Original subtitles

What are you up to?

Nothing. You're normally in your stay till 12.

What are you up to?

Go for a stroll, all right?

Stroll? Only stroll you do is from the telly to the fridge.

Get back in your bog, old man.

John, old man. You brought the whole street down.

In.

You wrecked everything we do in this family. You two!

I've been mashing my swede for weeks now with your bickering. Yeah, well, it's

the same, isn't it? Silence!

My nerves are in shreds. My aunt's going to pack in at this rate. Your aunt?

What about me?

Dr. Khaled said the last time he heard a pulse as fast as mine, it was on a

rabbit. We haven't had a booking for weeks.

Tucker's catering is falling apart, and do you know why?

Because it's shit.

No, because we as a family are falling apart, and you two are the cause.

You and Rowan... He's tearing us to shreds.

So I've been on the internet.

What, to find a care home for him? No, to try and heal this rift.

And I've come up with this.

A flat back.

Team building.

I'm off. Stay put, sugar.

That's the wardrobe I got in the sales.

It's a Brampton.

It's been in the boxes for a year.

You two are going to put the wardrobe up and work together as a family.

Because you're breaking my heart.

We don't mean it.

I need a day away from you.

Di is taking me to the seaside to try and relax a bit.

We're going to the all -day breakfast cafe in Swansea. You deserve that.

You can have it all.

Cereal, juice, prunes.

toast, brown or white, tomatoes, grilled or tinned, bacon, sausages, two or

three, four if you like, black pudding, beans on the plate or in a little bowl,

and eggs as you want them. You can have them poached, you can have them fried.

Yeah, we get the idea, ma 'am.

You can have them scrambled, you can have them boiled.

There's fried bread, rolls, mushrooms, jam, marmalade. We understand, Peg.

Lovely.

Now, put the wardrobe up and be friends.

Yeah. I'll be back at six.

Make old Peg happy again, huh?

Leave it to us, all right?

Just relax, have a lovely breakfast.

Bobby?

Oh, Cohen Elman. I need to speak to you.

It's important.

Sorry.

Don't know what the matter is.

That's the third time now your horse has bolted.

I must be worried or something.

Probably work.

You ain't got any?

Exactly.

Listen, Babs, I'm a simple girl with simple needs. I'm like a three -legged

stool me. A stool?

All I want is sex.

Food and a laugh with the girls. I can take care of the last two, but if you

can't provide the first one, I'll be calling it a day on us and heading back

the squat.

It's not that big a thing, is it? And that's never bothered me, Bab.

But I like some marathon, not a ten -yard sprint.

And I'll be moving on rapid unless you sort it.

No pressure.

That should help the swelling.

Thanks.

Oh, this is the first.

Don't start. I've seen you lose to all sorts.

Old, blind, lame.

This is the first time you've been beaten up by a ball on a rope. Very

Anyway, I've got to get back to training.

What does Zee want, did?

I shopped the pig in Ponty.

So? I've managed to scrape together a deposit for it.

And you're going to travel to Ponty every day?

There's a flat above the shop.

Me and Shakira are moving.

You can buy tablets online that make you numb.

Numb? They cost 60 quid and take 20 days to arrive.

I can't wait that long.

Why don't we just try again?

And wait another 30 seconds.

Let's just crack on with the research, eh?

You can buy a cream to rub into it.

Why has it always got to be numb?

Lidocaine is an anaesthetic cream that contains a numbing agent used to treat

premature ejaculation.

Try to say it out loud.

Apply to the penis 10 to 15 minutes before sex.

Well, that won't be happening, will it?

Because we haven't got any Lido -whatever -it -is.

Lidocaine is an ingredient in Bonjella.

No way.

I'm not.

rubbing bongela on my willy.

We got any bongela?

It's all under the sink.

Keep it steady.

I am keeping it steady. It's you that's shaking, right? Just take your time.

You won't stay in. Not because you're pulling it out too quick.

You're taking the piss out of me.

Eh?

Don't be talking about me behind my back.

What are you on about, boy?

Nothing.

Can I answer that?

No. Right.

But you can't. I've got no choice.

Selling's the only option.

Well, you're selling already.

On the market.

But you're doing so well here. That's why it's a good time to expand.

A fresh start.

What about us?

Us?

I mean me.

Have you asked for my opinion yet?

You're okay with this, aren't you?

Absolutely fine.

Yeah.

Where wouldn't I be?

You are much better for me, don't you?

Of course I do.

I always have, you know that.

And Shakira.

It would be nice for her to have more space.

And there is the problem with all this.

Shakira.

You don't mind going.

I don't mind you going.

But Shakira?

No. That wouldn't be right, would it?

I'm sorry, Nat.

I've got to put my foot down here.

You're not going anyway.

You told me you wanted it.

It didn't say.

Right. Well, I'm sure it'll be... I'm sure it'll be fine.

I mean, it's good for all of us and, like, what harm can it do to you?

Yeah. It'll be fine.

Not again.

I'd better get this.

Hello?

Am I speaking to Mr. Glenn Tucker?

Who's asking? I'm calling from PFA Debt Collecting Agency.

We'll be needing access to Mr. Tucker.

What's going on? Just putting a few things away.

I'll take this in the pantry.

You know, always good to have a little space when you're working, I think, you

know? Always, you know, always best to be safe, I'm sorry, eh?

You know what they say?

A tidy space, a tidy job.

What about her friends?

She'll make new ones.

And in school?

There are schools in Ponty. But they won't know, are they?

That's a positive, Bob.

And your snake.

Can you take your snake to Ponty?

Probably not, I'd say. And that would kill her, that would.

It's their year's best, I reckon.

You know, quick and Kira -like.

I've thought it all through.

Shakira's still young and I'm doing what's best for her.

And you've pulled her?

Not yet, but it's not her choice, it's mine.

And she'll have to accept it.

Shaxs.

Shakira.

Shakira!

It's happening, Bob.

I just want you to be happy for me.

I am.

This glue's got to be set by now.

Two minutes, it said.

Oh, Jesus.

Completely cab office, yeah?

I tell you what.

Let's just leave go on three, yeah?

It's definitely been two minutes. I think so, yeah.

One. You'd better be right.

Two.

Three.

I think that's it.

I think that's it.

What's wrong with him? I don't know.

Jesus. What the hell are

you doing now?

Just putting a few of the expensive things away, you know. I mean, Bobby's

protein juicer. That's got to be worth a few, Bob. We don't want to break

everything, you know. We can't upset our pet, you know. We've got to move. We've

got to move quick.

Tell me what's going on.

High blood pressure is another known cause of premature ejaculation.

Well, why didn't you say that first?

This galactoside is a recommended way to enhance blood flow and reduce stress

levels.

Off you go, then.

Off I go, eh? Put a run in it.

Clear your mind.

Then come back here and get back on the horse.

I don't like running.

Just go as far as Pavel, then.

Why Pavel? Because I could do with a pasty. You know I get hungry when I'm

stressed. You're stressed!

Robbie, school's just round. Shaq's haven't turned up.

I'll run up to our park. That's the usual place.

Thanks.

Bailiffs, yeah?

Yeah.

And they came in today.

I took this 250, you know, to tide me over.

Wanted to pay ma 'am the rent and my skittles up.

I didn't want to let ma 'am down.

How much did you owe her?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I gave them my last coppers on Tuesday.

And now they say they're coming today to take any possessions to pay off the

final bill.

And what is the final bill?

Not sure.

I buried it.

You buried it?

Yeah.

I thought if I couldn't see it, then...

Five hundred?

Yeah, like I said, no matter what you give, it just keeps going up.

There's only one thing for it.

Eh?

Come here.

You know what this is, Glenn?

Ah, here we go.

A violin?

But not any violin.

This was handed down to me by my father.

And from his father to him.

Generations of Murphys have been fiddling.

It's believed to be a Pietro Guarneri.

Have you heard of him?

No. Son of Giovanni Battista Guarneri.

From the Gunners?

Venice, 18th century.

My great -great -grandfather was given it as a gift for finding their horse.

How do you know where it was?

He'd nicked it.

Fair play.

The point is, you only borrowed money to pay my pay.

You only wanted to do good by her.

So I'm going to wipe this debt out.

I'm going to give them my Pietro.

I couldn't.

It's far too precious. I couldn't take it.

No, you're right.

Bad idea.

You seen sharks, anyway?

No.

What the hell are you doing running?

You don't like running.

A man can go for a run, can't he?

Don't have to be any wrong way to go for a run, do they? Who have you been

talking to? No one. Dad and Murphy, is it?

What? Don't play the bloody innocent with me. It happens to loads of people.

Loads.

Take the train.

Got to get up there, emergency.

Emergency? You know the meaning of the word. You know nothing.

Time to calm down.

Nobody knows what I go through.

A dog wouldn't want my life.

I go problems too, and you bogus know it.

We don't, eh?

So go on.

Do you live here?

Sort of. I've got to be when?

What, already?

The estate agent said there'd be someone here.

Yeah, she's just gone to have a look for, um... Can I show you around?

Really? Yeah. I've got a key.

It's down ten.

So, um... What have you got here, boy, is, uh... Premature ejaculation. Jesus,

keep it down, will you?

How premature are you? Bloody hell, will you stop saying that word?

It's making me anxious.

So, um, what are we talking about here, boy? One minute, two minutes, three,

four? About 45 seconds.

That's about normal, isn't it?

So I've read.

So, uh, what are you doing about it, boy?

Well, I've just been together with Pasty.

I don't want to lose her.

Try hitting it with a cold spoon before you start.

Take the life out of it.

So I've read.

Come on, Billy boy.

Nothing wrong with you, you young man.

No, you get up there and show her who Tarzan is, yeah?

Really? Yes. Really?

Thanks, mate. Come on. Go on.

Oh,

yeah. I can feel my blood pumping.

Relaxed. I'm with the girl of my dreams.

So let's all let the dumps go.

Roger that.

Now, Roger this.

Oh, I love the colours.

Yeah.

Well, we just had everywhere painted.

Yeah. Trying to cover up all the dump.

Dump? Yeah.

Oh, that's all right.

Eh? My fella's a damn proofer.

Loves the project.

Right. Oh!

Not again!

They're the neighbours.

Yeah.

They're very loud.

Oh, they make a nice change.

Dead is the doornail where we are now.

Right.

You can't aim this soon.

You just did.

Oh, come on, man.

A last chance, please. Give me one good reason why.

Go on, why?

Because... Why?

Because I just think Dad and Murphy wedged in the staircase with the

and you can't get out there anyway.

Fair enough.

My hand! My hand! My hand!

Get off!

Don't go.

It won't go any way we try it. It won't go.

Answer it, Glenn.

Come out forever.

Hello?

Yeah, no, it's not him, sorry.

He died last week.

Yeah, he gave his phone to me.

I'm his friend and I live in Australia.

Goodbye.

This is absolutely huge.

Difficult to heat, though. And the boy with the old one on the blink, he needs

replacing. Right, what's going on?

Nothing.

Do you want us out of this place or not?

Because all you keep doing is putting me right off.

Your mam lived here.

She's always been next door.

Since we were kids.

Always. Who else?

My wife.

So you don't even live here?

Then what the hell are you doing showing me around?

Where have you been?

I hate you both!

Kids, eh?

Where is she?

Upstairs. Shakira!

You're worried as sick! Now open this carrying door!

Shakira, open the door!

So, are you selling this place or not?

Yeah. Yeah, we are.

Where are you going?

That's it.

It's over.

I just lost the most beautiful girl in the world.

No.

I was holding this back.

Holding what back?

You know, you've got to swallow it with water.

Right? What is it?

Dick the Pill fell down the club to the youngsters who drop their bombs before

the mission is complete.

He calls it...

The screaming toddler.

Why? I keep him up all night.

Go on then, boy.

Huh?

Go and get that Kimo Sabe.

I didn't think that cool, Jack.

You know, you can come and stay with me whenever you want.

That's what I was just saying.

And you can still see all your friends on the weekend, too.

I've agreed to let us stay in the same school.

It's only a bit right, do we?

Ah, brilliant.

I can come down on the weekday too, then.

Give you a lift back from school.

You can show me a new place.

And... Ponty's fantastic.

Didn't you both ask me first?

It's like you don't care about me.

I don't care about you.

We love you to bits.

The day you were born was the best day of my life.

Dad?

Yeah?

Will you stay and have a takeaway with us tonight, like before?

Of course you will.

Oh, my God, you're incredible, Billy Tucker.

I know.

It was rubbish before.

I know. The worst I've ever had. I know. I've never been so disappointed.

Let's not dwell on it. But now, you're my dad.

That's my girl.

Mr Tucker.

Yeah. Good afternoon.

Where the baby? I know you are.

Can we come in?

I've got no choice, do I?

We at the enforcement agency have been instructed by your creditors to collect

goods to the value of £500.

Yeah. Well, have a look around you, yeah?

There's nothing worth having.

We've got no telly, no pictures, no plates.

We haven't even got a protein juicer.

And what's that outside?

What's what outside?

Under the tarpaulin.

My wheelbarrow.

And you keep it covered up, do you?

There's one thing I can't stand. It's a rusty wheelbarrow. And everyone knows

that.

Right. Let's take a look, shall we?

Stop!

Stop!

Let me if you can't do this.

I'll give you 20 quid for it.

20 quid? At over 200 years old? Well, unless plywood was invented 200 years

it's not.

See, I don't know my old man with the lying bat.

That still leaves you 480 pounds short.

Yeah, but we've got nothing else to give.

Thanks for trying to help me.

Never speak of this day again.

Gotcha. Ever.

I'm a champ.

Me.

Me.

It worked.

Hey. The tablet.

Me and Dawn are back on.

I spread it and it tastes just like a mint.

That's because it was one.

Huh? You're too young for tablets, Billy.

Your problem wasn't there. It was there.

Epic.

Wait till I tell Dawn.

Dawn! Dawn!

What the hell is my Brampton doing on top of a cow in van?

Pint? Absolutely.

I'll leave you for one day.

One day!

Get back here, you useless gets!

Do you think we should be getting back?

No.

I'd better leave it to have another one, I'd say.

On me?

Couldn't have been a tenner, could he?

I'll pay you back.