Original subtitles

She ran off and took our only chicken.

When I broke jail, the house was burnt and bad.

The Japs, they moved the plant back to Old Saucy.

Some days life just doesn't seem that bad.

And I don't care.

Hop there.

Hey, man, let me grab that thing. Come on.

the tram.

And now, back to Brock Will.

Are you ready to Brock? That's right, Brock Will here on Cool AM 1680 The

Let's chap some hides and whip some opinions into shape.

We got early in Dougal County. You're on the heat seat. What's chapping your

hide, friend?

Uh. Yes, sir, Colin.

Is it me on the radio now?

Yes, you are, Colin. Go ahead. Am I the ninth caller?

I mean, do I get them Randy Travis tickets?

Sir, the Randy Travis ganza was two weeks ago. Could you please just state

business? Yeah, I want to say that the problem with the economy is there ain't

no damn jobs.

I mean, I've been out of work since Friday at 5 o 'clock, and I'm going back

work Monday, but I ain't gonna like it. Sir, that's called the weekend, and I

know you're probably still balls deep in the middle of it, but it's actually

Tuesday for the rest of us. Look, I... Can't collect my unemployment thanks to

big government bureaucrats who had tape talk.

Ain't one of them ever give me a straight answer as to why I can't get no

unemployment money check because I ain't working on the weekend. I agree, sir.

The government is out of control, but it sounds like you are too, buddy. You can

go ahead and pick those drawers off the floor you just got opinion with.

You've been opinion whipped.

You got a big old mouth, son. You got yourself a big old body to back up.

What in the damn...

Yeah, another telephone tough guy. I'm here every day, pal. Three to six. Chap

it hides on the fives. Rock, Bill. Hang on, Hoss. We're on the edge.

Okay,

we're going to take a quick station break.

And when we come back, the ground zero minus.

No or hell no.

You're listening to Cool A .O.

1680. Dang it, Early.

Cool 1680. The heat is where I get all my opinions.

Now what am I supposed to think?

Well, I guess you're going to have to think for yourself. I mean, hell, that's

how I got where I am today.

Oh, now they're just filling time with that extended Layla solo.

Founder -like. Clowhand will get nothing from me.

Early, you have some strong and unsupportable opinion.

A wise hat once told me, rock out with your jock out.

Daytona 86.

That's kind of become a mantra for me. Well, I failed to see what that had to

with anything. But I admire your passion, and I think you have the fire

the heat.

Live from our mountaintop bunker in Dougal County on Cool 1680 The Heat. You

can't spell freedom. You can't spell liberty. You can't spell USA without the

Big E.

Thank you, thank you. We've got a lot to get done today, so let's get started

with it.

The church should be taught in the schools, and the schools should be part

the damn church.

Now, you might say, Big E, hey, you quit schooling in the second grade.

That's right. I was 16, and I had a family and a successful career,

and artificially inseminating bulls before I was unjustly dismissed for

heifer with a pot -bellied pig for my own damn amusement.

I done been discriminated upon by the PC police.

And we got Rusty in Dougal County.

Rusty, what's flipping your lid, big boy? Hey, Big E, I heard what you was

saying and everything, but...

the Constitution call for separation of church and state? You hang on now, and

I'll let you say what you want to say. Now, you listen to me.

One nation under God.

What's that mean to you?

Well, Big E, now, that's not the point I was trying to make.

Just hang on there, Bubba. Let me talk.

To me, that means that Jesus is the president and the commander -in -chief

the armed forces and NATO and the special ops and the 007s and all them

00ers. Hell, he runs them all from heaven.

I'm pretty sure the Constitution...

separate documents. Old Benjamin Franklin did not die upon the cross so

could spout that mess to me. Consider your lead flipped, son.

Wait a minute.

Flushed. Granny in Dougal County.

Well, what's flipping your lead, little gal?

Friends are taking my call.

Is this in the numbers? Let's see the people in the healthy bed in my house.

Another damn lead flipper looking for a handout.

I'm locking you in the freedom box. Locked in the freedom box.

A cream.

Mention the cream.

Let me tell you something, friends. The only thing I love more than God Almighty

himself in America is Dan Halen's new United We Tan, Divided We Ball, Hair

Restoration, and Tanning Cream.

Shampoo? It's a hot damn poo. I mean, I got hair like a wild -ass beast, and I'm

tanned like the hide of a leather football.

Just look at my long, luxurious mane. But not right now, because the webcam's

down. Coming up after the break, I got me a message for the ACLU.

ACLU in hell!

Woo! Howly it is pimped. You're listening to your new opinion courtesy

Biggie. Apparently that was great to talk more about the cream.

Utilize the cream in your beliefs. Remember, the cream.

The Biggie is back and shooting from the hip. Where the brains are.

What come up with the ideas?

Marriage is a divine institution between one man and one woman. Where the man

owns the woman unless the bitch runs around on the man with an entire lance.

Then the man should kill that cheating ass whore. Use the cream.

Well, what if the man's a half -pint runt dick who can't keep up with me in

sack?

They should still be able to work it out for the young 'un.

Use the damn cream!

Are you ready to get your lid flipped?

It's the Big E. Every lie is sacred. Except for that one son of a bitch we

to abort.

That freeloading sperm blossom ain't worth a wheat penny.

You listening, boy?

I don't want no water spots. Use the cream.

Get the cream in you.

That's right.

Death panels.

Big government gonna decide whether you live or die. Oh, no.

You want that for your grandparents?

I might. Could make it easier on me.

I mean, just cause you ain't all there don't mean you can't operate a buff

cloth. Now, let's put America back to work. You hear me, old people? Bitch,

the cream. Train your semi -automatic crosshairs on the liberal bull mess.

I'm the sheriff. I provide a service.

You're taking my tax dollars and redistributizing it to your pocket.

Marxism there, Red. Well, you know, I never thought about it quite that way.

That's right. I flipped your lid.

Well, I'll be damned, Big E. You sure did.

Flipping the lids of the lid flippers. I'm armed and dangerous with a truth

bullet gun, and I fired truth in your brain at close range.

Pump your sawed -off shotgun with a Big E.

Oh, chill out, Luther.

Just think, soon you'll be reunited up in heaven with that girl you strangled.

And what's next?

People going to marry a paint can or a orangutan or a person of the same sex

just because they love it so damn much? You're listening to Your New Opinion,

courtesy of the Big E.

Use the cream to cream.

That's right, people. I am locked and loaded with opinions.

And I'm going to shoot Washington, D .C. straight in the ear with my brain

issues.

Straight shooter. The Biggie. Shooting the breeze and shooting the truth. I'll

shoot the truth. Why you gonna take this here gun away from me? Guns, guns,

guns. Bang.

Try to think again, but no skull meat. He's a cowboy.

Come on now, give it here.

All of it, baby.

In the bag.

Woo! The Biggie in my store.

With a hot gravy in the morning. That's right.

Small business, man. It's all about you guys.

Now you get your ass. on the floor and shut the hell up. I thought you'd have

more hair using the cream.

Don't you look at me. Where the hell's my book kiosk? How the hell do you

to move units? You gotta get the standee out here or I'll go in the foot

traffic. I got a book signer with a meet and greet here in 15 minutes.

Well, should we go on in and get them? No, I think he said that'd be socialist

and the truth is a gun that don't shoot people in the truth bang.

Something, something, shoot bang.

You know, he just puts it so well, and I can't get close to what he says.

Hey, you look like you just got off the beach and that.

Then give me some more. Now.

Come on.

All the way, baby.

Which one you want?

United we ten or divided we both?

Do them both, Denny. You know what Big E says.

Just use the cream.

To Gwen's wife, finest piece of tail in the region.

She's a big fan, so, uh, this X will really mean a lot to her. I can neither

read nor write. Next.

Begging with your ski mask.

You here to shoot the truth with original shoot truther?

Daddy, Daddy, you're alive.

Oh, what's he carrying on her about?

Daddy says he needs to get back to his right -wing radio program.

No, sorry, Early.

You're no longer the right spokesman for my patented two -cream system. Brock

Bell replaced you two weeks ago, right after he shot you.

Brock Liberty Bell, glad to be back chapping hides and whipping opinions.

at you better than ever. Well, this leg's still got pins in it.

Daddy says he's gonna take his show underground.

He's gonna take you and Brock Bell on all by himself.

Daddy, he's already gone. You really want me to say that?

Now get your ass on out of here.

Amen,

Biggie. The Mexicans are taking our jobs.

Oh, Granny, she's actually trying some health care right now.

That don't mean I don't still agree.

You be telling that to Pine Cone he's talking it to.

Well, tell him. Magic commercial break.

Hey, Big E, which cream goes where now?

Crystal, hotter than a two -dollar pistol.

I'm fixing to stop loving you today.

Crystal, girl, you hear that whistle?

It's the sound of the wind blowing through that bullet hole in your skull

just made.

I dream of dead and buried.

Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode.

When God comes and calls me to his kingdom,

I'll take all you sons of bitches.