Original subtitles

My dreams are all dead and buried.

Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode.

And when God comes and calls me to his kingdom, well, I'll take all you

sons of bitches when I go.

My turn.

Hey, hold on. Hey, man, let me grab that thing. Come on.

the tram.

There's that good -for -nothing son of a turd. Hey, there's the man of the hour.

Let's play that right.

Oh, let's see. Get busy.

You gonna make it right?

I think there's about a 20 % chance of showers.

Go on. Damn, get some. Well, that's more of a drizzle.

Let go.

What happened to the money, Daddy?

Well, first of all, The damn IRS bent me over and it was wham, bam, thank you,

Uncle Sam.

Hell, you know how it is.

Oh, the IRS took everything but 42 cents?

Uh, that's the way I remember it, yeah.

Now, you just turn this son of a bitch into paper money. Are you here about to

lean on your property?

Forget all that, except what the good Lord said.

Read your damn Bible, son of a bitch.

What's up, Pedro?

You just turn this big boy into some jingle jangle.

Si, 35.

Yeah, blip -a -blingo, okay.

Arriba. Let me get one fifth for the road.

Yeah!

You know what? Let me get one more for the road.

Woo!

Hey, you know what? I need one more for the road.

Yeah!

That would be a lot. chaser for all this mess.

Yeah, I told you. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Let's go. Hey, hold on.

who wants to bet I can't do that a sixth straight time? I like that. We got some

takers. Hell, yeah.

You were paid 30 minutes ago.

You left your cash in hand.

Rich as crazy.

Well, my standard of living index is spiraling way the hell out of control. I

mean, you seen them damn numbers coming out of Washington?

Let me explain to you what I am prepared to offer.

Have a good one.

Goddammit, I knew they wasn't going to give me that office.

So best as I can tell, that damn gal in Accounting Dunn fouled up my paycheck

again. Oh, gal.

I thought you fired that bird -brained bitch months ago.

Hell, I'd fire her so damn fast her head would spin if she was a real person.

You don't seem very upset about it, Daddy. Look, sometimes you just got to

the cards you're dealt.

Electronically.

Hey, you think you can step to Egypt?

Well, hell yes, I do. I'm going to bring the page down.

Round one.

Clever old tablet deceiver.

Uh -huh. Raise that bet.

Sure about that, Early? You got that one pair?

Nefahotep ain't got jack.

See the way that snake on his hat's a -wiggling?

I call.

Flip him, Hoss.

Damn it. Hell, yeah.

Power of twos, baby. Open that money tomb.

What do you know there, Early? You finally got some money from me

Oh, I'll be getting that other monies.

After. Come on now, Nefahotep. Bring on your boy.

You never learn, do you? You got the power to prove

it. Come on, come on, come on. Hell yeah, I win

again. Maybe it's wrong, but it feels so right.

The click of the button and the flash of the light.

You next, baby. Come on.

My hot cinnamon toothpick done lost its flavor.

Now my concentration's broke all to hell. No, no, no. You just calm down,

We'll get you a new toothpick.

Damn it, that's a winter mint. It's fine to insult me.

Well, well, Early. Who knew you was such a card shark?

Opinions is like buttholes, ain't they?

Well, it just don't really kind of relate to what I just said, I don't

does it? Well, you know what they say.

Opinions is very similar to buttholes.

They don't say it as much as you do.

Like very similar. Early, you've been at this for a few days now.

Don't you think it's time for you to go back home and check in on your family? I

am here around the clock providing for those people.

Hell, I'm pumping this machine.

Pit boss, get this high roller off of my machine.

Yes, sir. I'll see what I can do.

Excuse me, Early. I've got some terrible news for you.

It's your mama.

She's passed.

Thank you for your concern. Just go on now. You're mushing me. Oh.

Then maybe it's your grandmama? Yep. She's with the maker now. Get the hell

from me.

The purple squid, the one that lived with you, she came to you? She never

made it clear. Oh, hell, I got me a pyre going.

Do what needs to be done.

I'm doing what I'm doing.

Ah!

Oh! I had me a whole row of the old man with the crazy hat on cars. Damn it!

So sorry about the technical difficulties with the machine.

In the meantime, perhaps you'd like to take in a show? We set fire to hobos

behind the store every day at 6 .30 and 11. Hell, shows is for old ladies and

tourists. I am here for the competition.

Very well, then.

Pit boss.

Cross his button finger!

Anything worth doing takes time. You're doing it backwards. I can't wait around

for this mess.

I got to get back down to my machine and break that nut cutter wide open.

Well, what's this?

You here to watch the master at work?

Why don't you sit down and join us, Early? I want to talk to you a little

I am sitting down.

Early, these are all the people in your life that care about you.

Also, Lil.

Rusty, I'm going to let you start this off, son.

Dear Daddy, you hadn't been home in a couple of days. I went to the bar.

The jail cell and all them places you frequent and stalk your ex -wife from.

Woo! Woo -woo! But there weren't no sign of you. See what your sickness has done

early. Well, son, I'm pretty happy to see his hair ain't passed out in the bed

somewhere. Hell yeah! I win again!

Woo! Well, hell, that ain't as sick as if he's winning. Hey, hey, come on now.

Back up, bitch.

Daddy, check it out. He got you a straight flush. Come on, go on in. Mama

a new hip.

Oh, I got the pee -pee.

Hold it now. You press this here bat button every time my light flashes.

Make some boastful comments like, Who's your daddy in? I'm your daddy in. Sam's

your daddy in. All out.

Now, clear pants to the privy now. Let's go.

Yeah!

Yahtzee! Well, you saw that I tried, Mr. Aylor. Well, it appears you didn't try

hard enough.

It's time to bring the hammer down!

Well, I almost made it. I ain't prepping or nothing.

Oh, look what they did to my hand, man.

Oh, I'll bend your poker machine.

It appears we had a little accident.

Dammit, you broke my jackpot, didn't you, you damn purple fool? No. Sir, give

that hammer over there.

Early, you've got a choice to make. You can either have the hammer and the

money, or you can just walk out.

What's it gonna be, son?

Oh, I got the hammer and the money. Yeah!

Hang on, Earl, I think I did something wrong here. Hell yeah!

One hand, here in my office right now. If I win, you agree never to play one of

my vending machines again.

And if I lose?

Well, same thing. If I win, you lose.

The same scenario would apply.

Do you follow?

I mean... I understand, if you say so. You know what? If I lose, I'll kill your

family as well. How's that sound?

All right, then. I agree to your terms. And I'd like to add that you are a

terrible, terrible negotiator. What are

they taking my boy? Your family

is in a safe house. And if you ever want to see them alive again... As long as

they're safe.

You're not even listening, are you?

Hit. Hit.

Hit. Hit.

Hell, this button don't light up worth a damn.

Don't press that. It's a $5 chip.

This here's real poker. He will be physically handing you paper cards with

coating, and then you make your choices based on the pictures they're in.

Like them school cards in school that shows you how to spell and all? More

fortune telling.

I thought that was just a cookie thing. It is completely cookie unrelated.

Let's just get on with it.

Well, I got me a lot of chips here.

I think I'll just go ahead and raise you.

Oh, you'll raise me, will you? In that case, I'd like to raise my bet just a

little more.

Then I'll raise that raise.

And I'll raise the raised up raise what I just raised.

I'll see you.

And I'll raise you again.

All in.

Sentimental value.

That belongs to me. I don't see your name. Well, yeah, I do. Right there.

sorry. Look, let's just call it. All right, I call. Ha! You fool! I have a

house. Well, is that right?

Well, I got me four of a kind.

Booyah! Woo!

Is that right?

Well, I've got five of a kind.

Oh, is that right? Yes, that's right.

Is that right? Yes, that is right.

Is it right? Yes, as I said, it is right.

Well, now, I got me a fox in a hen house, three ducks in a pond, four maids

-milking, a doc in a box, and a coldie for the road.

No! Suck on that! Guys, I still got to deal the cards here, you know.

Hell, this is child's play.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

I'm coming after you there, Blue Bear.

Come on now.

If I can just find the right... Hold to stick it in. A little to the right.

Back. Oh, yeah.

Hell, yeah.

Damn it.

All right.

This is the one.