Original subtitles

- [♪ theme music playing] - ♪ Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Kiff! ♪ - [♪ theme music concludes]

[both chuckle]

[narrator] Brought to you by Aggy Memnon's hot tub robes!

[♪ slow mysterious music playing]

[zaps]

[gasps]

[in alien language]

[shushes]

Sorry, Miss Moufflé. I'll check this book out

so we can gasp at this space fantasy masterpiece at home.

[sighs] At the rate you both read,

better take volume two home, too.

There's a volume two, too?

I don't even wanna be around when you find out

they're making Star Star Throne Quest into a TV series.

- A TV series? - A TV series?

[narrator] The stars on this planet shine bright.

This Zamien holds favor with too many systems.

- It's me, Zamien! - [gasps]

[both gasp]

- [shouts] - [roaring]

[Zamien] Must not die! Run!

[♪ grand dramatic music playing]

All that, and it stars Giancarlo from Smoldering Cove

as the space-buckling hero Space Friar Zamien?

[hesitates] Do you wanna watch it at your place or mine?

Barry? Barry? Don't you understand?

We can't watch SSTQ yet.

- Why not? - We need to finish the books.

Only then can we fully appreciate this sure-to-be-amazing show.

Okay, you're right. Let's do it.

Well, if you're gonna do this, you better go ahead and take all 15 volumes.

No one ever said being a fan of something

would be easy or enjoyable. I wheel. You read.

[♪ adventurous sci-fi music playing]

[inaudible]

"...floating in the midst of space,

"Zamien knew his Star Star Throne Quest

"was just beginning."

One down.

[gulps] Kiff, do you really think

we can finish the series? It's so long.

This schedule accounts for every free second

that we're gonna spend reading

between classes, during recess,

in the bathroom. We're gonna be just fine.

You guys catch SSTQ? So crazy!

Four major characters banished to the Nowhere Zone

- in the first half? - [yelps] Stop!

I'm reading it first. I didn't account for spoilers.

Sorry. I barely spoiled anything.

I didn't even say that King Krendall

was a sentient black hole.

[shouts, wails]

Why-- Why-- Why-- why would you?

Oh! You're the Chancellor after the battle to save Zam--

[shouts] No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[panting]

[grunts, breathes heavily]

[pants] Okay.

There's gonna be another episode on tonight,

another tomorrow, and another the next day.

And outside that door is a spoiler-laden nightmare garden.

But this library is a spoiler-free oasis!

[shushes]

If we read here, any potential spoilers will n--

[shushes]

[Barry] How long can you keep this up, Kiff?

I mean, I've already given up.

You have?

Yeah. I stopped reading a couple hours ago.

But I could guard the door, bring you snacks.

Thanks, pal.

Uh, we need the Hush Room?

Can't. Kiff's in there reading the SSTQ series

before she watches the show.

Aren't there like a million of them?

Yeah, but the books are full of lore

that casuals wouldn't understand.

[student] Full of lore?

Run along now, children.

♪ Let me tell you all of a tale I know ♪

♪ About a squirrel who read every book ♪

♪ Before watchin' the show ♪

♪ When it came to lore ♪

♪ She knew the books had more So much more ♪

♪ She locked herself away ♪

♪ To keep those nasty spoilers at bay ♪

♪ She read and read and read Day after day after day ♪

♪ Yee-haw ♪

♪ And then word spread... ♪

Dreams do come true.

♪ And people started reading books again ♪

♪ It was a pretty magical thing that happened ♪

♪ In that far-off land known as Table Town ♪

♪ And that's my song about Kiff the Spoiler-Avoidin' Squirrel ♪

- [phone chimes] - Ah, the ratings of last night's ep--

[gasps] No one watched?

No one? Kenny!

Why isn't anyone watching my new show?

Uh, your show might be tanking

because of the folk hero, Kiff, who is inspiring us,

I mean, everyone else, to read the books

instead of watching it on TV.

Reading? Why read when you can watch...

me on TV!

This Kiff needs to be taken down a peg.

The Portex destroyed.

Zamien betrayed by DarkStar Pirates.

And a clone sits upon the Star Star Throne?

Here's the last book.

Let's find out how Zamien gets out of this one.

Where is Kiff Chatterley?

I'm here to "spoil" her little crusade.

If you want to spoil Kiff,

you're gonna have to go through us.

So be it...

You should know, I just read the script

for the season finale. I know everything

about SSTQ.

[yelps]

The Blade of Sorrows is a red herring.

[all gasp]

- [whispers indistinctly] - [gasps]

- [whispers indistinctly] - [both scream]

[whispers indistinctly] ...cliffhanger.

[both gasp]

[whispers indistinctly]

[screaming, clamoring]

[screams]

[grunts]

[screaming, clamoring]

[both scream]

[student 1] So many pages...

[student 2] I was only seventeen chapters away from the end!

[student 3] What was it all for?

[grunts]

Captain Clifton is killed by Dwidi.

[groans]

Now, where is that little nerd?

That means my fan theory was right. [groans]

What's wrong, girl? She's shaking.

That only happens when danger's afoot.

- [both scream] - Kiff, let me in!

- [pants] - Miss Moufflé, what's wrong?

- Or am I? - [screams]

- [laughs evilly] - [gasps]

[laughs evilly]

And my agent said

I couldn't play a beautiful librarian.

Now, which one of you is ruining my ratings?

I'm here to "spoiler" this for you. [inhales sharply]

No!

[sucks in breath]

[muted high pitched beeping]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[muted high pitched beep]

- [♪ dramatic music playing] - [speaks indistinctly]

[muted high pitched beep]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[muted high-pitched beep]

And that is why he never went back!

[whimpers]

[sighs] Why did you do it, Barry?

[exhales] I'm going home, Kiff.

You sure are, buddy.

You're gonna be just fine.

No, no, I mean, I can go home now and watch the show.

Oh, right. Thanks for saving me.

So, you didn't hear any of that?

Well, I guess I better say it all again.

- [inhales deeply] - Giancarlo, how could you?

Zamien would never do any of this.

What? Are you saying I was miscast?

I'm saying Zamien loves books.

He traveled across the galaxy to retrieve the Tome of Bluzinga.

Tome of what?

It's part of his backstory in book six,

which was the worst one, but is integral for Zamien's arc.

Whoa, I... [chuckles] I had no idea.

That wasn't in the scripts.

Say, Kim, how could I get more insights for my performance?

There's always more in the books.

"...and with his cloned infant father

"asleep in his arms, Zamien walked away from the Star Star Throne.

"Thus, the Loop of Destiny was closed,

"enfolding the galaxy, eternity,

and Zamien's new heart."

[sighs]

I get it now.