Original subtitles

Mom, why is my nephew here? You just adopted a baby boy. I'm doing well.

I'm from the hard street of Chicago.

I was on that block.

This child has never had a home.

He would be happy here.

This house is dope, man. Know what I'm saying?

Is this English?

Sounds like blah, blah, blah. I think I need to Google this. We got work to do.

I'm going to help you. What are you doing?

He's only eight. How bad could it be? So let me tell you where babies come from.

I'm taking the top box. I'm a top dog in this dog -eat -dog world. You're just a

squirrel.

I don't know.

There's no way she's going to say yes.

That's why we got a plan, man.

I'm going strong.

You get my back with the hype.

All you got to say is... Yeah.

Yeah?

Okay. Say it with that chin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

All right. Ready? Let's go.

Yo, Auntie Yaz, can I rap to you real quick?

Dylan, I don't really have time for rap right now.

What? No.

I'm just saying, me and Charlie have some demands.

That new movie.

Bad Bulls 3 is out today, and we trying to see you.

You!

Isn't that rated R?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure... That don't matter.

I've been waiting like 17 years for this sequel.

You haven't even been alive that long.

You!

Bro, what time did you hype it?

Sorry, I got excited.

It's all good, little dude. You gotta ease up, aight?

You're gonna say no, aren't you?

Yeah!

Good morning!

There you are. I'm late.

I gotta go.

The caterers are gonna be here in a couple hours.

You can handle them, right?

Of course.

What caterers?

You're joking.

Am I?

You better be.

Because if you forgot that my boss and the entire office are going to be here

tonight celebrating your amazing wife getting an award, I'll kill you. Right,

Charlie?

Honey,

of course I remembered.

Good. Then you also remember that you volunteered to give a speech about me.

Honey, yes, I remembered.

I look forward to hearing that well -thought -out speech that I am sure you

already wrote.

Let me tell you something.

You're going to love it.

You're going to love it. Ah!

Think she bought it?

Yeah, Dad, you totally fooled her.

Dad, that's a great joke.

It's not supposed to be a joke.

Oh. Well, then, it's not very funny.

And it's a little mean.

Would you two find something to do? I mean, I'm having a hard enough time

writing this speech for your mother's thing tonight without you two sitting on

my shoulders.

Well,

I guess we could, I don't know, watch a movie or something. Yeah, do that.

I don't know, Batmobile Street?

Yep, yep. If I don't come out? Yep, yep, great. Sounds like fun.

Isn't that movie rated like double R?

Yeah, I think that's why Mom told us no.

Dylan.

What?

Shooters gonna shoot?

Rebecca, I can't deal with these two today. I need you to keep an eye on

Oh, so you can deal with the caterers when they get here?

Yeah, I'm gonna need you to deal with the caterers, too.

Dad!

Dad!

Okay, all right, all right. You know what? It was a bit much, okay?

I'm stressed. I'm sorry. It was unnecessary.

Whatever. I can't anyway.

I'm going to Bethany.

Well, you need to call Bethany and tell her you're gonna be late.

Dad, no.

Then you need to call Bethany and tell her you're grounded.

Guess I can be a little late.

Mm -hmm.

Great.

You know, Uncle Miles, you're stressed about this little speech when there's no

reason.

You've got a great A -rider sitting right on your shoulder.

Yeah. Good idea.

Charlie, what you got?

Well, you can write, No, O .G.!

Me. Me.

I can whip up something for you and, like,

What's he saying?

He's saying he can write a speech for you. Ah.

Exactly. I'm saying I got you.

As a young rapper, young doing, you ain't got to worry about nothing.

Now, what rhymes with yaspin?

Waspin?

I don't know.

Ooh, haspin. Haspin. Let me get that down. That's a great... Yeah, this is a

speech. Not a rap, okay?

There's no rhymes in speeches.

Ain't you ever heard of the I have a dream speech?

Yeah. That speech didn't rhyme.

No. But that dude got flow.

Did you just call Dr. Martin Luther King, dude?

Uh, Dylan?

No, thank you. Appreciate the offer, though. I'm gonna go finish writing my

speech upstairs.

Um, Rebecca?

Huh? Need you to keep an eye on them.

I'm gonna give the caterer your number.

And guys, your mother left me in charge.

So don't mess this up.

Okay, you heard him.

I'm in charge.

And I'm not taking my eyes off of you two for one second. Not even if...

Kelly's wearing orange?

What the... She's gonna stop talking in the middle of a sentence and walk off

like that?

She does that sometimes.

Yo, that's mad rude.

You'll get used to it.

Yo, Chuck, what's this?

What's a parental lock?

Oh, my parents put that on there so we can't watch bad movies. You need the

code.

Well, what's the code?

I don't know.

I'll go ask my dad.

Gotta be looking over their shoulders when they type this stuff.

Oh, I got it. Watch this.

One, one, one, one.

What are you doing?

The signal.

What signal?

I assume for me... Hide it, hide it, hide it.

Oh, hey, sis.

We weren't even... Don't care and don't call me sis.

The caterers are here.

Hey, your young me.

I'm here from the catering company.

Kitchen table. You know what to do.

Okay. Just go grab the food from the van and, um, okay.

Hey, sis.

Hey, cousin Rebecca.

What's up?

Please, please tell me I get to bust up some of this food.

Yeah, it's expensive, but my mom always orders way too much, so go nuts.

Ah, we have some more to grab?

Oh, okay.

Come, come, come.

Finally, some food worthy of a young rap guy like myself.

This is how I should be eating.

Yo,

what is this?

Fancy food.

little tomato stuffed with a piece of green? Oh, that's a walking salad.

And what is this?

It looks like brown goop on a piece of cracker.

Oh, my dad loves the brown goop. And Aunt Yaz is paying them for this trash?

Man, these guys are crooks.

I mean, look at this.

I wouldn't feed this to a straight dog.

I'll tell these clowns to take their walking salads and walk on out of here.

Kick rocks. Get fired.

Yeah!

Charlie, go do your breathing exercises.

It doesn't matter if you like the food. It's for my mom's bosses.

Oh. So.

dog food, and the caterers are a bunch of crooks. So I fired them.

Oh, gee.

You what?

This is my house. So I sent them back in.

You're welcome.

Charlie, I have to get them back.

That's unlikely.

I told them to take their nasty food and get out.

Yeah, that was pretty nasty food.

I gotta say, little dude, I'm impressed.

What are you doing?

We'll work on that later.

Great, they're gone. How could you do this, Charlie?

Mom's gonna kill Dad.

And Dad's gonna kill me. And guess who I'm going to kill?

Okay, okay, okay. Let's chill before that murder time.

Good boy, Waddy.

Got a plan.

Great.

All we need to do is make our own dinner. And I guarantee it'll be way

than that nasty brown goop they were flinging.

I don't know how to cook.

And besides, tomorrow's grocery day. There's like no food in the house.

Are you kidding me? There's more food in here than I've seen in my kitchen in a

year.

What?

jars of pickles?

Girls, I've been cooking for myself from an empty cupboard since I was six.

I'm almost as good as that as I am at rapping.

And you know I got bars.

You! Not now.

I whip up some of my greatest hits, and y 'all gonna help me.

Now, hand me those cornflakes and find me some cheese.

This is a terrible idea.

We could just tell Dad what happened.

I'm gonna put some shredded cheddar in the back of the fridge.

Perfect.

Chef,

these cornflake nachos are starting to smoke.

Good. Once the smoke gets nice and thick, that means they're done.

How's it going with those pickled dogs?

I'm almost out of maple syrup.

I'll make it stretch.

No doubt.

Oh. That's my dad.

Can't come in here. He'll freak.

Chill, chill. I'm on it.

Hello.

Hello, hello, hello. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on?

Oh.

You guys made that?

Yeah. This is a little something for auntie.

That's nice.

Shouldn't you be upstairs finishing your speech?

Oh, no.

Finally done.

What? For real?

Mm -hmm.

Hot off the press.

Yeah.

And there's going to be tears.

Oh, yeah.

What's going on with the caterers? I hope they bought my brown stuff.

No.

Maybe you should let me hear that speech.

You know, make sure you actually come in with that heat.

All right. All right.

Check this out.

Yasmin, my wife.

My beautiful flower.

Like the rose, your beauty and your strength. No, no and.

Okay, dog.

I'm gonna have to stop you right there.

So, she won an award, right?

Yes. So why are you talking about gardening?

It's not about gardening. It's a metaphor.

Meta...

I got you.

Here.

Just a little something -something I came up with while I was cooking.

Cooking? Cooking what?

Oh, um, it's playing for cooking up those lyrics.

We've been over this already.

Okay. All right, never mind. Just listen.

Let me tell you a little something about my wife and how lucky I am she's in my

life.

Uh, no.

No, I'm not going to do it. I'm not about to rap to my wife's boss. Thank

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Boy, get out of my way. You don't want to get between me and Magoo. Okay, thank

you. We're here.

Wow.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi. She's talking to me.

It's not so interesting.

Oh, you know Mrs. Whitaker?

Hi. Good to see you again, Mrs. Whitaker.

Martin, so good to see you again.

Well, it's Miles.

And you must be Charlie. You look just like I remember.

You're going to have to put that on pause.

My name's young Dylan.

Mrs. Whitaker, this is my nephew, Dylan. He's staying with us for a while.

But why don't you all make yourself at home while I check in with Miles and the

caterers?

Welcome. Welcome. All right.

And Dylan, don't you have something to do?

Not really.

Look at that. Look at that. Look at this trophy. Oh, my gosh.

I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

Was there any problems with the caterers? Oh, no, no, not at all. Not on

watch.

Coming through.

Who's coming?

Oh, it's really.

What are you doing?

Passing app.

No, I mean.

Why are you packing them and not the caterer? And what is on that tray?

Pickle dog.

Pickle?

Miles, what is going on?

That's a very good question.

Charlie, what's going on?

Well, don't panic.

But there was a small problem with the caterers.

What kind of problem?

Well... Don't worry about it. I fired them.

What?

Yeah!

I need to talk to you in the kitchen, please.

Charlie, you better go.

I was talking to you.

That's why the best investment you can make is in today's youth.

Matter of fact, what's your number?

My phone number?

Yeah, so I can see you some tracks I've been working on.

Oh, hey, Mom.

What happened?

Okay, look, I was dealing with the caters and I took my eyes off of Charlie

like two seconds and he went and fired them all and threw all the food in the

trash. In the trash?

Was there brown stuff?

Wait, wait.

Why are you dealing with the caters?

Dad said I was grounded if I didn't.

Oh, really?

Well, you know, I wasn't, you know, I mean, and then... You are so

beautiful. Hey, Bette, we need more pickle dogs.

Asap. And Mrs. Whitaker is dying to try the cornflake nachos.

I'm sorry, what?

Which part?

Pickle dogs or nachos?

You mean Mrs. Whitaker actually ate one of those things?

No, she ate three.

I'm telling you, man, that's all you need to do.

Boom.

Instant cash flow.

Somebody writing this down?

Dylan, bothering you, Mrs. Whitaker?

Oh, I have to say, I find your nephew delightful.

And the food is edible?

Oh, honestly, I had never even heard of a pickle dog in my life.

But I gotta say, I kind of love him.

It's a hit.

Really?

Dylan's been telling us how he and his cousins prepared the dinner.

Yeah. I'm sorry about that. No, I love it. Oh,

thank you.

I can't tell you how many of these catered dinners I've been to, and it's

the same food, followed by the same speech about a

baby bird or a flower blooming in spring.

Martin, you didn't have a speech, did you?

Well, yes.

Miles wanted to say a few words.

And I am sure you can expect a little more than birds and flowers.

Right, sweetie?

Of course.

Of course. Yeah.

No, I mean, you know, my speech doesn't involve, like, not one flower.

Not a single flower. Yeah.

Yeah, my speech is different.

Yeah, it's... It's... Let me... Let

me tell you a little something about my wife and how lucky I am

she's in my life.

There's so much to spit.

There's so much to say.

But I'll try to be quick.

When I tell you about...

Dith real bad chick.

Darling, you're incredible.

They should make a movie.

And I ain't never seen a realtor with such a fun... Honey!

How sweet!

How good!

Yes, Dylan?

That was some of the best writing I ever heard.

You're a genius.

Mm -hmm.

You wrote about me being a flower, didn't you? Mm -hmm. Whole garden.

Excuse me.

Who's up for some more cornflake nacho?

Yo, I'm about to bust that up.

Get it, girl.

Yeah.

Going for that brown stuff?

Going for the brown stuff.