Original subtitles

Now get your yanky ass off my hotel.

I don't care if the fire ain't got you in the deep.

This far's been tighter land for generations.

Well, since we did five of them sneaky Japanese.

In a while, I'll buy you a drink.

Them shakes is bad today.

I must have tied me a hell of a one on last night.

No, Early, that ain't you. I can feel it, too.

Maybe they're blasting down at the quarry.

Yeah,

they're blasting down at the quarry.

That's it.

It was Crystal, wasn't it? Huh? I seen them big -ass pink britches going by.

She's exercising, ain't she?

Pipe down in there. I'm just trying to eat my lunch. Peace here, please.

What you got there? Meatloaf? With the gibbets on the side?

I like to dip it.

A fat free gravy!

He's trying to shed some LBs! Damn it, what year is this?

And you carry this and add this in here and subtract and put this in on here.

Hell, it's 1614!

No, it's 2011.

Denny! I know it! I know it! It's the high school reunion year!

Come on. So where's the event? I didn't get my invite.

Early in the night. Remember, you...

Kind of dropped out in the second grade. I ain't gonna have no damn cursing

shoved down my throat by the government.

It's a dead language.

You let me out of here at school, Tim.

I got to go put my smooth together.

You told him? Well, he saw her. You know she only gets off the mattress every

five years.

Well, we'll have to move it to the VFW then.

Well, it's there already.

It's where we always have it. Then it's the last place he'll look.

Bye. God, that's genius.

Yes, I've always been a bit of a genius over you, haven't I, Sheriff?

I spun your world into confusion.

Well, I can see both sides of the issue. Do we really have to argue? Why can't

we just shake hands and go our separate ways?

That's the extent of your support for the SALT II treaty.

As long as we all love Jesus, that's the main thing.

He'll tell us all the answers when we get to heaven and find out who our dad

What's that on your shirt?

Where? Look at that!

Debate that!

Well, I may not have been all that damn great in debate, but I did pretty well

in attendance that year.

Yep, I was there.

Tell me, will we be bringing a romantic date this year, or are we sticking with

Mom? Now, now.

The bachelor never kisses Adele. Or never kisses at all. Listen, you'll have

little downtime to mingle, but I want you in that parking lot checking IDs and

picking up your own cigarette butts.

Well, okay.

Can't wait for the reunion to catch up with you. Yeah, let's save it for

Saturday. Yeah, well... Buddy. Okay.

I'll just be outside.

The register's up there.

Make it just...

Here's some money. You give me a towel, a locker, and you calculate my resting

metabolic rate and my body mass index. I need to get cut like them old boys in

300.

About to get sideways tomorrow night.

Gonna come undone.

I got my books, Mr. Halen.

You want to slap them out of my hand now, or you... Excuse me, you seem to

something on your shirt there. Where?

He got you.

That was good.

Dumbass. I'll clean this shirt.

Damn it. I'm never fast enough.

I'm never fast enough.

Betty, bye, my little bitch.

You know, there's a lot of loose whispering about my being a bachelor.

But I just like doing my own thing, you know.

Glenn's wife said she's going to Glenn. And my mom keeps using that old no ramp

access excuse.

So I thought maybe you and I could go out and have a good time.

What do you say, Lil?

I like to do things.

Oh, hell. All right. Fine.

Do they serve an early meal?

Because I get gas. That's if I have food that ain't rice.

Or if I eat too late.

Or if I have too much rice.

The game is on.

Hell yeah.

Hey, where do you think you're going with that hair?

Wouldn't you like class reunion?

Yeah, that's down there at the old VFW, right?

Uh -huh. Hell, I knowed it. I thought that you thought that if you moved it,

then I wouldn't know it. But I knowed it, and I done said it. I said it is

right.

No, hell no! It ain't at the BFW. You're trying to mind -mess me. That's just

what they want me to think, I think. And you better believe I do.

Wait! Where you going?

You seem so tense.

I get a really good SPSM. Oh, no, no, no. I hate to complicate our

with a meaningless romp, you know.

Well... I wasn't thinking of romping so much as maybe a quick rim job.

Oh, Bill, we've got to tell you.

Buckle in. We're about to take a ride.

Go on and pass.

You're good to go, friend.

Y 'all come on around.

I ain't going nowhere special. Now you go on out to your class reunion.

Hell, I'm good.

Don't make me do this early. Do what?

All right, son.

Where you hit it tonight?

Where are you headed? You're the police.

Hell, you're supposed to tell me.

BFW. Damn it. Every time. Well, I reckon you ought to hold me in, then. For

what?

You know, I'm going to let you go with the warning this time.

I'm going to let you go with the warning.

All right, fine.

Come on.

Back of the car.

You look tense, Sheriff.

Give this old boy a FBSM.

Listen,

Early, I'm going to be in a world of hurt if you make any trouble for me

You understand?

Oh, I ain't going to make no waves. Come on, I got your back.

I mean, you act like I ain't got no... 3 o 'clock 86!

Woo! Let's do this!

This is a hoppy hunt! Come on now! You down with the OPC? What is he doing

Well, I brought him in for questioning.

He's in verbal custody. Step away from the steam tables and get back in the

lock! But you said I could mingle. This isn't a debate, because if it were, you

just lost to the two -time district regional runner -up, or don't you

Hit the asphalt!

Oh, you see that fine -ass bitch over there? Mm -hmm. Now that I'm myself,

I'm gonna ignore that bitch. Right straight into her sumbitchin' face.

What do you want?

Excuse me, do I recognize you? No, I ain't. You know damn well who I am.

Oh, that's right.

You're the bitch what stole my heart and stomped it into pieces when you run

around on me.

Early?

That's me.

You ain't changed a bit.

You still zone, tiny -ass runt. Can't even break out of a full nelson.

You see this here knife, little guy?

The blade is honzo steel.

Handle of ivory from the ankler of a 28 -point super buck.

That is a fine -ass knife.

Well, you own that outright, huh?

Just three more payments and she's all mine.

Equity. I'm building something here.

Hush now.

Only thing I want out of that mouth is your tongue.

No, thank you.

It's clean.

Nothing on my shirt.

I'm fine.

Well, I thought I was on a date with the man whose nuts had dropped.

I guess I thought you were, too.

Just give me your drink tickets.

I'm going to have to get somebody tore up if I'm going to get any action

tonight.

So I drained it, bought all the lakefront property back for a fraction

price, then refilled it with pure grapefruit vodka.

I crushed that deal.

Crushed.

I suppose I'm supposed to ask you something now?

I suppose, what are you up to?

I work for you, my son.

Oh, that's right, yes.

You're the one with the kids, right?

Well, no.

No? Gay?

What was it?

Yeah, they died in the fire.

Oh, right, the dead one, yes. Yep, yep. I saw that on Facebook.

Yeah, pretty much to our support.

Well, I need to get some roast beef on tiny bread. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I

I know. Away from...

You. What is it now?

Looks like you've got something on your shirt.

You moronic imbecile.

I don't believe you.

That's for bullying me.

Bullying. The media is all over it these days.

But is it their business?

Hell no.

Why must everybody prejudice against the bully? Just because he likes to

separate you from the nerd herd and give you a sound -ass whooping.

Stop bullying in its tracks.

Visit DontBeALowHangingFruit .biz and find out how you can stop being such a

fat, juicy target.

Tips like lose weight, get rid of them zits, don't be such a pussy pussy, you a

damn pussy, and give me that jacket cause it's mine now.

I'm Early Collar.

And I feel like this here was a message they wanted me to convey.

It ain't?

I'll say what the hell I want to say, you son of a bitch and pencil neck

motherfucker.

When you go deep enough, like a second sight,

I left the faucet on to get in a

fight.

Big Matt!