Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind Or just a little unkind

Don't know Seems you can't be sure

Of anything anymore Although

I'm done.

Three?

You're only sending three Christmas cards?

Yep. Are you sending me one?

Nope.

Betty, these cards are a waste of time and money.

Oh, really, Scrooge? One of mine?

I disagree.

I'm sending cards to all of my friends.

But why are you sending Halloween cards?

What are you talking about?

Look at that scary, horrible -looking monster.

That's me dressed like an elf.

Maybe you should make a note on the card so the people will know.

Keep it up, and you'll hail in the new year with crutches.

Girls, try not to wreck the place. Christmas is expensive enough.

This will be our last bet.

And fork.

I wish you'd quit eating them.

I can't help it.

We've been making cookies for two hours.

We've only got... Three?

Sherry, where are all those cookies we made?

They were delicious.

You pig.

I am not a pig. I'm a growing girl with healthy cookie appetite.

eating that gingerbread mailman.

You're both pigs.

She doesn't mean it.

So, Punky, what are you getting Henry for Christmas?

I want to get him a pocket watch.

Better be a thin one. Grandma says it's got the tightest pockets in town.

What are you getting your grandma for Christmas?

Oh, I've been saving all year.

We were watching the Jacques Cousteau special.

And Grandma said she'd love to be underwater with that Frenchman.

So? I bought her a scuba outfit.

Great idea. She'll look terrific in a wetsuit. I think so.

Come on, Jerry. It's time for dinner.

Great. I'm starved.

Oh, look at this kitchen. It's a total mess.

Hypodermical question for you.

Hypothetical. That's what I said.

Say this kid wants to buy her father a Christmas present. That's kind of

expensive.

Hypodermically speaking, how much money do you think her father might be willing

to give her towards this present?

Hypodermically speaking?

Twenty dollars.

What if that wasn't enough?

That is all this fictitious father wishes to spend on his own present.

Remember, it's not the amount.

It's the thought.

I know, but I've given it a lot of thought, and 20 bucks won't hack it,

Make it hack.

Have you prepared your little Christmas list?

Actually, I just checkmarked a few things in this catalog.

F .A .O. Schwartz?

I color -coded the things I want. Yellow for definitely need, green for

absolutely must -have, and red for I'll die with...

this will never work.

Sure it will.

Now, you give him a good pitch and I'll stand next to you looking real pathetic.

Um,

excuse me, Santa's?

I'm collecting money for the...

but I'm collecting money for the Salvation Army.

Oh.

Then here's a dollar.

What's the matter with you?

Hey, it takes a lot of money to run an army.

Giles.

Giles, what are you doing?

Collecting money.

Oh, what's the cause?

Because I don't have enough.

Enough for what?

Sweet. Now knock it off.

Hi.

Hi. Happy handsome.

I mean holiday.

What can I get you?

Anything with chocolate.

How about a chocolate soda?

Perfect. Coming right up.

Officer Bob.

See you. Thanks, Henry. You know I can't resist the best onion rings in town.

Bucky, throwing some rings for Officer Bob.

Well, what's new in the neighborhood?

Plenty. Somebody robbed Horatio Lake's home safe this morning.

No kidding.

Yep. The perpetrator got past the dogs, opened the safe, and put all the

valuables in H .L.'s gray snakeskin briefcase. And then slithered away.

One chocolate soda.

Keep your eyeballs peeled for a gray, snakeskin briefcase.

Now, I know you're not blessed with my highly developed gift of observation,

if it should turn up under your nose, give me a buzz.

I'll do that, Officer Bob.

And I sure do hope you'll catch the thief.

Ah, we'll nail him.

And when we do, he won't see the light of day for years.

What was taken?

A 10 -peer diamond pinky ring, a pearl necklace, and $25 ,000 in cash.

Well, I can't tell you how much safer we all feel knowing that a man of your

superior perceptual skills and experience is safeguarding our homes and

businesses.

Huh?

One atom thick. Come in.

One atom thick? Here, what's up?

We have a 512 in progress.

Oh, I'm sorry, Henry. Chicago needs me. No problem.

What's a 512?

Domestic disturbance.

What's the address?

764 Westmount Avenue.

That's my house.

Right. Your wife and your mother are at it again.

Let's pray I don't have to use this.

Honky, turn over the clothes sign.

So, what's your next plan?

I don't have one. I guess I should just forget about getting Henry that pocket

watch.

Hey, look.

That boy left his briefcase.

I'll put it behind the counter.

Yeah, he'll be back for it.

Let's face it.

I'll never be able to afford a watch.

Maybe there's a name inside this thing.

We need to get that watch now. We'll take a miracle.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Brandon, what am I going to do? This is the worst dilemma I've ever been in.

On one hand,

money doesn't belong to me.

But on the other hand, look at that sucker sparkle.

Stop looking at me that way.

Wouldn't you say if a person asked for a miracle and got one, that person should

just accept it?

You're right.

It's not my money, so there's no way I can keep it.

But... I did fine with money, so couldn't we just call it finders

Right. It's more like stealers keepers.

Okay, I'll give it back.

You're the world's only conscience with a wet nose.

Funky!

Uh, I'm in the living room, Henry!

Funky!

It's almost 2 a .m.

You want to talk about it?

I found a briefcase in the restaurant.

Could it be the one I'm sitting on?

Yep, it's snakeskin, and it's got the initials H .L. on it. And you'll never

guess what's inside.

A 10 -carat diamond pink earring, a pearl necklace, and $25 ,000 in cash.

Wow.

I've heard about eyes in the back of your head, but...

Officer Bob told me about the briefcase.

It was stolen from Horatio Lake.

This wasn't a lake. It's not even soggy.

Horatio Lake is one of the richest men in Chicago.

Funky, did you happen to see who brought this into the restaurant?

Yeah, it was a hot -looking little chocolate junkie.

First thing tomorrow, I'll call Officer Bob.

He'll probably want to get a statement from you.

I'm glad Mr.

Lake was real rich.

We hardly have any money at all. Do we absolutely have to return $25 ,000 in

cash?

Yes.

So, Jerry, I'm sorry we haven't had much time to visit over your Christmas

vacation. But as you know, time is money.

That's right.

Like father, like son.

So, how was boarding school?

Well, if you really want to know... Yeah.

No. Sell.

Bye. No.

Sell.

I'm sorry, where were we? You were asking me about boarding school. Oh,

So, you're happy there?

I guess.

Well, that's good. You're getting the best education money can buy.

Listen, Dad.

Hello? Yeah.

Oh, Rivers Lake here.

Um, tell me, what is wrong with our soft drink division in the Middle East?

It's hot and dusty over there. Those people should be thirsty.

Simple solution.

Change the name to Ayatollah Cola.

Right.

Jerry, did you remember to make out your Christmas list?

Yes. Good. I'll give it to the butler. He'll get you everything you want.

Thanks, Dad.

Here.

Yeah. Sir, pukey Brunster has arrived.

That's honky Brewster.

Sure is.

Oh, really?

That's great, Dad. I'll see you at dinner. Oh, I'm sorry, son, not tonight.

got an important business meeting.

Mr. Lake?

That's me.

My father says you're a great man.

Oh, thank you.

Does that make you one of the Great Lakes?

Get it?

That's cute.

Does this look familiar, sir? Oh, yes, it should. Sure does.

This is mine.

Thank you for returning it. You're welcome.

It's all part of the Christmas spirit.

After all, it's the season to give. And give.

And give.

And give.

Yes, giving is so rewarding.

That reminds me.

I guess a reward would be in order.

Normally I wouldn't ask, but I want to buy my father a pocket watch for

Christmas. And every little bit helps.

Of course, one big bit would do it.

All right.

Here you go.

Five dollars?

Gee, thanks.

That's not all.

No? No.

One yummy holiday eggnog coming your way. I'll arrange it.

Thanks.

Great.

Wyatt, my father will hear you. You're stealing from your own father?

Why?

I'll tell you why.

First, I need a kiss. What?

Chocolate kiss.

So, that's why I took the briefcase.

So, I guess it's up to you.

If you want to rat on me and ruin my life, I can't stop you.

See, it didn't take you long to find this pretty young lady.

Like father, like son, eh?

Hunky, my chauffeur will take you home whenever you're ready.

Excuse me.

Yes.

In Japan, sell short.

Come on, you guys. I got a little work to do here, so... Mr. Lake.

Yeah.

There's something I've got to tell you. All right, but I've got an important

phone call coming, so come to the point.

Your son's a thief.

What? He's the one who stole the briefcase.

You rat fink.

Jerry, let me explain.

You're a snitch, dooly squealer. All right, now, now, stop it. That's enough.

Everybody calm down here. Jerry, is this true? Did you take my briefcase?

Why?

Why would you steal from me?

I've given you everything you ever wanted.

Except for one thing you wanted most.

What's that?

Attention.

I don't understand.

Tell him, Jerry. Tell him what you told me.

He's too busy right now.

He'll listen.

Won't you, Mr. Light? Yes.

Jerry?

Jerry had a plan.

He figured he'd rip off your briefcase and lie low with it for a few days.

Then when the police gave up, he'd say he found it. That way he'd be a hero.

And maybe, just maybe, you'd pay more attention to him.

Oh, Jerry.

I'm sorry, Dad.

No.

No, I'm sorry.

Very sorry.

How could I let things get to the point where you felt you had to do such a

thing?

You were busy, that's all.

Jerry, I thought I was working to build a better life for us here.

But I can see now I just built a wall between us.

Why didn't you give up on me years ago?

I love you.

I love you, too.

Hold my call.

In fact, cancel everything for the next two weeks.

My son and I are going skiing.

All right.

Thanks, Punky.

Merry Christmas.

Just a minute, Miss Brewster.

I think you've returned something to me much more valuable than the contents of

that briefcase.

Thank you.

No biggie. Oh, yes, it was.

Come here.

This is for you.

and your gift yet? It's beside your doghouse.

Wow!

My own color TV.

Well, actually, only the case is colored.

Here's your gift.

Punky, this is wonderful.

Do you, like, absolutely love it? Why?

I absolutely love it.

Where did you get it?

Mr. Blake, it was my reward. I couldn't believe it when he gave it to me. The

kind of thing that can only happen at Christmas.