Original subtitles

The rich and the rootless brought to you by tricker and cramble and the WNB

network delivering truth, not fluff. We keep you clinging to a cliff while

inspiring you during commercials to keep your laundry white and those chocolate

cakes moist.

20 years of aspirational escapism from your own damn dirty problem.

Okay, Kitty.

Okay, honey.

You can do it.

Oh, it hurts so much.

Oh, it hurts. Okay, one more drink. One more drink.

You got this.

All right, you got it. You're going to do it for the fans.

For the fans.

For the fans.

Oh, okay.

You got it.

Okay, Kitty.

You can do it.

You can do it, girl.

You can do it.

You can do it.

Just one more drink.

You got to do it for the fans.

Here we go.

You're going to win this competition.

You're going to do it.

Born to a preacher who was good. So malicious diva was never understood.

Hated by her cast, but loved by her fans. What stomped their feet and

their hands. I got it. I got it. I got it.

We have to start the show.

Thank you.

I can't go first.

No, no, no, no.

I finished the show. You said let me go first. I'm the one with all the talent.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

I just don't want to go first.

Don't touch me.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kitty and I couldn't be more proud of our children.

You know, oh, it's so beautiful right here.

Folks have no idea what it takes to put on a soap opera year after year.

But we always place family values over business.

Hallelujah. A family that prays together, stays together.

Amen. We have a church up in here today.

Yes, we are. We are.

My wife, Kitty, would be up here with us, but she's backstage warming up for

all. So.

Put your hands together and get ready for an amazing performance.

Enjoy.

Well,

it gives me and my sister Veronica great pleasure to introduce our beautiful

mother who plays the iconic Blusilla. All right. You know her. You love her.

your hands together and welcome the one.

inside having you all here on this beautiful yacht, right?

I mean... Allison, Allison, I'm going to need you to go out first.

What? Please, Allison, the fans are waiting. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not

prepared. I need to stretch. You're fine.

Please. Oh, you drunkard. Thank you. You're fine. I'll put on my face. Thank

you, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do it.

Oh, yeah.

Well, do I have a choice?

Good grief.

Kitty, sober up. Don't worry.

All the time of my life.

Okay.

All right, girls. I'm going to be in the back. Okay. Check on y 'all. Okay. All

right, baby.

I love you too. Press a movie right along. Uh, next to the stage, please

the beautiful and talented.

lunch somebody put carpet on the stage who wants me to fail oh but you know i

this all for my fans so this is for you let's get this show on the road

the rich and the ruthless, a vixen to sing for you, Emmy Abernathy.

Have a seat, sailor.

Oh, thank you all so much for being here. You know, they only gave me two

minutes to share my real passion because I always wanted to be on Broadway.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, Max.

What? You don't have a comeback?

And here I was, hoping to share trade secrets with my future brother -in -law.

You mean your dad's trade secrets.

Ah, look who's talking.

You know, unlike you, I don't use my old man's money to impress people.

Veronica wouldn't give you the time of day if you weren't rich.

Rich? Who said I was rich?

I'm wealthy. There's a difference.

Whatever. You know, bottom line is, you don't have any talent.

Yeah. Yeah, well, Veronica seems to think I do.

In more ways than one.

Are you disrespecting my sister?

Of course not.

Don't confuse me with one of your black frat brothers.

Oh, I'm not confused.

I have an inside track.

And when I say inside track, I mean that I... The only inside track you have is

selling toilet paper and soap. Meanwhile, I have my own production

it's about to blow up. Yeah, well, too bad it's all in your head.

You know, last I heard, it takes real money to make movies unless you're

dabbling in something else.

Slow your roll, Bob.

One of us is going to get hurt, and it ain't going to be me. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Though it provoked.

It provoked what?

Aren't you on probation already?

Yeah, stay in your lane, Max, you boy.

And remember, without Trictor and Tramble, the network won't pay your

fee. And without that, well, your soap opera gets canceled.

Besides, I don't want my future wife working anyway.

I want her at home, barefoot, in the kitchen.

Get out of my face.

Yeah, I need to check on Veronica anyway.

But first I'm going to check out these hot honeys.

I'm not hitched yet.

And shouldn't you be getting back to your little talent show before you get

trouble?

You know me. You love me.

I am Kurt.

And I play Javier de la Basque.

And I am a ventriloquist.

Hello,

everybody.

Welcome along the border.

It's a great pleasure to reintroduce to you my beautiful and talented mother,

Kitty Berringer.

Born to a preacher who wants no good.

Did you know she was going to do this? No.

I told her to keep it simple.

Max has been egging her on.

Check Edith and have her scrub this before it gets out of control.

Here's Bobby.

I saw Max and Edith in the cut talking.

I don't trust them, Daddy. I think they're up to something. I feel it.

And not to fan the flames, but Maeve was having a trunk show in her cabin.

So? So the jewelry was our property.

Damn it!

Thank you.

We'll be back in five.

Oh, precious.

Oh, Lord.

Why do they take the best for last, huh?

The audiences have gone, but how about that brunch, huh?

Real crab?

I always say, life's too short for fishparks.

It's turned around and it's complete opposite.

I think you know what I mean. Okay, look, we're not as compatible as I

we were, okay?

I like to party, and clearly you don't. No, Bobby, not with drugs.

Then I'm calling off the engagement. Wait, wait, wait, what?

I think you heard me.

You're not going to humiliate me in front of my family, Bobby.

Watch me.

Wait, Bobby, don't do this.

No, no, no, no, no. You're humiliating yourself. You're not thinking straight,

okay? You wouldn't do this if you loved me. That's the thing. I am thinking

straight, okay? I realized I don't love you.

I'm so over you, okay?

Chased you down, caught you, and released.

What?

I can't believe that I was actually going to marry you.

Okay, besides, I'm practically engaged to somebody else back east.

You know, Dad was right.

You're a mistake.

Now, you think that's how they rehearsed the lines for the story?

Probably.

Sounds juicy, too.

Shh!

Kitty, what are they saying?

Yeah, because you can't hear.

Shh! That would sound freaky -dicky to me.

And what would you know about that?

Well, I was young once.

Now, that talent show was fabulous.

Except Kitty's act.

Oh, poor thing. Somebody should have told her that that tutu needed to have

stayed on the rack.

People be acting out on this boat.

It's more fun than watching the stories at home. I know.

Mom.

What's wrong?

They loved me.

No, that's nonsense. They love you.

Mom, do you want another drink?

Okay. Okay, come on. Let's get you in bed, okay? Let's get you off the floor.

Let's get you in bed.

Okay.

Right this way. Right there.

Let's get you nice and bent. There you go. There you go. Right there. Right

there. Uh -huh.

There you go.

There you go.

There you go.

Let's get you another. Let's get you up. Come on, mom. Get up. Sit up. Sit up.

Sit up. Sit up. There you go.

There you go. Have another one. Have another. All the way. Drink it down.

it down. Drink it down. Drink it down. Drink it down.

There you go. There you go. There you go.

Uh -huh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mom, mom, mom. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Hey, wake up.

Look at me. Hey, do you trust me? It was life.

Okay, all right. Listen, I'm going to need you to sign something before you go

night -night. Okay. Okay, all right. Now, here we go.

All right. Now, put this in your hand and sign right here.

Right there.

Uh -huh. That'll go right there.

Finally!

Mom, when you said you wanted Rich and Worthless to take new heights, I took

that very seriously.

She's stealing my life, Augustus. And this mother -daughter storyline, I

I'm not doing it when we come back from hiatus. I'm just not. Well, this is the

first I've heard of it.

You should have come to me sooner, and I could have... And you could have done

what? Taken care of it like you've done everything else?

No, thanks.

And I know Edith's behind it. That bitch is still mad that Sharon Stone got

basic instinct over her.

Edith was an actress?

Focus, Augustus.

Kill the storyline.

Hey, Derek.

Honey.

Where's, um, Calista?

Exactly what I was gonna ask you.

How come you're not in the show?

Max says I should wait till next year.

What about you?

They don't pay me enough money.

Mommy!

Right!

What the hell happened?

Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying. Stop crying, it doesn't help.

What happened?

Max, Max, please, you gotta believe me. It was an accident.

It was an accident.

Bobby was doing drugs, and then I told him to stop, and then he wouldn't

and then he called up the engagement, and I... Okay,

okay, okay. That's not what happened. Okay, you understand me? Veronica, do

realize what you've done?

They will convict you, and for manslaughter, do you want to go to

rest of your life? No. Okay, all right, all fine, fine. Listen, you got to

listen to me, okay?

Okay. Okay, listen.

Bobby was drunk, okay? He got rough with you, and you defended yourself.

Okay, now I have to rough you up a little bit so it looks like you guys got

a fight.

I'm so scared, Max.

You should be.

Why would you get involved with this bum?

Now listen to me. Listen, when Bobby left the cabin, you don't know where he

went. Understand?

I think so. You think? Listen, you have to know so. Like your life depends on

it. I got it. I got it. Okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. Okay.

All right, fine. Okay, now just stick to that story and everything will be cool.

Let me grab a sheet or something to wrap him up. What are we going to do with

him? What do you think? He fell overboard drunk.

People everywhere, we can't just take him out right now.

Okay, fine, fine, listen. We'll just wait till the ship quiets down, okay?

And then we'll wrap him up, we'll take him upstairs, and we'll throw him

overboard. Now, what are you going to say if people start asking you what

happened?

Come on, come on!

Bobby was drunk, and we got into a fight, and he hit me, and then he left,

and... I didn't see where you went.

Excellent. Okay, you stick to that story, okay? Everything's going to be

Okay. Now help me grab the sheet and wrap them up. Come on. Get up. Get up.

on. Oh, God.

Okay, okay.

Now, you know, sometimes you just want to be expected, you know?

Yeah. Me too.

I, um, voted for you today.

You should have won.

Thank you.

That's sweet. Yeah.

Anything for the fans, you know.

I'm a fan and I could be more.

You know I'm with Alyssa, right?

You sure about that?

What's that supposed to mean?

I saw something on the upper deck that I think you should too.

But don't kill the messenger.

Sure. Weren't you the one telling the world how great Ivy was?

Yeah, I did, all right? I made a mistake.

I moved too fast, and I invited a nightmare into my life.

It'll be okay. No, it's not.

No, I made a grave mistake, and it may end up costing both of us.

What? Callista, come on, you're overreacting. Come here. No, it's not

before. I'm serious. It's more complicated than you think.

Well, it can't be more complicated than what's between us.

Stop! Stop!

a conversation about our daughter without it being all about you. But once

again, I was wrong. No, I'm not letting you go this time.

Kitty's on her way back to rehab and I'm getting a divorce.

You're telling me this why?

When I wanted a relationship with you, you abandoned me and wanted me to get an

abortion. I know, and I'm sorry I put you through that, because I truly am.

now I'm ready to listen and take responsibility for what I should have

ago.

Come on, let's go find our daughter.

Bum.

I'm so sorry, Bobby.

Let's go.

I'm coming.

Well, I'm going to take me a little nap for the time we got left on this

faggot's yacht.

Listen, Mardell.

Thank you for inviting me.

I'm having the time of my life.

And you know we got more years behind us than we do in front of us. God, that's

the truth.

I just wish I hadn't played adult twister with Willie.

Oh, I'm going to pay for that. I tried to tell you. Oh, my God.

Go see what's going on.

Quiet as church, my CD soap operas only give you a couple of minutes, but they

know how to stretch it out and have us coming back for more.

I know that's right, baby.

Hey, Mandela.

Yeah?

Isn't that... Bobby Tramble like a billionaire.

So?

All money ain't good money.

That's not what pastor say.

I know.

What's his church?

I told you, girl, that's a good church. The Goodfoot Church. The Goodfoot

Church. You better quit, baby girl.

Let me get some Z's up in here.

I know you ain't messing with that Willie no more, are you?

Hmm.

Boy, crazy.

Augusta, she... She... What?

She... What? Tell me, what?

Dad, Kalisa?

What? What are you two doing here? I thought I told you to keep an eye...

Veronica, what the hell happened to you? Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry, Daddy.

She had a bad fight.

Who had a fight?

Bobby hit me.

What? He was drunk.

Yes, he was. Everyone saw him.

Where is that punk? I'll kill him. No, Augustus.

Take Veronica to my room, please.

Thank you.

And don't disturb my mom.

And not a word to anyone. Yes.

Sorry, Dad.

I'm going to kill that punk.

And we're going to sue the past off the Tramples family.

Let's go tell the captain. Oh, Dad, Dad, Dad.

I mean, do you think that that's wise?

I mean, listen, we should handle this quietly. And you said it yourself, this

cruise is a public relations event for our show, but a PR nightmare for our

family. You know how powerful Tricked and Trambled are?

You don't know how they can spin this.

Well, what do you suggest?

I suggest that we play it business as usual.

You know, not draw any attention.

That way we could, you know, protect ourselves and protect Veronica.

Listen, Dad.

And if anyone asks where Bobby is... We don't know. Right.

Right. And you should know that Bobby broke off the engagement with Veronica.

He what?

Yeah.

Look, Dad.

I, um... I think that we should just let Veronica stay in your room so you can

avoid any questions.

Oh, but that way we'll have more leverage.

Right. On the day. Right, right, right. Very still.

Uh -huh.

Right.

Come on, let's go. Dad, one thing.

Did I just see you and Calista holding hands?

Boy, you know how these actresses are, how they throw themselves at us when

want something.

Right there.

Oh, God, that's good. Big Daddy, let me show you just how much I

appreciate you.

Veronica's asleep in the other room.

Better we found out before she married that no -cum. Yeah, because Bobby didn't

deserve Veronica anyway.

Didn't? Huh?

You say it like he's gone.

Never mind.

Guys, is this something Captain Tame should handle?

We have a plan, Calista.

Okay, I'm just trying to help. Thank you, but we've got all this covered, if

don't mind.

Say what?

No, no, no.

What were you about to tell me on deck?

Nothing. It's fine.

No, tell me.

Nothing, I guess. You've got enough going on.

Come on.

What was that?

Did you feel that?

Yep. What was it? That's my tootabouts.

Tootles!

I don't know, but it doesn't sound good.

Where are you going, Emmy?

Emmy.

Emmy, you can't leave me like this.

What? There's luck.

From the outside, it looks like.

I've got to get on one of those lifeboats before it's too late. Me too.

And where are we going to go? Do either of you even know where we are right now?

I know where we'll be if we don't get off this yacht.

And have either of you seen Brando? Nope.

This wasn't loyalty.

Look at these fans. They're jumping shipwrecks. Look out!

So who's at the wheel?

Where are you going?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, listen. I am not going to leave my husband.

If this ship goes down, I go down. Oh, cut the dumb Titanic crap, Allison.

Camera's on rolling. I hate to leave you alone, but someone's got to live to

tell the story.

Bye.

Bye, Enora.

Goodness, my naughty little tickler came back.

Now, unlock Daddy's little brace. It's like a good little girl.

It's not fun anymore.

I think we're sinking.

You there?

I mean, if you need more money, more storyline, it's no problem. Just don't

me die a watery grave like this.

Okay. Just... Just tell me everything's gonna be okay, Emmy.

Emmy. Baby.

Boo -boo.

Oh, Randall.

I don't know if you're gonna live or if you're gonna die.

But one thing's for damn sure.

Everything is not going to be okay.