Original subtitles

Let me out.

No. Let me out!

It's not good because it's broken!

We're expecting a quarter inch of flurry.

Blizzard 2011.

Denny, cut it out.

Well, I'm trying to find it.

Here we go.

It's an emergency pro case.

Remain in your home.

This is the big one, folks.

Snow Katrina.

Denny, damn it. On Cool 100. Back away from the damn cart machine.

Hey, Granny, look at that.

A snowflake.

Granny, a snowflake. Look at this snowflake, Granny. It's real.

Blender's over.

Look, another one. Look, Daddy, look.

Oh, that one's a tingler.

Hey, Granny, shut this up.

I'm gladdened. Woo -hoo!

It's my turn.

Let me get my boogie board.

Y 'all quit playing out here now. We're under our black -eyes advisory.

I'm going to go on into town and fetch you some supplies.

Yeah, just flipped over in a ditch.

I don't know if I'll get over to work till the money check day comes.

It sounds like you're at a gentleman's club.

Well, I ain't. I'm flipped over in a damn ditch.

I hear the sordid, repetitive beat, the clapping of buttercup on a greased

chrome pole.

Well, yeah, that's the ditch.

I suppose I could tell he drank.

Oh, no, no, don't bother. I'll just have Glenn cover for you. You'll never know.

Glenn, I'm going to need you to sniff all these toner cartridges and then

proposition Gale in accounting with a dildo crafted from a shipping tube.

All right, then.

Have a good one.

You better be shaking them vines a little better than you're doing now,

I ain't chubbing out on this mess at all.

Sorry, Early. All the girls called in. It's the Black Ice Advisory.

Fine.

Suppose you can crush this here can with them mud flaps.

Sure enough.

Got some bottle caps for your eyes, and got this broken fist bottle for your

mouth, and for your nose, airplane travel size.

Oh, and I can't forget a big -ass hood.

Woo!

Hello, Rusty.

No, man. You brought me to life.

Wow. Used an awful lot of empties.

They usually do a carrot for the nose, son, but that's fine. That's fine. Daddy

says carrots is expensive.

They're a vegetable. You know, they improve your eyesight. Daddy says he

his vision with thoughtless gentleman brand bourbon drinking whiskey.

Of course he does.

Come with me, Rusty. I'll show you what a real father does.

Besides, this brand new kite's not going to fly itself.

New kite?

Poor thing.

He ain't got nobody decent in his life, so he has to make himself a little fake

playmate to give him some comfort.

Oh, that's just pathetic.

Ain't it, Jesus?

Yes, it is.

Hey! Oh,

you got me.

And it forms a barrier of carbon dioxide.

We must act now so it isn't the end.

The end.

Wow, they light up when you walk.

They're like space shoes.

I love you, Daddy.

Hey, I'm going to hang that on my refrigerator.

Whoa!

Go, Daddy!

Ow!

Oh, my, that's quite a spill, buddy. Are you okay?

Oh, it ain't nothing but a thing. Isn't.

Isn't nothing. Well, it's a double negative.

Oh, wonderful.

Look who decided to show up. Hey, boys.

I brought you some chicken bones and used napkins.

Just like you like it. I'm good, Earl. We had us a sensible salad.

Turns out carrots ain't expensive at all. We?

Yeah, my snow daddy took me. Snow daddy?

Hell, ain't only one daddy in this damn family. And last time I checked, I was

the one who's too damn broke to pay for your mama's abortion.

He's more present in my life than you are. Oh, is that right?

He's going to want me to run that channel knob for him. Hey, this here is

on four.

I want mine.

I understand.

Look, I'll be here whenever you need me. Remo, get on in here.

I'm coming.

Morning, Snow Daddy.

You want to go haul ass down that sledding hill?

Let's do something that will keep you sledding safely into retirement.

What the hell is that?

They're pencils.

It's time to get your GED.

Daddy says I ain't don't not never not ever cut out for no pencil pushing this

job. Quintuple negative.

Look, son, I'm not going to last forever.

When I go, I need to know you've got what it takes to get out of this town.

can finally live my dream of becoming a notary. A notary? Oh, man, it's awesome.

And I would have totally been one if I hadn't gotten your freaking snow mom

pregnant back when we were 16.

Then I had to join the army, kiss those three years goodbye.

Next thing you know, we're divorced. I'm stranded up here, scrambling for a job.

You got you a whole back story, don't you? Rusty, your friends are going to be

getting jobs five years from now. And what are you going to be doing? Dicking

around in a mud pit, banging a pipe in, calling a tambourine.

There ain't no tambourine. Use it for moon traveling and astronautry. Over

son.

Not you, you little son of a bitch. That one.

Here's Snow Rusty. It's time for your first chawl now.

Oh, man, he's going to teach me how to do it this year. Don't you want to be

and strong like Chipper Jones?

You know, smokeless tobacco is directly linked to mouth cancer.

And look here. It's that Adventure Man backpack you had to have so damn bad.

Hold on a second. Now, that's supposed to be my backpack.

I would have got it for my other son, but he... Oh, that's my backpack. It's a

plastic grocery bag from the liquor store.

Come on, let's go. He's old news.

Yeah, go on. If you can't take the heat, then maybe you ought to jump out of the

pot. And then into the pan and back out of the pan into the pot.

Because there's something cooking in this chair kitchen. And it's called

fatherhood.

I don't know why I made you. Hell, I don't even like young 'uns.

Come on. Get on in here and change my channel.

Okay, now, I'm going to carry the E and I'm going to stick it on the tube. Is

that what I do? Look, we went over this. What kind of asinine mountain math did

he teach you? Well, technically, I'm not even really taking a test here. I mean,

this is all fantasy, fun and games, right? No! Your future is riding on

Come on, get back to it. It's pencils down in 45 minutes.

All right, then.

Well, I guess it's just you and me now.

Early? That's right, early.

and you're about to get a dirty deed done dirt cheap.

It takes about a minute to get warm.

I, uh, I think it's unplugged. Oh, give it a minute.

Yeah, it's unplugged.

Ah, damn it, it's unplugged. Ah!

Help! Help!

Oh, daddy.

Oh, no.

Oh!

Oh, this is soft.

And coffee.

Can I get a little splash?

Look, Rusty. I know it hurts.

But there's nothing keeping you here now.

Leave. Get out of this town. And set the notary public world on fire. I kind of

think you're trying to live your dream of being a notary public through me.

It's easy money.

Rusty the notary.

You know, it has a ring to it.

But I'm not Rusty the notary.

And I'm not Rusty the snowman.

I'm Rusty the Tyler.

Ooh, ooh, hot coffee.

Nothing here. Well, there's no use for a lawman without lawlessness.

I'm going in.

No, sir.

This one's mine.

You can do it, Rusty. I got faith in you, son.

I'm gonna find my daddy. You can do it, boy. Go get him.

I can't see him. It's so dark and cold.

He's down there.

Try running that rubber car.

He might be over there.

Early? No, I'm the ghost of early.

That must mean I see dead people.

Mom always said I had a special...

Come on now, you get on out of there.

Daddy, I miss you so much.

Oh, son, you know you was always on my mind.

Except when I was trying to maintain an erection, you know.

Right now, what I want to do is hang out with my son.

You like that one? No.

How about this one? Oh, turn.

What about this? Turn it.

It's the best day ever. No, again.

You like, I like this one. No, hell no. You don't like that? Can't. Okay.

How about this one? No, turn it again.

There you go.

That's awful.

How about this one? No. That one you want to take? No, that sucks. You want

go to that one?

Change it.

Should I go back one? Do it again.

Turn it.

How about this one? No.

You like it? No.

You want this one? No, hell no.

Turn it.