Original subtitles

My dreams are all dead and buried.

Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode.

When God comes and calls me to his kingdom, I'll take all your

sons and bitches when I go.

My turn.

Hey, old man. Hey, man, let me drive that thing. Come on.

The tram.

All right, Denny.

Pull the switch.

You did it.

Damn it.

I'll be down the hall if you need me. Oh, go solar with your electric chair.

Damn, three -hugging bastards.

How am I supposed to issue extreme justice when it's been overcast all

no, shut it down.

We'll execute him in a humane, dignified, and morally responsible way.

He'll be slathered with gravy and ripped asunder by wild chihuahuas wearing

chainsaw hacks.

Hey! What about the fact I never not killed no one?

I hate to say it, but he's right. Capital punishment don't apply to petty

I am not going to appear soft on crime in front of a pay -per -view audience.

Dugald County's first execution in 45 years, live in your living room. It's

for the dog to summon me. Sky Guy P -Pap Kyler takes an express train to the

victor now.

Courtesy of the state of Georgia.

Guess who's gonna win? The state of Georgia. Only on pay -per -view.

Order now.

I'm on it!

He said that fella's name was Kyler? What if he's related to us? Hang on now,

Rusty's right.

We ought to get us a discount, because I believe we're somehow involved here.

That man's a dirty...

for what he done done to us.

What'd he do?

He done married me, got me pregnant, and he ran off with some floozy bitch and

had a baby, and that baby grew up to be me.

Yeah, she don't fully recollect her connection to the man.

Who's the man? The point is, he ain't no damn good.

One day, he took me out to play some catch.

See if you can catch this one.

Keep your eye on the BB now.

Look it into your skin.

About to earn my respect.

Then he said he was going to pick something up.

Get on over here. Turns out he was picking up a new family.

I want him dead.

Gonna have to pat you down now, son.

Hold him out. Hey, now. I said related was fine, but it's gotta be a woman. I

ain't into boys as much. Gaga?

I'm Rusty Kyler.

Hell, he'll do.

Turn around now.

Pretend that you're at the circus or something. No, Gaga, no.

I'm your great -grandson.

Rusty? Yeah.

Hell, I knowed it. Keep your eye on this one. He'll rob you blind just like his

granddaddy. Uh -huh. So you finally admit it. Oh, hell no.

I done told you a dumbass I was framed.

Is that why you're in here? Woo, yeah.

I tell you what, little man, I robbed her asses blind.

So you admit it after all.

Allegedly. Go on, Johnny Law. Tell this little son of a bitch how I did what I

did. Allegedly.

Well, old 12 -gun here held up Dougal Credit Union 18 times in one day.

Now, he got all the money on the first one, but he kept coming back every 45

minutes or so.

He'd grab a chair, stack envelopes.

Hell, he'd even cut a square out of the carpet just to take it.

No rhyme, no reason.

Sometimes he'd steal stupid things and give it to people who didn't even want

it. An overall nuisance. And every time I'd scream, I got you again.

Cause I did, I got him again.

Yep, inflated us all day long until the bank closed at four.

The next day when you used that money to try to set up a high interest checking

account, well, we laid a little trap.

So what, what ever happened to the money?

No one really knows.

I mean, I sure don't.

I guess we should have. I ain't telling.

Come on over here now and give us a deep, wet kiss.

I don't understand this. You will in time, tasty lip.

Nice to see your family reconnect back there.

That's so hot.

And this year be the map? Yeah, he gave me that and he said we'd rendezvous back

here after I bust him out of jail. And we'd split all the money.

To just have connection to this plus sign over here. Homer, don't be

me with the big plus sign.

Now, you get on back there and tell that man to tell me where that damn money

is. But you also tell him that I ignore him the same damn way he ignored me.

Just don't tell him a damn thing.

You go up to him and shut your damn mouth. But do tell him I've had way

lovers than fathers.

Well, you can tell him yourself. I mean, like I said, we're going to be back

here rendezvousing.

Which I hope is not the same thing we did earlier in prison. But he gonna be

dead. Don't you watch TV ever? I wanna see his damn eyeballs pop out. But I'm

going to bust him out.

Weren't you even listening?

Well, I did see them jaws a -moving.

Words. Oh, that was you?

Hey, what's that there paper for?

Never mind.

You tell that man to cling to life for as long as he can. They need to make it

last. I ain't paying $49 .95 for no damn... three -second execution.

It's wrong!

It's wrong!

It's wrong! You live this long!

You've not been tried!

Reverend, ain't it a sin to kill another human being? Rusty, the Bible saith,

let he who killeth shall be killeth.

And so on. That's in the book of... I don't know. You know, one of those

What about thou shalt not kill?

What about that one now? Well, what about shock -a -con?

Shock -a -con.

Let me rock you, shock -a -con.

Well, now you're just trying to confuse me. Look, he took my clay -haken CD set,

the box set. Oh, insurance won't cover CDs. Oh, oh, no, they won't tell you

that. He should fly in hell.

Sorry, Rusty.

Everything's got to go through the x -ray here.

Just as I suspected.

Red velvet with cream cheese frosting.

Uh, didn't he pat that cake down?

Patty cake, patty cake, patty cake.

It's clean.

Mmm, I love that red velvet stuff. Oh, is that right, Johnny Long? How about

have a slice in your damn face? That's my throat.

It's closing up. This ain't gluten -free.

Hell no.

I confided in you.

Get your cheese, boy. Nice try, Kyler. What the? But I ain't allergic to

Go forth, my bumble surfing. Ow!

No!

He's been training me. Ow!

But not the thing like he told me. Hell, I got you again.

There is no big club, is there? Ow!

Get them keys, boy. Enough of this funny business, Carlos. What the... It's time

for your last meal.

All right, Tim. I guess I want me one of them sloppy lunar dogs from down at the

Reddorf.

Get me the moon meal, Junior. Tell them the toy's for a boy, all right?

Here's my wallet.

Just make sure you're back by nine.

Oh, you bet. I got your back, Gaga.

Never mind, son.

I'll see you at the rendezvous.

Get on over here.

I didn't get

out of that gravy.

Could you get him to read The Last Rites? The new Harry Potter starts at 9

I'd really love to protest it. I'm sure he'll be right back. I mean, after all,

he does have my wallet with him.

Well, he's supposed to be here.

He ain't coming. Hell, he didn't come to my wedding.

He didn't come to my graduation, my world premiere, my Rambo movies out on

DVD. Nothing I imagined I would do. That's who the son of a bitch is.

But he promised me he's going to be here.

Son, his promises is like a big old damn chili fart.

You crave the smell, but only when it comes from deep within.

Now, Daddy, you're talking about your personal faith in Christ.

Oh, yeah.

But your gaga, you know, is like a chili fart, too.

It's only going to hurt you if you keep it inside.

No, that's that one about unrequited love now. Look, dammit, I like to tie

things back to forts called by chili.

Is that a crime?

He cleaned out the condiment bar, took out all the napkins, and then he turned

around and gave them all back to me.

Well, did he at least order a Moon Meal Jr.

with a Cheyenne cinnamon toy for a boy?

No. Dammit. He said we better watch out, he's gonna get us again.

Aha, it's a waiting game now. Yeah, there's another car behind you.

It's him.

I told you don't knock, never knock. Lay out my plans for no one.

Now give me all your unmarked burger buns.

Gaga, you're under arrest.

I thought you'd come back, Gaga. I thought you was my friend.

Son, there's something you've got to understand.

I done got you again.

So is the X on the floor?

Weren't nothing but a plus sign. I was hoping to put a table there one day.

Table was real good there.

What about that map?

The one you gave me when our tongues were entangled?

Was it good for you, too?

Where's that money at? I'm going to ignore you just like you ignored me,

can't ignore you because I need to know where that damn money is.

I got you again.

Do you even know where the money is? Now think about it. Where did you go after

you robbed the bank?

See, I got them again.

I shouted and I got you again. I went to the woods, back to the bank, got them

once again, told them so.

Woods, bank, woods, bank, woods, bank.

Dammit, left them on the hood of the cow.

Come on, Gaga.

Why don't you get in the front? I got my dry cleaning back here in the back.

Jingle, jingle. I got you again.

My dry cleaning.

Get on over here.

Son, I know you're disappointed, but I told you, it just ain't no good. But he

lied to me. Just forget about it, sport.

Come on, what do you say we play us some catch?

Now, just watch this BB all the way into your head. Now, come on, look it in.

Focus on it.

Concentrate.

Look it in.

And here we go.

I love you, Daddy.

I love you, too, son.

And the only way I know how.

Look at that.

I got you again.

Let's go.