

Something about a feud between the families?

Things got so bad last night that Uncle Jasper actually ran away from home.

Really?

Jasper Dale?

I didn't believe it myself when Aunt Henny told me.

I bet Aunt Henny's never told a fib in her entire life.

We have to do something to mend fences.

I know.

We'll hold the powwow. The two families smoke a peace pipe.

I read about it in The Last of Mohicans.

I'll bet Minerva Dale has a remedy.

You don't really believe in all that stuff, do you?

I don't see why we shouldn't explore each and every possibility.

There, I don't know.

Harmony elixir?

Look at this.

Smells awful.

It's really working. I hope so.

In case, Olivia, you've no business at the Dale reunion without your husband.

For that matter, none of us need go to the blasted picnic.

Not our family, thank heaven.

You're right.

Why, if I hadn't married a Dale, I'd have no reason to be there in the first

place. But you did, and you love him.

Besides, Jasper wouldn't leave at a time like this. Not with a baby doing his

family's all here.

Sarah, you're right.

Oh, Jasper would never miss his family reunion.

I'll bet he'd come home. I'll just go and text to see if he's come back or

a message for me. Not on your life, Olivia.

No, I'll not hear of it. Not in your condition.

Now, now, you're not to be alone, you hear?

You're right.

I don't know what went wrong between Jasper and me, but I do know it

must... Must have been my fault.

Oh, Olivia, you're wrong.

She's absolutely right.

She married an inventor.

A dreamer. An artist.

Adele. But your family could never accept Jasper for who he is.

No.

Once Olivia King had him in her clutches, she made it her mission in

turn him into a sensible, logical bonehead.

A typical king.

Maybe she's right. Oh, she's wrong. Of course. I am right.

The man has fled.

It was just a matter of time.

I should never have tried to change him.

Jasper Dale is... He is who he is. Yes, a Dale. A flashy, irresponsible,

unreliable, shiftless Dale.

Kenny, that is enough. This is all your fault, you know. Olivia married a Dale.

Now she's Olivia Day.

Olivia's born a king and she'll die a king.

Jasper.

Jasper.

Oh, I'm so furious with you.

I expected you would be, but I had to do it.

Do what?

You go running off without word? I was so worried. There's nothing to worry

about anymore.

I've just returned from Markdale. I decided that I... Well, with a

child and all, I had to find a position that had a steady income.

A job? You?

It wasn't easy finding something that was suitable. I considered a job in a

store, but, you know, I'm not sociable.

Oh, Jasper, everybody likes you.

I like you.

And there was a teaching position in the Charlottetown papers, but I decided

they might find that I was too progressive, so I aimed my sights at a

You're dropped a point.

Oh, no.

I'm much too clumsy to be a bank robber, so I settled on being a clerk.

Oh,

Jasper. Oh, that sounds awfully dull.

Well, it's not what I like about it. I mean, body is chained to the desk, but

the mind is free.

Oh, well done, Jasper.

Why, that's better. You're becoming a husband and a father before my very

Jasper.

You've become one of them.

Adding up numbers like some brainless machine.

Why, a Jasper Dale I know would be inventing such a machine.

A machine that computes numbers.

Yes.

A computing machine. Yes, to free men from the wearisome pursuits and to allow

them more time for the meaningful things of life.

Art.

I am spirituality, love, and... And picnic?

I hope this calms him down.

That looks lovely, Felix.

Would you like some of my famous salad d 'omar, Mr. Dale? Young man, I'd be

surprised if your salad did not up and... crawl right back into the sea.

Galileo, the lobsters are quite dead.

The mayonnaise is alive, with bacteria.

See for yourself, son.

The effect of heat on seafood and egg yolk. That lobster is lethal.

Look at that crackpot making a mockery of our son's endeavour.

Isn't it just like Adele to turn lunch into a laboratory?

Enough to eat. Oh, delicious.

Father? Thank you.

My son made this, you know.

Loaded with lobster.

Oh, my breath!

Lights of the sea!

Bottom feeders.

We dales are strictly vegetarian.

You are what you eat.

It's the truth. They eat like rabbits.

And multiply like him, too. I swear there's a dozen more Dales here than

yesterday. Poor Jenny. Thank you, Jenny. My goodness.

Well, we've certainly got a lovely sunny day, didn't we?

The sun emits a spectrum of radiation, some of which are harmful.

Sunshine is wonderful if you're a plant.

I'd like to propose a toast.

Oh, a toast?

To the king.

And to the dill.

And especially to the new baby.

To nurture.

red earth of our beloved island.

Here's mud in your eye.

To the red mud of Mars!

The King Edward.

The King Arthur and his beloved Guinevere.

Santé et bonheur!

men and women, brave and proud.

Oh, I can recall tales of great -grandmother Matilda King, who came

tempest -tossed to these shores.

Is this a toast?

I think it's a lecture.

Of great -uncle Oliver, Olivia's namesake, who

died of thirst while listening to the king's family tree.

The first homestead here.

Norval King.

Yes, then there was Norval King.

Oh, he drowned quite tragically whilst searching for the Northwest Passage. At

least poor cousin Norval had something with which to wet his whistle.

Kings and the Dales, it's like oil and water.

What does that say about our future together?

Felix, hurry up! There are others in need to use the facilities.

But I didn't eat or drink any of it.

Jasper, what's wrong with me?

Maybe it was the punch.

The kings are suffering because of the food.

The Dales are in...

Misery due to the drink.

Eddie said there was no alcohol in the pot.

Nook's Vomica is good for digestive complaints.

Pulsatilla for women's problems.

It's all my fault.

No, it was my mayonnaise.

The Harmony Elixir.

It wasn't charmed, it was cursed.

Send for a doctor.

Sulfur is good for asthma.

Yogic breathing.

In goes the good air, out goes the bad.

Maybe a nice cup of Panku's Perfect Tea.

No, I really think we should send for a doctor.

Actually, Janet, it...

It's fine now. I feel much better.

The pain is completely gone.

That's the power of homeopathy. Often the mere mention of a remedy can cure

ailment. There you are. Mind and body are one.

Recurring pains with increasing intensity.

Constipation.

Labor.

Jasper Dale, your wife's going to have a baby.

Yes, well, I'm aware of that. In approximately two weeks.

Give or take 14 days.

Oh. Yes, I think you should get her upstairs.

What?

Don't worry.

All king babies have been born right here. King babies?

Jasper, Jasper, this is a Dale baby. Well, strictly speaking, this 50 -50 has

been born right here.

Jasper was born at the Dale. Jasper, get a doctor.

Jasper, shall I get a doctor?

A doctor really isn't necessary. I know everything about childbirth. In addition

to many other vocations, Selina is in training to be an apprentice midwife.

Midwife? In training?

Hmm. Of course, Olivia, we've got a... Uncle Jasper and Olivia's gone.

Oh, ow!

Sorry. Selina.

I didn't mean to bother you.

I tried to get home, but I couldn't make it.

You are home, dear.

Come.

Come on.

I think it's customary to boil

water on occasions such as this.

I never understood that.

Me neither.

Truth is, Lydia, I know quite a bit about some things.

Something about most things.

Oh, I... Oh, I... I don't know anything about

birthing or babies.

been a mother myself, I would have had a better idea of what to do now.

But then, not everyone's cut out for motherhood, are they?

Any regrets?

Me?

Oh, no. I answered my calling, you see.

No, I've always been quite happy with the path I've chosen.

I think we should continue this discussion, definitely.

I'm not able to be more helpful to you.

Oh, what can I do?

I'm looking after a baby, my auntie.

Right.

I will need hot water, clean towels, and a blanket.

Go.

Oh, but... Jasper, I...

I think the presence of a husband in this situation is highly unquestionable.

Take my hands.

Now, bear down hard.

I suppose we have to dispense with convention for now, whilst we wait for

the doctor to arrive.

According to my research, this baby is not going to wait another minute.

Oh, there's goodness.

I'd best go boil that water.

Please.

You should get a tea.

Oh, my

goodness. It's, uh, it's, uh, it's...

It's a baby.

I heard him. You heard the baby. I heard Jasper. He said it's a baby.

Something's wrong.

Yeah. I'm the mother of four healthy children. Listen.

I don't hear anything.

Exactly.

Babies are supposed to cry.

Jasper. Baby.

It's a boy.

But... But?

A little boy.

Absolute.

Kill him. He has to breathe.

He must breathe.

readings, there was a passage about the clearing of the airways.

I think my new nephew is a boy.

No quitter, he.

Oh, no.

Oh,

it might be an insanity. It would make a very fine Montgomery.

Oh, it's an excellent name for a king. Montgomery King.

Oh, I mean Dale.

Montgomery.

Oh, Minerva. Oh,

you're such a tiny boy. But strong fingernails, you know.

Blue, blue eyes, just like Jasper's.