Original subtitles

It's all my property.

Don't care if the bank gave you a deed.

This farm's been kind of land for generations.

Since we beat back them sneaky Japanese.

In the war of 1812, bring our boys home.

Hell no. Hey, man, let me drive that thing. Come on. Cut the trim.

So, Daddy, seems like a pretty cool job sitting there reading the funnies and

everything. Isn't that pretty much what you do all day? What was that?

Today we're testing Oceanic Musk, one of the wonderful scents in our exciting

new line of sexual warrior body spray.

As you can see, our lead scientist is currently experiencing a slight stinging

sensation.

Well, enough of that. Come, let's walk to the cloning station where we've just

finished reanimating the dreaded Gojira.

Just kidding, guys.

Just love hearing you people scream.

Funnies. Now, son, it's your turn.

You get to raid the funnies like a big man. Daddy, I don't really think I...

What?

I say, I think I... No, in this ear.

The good one.

You're all so very blessed to be here today.

We're testing our new Earth -friendly hybrid, made entirely, I'm proud to say,

of recycled light bulbs coffee grounds.

and soiled baby diapers.

We'll just save this for the commercial.

You there, get in.

Yeah, yeah, sir.

I'm coming. No.

The healthy one.

No, see, I'm here to just expand my horizons and everything, and this is

your child to work day, right? No.

This is make your child do work day.

Now get in the car.

Hurry up. The Japanese are waiting.

Don't I need some goggles or something? Goggles is for pussy, son.

Please don't be a pussy in front of my boss.

All right, Denny.

Only... Now watch it explode!

See how he likes the cold press.

How you firing, son?

Fine.

You've had your day.

But I wonder, are your balls to the wall enough to face down the basketizing

smashmaster?

The what now?

The ultimate truck eater.

Defeat the basher -typing Smashmaster and win an iPod.

But you'll never beat the bad -dating Smashmaster.

Do you hear me? Never!

Hey, do I get the iPod? I want me an iPod. What in the hell is it with all

young 'uns always wanting iPods for every damn thing?

What a sad, sad damn statement this makes about your generation.

But, Daddy, I've always wanted... The iPod is mine.

Now, Rusty...

There's a veritable cornucopic plethora of various, numerous, big number of kill

moves to use on that old smash master.

You got the shield.

So that's all there is to that? Hold on.

It's coming.

You got your belt, Tyson?

Uh -oh.

There's your plundered undercarriage.

The Tender Racer!

Now you don't crush the pelvis mount.

I was a champion crack -up derby

driver in my day.

You talk about a creative peak.

I was like a fine artist.

My car was my paintbrush.

Save Mark parking lot was my canvas.

And my car was my paintbrush.

13 was my age.

My car, it was my paintbrush.

Industrial lead -based cleaning solvent, that there was my beverage.

And my car... Was your paintbrush.

Yes, son, you could say that. All the names and the moves and... It's just too

much stuff, Daddy. I don't think I can do it. Son?

If you find yourself overwhelmed, visualize some things you want to have

in your mind. Then it'll come to be. And that works? Hell yeah.

Why, just this morning, I was visualizing having $50 in my hand.

And sure enough, I had that $50 and then some by noon.

Do you understand me? Also procured some of them new pork rinds. What's supposed

to have the flavor of hickory chips?

Give me them hickory flavors. I heard good things about them. Now look here

you will see that the rinds have become a reality through visualization.

So you're saying now, if I just visualize it, now I can blow up that

my mind?

Try tape eight.

Moving mountains.

Anyone can move mountains.

But first...

You need a mountain mover.

See it.

Believe it.

Now, leave it.

You probably won't ever have it. I do. I say it.

You didn't say jack.

Success is a journey, not a destination.

Take three, damn it.

What's he going to drive now?

A scooter.

Now, if you want to take them by sea, make sure and use the boat. Thank you,

useless, wrinkled, flappy bitch.

Just finish the spot weld and shut your uppity gums.

Spot weld, you see?

Oh, me a bit.

And now, please remove your hats, shirts, and any other camouflage outdoor

you felt was appropriate to wear in public for the singing of our national

anthem. as performed by former heavyweight contender Eric

Butterbean. I dedicate this song to America.

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light what so

proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming

Rampant. We're watching.

Break out the pulverizer.

Go find the perfect, the boy.

Assistant suicide.

Blender.

Blender. Blender.

Blender.

You ain't got none. Run.

I'm going to take it off for you.

Hey, you got something to say?

Frank Fowle, doctor.

I seem bigger.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm going to die.

Take him with the boat.

Fistulize him. I'm scared, Daddy. Do it, Rusty. I'll keep him occupied.

Okay, Daddy. I can see it, Daddy. I can see it. He's going down.

He's going down.

That's my boy.

Keep your eyes closed.

You're doing it.

Daddy, no. Keep them closed. They're going to win.

Daddy, how could you?

Rattlesnake had a tie wedding.

My signature.

Move.

Wait a minute, Daddy. I'm doing it.

I'm visualizing it, Daddy. I'm doing it. Oh, yeah, boy, you're doing it. No.

It's the tongue crank.

No, they won't live.

That's the podcast.

Hi,

could I just take a couple of minutes of your time? I have a few short

questions. You don't mind, right? You could win an iPod.

Aye, then. Is your household income A?

Zero to $40. B, $41 ,000 to $10 ,000.

Or C, $10 ,000 to unlimited dollars. Does that count our welfare money and

that? Son,

don't talk about our money to the government.

No comment.

It's probably A. I'm going to go ahead and say A.

Question two, would you use Appalachian Temptation male body spray, A, once a

day, B, three times a day, or C, at all times, all day, every day, until the end

of days?

Don't answer that question. That's right. Don't tell him a damn thing.

Super. Now, inbred Flotsam, please put your address and phone number, if you

know how to write, on each card, or the scary monster will rise up and eat you.

What the hell happened? My death?

It appears the entire derby was just a mass hallucination brought on by a legal

testament of a very dangerous body spray.

We've all been exposed to it, and the long -term effects are, at this time,

quite unknown.

So who gives to iPod? The iPod was also part of the hallucination.

Tuesday lunch is a go.