Original subtitles

One, two.

Sandra? Yes.

Good God, I hardly recognise you.

You look great.

Charming. No, I mean different.

The hair?

No, the scooter.

It suits you. I like it.

It's hard.

Hey, have you noticed the lack of proper ramps here in Trigaric? It's bloody

disgrace. I know.

See the size of the step to the town hall?

Council must think we're cow and kangaroos here.

So how are you?

Not great.

I've got a jippie up, my back's buggered, and I've suffered with severe

haemorrhoids since I turned 40.

Stop it, will you?

You're greasing me up.

Well, I really do have severe haemorrhoids. Do you see Melvin?

Of course I do, yeah.

He's not been the same, mine, since you left him.

Heartbroken, he was.

I know, but I was trapped, Glyn. I deserved better.

I told him that, but he didn't seem to help.

Stop messing with him.

Eh? I'd prefer it if you didn't know I was back just now.

Fair enough.

Right, well, um... I'd better be... Yeah.

Yeah, me too, yeah.

It's been really lovely seeing you again, Glyn.

Like, really lovely.

Yeah, you too.

Bye.

Ta -ra.

Don't fancy going for a coffee, do you?

All about the meat.

Got my benefits in today.

Not bragging, just saying.

Oh.

Sorry, I understand.

I'd love to.

Really?

Really.

Turn around.

Wow.

What do you think, Nan?

It's a bit tight.

That's the style, isn't it, Nan?

I don't feel right in it.

Oh, you look lush, don't you, Nan?

I'm off to Lidl's.

See? Nan loves it.

Well, I didn't hear her say that.

Anyway, I... Quiet, Bobs. I'm reading.

Well, I was just thinking... Reading.

Any chance we could go and... I don't believe it.

We've all got to go in early to work on Monday.

This new boss is a nightmare.

Well, don't go.

But he already hates me.

And change jobs.

But I love it, eh?

Make a complaint about them.

Do you not understand women, Bobby?

Eh?

All I want you to say is, I understand.

When I've got a problem, I don't want you to solve it. I want you to

it. Just show me that you're listening to me.

Fine. Good.

Billion dollar background.

Anyway, I've got plans for you.

Really?

Take you a vet, Doc.

Absolutely.

You are going to love this.

Just leave that ten minutes, love.

Right. How are we looking?

Hey, it's your afternoon off today, isn't it? Yes. Fancy getting on the last

the club?

Sorry, Peg, I've got someone coming later.

Ooh, give us the juice.

None of your business.

So see you get.

Hey, what's wrong with your neck?

Nothing. Just off down the...

What about the bacon roll?

Ah, it's hard to give or miss.

Two by eight tea.

I thought we were eating.

Yeah, put your hands out.

Two or three with the teas, and lick the other one. So, you crack on.

Enjoy.

What?

Nothing.

I've missed this place.

Thanks for the tea.

You're welcome.

Well, I wasn't expecting this.

Gooey.

Is this really necessary?

Smooth is in, babe.

The porcupine is out.

Well, if it makes you happy.

It does.

Good.

Because, you know, I want to make you happy.

Aw, that's so lush.

And I know that you want to make me happy.

Of course.

Well, it's been a while since we, uh, met.

In the back of the van.

Right. And, well, we never got to, you know, because we were interrupted.

And we haven't really, you know, since then, have we?

Haven't what?

Well, we haven't had any alone time, you know? The main event, like.

Bobby, are you seeing anyone who has sex?

Maybe. Well, why didn't you just come out with it? I mean, I was just waiting

because I wanted it to be special.

Special, yes.

You know, and soon.

No, special and soon.

Sounds good.

That was lovely.

Not cheap, but lovely.

Thanks. I've had a great time.

Life's an adventure, I think, Glyn.

The day is young, as they say.

You could make it last.

seize the moment.

Eh?

Being with you feels really right.

You're welcome.

Sometimes two people just click, don't they? Do you understand what I'm trying

to say, Glenn?

Not really, no.

I'd like to spend the day with you.

Oh!

Right, hang out, like, or meet.

Gotcha. Well, it'll have to be romantic.

Nice meal, low lights, soft music.

How about dinner at Bellini's and then back to yours?

Bellini's is lush.

What about my mother?

I'm not taking her.

No, I mean, we can't go back to mine. She hates you.

Whatever.

I'll clear Billy and Dawn out.

OK, I'll pop home.

Home? Yeah.

You know, get a little overnight bag, have a shower, pamper, prepare myself.

We'll take my car.

See you at seven.

Seven.

Lush.

Hiya. Hiya. Can Shakira have tea at yours?

No, not today. I've got plans.

Well, I got someone calling.

So? So I want to right the way.

You've got a bloody nerve.

Well, I don't know how long we're going to be, do I?

Well, I don't know how long I'm going to be either.

A long time, hopefully.

A very long time.

How do I know we're doing this?

I haven't seen a deck in years.

Well, everything else I suggested was too expensive.

It's not the price of the pictures these days.

Well, I do like a man who's sensible with his cash.

Oh, you're going to love me then.

We could head indoors, of course.

Make our own entertainment.

Yes.

I'd ask you back to my place, but I'm full of boxes.

Come back to my yard.

Got my own room.

So what are you waiting for?

It's been quite a long time since I... entertained.

You'll soon get the hang of it again.

Looks like rain. Come on.

Hey!

Right, that's it. I'm coming in.

What the hell is going on here?

What's it look like? I want you two out now. This is my room.

Ours, and you've had it long enough.

Let the same tonight, in here, with me, end off.

Am I so desperate?

I'm not desperate.

Why are you saying I'm desperate?

Who's saying I'm desperate?

Oh, my God.

You two haven't done it, have you?

Since we met me and Billy's done it 35 times, haven't we, Babs?

36.

Bully for you. Well, you can go to hers tonight.

That's a no -goer. Eh?

I live in a squat, don't I?

Six mattresses in a one -bed dormitory in private.

I don't care.

Let's negotiate.

Look, I don't negotiate with blocks. That and their pants tied to a chair.

Good. So call it 20 and I'm out of your way. No. Do you want this room tonight

or not?

Tenner.

20.

Fine.

Right, you've got five minutes.

What about Natalie?

Would she put us up?

I don't know.

Do you want to spend the night with me or not?

All right.

Oh, cracker.

Dawn?

Dawn!

Can you untie me first, please?

Dawn!

Well, here we are.

Still at your mother's, then?

Well, that's only temporary.

You were saying that 12 years ago.

I'm still waiting for the right place to come up, innit? You know, you can't

rush these things.

Oh, I like it here. You know, it's quiet.

All right, tell me what you want and be firm. You know what that is like.

You know it makes sense.

That's all there. Come on.

Come in.

This is the living room.

That's the window.

That's the settee.

I sit on that end, I do this.

And, uh... Go.

Carpets are new.

Yeah.

That's that. He'll be in the corner. I like to watch you on a set.

Come

on,

Nats, please.

As it stands, Shakira's out at a sleepover.

So call her 20.

20? I'm short and it's something I need.

Tenner. You trying to negotiate?

With me?

Fine. You can stay.

Get in!

You can.

What? I've heard you through the wall. It's like a torture chamber in there.

in my house, thank you very much. Shut up!

My house?

My rule.

Right. So.

Say your goodbyes and jog on.

All right, that's enough.

Thanks.

See you tomorrow, Babs.

I think I'm in love now.

Good for you.

Thanks for letting me stay, like.

Fine, but you need to get out of the way for a few hours. Huh?

I got someone coming this evening and I want to make an impression.

So pop round Pavel's and get me two Yankee candles.

Lavender. Want the place smelling nice.

What are Yankee candles?

Tenner each.

That was... Quick.

Yeah, I did warn you.

No.

Lovely.

Really?

Really lovely.

Yeah, well... Still kettle on, lover?

On it.

Oh, God, what happened to you?

Been to Lidl's.

The west floor's a lethal air.

What, did you slip?

No, but I told the manager I did last week when I was shopping.

He gave me a hundred quid's worth of vouchers.

Oh, hiya.

Here you go. Tea with you.

Oh, I'd love to, hon, but I've just remembered.

I promised him I'd eat an old pan at the Spoons for a quickie.

Ah.

Oh, well, I'll see you later.

Can't stop me.

See you there.

See you, Peg.

What's that?

Yeah.

We're caught in.

Caught in?

Since when?

About ten o 'clock this morning.

Here we go.

No, no, listen. No, this is different, right?

Now, this is the one.

I know it.

You know, I'm even thinking of taking her to post -call for the weekend.

Post -call?

Yeah, use my Skittle subs. You know, this month's gyro. Get a B &B with a

brekkie. Show her the big time.

You don't think you're rushing it?

Me? Yeah, what about you and I?

Didn't take him long to get his foot under the table, did it?

I just don't want to... What, to see me happy?

No.

See you hurt again.

Well, this is different, ma 'am.

You say that every time, boy.

Well, I suppose you'd better go and clear it with Melvin, then.

But what's it got to do with him?

She's his ex -wife, Glenn.

Remember when she buggered off?

Ten hours it took that copper to talk him down off the club roof.

Oh, I'll never forget.

It was awful.

We had to save ourselves.

Jesus.

Do the right thing, man.

Make sure he's okay with it first, huh?

Nan?

Nan, you all right?

She with you?

Who? Who do you think?

Hiya.

See, Nan?

Touch this, Nan. What do you think, Nan?

Am I doing you a cow in the head in yet, Nan?

No, she's not, but she will be later for the whole night, all right?

Fine. Glad I know.

I can make plans.

Die.

It's me, boot.

Change your sheets. I'm sleeping at yours tonight.

Fine by me.

What the hell are you doing back?

I've got to get some clothes, haven't I?

What the hell are they?

Yankee smelly candles.

Nat's got a date. Wants to play some man of lavender for some reason. I know.

She's been doing a lot of that eBay dating lately.

But something tells me...

She likes this one.

Can we not talk about her?

This is my night tonight.

I'm the one having sex.

Me. So can we just celebrate that for now and not bloody Natalie?

Well, so is him.

things to do, good boy. You stay here, you earn your keep.

Get the overwrite and start in my bedroom.

Ah.

Gotcha.

Thank you, finest. Please, moment.

Why are you so chief of the boat?

You know, the vodka pot hurt him off.

It's a bad day.

This is crap.

When he broke, I'd be in all afternoon with Larry Lolly. If he didn't pop in

his usual six or seven before the school run, I'd be broke.

Fair play.

2 .25.

On the tab?

Absolutely.

I've got something to tell you.

Now, you're my friend, yeah?

You're my oldest friend.

You're my best friend.

It better be good I've got terrible news.

Eh?

Someone's seen my Sandra in the village.

Sandra?

Yeah, oh.

If you ask me, it's probably best that she's moved on.

You know?

If she's found someone else.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, give you a fresh start, so to speak, yeah?

My Sandra with someone else?

I don't know.

How would you feel if she was?

If ever, ever I found out my Sandra, my only true love was ever

seen another man, I would take my 12 -inch hunting knife and stalk him till

slept and kill the bastard in cold blood.

Kill him.

Watch it, not... Quite over yet, then.

Anyway, what's so important you have to tell me, your oldest friend?

Nothing. Come on, you can tell me.

Well, it's just that I don't think I can make

the skittles on Mondays.

That's it?

Yep. Oh, look at the time there. I've got to dash.

I'll catch you later, Malford.

That's the third time you've done that.

Left lip and crack on.

I know they're going special, but don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?

Bethany. Right, out the back door.

Shift.

Hi. Come through.

I'll just get out of your way.

don't spank him, so knock yourself out, bud.

See you later, Nat. Enjoy.

Mam?

Mam? Oh, it's you.

Oh, Jesus.

I thought it was Bobby with that lush.

Oh, gotcha. Hey, I booked a B &B.

And? I bought two returns to Paradise coming back on Monday.

Are you sure you're doing the right thing?

Oh, yes.

This is a new start.

Another chapter in the great story of the life of Glyn Tucker.

She feels the same way about me.

We're going to be together forever.

She told you that?

Don't need to, does she?

It's in her eyes.

Did you speak to Melvin?

Yes. Yes, I did.

And what did he say?

He was absolutely fine. Told me to crack on.

See you Monday.

I'm turning over.

It could be the starter motor, or the battery, or it could be the...

It's OK.

I understand.

I can't get it started.

I understand.

Do you want to take a look at it for me?

You don't need solutions.

I know that now.

Trust me.

I understand.

Huh?

Let's walk.

Sandra?

Hello?

Hello?

This is Eddie.

Right.

Right?

Ran into Eddie in the spoons.

We had a few spins, he was back to me.

Eddie's offered to take me to the Monster Rock Festival in Holland.

We're off tomorrow.

Right. You do know me and you was just a bit of fun, don't you?

Right.

You OK?

Yeah, of course.

Bit of fun, I knew that.

Who the flower was for?

My mum.

She's not been very well.

Yeah, I saw she had a neck and a brace.

Oh, I better...

No, but honestly, any time you're crying for me, I think you're coming over.

No problem.

I'll see you soon. Bye.

I'll email you the information.

You'll have it tonight.

I brought you some... Shh!

If she finds out you're here, she'll go tonto.

Monster man, just keep your strength up.

Oh, my God, that was so stunning.

I love the way they sprinkle your parmesan for you. So Italian. Proper

You tired?

No.

Great. Let's go to bed, then.

Whoa.

Bottom bunk.

What's the matter?

What the heck is that?

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

Forget it. No.

What is that? What?

I'm sorry, Bob.

This just isn't doing it for me.

I think we need to start again.

Start again?

Taking things nice and slow.

Say it again, Glenn.

I like the way you say it.

Well, it's simple, isn't it?

You're too good for her.

You've got a lot of love to give.

Special people are going to wait for special people.

You thought she was the one.

She wasn't.

Simple as.

Well, here's to us.

Together forever.

Ah, enough.

Together forever.