Original subtitles

Murphy, teeth up.

Come on, you old mule. Open up.

Murphy? Mum, I don't want to go to school.

I haven't got any socks.

Glenn! Glenn!

Hey,

it's eight o 'clock in the morning. Keep the bloody noise down.

Delivery for Mrs Tucker.

That's me.

Married, are you?

Divorced. Maybe the mother should turn that.

She's in the bedroom with the lodger.

Shakira?

What are you up to?

Nothing. I mean today.

Cos Shirley Buff's coming round for a permanent nail.

I'm not smoking, Shirley. Please, stink that drink. I told her no more fagging

in here since I gave it a lick.

But I need the extra, so try and be scarce, yeah?

No problem.

Anyway, who was at the door?

Triple glazing.

Not again!

Oi!

Never knock on this door again.

No, it's all right. Your daughter's signed.

Er, we're signing up to nothing, lovely boy.

So you can shove your triple what I told you to stick your double.

Shh, now.

You're ringing with sweat.

Yes, we shouldn't really be in my bed, should we?

You've got a fever. Exactly.

Peggy.

Peggy, is that you, love?

Yes, it's me.

What do you want, miss?

Mum. Where's our mum?

Died 12 years ago.

Massive heart attack.

Not mummy.

For Christ's sake, Lynn. I don't know, I just...

I'll be here then. A couple of lamb sips, you'll be fine. Come on. I need to

the family before I die.

Yeah, I'm here, Merv. How do you, loved one? Oh, it's charming.

What's happening?

Merv, he's ill.

Hey, and I want him out of that bed before tonight.

I can't go on the settee.

No, on my back. Dr Khaled says it's a miracle I'm walking.

Just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room.

We've got a telly to set up today.

We've got a full package from Tom Crabs.

Fat like this, 250 inches.

And a dodgy box.

Dodgy? One box, two screens, no bells. I'll tell the boys they're doing us

proud. One telly for Nats, one for us, just in time for the big fight tonight,

eh? Just stay put and look after your uncle, or it won't be the settee you'll

sleeping on. It'll be the cowing cobbles.

Got it?

What's all this? Nothing.

What's under there?

Show me.

Now!

Who'd you get this lot from?

No one.

Who? No one.

Dad.

Oh, bloody pillow.

I need to talk to you, Glenn.

Hurry up. We haven't got long.

I know that boy.

I mean, my telly's coming soon.

I've got a 50 -inch bush to look forward to the night. I don't want you to

bother it.

I understand you don't like me.

I never treated you right, have I, boy?

I just want to make our peace before I go to hell.

Stop being so dramatic.

Oh, I'm aware of my destiny.

Where the heat rages.

And the lost souls stagger aimlessly.

Book for Benidorm, have you?

Before I was old, mine was a life on the road.

And I walked on God's land and breathed

God's air.

Aye. And Nick, God's led from his roofs for a certain period in the 70s, if I

remember rightly.

Are you attacking Wheatland?

Are you attacking a dying man?

Here he is, Doc.

Glyn, out.

Hey, Glyn.

I won't forget this conversation.

Ta -da!

Your life's about to change.

Yeah, for the bloody worse, if you've got anything to do with it.

Where did you get that from?

Tommy Krause.

I just wanted to treat you and Sharks.

Don't you think you've treated it enough?

Huh?

What do you think you're playing at?

What are you on about?

Wasting your money on me.

No, I haven't. Look, I know you're trying to make up for always letting me

Yeah, when do I do that?

Never turn up when you promise.

Forgot your anniversary.

Missed my bird. Shut it, Chiquita.

You're trying to get what up on Roberto, aren't you?

Well, tell him even this stuff won't wash, good boy.

Money I need.

Money to help run this house.

Money to... What are you on about?

OK, I'll explain it slowly.

Why did you buy... He didn't.

I did.

For this.

It's yours.

There she is.

50 inches of pure pleasure.

Imagine the fight on this tonight, Dad.

Bob's taking the other one round tonight. Happy days.

How can you both think like that? With poor Murphy up there.

I'll order a full ruby -doot coma for you. Half and half at a key, my nine.

Oh, and I'll do an off -you -run.

Pavel's doing eight cans for a fiver this month.

I'm invited Melvin monthly.

He does a lock -in on a Tuesday.

Runs a little cards club for the selected few.

So? So I'm not invited, am I? Some get has blacked my balls.

Yeah, but Melvin ain't got cable.

Once he sees my 50 -inch, I'll be right in that club, oh, yes.

Yeah.

This is one of the best days of my life.

Glyn, my brother could be breathing his last up there.

Sorry. The best day of my life.

Glenn!

I was joking. Was you joking?

I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

I just wanted the snake DVD.

But you've spent over 150 quid. All my credit's gone.

I got carried away.

We're six months in arrears on the gas. That was the sortie.

We'll be cut off now.

I'll take on another fight.

Yeah, calm down, Rocky.

The last thing I need is the added expense of having to visit you in bloody

hospital. Sorry, Mum. I got excited.

Excited?

Here I am trying to make ends meet, and you do this to me.

Were you off?

No way. I'm getting ready for Shirley Bopp, ain't I?

Shame on you.

Hey, come on now.

Everything's going to be fine.

You just leave it to Dad.

What are you going to do?

Pneumonia? Yes.

On the one lung.

I've given him very strong antibiotics and steroids to help shift it.

But the main thing he needs is bed rest.

He must stay here for at least ten days. No, no, no way. No way.

I'm not dying.

I'm out of here. I'm going to die.

You mule.

Can I see you, Nan?

I think we should get a second opinion here, Doc.

I mean, he's very strong for his age, and I really do need that bed.

You know what my back's like.

I've told you repeatedly, Mr Tucker, I cannot find anything wrong with your

back. Yeah, but you gave me a signal to prove it.

Because you hounded me every day for six months.

That last week you even slept on the waiting room bench.

Yeah, I think I should take my back in.

There's only one thing for it.

We've got to shift your gear and get the money back.

And dry your eyes.

You got into this mess, you're going to help get out of it.

Now go next door and get the stuff.

And it's been angry like that since Tuesday.

Right, listen up, you lot.

Or not you, Doc. You just give us the drugs and jog on.

Thank you.

Plenty of fluids, remember, and total rest.

Billy, see the doctor out.

But my rash!

There must be some sort of cream for it.

Oh, God.

There's an emergency next door. You'll have to hold the fort. Oh, no.

No, I've got a satellite dish to pull up.

It's the big fight tonight, and I need to impress Melvin.

And my brother needs to stay in bed.

But... He's his own worst enemy.

So park your arse, and don't take your bloody eyes off him, or he'll be heading

for his bog like a spawning salmon.

But... One more button, he'll be out on yours.

Got it?

Looks like it's just me and you then, Glenn.

Right. Let's get this stuff peddled.

Come on.

What are you going to do with the old one?

Flog it.

It's worth a good few bob, that one.

Not anymore, is it not?

I didn't hear.

I'm having to work on my one day off.

My daughter's stolen from me.

And my ex has just put his foot through my telly.

This is not a strong day for me, Bob.

Sorry.

Stop smoking, Shirley.

Use the back door.

And Bobby, please tell me that telly's going to work.

I don't think I can cope with any more today.

I promise you.

Hi, Melvyn, it's me. Hi.

Hi, not too bad, but... Oh, hi, it's you.

A 50 -incher.

Spanking.

No, no, just leave that to me.

Yeah, we're going to kick back a few beers, pack her a dry roasted, a full

Scooby -Doo with a cormorant for Billy, half and half and a key man on.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, 8 o 'clock is, yeah? Great.

Yeah, hey, listen, there's no need to thank me.

No, no, no. I like to look after my mates.

Yeah. It's like we're all in a little club, isn't it? Eh?

Eh? Eh?

What shall we do this all, Telly?

Just stick it up in the loft.

Don't be daft, man.

I'll van it and flog it down the old people's.

Come on, please work.

Please work.

Oh, thank God!

You little... I can't wait to tell Johnny Moggs about our new box.

Johnny Moggs?

I've spoken to him for months. Yeah, I know.

So why are you telling him?

Because I hate him.

I'm convinced he's the one who persuaded Melvin to keep me up to the card club

the little try.

Johnny!

Yeah?

Fintech guy. Yeah, I know, I know. Long time, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, hey, where are you watching the fight tonight?

Ah, that's a shame.

I've got a 50 -incher.

Yeah. Look, I've got to go, but, yeah, just remember that, yeah?

I'll be watching it on a 50 -incher with Melvin Monkley and a full Andy Murray.

What is it?

I've got important calls to make.

Good job, Billy got me this.

I'm too weak to calm down.

Can you hear it?

Yes. Yes, I can hear it.

Should I squeeze it a bit louder, you know?

No. No, what you're doing is fine.

I've got a whistle left.

Would you like me to blow that?

No.

The horn is fine.

Now, look, you're looking a lot better.

OK? I've got to go. I'm busy.

I don't want to be awkward.

The doctor said it's very important that I keep drinking fluids.

But I brought you two waters, a squash, a full -fat Coke, and a bottle of orange

pop that was mine.

I tell you what I'd really like, though.

Is a cuppa.

Fine, that's no problem. What do you want? What is it, tea or coffee?

Do you mind?

Right, I'll do your coffee.

Make a tea, then.

Tea it is.

Milk?

No.

Well, a smidgen, half a spoon.

Okay, all right, half a spoon.

Sugar? Never.

Although it's seen as a meal, perhaps a smidgen of sugar.

How many?

Three. Right.

So as a cup of tea...

with half a spoon of milk and three sugars.

You know, now I hear the sound of it, I'll have a coffee.

Right. Take this outside and hold it until I tell you we've got a signal

Dad, I'm making a coffee.

No, no. Pop around that, please, and tell me when you've got a signal there.

Billy, we'll use our mobiles. On it.

Right, Billy boy, give her a wiggle.

No, the other way.

More that way.

Back a bit.

Can you get any higher?

Higher.

There. Stay dead still.

Check with Dad.

Hello, Dad.

Hiya. How's that for you?

Still nothing, yeah, boy? Just give it a shifty.

I promise you'll never feel as relaxed.

No, no, still nothing. Just try and angle it.

I've got some centre.

Rainforest at night or a tide on pebbles?

Bit more.

Let's go for tide on pebbles, shall we?

Damn.

Sorry, Cheryl.

Got to get some more magenta.

Try moving it, man. Move it.

I've got to pop out. Keep an eye on Shirley for me. And try and calm down,

you?

A bit more.

A bit more.

What's

happening,

Dad? My bloody arms are hanging off you. Shut it, Billy.

Shut it!

Where the hell are you going? Quiet, Bobby.

I'll be next door.

The cack's happening, Bob. Quiet, Billy.

Are you taking the piss?

No. I need to urinate, Clint.

Please tell me you're having a laugh.

I'm not having a laugh, Clint. Can you see me laughing?

Total rust now. Do you want me to phone Peggy and tell her you're forcing me out

of this bed to urinate?

All right, what do you want me to do?

Hold it.

I will rot in hell before one digit touches that rancid todger.

It's a bottle.

It's a bottle.

Wiggle it, Billy.

Are you... Keep moving it.

Come on, let's just get on with it.

Get on with it.

Up a bit.

Across. Just pee, please. For Christ's sake, pee.

Across.

Up a bit.

Put it back. That's it.

It's in.

How's the picture you were in?

I don't know.

I'm in the bedroom.

Well, get down there and check.

Huh?

Yeah, on the money, yeah.

Yeah, same here.

One of you coming over there, my circulation's dropped and my hands have

blue.

Ah, done.

Me and Billy will go grog up. You get the ruby -dooby -dabbler.

Sorry, I'm going to be the talk of the town tonight, boy.

Nearly there, Nats. Better out we.

Yeah.

Sorry, Dad.

I knew it was yours, but I'm parched more than that bloody dish.

You wouldn't have liked it anyway.

It was flat.

Fintime next week, love, yeah?

Shall I show you how the telly works?

Eight.

Eight.

No. Smoking surely with smoking in the house and that's called portal control.

Right then.

up between these two promoter selwyn jones says he's been sparring well

he's worked hard to get down to this

weight and there's a lot of bad blood between these two experts mixing it up

rivalry between these two be met in the ring tonight

It's not been in five minutes and this dodgy box is already dodgy.

What the hell is going on, Blaine?

Billy, we've got a problem.

Why didn't you come to me in the first place?

Because Tommy Krabs was doing a better deal on dodgy boxes.

Tommy Krabs was a crook, boys.

Everybody knows that.

Come to old Clocky first, you should have.

Everybody knows you can trust old Clocky.

Honest Clock, they call me.

Trustworthy clock.

Clock that's sincere.

Clock that's reliable. All right, don't push it.

Can you float it or not?

So, you want to watch two channels at the same time, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, as it is, with this little lad on, you can watch two shows on the go.

Bangin', fabulous.

Normally it'd cost you 20 quid, but as soon as you went to Tommy Crabb's first,

it's 40 to you boys. No need to thank me, cash'll do.

What's she got?

Bob's asking what you've got.

You can tell him I've got a bargain hunt. And if it changes again, he's the

I'll be hunting.

Yeah, she's happy that then. All sorted.

Right, we're on.

The shit sits back and... I am like a sod in slavery.

Ever since he's had the horn, he wants me in the bedroom.

Say nothing.

What do you want?

Stay with her, Glenn.

What are you playing at?

You're not well. I'm stronger now.

And I can go outside again where I belong.

I'm no gorger.

If I stay here, it'll kill me.

Yeah. And if I let you go, Peg's going to kill me. So back in the bed now.

I don't want to harm you, Glenn.

You're an old man with pneumonia.

And you're a sack of shit.

There's nothing for that.

I'm walking out.

You stay in here like a good boy and you won't get a slap.

Murphy's up then?

Yep.

Nan's going to kill Dad, isn't she?

Yep. Let me in!

Let me in, you bastard!

Go away!

If you don't open this door, I'm going to pull this down with you, innit? God,

help me!

Go inside, Murphy, and lie on the settee! And don't use my bed!

I've got a backpack!

Listen to that.

That's paraffin I'm pouring on out there.

Stop!

What the soddy in hell are you two playing at?

Well?

He started it.

He did? He did.

He's been calling me all day to stop me putting my terry up. I've been

neglected. Neglected?

He made me hold a bottle when he pissed in it.

And I barely drank it.

What? You won't let me use his bed. He don't care if I live or die.

He's taken advantage of me because you said to check me out.

Shut up, both of you.

You'll never listen, will you, Murphy?

You're the most stubborn get I've ever known.

My life.

My decisions. I'm not going inside.

Okay.

I'll do a deal with you.

You can stay here, but only, and I mean only, if you get a cable from the house

here with an electric heater.

You can't get damp again.

Please, bro, for me here.

A cable, you say?

Yes. With electricity?

Yes.

Agreed. On one condition.

Less from Roddick.

Wish I hadn't sold the old one now.

Say nothing, Billy.

Say nothing.

Was Mervyn lucky about it?

I couldn't bear the humiliation of telling what really happened.

Fair enough.

I had a real chance of that, you know.

To be respected in that club.

To be someone.

I'm just going to be the laughing stock.

I wouldn't even be able to say I saw it.

Murphy!

Murphy!

Who is it?

It's me, Glenn.

Go away.

I want to watch that fight.

No. Now, you let me in there, or I will cut this cable, and Peggy will have you

back in the house quicker than shag to a goose.

It's open.

You'll never happen again, ma 'am. I promise.

You better not.

Good old Peggy.

Sold the lot.

We're 20 quid up, even.

Come here.

She even managed to keep this back.

Can I?

Please?

to swallow prey much larger than their heads with their highly mobile jaws to

accommodate their...