Original subtitles

Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, blimey Jewards, more Victorian, woeful

wars, ferocious fights, dingy castles, daring knights, horrors that divide,

description, cutthroat, cultural, brutal, Egyptian, vicious, viking,

crime, partners from ancient times, Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless,

savage, fierce and tubeless, groovy Greeks, rainy stages, needn't live in

ages, gory stories, we do that, and your host, a talking rat, the past is no

longer a mystery, welcome to...

Horrible History Horrible History presents our

songtastic musical special For this song special it's a whole new

angle Richie on piano and me on triangle We're gonna do the whole show with a

song My best idea yet!

What could go wrong? Well, you can't play triangle or sing in tune. But I can

fart in time. To be fair, that is true.

Sit back and enjoy some historical hits as we show you our best musical bits.

Something for everyone, you can be sure.

Starting with some poop busting gore.

Oh, not bad.

It's really unfortunate he ended up pooing himself to death.

Hello, Doctor.

Oh, Mabel, good to see you. How's the family?

Oh, dead.

Yeah, a lot of that contagious plague going round.

But enough about them.

I've got these funny lumps and I wondered if you knew what they were.

I've got a poo family. Well, they helped me diagnose it.

I've seen a lot of pox duels in the flesh.

I'm good at giving patients their...

prognosis.

And I've got medical prowess.

So now it's time for your diagnosis.

Well, I see you've got cold chills, vomiting, pubos on your armpits, back

nausea, fevers and exhaustion. You've got the plague.

You're probably going to die because you're covered in boils.

And your poo is full of blood.

Your arms are covered in hard lump.

They're swelling and expelling pus.

Let me be your healer. And I will take care of thee.

But I... I charge a hefty fee.

Oh, the plague.

Thought I managed to avoid the old black death.

What do you reckon caused it?

It might be evil air imbalance of your tumours. Hotness, wetness, causing fatal

tumours. Are there any cure?

Yes, there are. Now listen in. Why not rub in some oil?

Oil. Near your forehead with puppy's blood.

Rub on toes and when that's done, you should apply a chicken's bum. Then have

bath in some wee -wee.

But if I'm speaking honestly.

Survival's not the guarantee.

Bathville away, I'd be thinking of getting one of those. Thanks, Doctor.

Oh, be careful who you talk to. They might catch it.

Well,

that was disgusting. I feel slightly sick. Let's move swiftly on to our next

pick. Rattus, what's up next on the playlist?

Two songs about families not to be missed.

Mothers! You wanted the best for their kids. Who went to lengths no one else

did. Brothers!

You started as the best of mates. Who went on a journey from love to hate.

Triangle? Not yet.

One, two, three.

My Alex is so great and it was his fate to conquer the whole world.

Without me by his side, well that isn't quite how it would have unfurled.

His father was a threat, and so to protect, I kept him by my side.

There was a shock we had when we found out our dad and his new wife had died.

Coincidence? Hey, Ma.

Thank you, Ma.

I fought for my grandson, too.

Hey, Ma.

Thank you, Ma.

And then the thing I did was marry them all off.

It takes a real skill and an iron bill to find a suitable top.

Got the best I could get for Marie Antoinette. Backed her the king of

Matchmaking was my thing. Well, you don't think you get a throne by chance.

Perfectly.

My attempt at matchmaking feels kind of weak right now.

Hey, Mom.

Thank you, Mom. We're all mothers. We do what we can.

Hey, Mom.

Thank you, Mom.

From 20th century Germany comes the musical tale of the Dassler Brothers,

conflict changed the world's sports footwear.

Horrible Historical Musicals presents Best Show Story.

We make our shoes in Hedogonoa. Our shoes they make Jesse Owens go for.

One day gold medals in 36.

900 meters in Dantler kicks.

We make these shoes in Bavaria.

Just me and you in Bavaria. Brothers unite in Bavaria. We'll never fight in

Bavaria.

Two brothers whose friendship was ended when Rudy went away to war, and Addie

stayed home to run the company. I'm running the company on my own while Rudy

away.

Maybe I should always run the company on my own.

Not right,

not right.

He's gone away to fight.

From heel to toe, my soul says no to shame.

And so, Adidas shoes were born.

But when Rudy returned from the war, a rivalry was forged.

I will create a rival shoe company right here in Bavaria. Guess what I'm going

to call it. Ah, what is that?

Oh.

Huda shoes.

How about Puma?

Sounds more... Yeah, fair enough.

Now I'm called Puma, it's safe to assume that all my consumers just can't get

enough. You wanna bet, yeah, bruv, you ain't no threat, yeah, Adidas is better

and I can play rough. You think that you're so hot.

The epic tale of the brothers whose rivalry created two of the biggest shoe

companies in the world.

Bimbo sneakers train us too.

We'll sell you all a brand new pair.

Our shoes are available everywhere.

Footwear.

Footwear.

Best shoe story.

The musical with soul.

Mine is still better than yours.

If you want to get over a family fight, spend quality time together.

A nice seaside break away in the sun or any other type of weather.

Quality time together, such an admirable aim.

And nothing gets people together quite like the beautiful game.

Ah, Monopoly! Football. Oh yeah, sorry.

It's more than goals, it's more than goals.

We know that football's more than goals.

It's more than goals, it's more than goals. We know that football's more than

goals.

Way back in 1863, we decided to

agree. Rules of play, the FA.

And all the years went by, even more rules applied. Like how I was offside.

And I was goalie. Team's got fancy shirts.

This was not traditionally where one would go.

And here in Bognor, yeah, this water's so cold.

But doctor said it helped to make your gout go.

Gout go.

It's cool to be by the sea, now it's cool to be by the sea.

I like to be by the sea and to take all my family.

I change in a bathing machine, I see the sea, but it can't see me.

Even a Royal M's routine is vacation by the sea.

While the kids are barking and fading. Oh, yeah.

In the sea we're paddling and wading.

Na, na, na, na. Break by the ocean.

Break by the ocean.

Donkey rights, baby.

Or building a sandcastle, maybe. Oh, yeah.

Watch a Punch and Judy show daily.

factory workers sure like to be beside.

I thought for their week off I could provide a holiday with entertainment

supplied, supplied.

Holiday camp by the sea, my holiday camp by the sea.

I called it Butland's cos I named it after me.

I'll do everything I can to make my campers all happy.

Catering for Rob and he.

Obviously, for a fee.

A candy flop, baby.

Or an oblini contest, maybe. Oh, yeah.

Grandparents, mum, dad and their baby.

Everyone have fun by the ocean.

Break by the ocean.

It's cool to be by the sea. Now it's cool to be by the sea.

Yeah, yeah, when we came along it became a cool place to be.

It's cool to be by the sea and it's all thanks to him and me.

Break by the ocean.

Break by the ocean.

Shall we all go and get fish and shit?

Holidays are great, but there's no place like home.

A lovely stinky sewer, a poo -filled space to call your own. In every home

across the land, the kitchen is its heart.

They've really changed over the years. Let's take you back to the start.

I was harmonising.

Well, that's one word for it.

Something smells good.

Because I'm boiling my pies.

We eat veggies a lot.

That's all us poor folk have got.

Boiled fat.

My bad.

I got one room.

Judah gets in his night.

I cook it with spice.

Goodbye, fire pit.

Hello, fireplace pit.

There's no bed.

Because instead, I got more room.

Wow!

Living in a Tudor house.

Our knives and spoons are what we use. Yeah! Living in a Tudor house.

On the floor is where the stallions do.

I'm using pie.

In fact, I got a lot.

Yeah! Dishes and pans.

For pastries and flans.

I roast.

I bake.

Pie and cake.

Wow!

Cause I'm living in a Georgian house.

You were fit.

Now I'm invited.

I'm living in a Georgian house.

Using coal.

Mixed cook in a straw.

washing machine. The room's got light.

Now we're cooking at night.

Yeah. I got a sink to wash away stink.

Yeah.

Hot tap drying rack and a dishwasher too.

Yeah.

Seems like a lot of effort, to be honest.

What?

Oh,

and don't forget to take out the trash.

Papa's got a flapping bag.

I've been practicing my triangle.

Is it time to use it? Yeah, if you want to be arrested for crimes against music.

Rule breakers run in my family.

Well, they mostly just run away, actually.

Breaking the law is a foolish thing to do because this next lot could come

you.

Oi,

you! Come back here!

You'll never catch me, cupper!

It's the hard cop's life for us. Victorian cop's life for us. They're the

thank yous we get. Hey, being a policeman ain't that...

Great. It's a hard cop. Used to work on a farm. It was really hard labour. So I

moved to the city. Thought I'd do meself a favour.

I'm over five foot nine and also not illiterate. So I joined the police force

because I'm the perfect fit for it. Respect was what I wanted. Been a

myself. Needed to join the other side. Be a lot better for my health. Thought

we'd be sitting pretty.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. But doper ain't as pretty gritty.

Uh -huh. It's a hard cop's life for us.

Victorian cop's life for us.

Public hate does rough big pay.

On a fee 12 hours a day.

It's a hard cop's life. Got no way to supplement my minimum income.

Feel like I'm an idiot being a policeman.

But as part of the reform, part of the new norm, at least we get to wear a nice

new woollen uniform.

Yeah, but there's a cut.

Uh -huh, uh -huh.

To the E, to the L, the 1829 Metropolitan Police Act. Sir Robert

responsible for our zero -hours contract.

Well, to my V, Peelers.

Go on, then, call us names. It's not like you can miss us. In Maidstone,

got to grow compulsory whiskers. You mean like mine?

Uh -huh, uh -huh. Got to say, that's mighty fine.

Uh -huh. It's a hard cop's life for us.

We got a tower.

We got a white tower in London.

A seat of power.

Yeah. A place where anything can happen.

It's been a mental role to a couple protecting you. It was wood when it was

now it's a museum.

For the craze of Rudolph, S. William Wallace and Queen Bess, Walter Raleigh

the rest was a prison.

Here's a mystery for you.

The princes in the tower went missing, but people think a clue.

Is their uncle Richard B. King?

The tower's seen all of...

She was queen for nine days.

Kept tigers there.

They're leopards, pampers and lions then.

Little polar bears.

They had one that swam in the tent.

It's been the Minter Royals who were castle -protecting you. It was wood when

was new, now it's a museum.

For Samuel Pepys and Anne Boleyn, Henry Spitt, White Catherine, Guy Fawkes, and

more like him was a prison. Here's a legend for you.

While the Ravens say it'll stand proudly, they guard the tower for you.

But if the Ravens leave, it'll end badly.

A tower full of all the historical things, like the death of Anne Boleyn.

Boleyn, Boleyn, Boleyn.

Executed by the sword and the case was stolen.

Yet no win.

Her accuser was the king.

We got a tower.

We got a white tower in London.

James I hated rule breakers.

And who can blame him?

Especially after Guy Fawkes tried to kill and maim him.

The gunpowder plot went up in smoke. Which we celebrate with fireworks.

quite a sick joke.

But where did fireworks come from?

I don't know, but that sounds like a cue for a song.

The birth of fireworks, an ancient Chinese tale.

Wei Boyang tried to live forever, but was doomed to fail.

He mixed three powders up, thought they would be a hit.

He didn't live so long, but now the spark was lit. Because when you add some

heat and then retreat, it starts to

smoke and spark and light the dark.

Well, this really seems to help my psoriasis.

Yes, he had made an X -Macure.

Apply the mixture to the sore.

Not what he was looking for.

Must be more to this for sure.

They used the powder as insect repellent smoke, and they thought there were

ghouls that terrified and frightened folk.

And so to scare them all, they took their bamboo sticks and packed them

with Wee Boyang's powdered mix. And when the sticks went fine, it rang

through the night.

It gave the ferrets fright with thirst and sight.

Cause he had made a ghost alarm.

It was an anti -spirit charm.

When it went bang, bang, bang.

Kept them away from the farm.

Little fireworks go zoom, zoom, zoom.

Fulfill a barrel and it's boom, boom, boom.

We'll blow the king across the room, room, room.

Then Catholic England can resume, resume.

Using gunpowder that started as an ex -macure. But Guy Fawkes' plan

did not go bang.

And soon he was a captured man.

Now no matter where...

dangerous on that.

We both agree.

If you're not careful, you'll end up in A &E. And when you find yourself in need

of medical attention, Nye Bevan's NHS deserves a special mention.

This song celebrates 75 years.

We've saved the best till last. It'll move you to tears. It's finally time for

my moment in the spotlight.

All day to practice, he can't even get that right.

Because I, I, I, back in 48, studied the NHS, and it's

pretty great.

Cogs on, scrubbing up my palms, operating theatre, let's go.

Didn't want to sign up at first, now I'm really in the zone.

Camp here, far from home, strapped on the words, let's roll.

Feel good? Look in strong cup of tea and you can soon go home.

This is pretty heavy. Get me to the labour ward.

I'm ready.

Here you go, mummy. Best of all, it don't cost you money.

No matter what's broke, they'll pick you up. You're good to go through childhood

and when you grow up. Great, let's go.

from the young up to the old.

The NHS will make you feel right.

Whoa!

Jump on board, sirens loud, whoever needs to come along.

Lights on, through the crowd, we're off to the hospital.

Day or night, we'll see you right. If you can't make it, you can call.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is your medicine. And here are clean sheets for

all. Hearts beating steady, I can hear the boom, boom, you're ready.

Deep eyes, tummy. We'll try and fix whatever feels funny.

Drop off, then reload.

I get the call, I'm good to go.

I'm on call even when you throw up.

Let's go.

Because I, I, I saw stars tonight.

Now they pick me up and I feel all right.

Have some tea and toast and now I'll take my baby home.

Will he sleep right through the night? Whoa.

No.

It's our AnyChat.

It's our AnyChat.

Driving through the city to wherever I must go.

I'm so grateful for the AnyChat.

I, I, I, I did my best to give health care. You could

all act that.

Started something back then and it still...

Thank you.