Original subtitles

The rich and the rootless. Brought to you by Trigger and Cramble and the WNB

Network. Delivering truth, not fluff.

We keep you clinging to a cliff while inspiring you during commercials to keep

your laundry white and those chocolate cakes moist.

20 years of aspirational escapism from your own damn dirty problems.

Allison, how has your marriage stood the test of time and scandal?

Great question.

Oh, yes, please do tell us.

Testify, honey, testify. Okay, yes, thank you. Okay, so, yes, I love Randall

very much, and love does conquer all.

And I have a new book, and it's called A Way to a Man's Heart is Not Always

Through the Kitchen. And I'll be signing that book later on on the Upper Deck.

Meet on the Upper Deck.

I'll never wash my hands again.

Not one fan asked a single solitary question.

Yeah, that was embarrassing.

I always get sick of stupid things.

Forgot my gloves.

Nothing but a boatload of germs.

Fans running all over the vessel.

I only agreed to come because Augustus promised to give me back my vampire

storyline. Oh, could I be like, uh...

A vampire assistant?

Maybe. Whatever happened to Star Power?

Hmm.

Organized press line.

Pre -approved questions.

Gone.

Hey, did you see me cut off Derek and Callista?

They're always trying to take credit for our hard work. Thieves.

Bastards. Oh, there you are. Oh, God.

Racist. More selfies.

Willie.

Come on, darling. Right here. Give you the look. Yeah.

Not with you on that.

Okay, let's go.

Hey, Papa, Mommy.

Don't sneak up on me like that. And you of all people should be practicing your

English.

No,

he's a culo. And maybe he should be practicing his Spanish with someone like

I beg your pardon?

I've been watching you, petting who you really are.

All right, criticizing somebody like me and speaking our native tongue?

Our native tongue?

Maybe you should mind your own business, huh?

Sure, boss, but, you know, that doesn't change the fact that you're ashamed of

being a Latina.

First of all, I'm a Behringer, and don't you forget it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm looking for my fiancé.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is about you and me. What is about you and me?

No, we were here first, all right? And they call us immigrants.

Let's stick together. Okay, the only thing stuck between us is your contract.

And for your information, I'm a very large of wife.

You know, the only difference between me and you is that you were thickening. I

was boring.

I knew you had it in you.

Well, the only reason we even hired is because Derek asked me to, so you can

easily be written out.

Now stay away from me, or do you want me to say it in Spanish so you can

understand?

Look at us. Goodness gracious.

Hey, Gertie, isn't this incredible, girl?

Lord, I don't care if we stay docked here all day.

Girl, say that again.

Anything to get me out of Mississippi and that assisted living. Oh, Lord.

I'm very glad you made it down, Grant.

I'm so thankful. Wait, are you sure you're okay?

Right as rain.

I stopped putting that salt pork in my food sugar. I'm doing good, baby. Mm

-hmm.

And you know I wasn't going to waste no first class ticket. I know that's right.

You got that right. We traded that bad boy in for two coach seats. That's what

I'm talking about.

I can tell you this. I'm very glad you did, Grand.

I need you now more than ever.

Oh, my precious pumpkin. You know, anything you're going through, where am

going to see you through?

Now you just come on, baby. Grandma knows about this, baby. That mama's mama

knows.

Does he know about this? Thank you, Ivy.

Now, where were we?

Right, this red button right here shuts down the whole boat.

Well, what if I get locked out of my room?

The keys stay nice and safe right over there.

And what about that button right here? Oh, that's for emergency backup. We

be needing that.

Now go over there and take the wheel.

Wow.

This is power.

Yes, it is.

Ivy isn't wasted any time.

I think it's kind of dope. Girl, when you got us up a contract, I mean, we all

got a break, right? Yeah. Why not Ivy? Ain't that right, babe?

Mm -hmm.

Everybody deserves a chance.

It's called passing forward.

That's what I taught Alyssa and her mom. Isn't that right, babe?

Yeah, you're right, Grant. You're right.

Ivy, come over here.

Hi. Hello.

Guys,

I'm so sorry about the whole embarrassing speech I gave. I just had

cabin. I don't know what came over me, honestly.

Yeah, that was some speech.

Yeah. Be real spontaneous.

It was beautiful, Ivy.

Yeah, and we were all wondering where you went.

We were.

Well,

I'm Calissa's grandmother, Miss Merdella Jones from Mississippi.

Oh, my gosh.

And this is my best friend, Gertrude. It's so nice to meet you, Ivy.

You must be so excited about being on the show.

Beyond. You have no idea. I've heard so much about you from Calissa.

And I can't wait to hear all about you, too.

Yeah.

You know what, guys? I think that's lunch.

Let's go grab something to eat. You know what? Let's go take that silver.

I think a star is born.

Guys, stop. No one even knows who I am. Not yet, not yet, but they will.

Get tighter, get tighter.

Let's go a little tighter.

Rich and the Ruthless. Yes.

All right, all right, all right. Give me a good sign, give me a good sign.

Okay, guys. Now, listen. Let's get Calista and Ivy together.

This is great for their storyline.

All right. Clear, everyone. Clear out. All right. All right. The ladies

together. I like that one. All right. A little bit closer. Okay. You guys know

each other. Like Switzerland and Sweden.

All right. Cheese.

There you go.

Limburger. All right. This looks great. Okay.

Cool. You know what? How about some singles? Yeah?

Yeah. No, no, no.

Just of you, Ivy. Yeah.

Yeah. Excuse me. You're my light. Thank you. Girl, thank you.

Okay. A little bit closer. Oh, I love it. That is great. Beautiful.

You got a rash?

I have poison ivy, and no doubt you do, too.

I know we may be enemies, but we best align to take down your little protégé.

I think you've created a monster.

Yeah. I'm leaving.

Think about it.

Don't... I mean...

Willie, how does adult twister work?

Oh, 18 and over, and no hip replacements. Oh, well, you can count me

used to be able to do a mean Russian split beat. Well, nothing beats a value

better tried.

Well, your memories will be unforgettable.

You are scandalous, Willie.

Okay.

That's good.

Her fiance's a no -show.

Loser. Probably called out of town on the last minute of the fight.

Maybe I'm sure that's a perfect explanation.

Well, what's your explanation, Kitty, for being missing this whole time?

I've been seasick, Allison, if you must know.

Okay.

Oh, Veronica, let me see. This is a baby fist.

Oh, my God.

It's time for me to get a new ring.

Listen, sweetie, if you ever need any advice, you can always talk to me.

I know this is hard to believe, but before Randall and I got married, I was

dumped four times.

Really?

Never. Easy to get over, but you know there's a bright side.

Well, not really, but you'll survive.

He's ignored all of my texts.

Mommy, I think something terrible happened.

Yeah, he didn't show up.

What's that Rollins quote? It's funny when someone that you know becomes

that you knew. Shut up, Max.

Is the pain here, ma 'am?

Bobby!

I drove my McLaren 100 miles an hour just to get to you, baby.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

It's okay.

It's more like CPT time times 100.

I'm so worried about you.

I'll explain later.

Mr. and Mrs. Berenger, please forgive me.

Of course. Have a seat, Bobby.

Looks like someone's been out all night.

That's funny.

Your dad wears two watches, so he's never late.

One set to the exact hour and the other... 20 minutes early, I know.

I guess in my case, the apple does fall far from the tree.

Yes, yeah.

Bobby,

why don't you wipe your face?

So, a McLaren, huh?

Yes, got it a couple months ago. We love that ring, Bobby.

Free carrot!

Honey? Yes, very nice.

Oh, Bobby.

Later, later, later.

Later. Later.

You're so wild.

Oh, don't you know it.

Oh, Bobby, I love my ring.

Do you love it?

It looks great on you.

I know, it's my own little McLaren.

What's that?

Have some.

I wouldn't touch that poison even if you paid me.

Get rid of it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, relax.

This is the best ice on the market.

I'm serious, Bobby. Get rid of it. I'm serious, too, okay? Who needs sleep when

there's fun to be had?

Bobby, get rid of it.

Come on.

Guess that's how they do it in Hollywood.

All I know is I'm going to need a nap after the swimsuit competition.

These boys done reversed every reproductive surgery I ever had in life.

Baby, I know I'm a streamer, baby.

And you know that would be incredible.

with incredible Rock My World. How is it for you?

Same as before.

Oh, honey.

Uh -oh.

Uh -oh what?

Since we lost track of time.

What? I told you to put us on a timer.

Oh, calm down, Kitty. Get ready for your talent show.

I'm going to go on deck and give you some space, okay?

I'll say Veronica.

She slapped me, and I mean hard.

Oh, for real?

Yeah. She is not interested in me, trust.

Keep hope alive, brother. Oh, man. Miracles do happen.

Hey,

and what about Willie?

Oh, that competition was fixed.

That dude looked like he ate a whole loaf of bread, bro. And I used up all my

good oil, too. That organic stuff you like to rub on your body? The good oil?

Oh, man. How much did that cost you? Oh, man.

I don't even want to look at the numbers.

Hi, boys.

Oh, hey.

How you doing?

Better put some thumb block on before they serve you up as la langosta for

lunch. Ha, ha.

Hey.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh. Well.

Thanks for catching me.

Ooh.

Oh, my God. You're so friggin' strong.

Well, thanks for catching this falling star.

Make a wish.

You know, I bet I could handle both of you. Oh. At the same time.

Yeah, Em, I don't do that anymore.

Ew! Did you think I meant... Well, yeah.

Ew! Get your mind out of the gutter. Hashtag me too, right?

I mean, gosh.

I was referring to the three of us being the same storyline together.

Oh, my bad.

Although, the thought of the three of us rolling around together naked is an

absolutely wicked thought.

Oh, Dee, would you mind putting some of this sun black on

my back, please?

Don't be shy.

Take the back, I'll take the front.

Naughty!

Talent show's next.

Well... It starts with me, huh? Well, doesn't it always?

Follow the little picture that you posted of the three of you guys on

Got a lot of likes already.

Nice filter, Emmy.

Anyways, as I was saying... Okay.

D, let's go, babe.

Bye!

Anyway, so I was thinking... The Rick and the

Ruthless. Brought to you by Trigger and Tramble and the WNB Network.

Delivering truth, not fluff.

We keep you clinging to a cliff while inspiring you during commercials to keep

your laundry white and those chocolate cakes moist.

20 years of aspirational escapism from your own damn dirty problems.

Okay.

You got it.

Okay, Katie.

You can do it.

You can do it, girl.

You can do it. You can do it.

Just one more drink.

You got to do it for the fans.

Here we go.

You're going to win this competition, Kitty. You're going to do it, Kitty.

You're going to do it, Kitty.

Oh, yes, yes.

Born to a preacher who was good.

So delicious diva was never understood.

Hated by her cast, but loved by her fans.