Original subtitles

My dreams are all dead and buried.

Yeah, sometimes I wish the sun would just take me.

I tell you, Tina, I sure do appreciate you letting me have a sleepover with my

little macho man.

Here's his diaper bag and his bippy and his binky and a pillow and a blanket,

because I know y 'all ain't got one of them.

That's the milk?

We ain't had no milk since the pig runoff. It's formula, Rusty, and it's

Now, you promised me. Your daddy ain't over there, right?

Right.

Say it again.

Say it one more time.

Can we trust him? Stop that and go fetch the doctor.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, Lord. Why?

My only boy.

Did you get the doctor?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's coming.

Right now. Right now. He's coming right now.

I'm going to call him.

Fix him to call him.

Well, it's like I said, I mean, the gun went off, and next thing I know, I'm

still asleep, and Rusty's laying there in a pool of his own blood, and I'm

asleep this whole time.

And you said that the baby was cleaning the gun at the time, right?

Are you suggesting that a baby should not be allowed to have a gun? Oh, no,

no. I respect the Second Amendment as much as you do, Early. I mean, the

Founding Fathers knew that babies had the right to maintain an armed militia.

The baby lost the gun. I mean, how the hell should I know?

I mean, it's the baby's gun.

The baby's got a right to carry and conceal his own gun. I mean, hell, I

you I was asleep.

So he lost the gun after he fired the gun while cleaning it. Well,

Rusty was trying to break into the house. And when that baby accidentally

him, it was still self -defense. Your assertion was that the baby was with

Rusty. And the baby knows that Rusty ain't to break in here.

Of course, I didn't see any of it because I was asleep, damn it. I told

was asleep. And yet your statement says that the baby was cleaning the gun at

the time of the shooting. Don't you tell me how to tell my baby how to clean my

gun. Your gun?

I thought you said it was the baby's gun. You take the guns away from the

babies, then only the adults is going to have the guns. Then where the hell are

we going to be? Early, have you had some drinks tonight?

You want to get some drinks now?

Well, there's been a tragic shooting, but okay, then. Hell, let's get some

drinks. Well, I'll tell you what I think, Early. I think it's pretty clear

here. This pretty much went down the way you said it did. I mean, a man's got to

protect what's his. A baby. A baby's got to protect.

Well, hold on now. If he was asleep, how come you know the baby was cleaning

again? What the hell are you, some kind of detective?

Yeah, I'm studying to be. I'm answering the questions here.

How about them drinks now?

No, it's getting late, but thanks for the offer, anyhow.

I know it's been an emotional night for you, so if you want to follow that

ambulance to the hospital... Ah, he'll be fine.

Well, yeah, but Rusty's... No.

What, they gonna let me scrub in, dumbass?

Hell, I didn't never rebuild a damn brain.

Okay, then.

Y 'all have a good night.

again, baby!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo?

No!

My only gun!

Now you give me all that spendy paper in that cash box right now

or you gonna deal with this!

Yeah, I see where you're going with that. But I'm afraid that you've finally

given me enough time to get to my wall.

Yes, sir, I like that. This is my boomstick.

Hand it over now. Come on, let's go.

This is still a stick.

This here ain't over. Hell no. Because I got me a handful of bullets.

And I ain't afraid to throw them.

Well, I ain't doing the robbery today. Hell no. I ain't giving you the

satisfaction. How about that?

Bye -bye now.

Now, there's why we need gun control in this here land.

When the criminals ain't got guns, only the guys they rob got guns.

Okay. See you later.

Hey, lad, you son of a bitch!

Here, Denny, come on up here. Look at this.

Praying to the Lord Jesus to make his boy whole again.

The baby was cleaning the gun. You broke in, okay? The baby shot you with his

gun. Victimless crime. Self -defense accident. Yeah, that's what we're going

go with, okay? Now repeat it back to me.

Hell, that ain't gonna convince nobody.

Your baby can be tried as a minor. A couple weeks in juvie, he'll walk by

Christmas. Me? This is my 29th strike.

And we ain't bowling, you son of a bitch. Now wake up. Is this a bad time?

ain't ready. Can't you see I'm trying to get my damn story straight before you

come around here requisitating me?

That's, uh, respected.

Family privacy. Come on, Dee. Yeah, the government's trying to turn it around on

me. Make me the one who done it. Well, that's why we formed a militia. For this

very reason.

That's right.

Meeting of the militia. Right now.

Confederate sons of the wild -eyed Southern Liberty boys and Dale Jr.

fan club will call to order.

Munitions officer, please give us an inventory.

We got 14 shotgun shells and no gun at the moment.

But we do have this.

Two -by with the rusty nail in it. Yeah, the equalizer.

We're gonna lay this out there as a deterrent. I'd like to see you trying

all my three -penny nails, Obama.

What do we do if the world's largest and most advanced military force decides to

order a drone strike on our headquarters?

Head of intel.

Yeah? In the event of a code black, what's our survival window?

I got that at three seconds.

But we got all them beans stocked up now. Yeah, the beans are going to be

destroyed as well.

Yeah, but we got the decoys. They're just a bunch of hollowed out gourds with

faces. With faces on them, that's right.

Designed to look like us.

I feel like a gun would allow us the chance to end things on our own terms.

You get what I'm saying?

Yes, I do. We got to get us a damn gun. Fight them off to the last man.

Yeah, I guess that'd be... same result.

I'm a damn taxpayer! No, Ernie, this is mine. So I'll pay for that damn gun

you're wearing on your hip!

Back the fudge off!

Well, government's trying to overthrow me now.

You sons of bitches can keep your tax -paid guns.

I'll just take my welfare check and go buy me a damn gun.

I'll pay my own damn way.

Can I just see some ID real quick?

What the hell for?

This is a standard background check. We can't sell guns to convicted felons.

All right.

Of course, that won't be a problem for you, Sheriff.

The Sheriff's here.

No, that's what your ID says, though. Oh, yeah, that's right. It does.

And so does this here credit card with Teddy Bear Junction points.

That's okay. Can't pay yet. There's a 15 -day wait on all gun purchases.

15 days? For my... Chipper can't wait 15 days.

We need the gun now. What if I forget what the hell I'm so pissed off about?

They didn't hear it from me, but there's no mandatory anything on bats.

Those are in the sports section. Ask for Sheila.

No, no. There ain't nothing more unsatisfying than a plink of aluminum

her skull.

I'm a purist.

There's one. Get his gun. Get it.

Oh, I hate to take it off one of our own. Well, I'll declare.

I feel this scoundrel is trying to abscond with my... Hang on. Stop.

Guys, time out.

You know we're play -acting, right? Get the flash.

They built that gun off the internet.

Hey, y 'all.

Oh, hell.

Y 'all get me with that every time. The government!

They're coming for my sidearm!

Dammit, dammit, dammit! He breached the outer perimeter!

Protect the homeland at all costs!

It ain't working! The laser scope is broke!

Use the ramrod, dumbass!

Scoot over to let me use it.

Hang on just a second, government!

In about a minute, you're gonna feel my righteous fury!

Turn the hell up, bitch.

Here you go. You're going to get this stuff from me when you buy it for my

Damn it.

Just come by to tell you that we closed the book on Rusty's shooting.

You was right.

It was the baby.

Finally. Thank God.

Yeah, we had to get him off the street.

He's going to jail. Yes, you are. Going to jail. I know he did.

Well, that ends well.

You know, Rusty's still in serious condition in the ICU.

All right. Good to know.

Matter of fact, doctor says he ain't out of the woods. That's great. Thank you.

Now, about that gun that I throwed at you, you reckon I could get that back?

Well, it's closer to you.

All right.

Here.

Not really, bitch!