Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore.

Although.

Monkey, remind me never to shop in that market again.

Absolute madhouse.

Yeah. Can you believe that adults were actually fighting over a shopping cart?

She started it.

Look, she crushed my toe.

This should be a law.

You, Spike Heels, go to prison.

Someone in the bathroom.

It's probably just Brandon.

Brandon Flushes?

Thank you. Go up to Mrs. Johnson's apartment and call the police.

Henry, I'm scared.

Don't be.

We've got to keep our calm.

The last thing we should do is to panic.

What were you doing in our bathroom?

Don't you think that's kind of private?

How did you get in?

The punky's bedroom window.

You shouldn't leave it open. You never know what'll crawl in.

Alan?

Alan!

Why are you here?

I just really enjoy your company.

And we really enjoy your company. We enjoyed it at breakfast yesterday, at

dinner last night, lunch the day before.

Oh, don't count on me for tonight. My mom says I have to have dinner at home.

Oh.

We'll miss you.

Oh, sure would be nice to have some watermelon for dessert.

You can have one.

If you'll eat it at home.

Why are you always over here, constantly, all the time, forever?

You mean a lot?

Yes.

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm at my wit's end.

Is that the short trip?

It's my parents.

They're fighting all the time.

That's why I've been over here, because I'm miserable at home.

Well.

relationship has its ups and downs.

Yeah, even Henry and me. I'm sure your parents will work things out.

I don't know.

Things are really tense around our house.

Any day now, I expect one of them to say the D word.

The D word?

Divorce.

Oh.

Oh, Alan, I think you may be making too much of this.

I've always thought that your mother and your father were pretty well matched.

No, my mom can take him.

I meant compatible.

You mean like burn up?

No, that's combustible.

Well, then I'm lost. I don't know what the heck you're talking about.

We were talking about your parents.

Oh, yeah.

Well, they're arguing all the time. They never do anything together anymore.

Well, we could have a barbecue in our backyard.

If your parents have good times with good friends, maybe they'll patch things

up. Hey, Punky.

I want to keep my watermelon.

Oh, okay.

Oh, thanks.

And so I said to Andy here, why, I don't believe that Henry Warnemont has ever

tasted one of my mock apple pies.

So, whisk like a bunny, I made you one, Henry. Ta -da!

It certainly looks like the real thing. Mm -hmm. And you can look and look and

look, look, look, but you won't find a single apple.

Amazing.

You'll think your taste buds have gone fishing, Henry. Not an apple in the pie.

Yet you swear you had a mouth full of pippins.

If you don't mind my curiosity, Annie, why would one make a mock apple pie

instead of a real apple pie?

Oh. It's the challenge.

Gross.

Are we really going to eat outside?

Sure, why not?

Well, what if a fly lands on my hot dog?

Don't worry. We won't charge you for the extra meat.

One more double shift and I'll need a nurse myself.

Betty, you remember Alan's parents, Andy and Annie Anderson?

Absolutely. Here you go, Betty.

Medium rare.

Oh, great.

I didn't have time to eat my lunch today.

I need food like a dead man needs a coffin.

Oh, you poor dear. Are you sure you wouldn't like to take a little nap?

No, I'll... needed a little stimulating conversation.

So, Annie, what's new?

Well, let's see. Oh, have you been to Doyle's Lawn and Garden Emporium?

redone the whole place, you know.

Really? You don't say. Oh, my, yes. It is a wonderment. Do you know that they

have moved the manure and the mulch right up front so you can see it as you

enter?

I'll consider it.

First for me, you know.

And hopefully my last.

Come on, let's go and meet in the treehouse.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

a cultural hijinks bin. It is just loaded, loaded with seed packets with no

labels. You don't know what you're planting.

I love this yard, Henry.

It's a wonderment.

Well, it's all Betty's doing.

She's a real dynamo out here.

for a soft drink, honey bear?

Why, thank you, dimple buns.

Care for a spike of lemon?

Well, what the heck, we're among friends.

Looks like your parents are getting along great.

Those aren't my parents.

It's an act.

Andy? Annie?

You're Alan. Quite a boy.

Yeah, we're sure proud of our little Anderson.

Actually, I mention it because he revealed to me that he's a little upset

the situation at home.

Situation? At home.

He mentioned that you two have been arguing a lot. Not that it's any of my

business. Say no more.

I'll have a chat with the little tyke.

You can't have him airing our dirty laundry all over town.

Don't you dare browbeat my son.

You stay out of this, honey bear.

No, I will not, dimple buns.

Please, please, honey bear, dimple buns.

There's no need for tension. You see, you wear our problems like a sign.

I have to apologize for Annie. Oh, don't you dare apologize for me. You were the

one Ann Landers said was selfish.

Ann Landers?

So your woe be gone in the Windy City.

Now those are my parents.

Can you imagine what it is like living with a man who criticizes every little

thing you do?

I... What about living with a woman who has no concept of reality?

We're not just talking mock apple pie. We're talking mock conversation.

Mock feelings. Mock whoopies.

Let's look at it from Alan's perspective for a moment.

When kids hear their parents quarrel, and it happens in the best of marriages,

right away they start to panic. They start worrying about the D word.

The D word?

Divorce. Oh.

I know that this is the farthest thing from your mind. No, but it isn't.

We decided yesterday that we are getting a divorce.

Frankie, have you tried this mock apple pie?

Yep.

Spies should carry this in case of capture.

Henry, I'm worried about Alan.

So am I. He eats this pie regularly.

No, I mean, you should have seen his face when his parents said they were

getting into force.

It really hurt him.

I'm sure it did.

Henry, why do people get divorced?

Oh, for a lot of reasons, Punky.

Each case is different.

It must be Catherine, because half the kids in my class are divorced parents.

People fall in love, they get married.

Marriage is a little bit like a garden. It takes a lot of hard work to keep it

growing.

Is the Andersons' marriage filled with crabgrass?

Maybe it just has a few too many bugs in it.

Shouldn't they stay together for Alan's sake?

It's a difficult decision.

There's an old saying, the only thing worse than coming from a broken home is

living in one.

Gotcha.

I just wish there was something I could do to help Alan.

There is.

You can keep on being his friend and let him know that you're available if he

needs you.

Gotcha. I'll tell him that tomorrow.

Good for you.

Now you get some sleep.

Good night, Henry.

Good night,

sweetheart. Love you.

Sweet dream.

doing up there?

Come on up and find out!

What are you doing here?

I decided to live here.

I'm homesteading.

In the treehouse?

Don't worry, it's all legal.

That's a 99 -year lease. All you have to do is sign it.

I'm not signing this.

I know you're worried about the rent.

But I'm going to be loaded.

I borrowed some books, and I figure if I study real hard, someday I can be a

darn good toll booth collector.

Alan, I know you have to say about your parents' divorce.

It really hurts.

Last night, they sat me down and explained why they're busting up.

They said it was like the Titanic.

The Titanic?

Yeah.

They thought their marriage was unthinkable.

But then they hit an iceberg.

Now they're in separate lifeboats.

Well, what about you?

I feel like I'm going down with the ship.

I wish I could help.

You haven't heard the worst part, Punky.

My mom says I have to move to Kansas with her.

You're moving away?

Not on your life.

I told her she can't expect me to leave all my friends.

I'm staying here.

Don King?

He's my idol.

Look, Alan, I know moving to a new city isn't easy, but you might like it after

a while.

I won't ever like it.

Because I'm not going.

I want to stay right here in this treehouse.

I'll be like you were, punky. On my own.

You know what the great thing is about being on your own?

What?

Nothing.

It sounds like fun, but it isn't.

Feeling lonely, scared, wondering what's going to happen to you next.

And even if something good does happen, there's no one with you to share it

with.

Well, you had Brandon, and I got my sea monkeys.

They're a good company.

Especially Guido here.

They're not people.

Finding Henry was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me.

I bet a new life with your mom in Kansas would be a lot better than living alone

in this treehouse.

But I don't know anybody in Kansas.

What if I never make any friends?

Why would you have trouble making friends?

Okay, maybe you will.

At first.

I'll make you a deal.

If you never make any friends in Kansas, you can come back and live in this

treehouse.

Rent free.

Funky?

Funky, are you up there?

Have you seen Alan?

His mother just called. She's worried about him.

And they're going to be late for the airport.

Yeah. I'm here, Mr. Warnermont.

I'll write down.

Well, so long, Johnson.

It's well cooking.

Fine figure of a woman.

Well, thank you, Alan.

You take care of yourself now, yeah, honey?

Bye, Jerry.

Bye, Alan.

Remember when we used to have a crush on each other?

Yeah.

I'm sure glad that's over with.

Me too.

Here, I want you to have my lucky quarter.

I've been saving it for years.

Thanks, Cherry.

I'll think of you when I spend it.

Put her there, buddy.

Good luck, Alan.

Nice knowing you, sir.

Thanks to you, I know how to stretch a buck from here to eternity.

Alan, you could pay me no greater compliment.

I guess this is goodbye, Paul. I guess so.

Thanks for everything.

There's no reason to thank me.

Yes, there is.

I never told you this before, but... Well...

Sometimes the other kids used to treat me like I was a nerd.

But not you.

You always acted like you really wanted to be my friend.

I... I am your friend.

I always will be.

I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too.

Bye, Alan.