Original subtitles

Somehow I got final meningitis.

Injecting all that hashbray in my spine.

It's a super cheap way to party.

If you ain't killed some brain cells in some time.

Good luck getting that child support check from me now. My turn.

Hey, let me grab that thing. Come on.

the tram.

Slow down, slow down.

No, Denny, slow down.

Slow down, Denny. I

win.

It ain't a race, Denny.

It's a parade, damn it. I'll follow the parade route.

I did it fast.

Hell, we left Miss Mud Festival and the whole marching band at the bottom of the

hill. Mud Festival? Hey, Daddy, can we go to that Mud Festival? I want to go to

Mud Festival. Can we go, Daddy? I want to go. No. We got perfectly good mud

right here.

Oh, don't deflate the boy's hopes early.

Let his dreams crumble over time.

Next thing you know, you're pushing 50 and your dreams of becoming an FBI super

agent are, well, remote at best.

Some nights you salt the rim of your service revolver so it tastes like the

margaritas that you so often abuse.

But I digress. Mud days are here, y 'all.

Uh -oh.

It's the mud days, y 'all.

Hey, little poppy.

Can I feed him, daddy?

Knock yourself out.

Come on, come on. Get up now, Boston. Come on. My tongue.

Yeah, yeah. Woo.

Yeah. Woo.

Dumbass creature.

Make me look like Angelina Jolie.

But don't draw no black babies. Just put me on the Trans Am and have me having

dirty sex with Burt Reynolds on the hood.

And Jesus is smiling and giving thumbs up and he's marrying us. So make sure...

We got wedding rings on.

I did capture the spirit of it, I believe.

I don't win, sir.

Maybe it's a hobby you might ought to consider. Give me back my food stamps.

Oh, my God. They got mud cones, Daddy. Can I get a mud cone?

Can I, Daddy? Can I, Daddy? That'll be four tickets, please.

Just give me the cone.

I'll provide my own mud. Well, now, Early, it goes to the kids' burn unit.

Sometimes people get caught in the crossfire.

Thank you, Daddy.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, everybody.

It's Muzzy time.

Come on, it's Muzzy time.

Muzzy! Muzzy!

Muzzy! Muzzy! Wake up, Muzzy.

Come on.

You don't have to now.

Wake up or I'm going to taste you.

Muzzy! Muzzy!

Look now, my name's Richard. I'm a human being.

I was a loan officer down at the bank. The economy had a little bit of a

downturn. Yeah, subprime lending, we all know, Mudsy. Richard. Now, everybody

close your eyes and make a wish and throw a rocket, Mudsy. No, no, no, no. Y

'all try to avoid the head now. Liability issues, you know.

Attention, primitive people.

You may have been wondering what is under the enormous...

Corn times. Let's find it out. Hey, hey. Corn times.

Hey, kid, you like balloon animals?

I sure do.

Aw, shucks. I'm all out of balloons.

Wait, I know.

I'll just take these muddy old detectives.

Actually, Shucky, I think that's fecal matter.

And voila.

There you go. Can you make me a mommy out of one of them balloons?

You know, I specifically asked for Spider -Man, not this. This just flies

under my authority.

Let's get the hell out of here. We're sitting with Charlie Daniels, Sam.

I mean, let's keep our aces planted right here.

Steal that taco!

Steal that taco!

I don't see no Charlie Daniels. This is just the band.

What the?

No!

Early.

You know how much moonshine I can make with this?

Daddy, we gotta get out of here. We gotta get a map or something and go.

It's a flag.

I see Charlie's hat.

With his head still in it. Ain't no map. It's a trap.

Benny! Help me. Help me, Ernie.

Hold on, Benny.

You know,

you could have just left it behind. Moving on.

Mr.

Hadle, I'm sorry to be a pain, but...

This corn, it wouldn't be genetically modified, would it? That is a trade

secret, proprietary.

Don't talk about corn zoo. Corn zoo? Who said corn zoo, T .M.? That term is

trademarked. Pay me a dime every time you say corn zoo.

I'll tell you what. I'll just save the maze of corn -like material.

How's that? Sure, but what sort of corn -like material? I won't know what you're

talking about.

Well, it rhymes with...

Porn zoo.

Ha! I own that, too. Look, if corn and kudzu fall in love and have a baby in a

lab under the supervision of scientists working in my employ, who am I to stop

that other than the CEO responsible for stopping it? It's just that it makes it

a little harder to get to work, you know, with all the vines and the maize

stuff trying to kill you and all that.

Don't you understand? With this much corn...

I'll corner the global market on... Ethanol.

Right?

Etha -what?

It's a simple biofuel derived from corn or switchgrass.

What's that?

That? Oh, that's certainly nothing to do with my plans. I imagine corn dogs.

Why, the very notion is ridiculous.

Granted, the real adoption papers do create a unique... Look, that's going

so just don't look at it anymore.

You know, I bet you can make enough ethanol from that corn zoo to run all

cars in the world. From corn running cars? You rube, that's impossible.

Fuel comes from ancient dino blood. We all know that.

Mr. Halen, a Mr. Corn Maze is here to see you.

It is I feared. It's become self -aware. I'm busy. I'm with a client.

Oh, hey there.

Someone's ears are burning. We were just talking about...

Nice face painting.

Yeah, well, it's supposed to be Spider -Man.

Also supposed to be temporary.

This is turning into a regular doldang facade adventure.

My truck, little truck!

No!

My vehicle! Its emissions are outside the acceptable standards.

The vehicle is banished.

Yes, organisms.

Spill your waste here. On my face.

Nourish me.

No, don't do it. You'll only make it stronger.

You'll never win, Major.

Do you hear me? You'll never win.

That maze sure did win.

That was a damn row.

Wrong. Do it again.

Green, brown, clear.

Colorblind. I don't know what color. And here we have a label. What the hell?

What the hell with it? I told you, peel the label. Steam the label. Soak it if

you have to.

No labels in the bin. This is the A -plus bull crap. Quiet, Granny. I don't

him to dump my bins. I've been doing it right.

Yes, Captain, carbon arises.

It must be three o 'clock.

TV's out again.

Buy the windmill, Rusty.

Hey, Daddy.

When are you going to rise up against our corn masters like you said?

Soon, Rusty.

Soon. But when? Every day it gets stronger.

You saying I don't? Because I do.

I'm building. of my corn tolerance.

Soon I will be immune.

All right, Daddy.

I've had a damn love of your nagging. Here we go.

And good night.

Trying to balance my ass.

Looks like you need some of my cousin's coffee.

Slash back with my plan.

All right, you corny sumbitch. The revolution.