Original subtitles

What is this meant to maim and destroy?

Start team versus patients.

Move to your start positions.

What kind of team building exercise is this?

Die, money troopers.

I don't have a good feeling about this. Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Stop your whinging, you pack of pussies.

Time to get candida.

Candida? Come on, you fuckers! We're supposed to be working together!

Thanks for nothing, you arsewipe.

Fuck's sake.

OMG,

Betty, look at you. You look gorgeous.

Congratulations on the feature, Candice.

Did you hear about that?

Yeah, you rang and told me about it. Did I?

Yeah, got a promotion out of it too. Congratulations.

Well, I could not have done it without you. I know.

And yet there was no mention of me or the research I did. Well, that is what

these look for. Sorry, they just... I think they're my couple.

I prefer to have my name properly credited.

Don't be like that. It's about the oldies. You know that.

Giving them a voice.

Wow.

Nice shoes.

I have a pair just like them. Oh, do you like them? They're pretty good, eh?

At least we're not going to get caught wearing them at the same time.

Goodbye, Candice.

Hey, you're looking great, babe. Have you lost some weight?

Eat shit, Candice.

Eat what?

What diet?

Three.

That's what.

Hey, you know what this reminds me of?

What's that, John?

Oh. The crucifixion of Christ.

You're right.

It's like I'm Jesus.

In between the two themes.

No, no.

What I meant, it was like it feels, you know, spiritual.

What's going on?

I'm never going to walk again.

Well, you don't know that, Ed.

Dr. Cherry just told me.

Well, I'm sure you misunderstood her.

She said, Edward, you're not going to walk again.

It's pretty clear.

You have to have faith.

Faith? Yeah.

I really am like Jesus.

Well, it didn't really turn out too well for Jesus, so maybe just faith in your

own abilities.

What?

Good cat.

Why do we have to play?

Quick the last game and I get to choose. Well, at least get them one. Are you

dead? Fucking pile. Are you dead?

Hey, baby. Is everything okay?

It's so much fun, Mum.

Everything is fine.

But I can't get a hold of Dad and I need him to bring my activity folder.

I left it in the car.

Wait. I thought Dad was going to camp with you.

Sure, I can do that.

You have fun.

Bye, Mum.

Everything okay?

Yeah, great.

It's for your roommate.

It's from his mum, apparently.

It's certainly not mine.

So warm, helpful.

Shit place for turn 18.

Well, could be worse.

How's that?

No,

probably not.

Maybe we could do something for it?

Like what?

I don't know.

Like... a party?

What party?

Oh, come on. You guys have to include me more. You know how miserable I was out

there. Why are you back?

I'll give you the long story.

So basically, my service department flooded for some reason. You can't. I'm

giving you any feedback. We couldn't work it out. And then I was just sitting

my chair underwater, and my flesh started binding with the polyester of my

chair. I'll start calling you out. And then I decubited. I'll put the feed up

again. And my bed sores are back.

It's his birthday.

Oh.

Hence the party.

Yep. Hang team.

Damn it!

Don't have a party in here.

Dumb idea.

Well, we could raid the kitchen. No, we can't, because they lock it at night

time.

Why the fuck would they lock it?

Apparently someone was stealing from the kitchen at night time, just because

they had low blood sugar and they... Where's the kitchen?

Yeah, I've got to go, Chet. I've got to go, too. OK, thanks, Dan.

Yeah, bye.

Where are you guys going?

Are we going to play the war?

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, dear Edward.

Happy birthday to you.

It's the best I could do, short notice and no budget.

Hey,

it's all right.

Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday.

Thank you. Okay, great.

Do you want me to open these cans of soda as well?

Thank you, guys.

Actually, yes, please. That'd be great.

Is there any ice cream?

Oh. Ice cream. Oh, yeah.

Thank God for that.

What's the spread, Patsy? What have we got?

I haven't had a birthday in four years, so... Yeah.

What, you want a leek beer or something?

No. Ice cream.

You want a brownie?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, for God's sakes, I left that here on the bottom shelf.

All right, I'm coming.

God damn it.

Fuck. Are you guys okay?

Ed, can you pull open the door?

It's impossible.

How am I even supposed to do this? What a way to go.

I refuse to die in a hospital fridge.

Well, we might not have a choice.

One second, guys. Got anything?

I got it. Go, go, go.

Oh, thank God for that, Ed. Now we can see ourselves freezing to death.

Check the kitchen.

Guys, look over here.

What the fudge is going on here?

Ed! Hi, Cleet. Are you okay?

Can somebody let us out, please?

Oh.

It's tethered rivers, I suppose.

What is this? Is it your... Town shirt, town shoes. You've interrupted something

very important. Thank you. To the rivers.

John.

It's not what it looks like.

Well,

it looks like you're illegally trespassing in the kitchen and you have

locked yourself in the chiller.

Well, in that case, that's exactly what it looks like. Just throwing a little

birthday party for Ed.

Wait, is it worth it? Happy birthday.

Thank you so much. Go leave.

Please. He's 18.

He wanted to do something.

And we're not children, Todd.

Well, you are behaving like a child. Okay, great. Here you go. Just like a

child. Ellen. Just like that. No, stop it.

Stay there. I can stay and supervise.

I don't mind.

Absolutely not.

Cut it.

Do your job.

You will get all of them back to their rooms.

And I will deal with you all tomorrow.

hurry it's not like we have anywhere to be actually there is a hurry because

we have been told after your little illegal tete -a -tete last night which

breached safety standards endangered lives exposed the units to legal action

threatened future funding that we are now under strict instructions to stick

the time schedule here's a protocol and document everything

As if we didn't have enough to do.

Higher than usual.

As is mine.

One bite. Take five, Master Cake.

One. No.

How bad is it?

Coming?

Incorrect.

They present...

It's too far. It's too quick.

How's it looking, baby?

Oh, sorry.

Dreamy.

Yo, it's Carl. Can't get the phone.

You know what to do.

Carl, can you call me back?

Poppy needs some shit she left in the car. And I thought that you were going

go to... Wow.

That was a hellish day. I feel like I'm boot camped.

Actually, John, it's really offensive to people around here. Not everyone can do

boot camp around here.

Thanks a lot, mate, by the way.

It wasn't that good.

I mean, it was better than nothing, so... This wouldn't be an issue if we

allowed out.

We're allowed to know from Mum and Dad.

That's it.

What is?

Come on.

Do you have an ID to show?

Or do you just need to go to a family -friendly one?

It's for half the fun of it, showing your ID at the door. It's family

isn't it? Yeah, and it's like 10 minutes away.

I don't know.

OK, well, maybe we can get you in on the kids' meal.

Shall I invite my mum?

Hi, Dad.

I'm coming.

Where are you coming?

Wherever you guys are going.

No, we can't get your bed out and feel the street. It's the pub. It's fricking

ridiculous. The pub?

I'm definitely coming if it's the pub.

I've done my hair. It's basically for it.

Well, if I'm not going...

None of you are going.

What are you doing?

Block it.

I'm blocking this.

Maybe we should just have another ice cream party here. It would be fun.

Rubbish. It's your actual 18th birthday.

Listen here, Nugget, we're going to celebrate you even if it kills us.

Yeah, and it probably will as well.

I've got a van.

Well, my mate's got a van.

My mate, Ken.

Yekatori, he's got a van and he could take us, so... Dan, you're killing me.

Stop talking shit.

Okay, let's go. Just stop talking about it. Yes.

Party, party.

Sorry!

You alright?

It seemed to have stopped.

Wait here.

What's up?

Uh... The battery's dead.

What the... Uh... Sorry.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Okay, get on. Can you get on? Yeah?

Okay.

Can you... Well, you can't just flop onto me. I'm not a... It's not a

hold. Can you, like, lift up from the chair?

Lift... Oh, motherfucker!

Um...

Oh, for fuck's sake, Carl, I need your help.

Okay, flambé.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Oh, my God.

No,

Karen, I, um, I can't seem to find, um, Edward, uh, John, Daniel and Tessa. Have

you seen them?

Have you checked the chiller?

Why would I?

You put it on, Charlie. Oh, Charlie, we're glad to see you.

You OK?

Tessa Corden said Edward needed help. What are you guys doing here?

I forgot to charge my chair.

Dan, move up. Can you put Ed on Dan's bed?

Yeah. Yeah?

Well, I'm not sure about that.

It will make it easier to get you back into the unit.

Come on, Ed.

It wouldn't be the first time I've topped and towered to a pub.

Pub? What pub?

We're going to the pub to have a drink for Ed's birthday, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Good on you, Carly.

You're the man.

Let's do that. Yeah.

Onwards. Onwards. That's right.

Down my legs, mate. Well done.

All right.

Smile. Smile. It's happening.

It's happening.

What's your poison, Carly? What do you drink? Oh, I don't think that.

What? Yeah.

What is wrong with you?

You'd better be karaoke.

I do a mean health of the rising sun.

You guys wait till you... Bring it round, mate. Um, sorry, but, uh, you

bring that bed in here.

I... No, our mates have just gone home, man.

Hey, sorry. Sorry.

What's going on?

Um, you just can't bring the bed in here. What?

I've experienced this kind of profiling before, thank you.

Hey, look, I'd better go get the van. I think we're going to need it. Just stay

here.

We are not going anywhere.

So I talked to the manager.

So I was looking for you.

Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit.

You do all those causes for nothing. You can't help anybody.

They don't even listen to you.

You're so fucking useless.

Don't do this.

Don't do this. Fall into that trap again. You don't have to do that, Todd.

You're going to be fine.

Nothing wrong at all.

It's okay, Todd.

You're fucking useless,

Todd. Tessa, let's go home.

I'm amazed we've made it this far.

Hey, mate.

Hey, Dan.

What? Do I... Jake, I bought the edibles from you,

from my nan and pet.

Are you petting... It's not petting your grandson.

Yeah, of course. I didn't recognise you. Yeah, oh, my God.

Hey, um... Come on, now. Yeah, of course, mate.

What the hell?

A hospital bed kind of belongs in a hospital.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't worry about it, all right?

We'll take them around the back, OK? Because there's plenty of space out the

back for my VIP.

That's New Zealand for you.

That's New Zealand.

I'll tell Ryan.

Bye.

Come on, dude.

Get this party rolling.

Oh, my God, it's got some focus to it now.

Hey,

look after him.

He's in a bit of trouble.

That's actually cheating.

Oh, I get it. So you're not allowed.

The music has been pulled.

Yeah, we're really funny.

Oh, here,

take that one.

Come on.

It's supposed to be partying.

Hey,

look at the kid.

He's having his party after all, and it's all because of you.

You know,

I wanted to kill Ed when I first arrived.

But you didn't. And Dan, and you, pretty much wanted to kill everyone.

But you didn't.

You all ready to go? No!

Go another round.

That's a yes and a hard yes for that one too. I haven't had my purple go in or

anything come out yet.

Let's go to the pokies.

Pokies. So is that business idea?

You're in?

Yep. I think you should call Robin.

Isn't that important enough? Both being sad losers.

What do you think?

Come on. What's her number?

Where are we going? Going to drive -thru?

Hi. Hey, Robin, we're at Hannigan's.

That's nice.

I just wondered whether you might want to come and join us.

I don't think so, John.

I think you made it very clear that I'm a burden.

Sorry, Robin, I just...

go i reckon yeah

what

the hell oi you didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily did you it's great

you're bonding with your new buddies but remember the mission to walk

Doing the paintball thing.

Oh, the star of the episode?

Wait, what?

Why didn't you tell me? I thought put it out and everything.

Because it was a dream. And you're in my head?

So you kind of should have known.