Original subtitles

The rich and the ruthless.

Brought to you by Trigger and Tramble and the WNB Network.

Delivering truth, not fluff.

We keep you clinging to a cliff while inspiring you during commercials to keep

your laundry white and those chocolate cakes moist.

20 years of aspirational escapism from your own damn dirty problem.

I do what I love and I love what I do. Couldn't ask for a better group of

to work with. We're all one big happy family on my sofa.

Congratulations on your Image Award for the Rich in the Riglet.

What are you doing in my father's chair, Randall?

I'm thinking about my future.

You and Allison can keep dreaming about getting your sticky hands on our family

business.

Why my father keeps you around? I'll never understand. Because I'm good, and

could run this show one day. That's why.

I'll leave you in charge, Randall Ray, and think even lower.

I, uh, yep, that's... Just give me the report.

Well, it's been rocky.

There have been a few actors that are threatening to call the union because

you've been shooting scenes at your house on weekends to save money.

Well, fire them.

I gotta squeeze out five shows a week on a two -string budget. I don't need the

headache. Yes, sir.

And you'll be directing more, too.

And don't ask for a raise.

If actors cough up blood, faint, or die during the scene, keep rolling. Tell

folks to improvise.

One take and one take only. And no more cue cards. Everybody know their lines.

And no more excuses.

Sounds like you have your marching orders, Randall.

But as you know, soaps have been struggling.

We should think about reality TV. That's where the money is.

Look.

Augustus.

We would be fools not to sell to the network.

Who you calling a fool?

And when did you become we?

I busted my ass to build this show and nobody wanted me in this industry.

Nobody. Who else has 20 NAACP awards for best black on soap opera?

Well, nobody. You're the only one that... You make good point, Randall.

I'd sure do everything in my power, Daddy, to ensure that our shows stay

and you're owned.

I know you would, honey.

Now get on the horn, Randall, and make Calista Jeffries an offer she can't

refuse.

I need her star power back on my soap opera.

Can you take a look at these files, Daddy?

Think back to that tragic day.

Listen up, people.

I'm correcting today with bisexual wife Allison as my co -pilot.

That's right, honey.

Extra, look busy in the background and pretend we're on the soundstage.

And don't drink the ginger ale and eat the snacks.

And action.

Well, if it isn't the happy couple.

Now, how the hell did you get in there?

Oh, well, I couldn't have missed out on Cupid's arrow finding some other

sucker's heart.

Okay. It's time for the party crasher to leave. Or what?

I better watch out? Because you like to play rough?

No. Or we will have to call security.

You know, Dee, it's going to be tough on you with your spicy wifey out of town

assignment all the time.

Oh, don't you worry about that, baby. But, um, speaking of my job, did you

hear... about my promotion what promotion you bungled that investigation

badly i'm taking over the case now where does that leave me where do you

think as my assistant that's not in the script um hello improvisation

it's hollywood oh i got hollywood for you bitch

We'll join together.

I am making an executive decision, and you are fired.

Fired? Fired?

I quit!

I quit!

Your man certainly was eager to risk a claw, and I wonder if he'd be as quick

you were the one getting mauled.

And why do we always have to shoot the damn wedding and funeral scenes in

Barrington's house?

Finding motivation.

Soap divas do this all the time.

You know, the whole raised eyebrow, pouty lip.

Did not know.

When my mama, my granny, and my blind Aunt Dolly and them noticed how good I

at this, they said, girl, you talented enough to be in them stories.

And look at me, finna be up here starring in The Rich and the Roflin.

Yep, here I am.

Yep, here y 'all are.

Um, if you don't mind me asking, what role are y 'all reading for?

You're Ruby Stargazer.

I guess you didn't get the memo.

I guess I didn't get the memo.

Yeah, they're going much, much, much younger.

And I heard they're bringing back that.

Fine, I'll direct him to play his part.

Oh, yeah, honey. I can't wait to lick his face and make love to that brother

five days a week on them stories.

You ladies sure are confident.

Oh, I already got the role.

This is just a formality.

So, I don't mean to brag, but I met the show's owner, Randall Roberts, at an

industry event the other night.

So did I.

Augustus' very nature is beyond me. Oh, no, no, no, no, boo.

You're so cute.

The real power behind this show is Randall Roberts.

And let's just say, oh, me and Randy got to know each other real fine.

Yes,

honey, yes.

I made quite the first impression.

That's why I know all this juicy stuff.

I got the scoop, and that's why I know this role is mine.

I ain't going back to Bumblebee's tuna after I done had some lox. That EBT car

is way, way, way back in my rearview mirror.

I could say the same.

Okay, I'll let y 'all in on a little secret.

See, them clever Beringers, they're already shooting some scenes at this

little Hollywood mansion.

Taxi. Mm -hmm, budget cuts.

Network told me he had to kick rock.

He had to make some room fun, not a white, yeah, tax store.

Boring. But let me tell you this, honey.

Brother Man was not going down without a fight. Oh, no, boo. He turned into

Floyd Mayweather on a good day at Madison Square Garden. You know what I'm

saying? Yes, but he let that network know.

He put it down because you can't mess with a black man's money, honey.

Yes, yes, yes. And that Edith Norman, ooh, she a hot mess.

But she finally cut him a deal. Now he's still got to find a place to tell his

story. See, I know the business, but you know how we do.

Make lemons out of lemonade.

Roxanne! Oh, yes, yes, honey, that is me.

All right, lady, there's only one role, and it's mine, bitches.

I can't stand her.

I hope she trip and fall and break a fat ass, and I hope she chuck in her

audition.

And you, how can you even be here? I mean, it must be... Oh, humiliating

having to audition for your own role.

I'm not sure what you're making.

Girl, I do what it takes to stand out.

Okay, check it for weed, lady.

You guys, keep working.

Randall, what is taking so long? I'm doing everything on my end, but you have

convince the Barringers to sell the show.

The rich and the ruthless is bleeding money.

It's not even worth the licensing fee we're paying them. The only way for the

network to make a profit is if you and I take over as sole owners. Capisce?

Now... If I can't trust you to do this small little thing that I'm asking, how

can I possibly promote you to executive producer once I put Augustus out to

pasture? Get the deal done, Randall, now!

Are you guys done yet?

Come on!

I'm wasting time.

It's a trap! It's a trap!

Oh, sugar high. I was just trying to see what was happening on that other stove.

Oh, they done worked my baby to death, didn't they? What's with the phone,

Graham? Sugar, did you bring me some wings?

Yeah, sorry.

Got it. Oh, thank you, sweet pea. Baby, I had so much fun on that double -decker

bus. I almost lost my wig. Lord have mercy, Jesus.

Ooh, baby, listen.

How was your audition?

Humiliating. Oh, girl, that's just her pride talking.

Girl. Girl, what's wrong? Yeah, baby, never you mind. I'm just going to make

sure I get a strong prescription for my high blood pressure.

You sure?

Yeah. Now, Boobie, can you lend me a little something -something until I get

pension check?

Now, I want to go to the casino trip with my friend, well, shit.

Girl, you're supposed to take it easy. That's why I brought you out here.

I know, baby.

No, but you know that Greyhound bus nearly killed me. Now, you're going to

to get back on that story because I got to have me a sleeping car when I go back

home. I can't be riding no bus no 20 -something hours.

Hold on, Grim. Sorry, this is my agent.

Hello? Calista?

Honey Glaze?

Yeah, yeah, it's Weezy.

I just took a dip in the pool. I'm having a little drink.

Thinking of you, babe. So, what's shaking?

It ain't Weezy. Listen here.

I'm tired of slinging birds. You need to get on the phone and find out what's

going on with my role on that darn soap, or I'm getting me a new agent like

yesterday. Now, now, now, before you get your pretty little panties in a twist,

I got some good news for you.

Talk to me, Wheatley. You got your old job back at the Rich and the Ruthless.

Are you serious?

You start Monday at 7 a .m. at the Barringer's Mansion.

You bring your own wardrobe, hair, you'll do yourself, and your makeup.

Okay? Good luck. I got to get to Fox. Best of luck.

Got to get to Fox. Bye.

Okay.

Who do I know at Fox?

I don't know someone at Fox.

I told Randall to make Calista Jeffries an offer, not make her audition.

And Randall wanted to make sure that Calista could still act, that she wasn't

rusty.

Calista's about as rusty as Viola Davis.

Oh, and then he had this Roxanne girl come in.

I watched her on an episode of Empire.

One line, one scene.

Terrible. Ruined it. I had to shut my TV off. It was the most awful thing I've

ever seen.

Oh, and then, then he had the nerve to tell me that I was only working here

because I needed money for my next gastric bypass surgery.

Rude, rude, right?

What would you have done? What did you think of Roxanne? I didn't. Tits and

weave, weave and tits, that's all I saw.

Exactly.

Anyway, I rehired Calista.

Oh, God, this is the smartest thing you've ever done. Thanks for doing that.

Fern, what's taking Willie so long?

He couldn't remember his lines, sir.

It's three damn lines.

I know, but you said no more cue cards.

So, uh, anyway, he's on his way.

Oh, and your wife?

She called again from rehab.

Fern, that's a private family matter.

I know, but she said it was really important.

All right, okay, we'll pick this up later.

Thank you. Is that all? Yeah.

Thanks again.

Here's Willie.

Have a seat, Willie.

Okay.

Remember the first time we met?

Oh, I'll never forget.

You flew me and my third wife first class on People Express to Las Vegas for

that big old golf tournament. Oh, we had a good time.

So you say I've been fair to you all these years?

I got no complaints.

These are tough times, Willie.

Man, who you tough.

We have some big changes coming up. And I mean big.

I dig it, dog.

Give it to me straight.

No change.

You're going to have to take another pay cut and go recurring.

Indefinitely and immediately.

Motherfungus.

Again? Hey, B, this ain't right. Okay?

I worked ten times harder than them fools down there.

I've been with you since the beginning.

Help you hold it down.

And then wipe it. And light it again. And get all the credit.

Willie.

Take the cut, or it's been nice doing business with you.

All right, but this ain't fair, AB.

Every time the fit hits the shin, you want to cut me 50 -50.

Come on. You look great, Kitty.

Thank you. I would have picked you up myself, but I completely forgot. I'm

sorry. I noticed.

It's been hell keeping the network out of my pocket.

And Edith has been on my back like white on rice.

Forgive me. I don't mean to talk bad news over dinner.

Did you get the test results back?

It was nothing.

Could I have time for all that preventive stroke testing nonsense? I

opera to run.

Your life could be at risk.

Rich and Ruthless is my life.

And we have to be off of the lot by the end of the week.

What did you say? Why didn't you tell me? After all these years? Are you

kidding? I didn't want to worry you, Kitty, with you getting well and all.

But I have it all taken care of. Do you now?

Yeah, but we'll talk about that later.

Right now, I want to hear how you were treated at Tranquility Tutor.

Well, you might have known had you visited me at least once.

Malibu isn't that far away.

And I said I was sorry, but it is your third time, darling.

Plus... Moving the show into our house hasn't been an easy time. What, excuse

me?

That's what I was going to talk to you about later.

The network agreed to continue to air the show as long as we find somewhere

to shoot it.

Well, how generous of them.

Look at it this way.

We keep Rich and Ruthless on the air, and we cut our expenses.

More for us.

Besides, it won't be forever.

I already have a permanent location in mind.

Don't keep me in suspense.

Jamaica.

Jamaica?

We barely use our villa as it is. And when we do, it's for Christmas, if it's

that. And the audience will eat it up.

Port Antonio, Montego Bay, Negril, the Blue Mountains.

How the hell are we relocating our cast and crew from L .A. to Jamaica?

We're not.

I mean, we'll take some of our stars, but the rest will recast what the finest

Jamaica has to offer.

Yes, I recall you engaging the finest Jamaica has to offer once upon a time.

No kidding.

There's no need to rehash.

Anyway, I have some news of my own to share.

Oh? While I was at rehab, I had an epiphany.

And I reconnected with my artistically repressed self.

Reconnected with my 40K per month.

What was that?

Nothing. I was just saying how proud I am that you didn't leave the facility

this time. Go on.

And so, I...

I'm ready to take the plunge. I'm ready to make my comeback as Blue Cilla on the

Rich and the Ruthless. Isn't that wonderful?

Honestly,

darling, you caught me completely off guard at the time when I... I don't know

what to say.

Just say you're thrilled.

Did you forget that your character is believed to be dead?

Are you serious?

You have brought Allison back from the dead at least four times. You

Derek when he refused the 40 % pay cut, and then you pasted his head back onto

his neck when he accepted the contract. Now, come on. The industry has moved on,

darling. What is that supposed to mean?

You live like a queen.

What more could you want? I'm bored. I want my life back.

You're not making any sense, Kitty, okay? You're not coming back on the

and that's final. The audience has moved on, and we have new stars.

New stars?

Are you talking about the audience that I pulled in when you were butt broke and

facing bankruptcy?

And I stuck with you anyway?

Let me tell you something, Augustus Learson Barringer. My fans will never

me because I laid it down.

There's a light.

You can't feel it.

Burning bright.

Warm together by the firelight.

In a private shadow show.

Just as long as you stay near to me, my dear.