Original subtitles

Horrible history.

Horrible Histories presents Radical Renaissance.

The early Middle Ages in Europe were called the Dark Ages.

Ancient Greek and Roman teachings on culture and science from centuries

had been locked and replaced by fighting.

It's true.

We did kind of forget about all that old stuff. And we love a crack.

But that's about to change in the Renaissance.

Italian translator Gerard of Cremona wants to rediscover that knowledge, and

thinks it can be found in the East.

Do you think it's weird that while we in the Islamic world looked after all the

ancient Greek and Roman knowledge, the people who were actually in Greece and

Italy just sort of forgot about it all?

All they do is fight.

Turns out the Islamic scholars took track of everything. It's all here in

work. They even improved quite a lot of it.

Now, all we have to do is translate it.

And so, that work begins.

Almost 200 years later, Italian scholar Petroc continues the job.

I have traveled across Europe.

Piecing together scraps of ancient Roman writing to help inspire a new era of

culture and creativity.

They'll call it the rebirth of the ancient world.

Or you could call it something fancy, like the rebirth, but like in French or

something. Wait.

You mean... The Renaissance.

No, I cannot see that catching on.

Well, give it a chance.

It's an era that inspired great artists like Leonardo da Vinci.

Now that we have rediscovered the work of Rome and Greece, then maybe we can

build on it, creating our own ideas, our own art, plays, and philosophy.

Yeah, but we can't keep fighting, all right? I mean, fighting is cool.

Oh, sure.

I just had a new idea for something called a tank.

Believe me, you can kill away more people with these. Sweet.

An era of mostly creative genius featuring Da Vinci, Shakespeare,

Raphael, the Medicis, and a whole bunch of poets.

The Renaissance.

Bringing the dark ages into the light.

Yes, you are right to be excited. It's me, the artist Michelangelo. Painter,

sculptor, and probably the biggest star of the Renaissance.

And I am Leonardo da Vinci. I am not just a great artist, but also an amazing

inventor, which, according to some people, makes me the greatest

star. What? Who are these some people?

They're the cool people.

You wouldn't know them. Anyway, you've probably heard of my painting, the Mona

Lisa. Oh, who doesn't like that enigmatic face?

Am I right? Just one of the masterpieces by the person some of the people are

calling the greatest star of the Renaissance.

Yeah, I guess it was okay, but not as good as painting a whole chapel.

I painted the ceiling of the first Sistine Chapel. It is a massive

by probably the greatest artist of the Renaissance.

Me. Oh, a ceiling.

So, in a way, you're more of a kind of painter -decorator than an artist.

Very funny.

Ah!

That's it! I've had enough!

Stupid villain!

Pop Julius?

Michelangelo. Okay, I'm sensing a vibe. I was hoping giving you the job of

painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel would be fun. You're very good at

painting.

Fun? You think painting the ceiling is a fun?

Well, I've written a little poem about just how much of fun I've been having.

I've already grown a goat from this torch.

Hunched up.

here like a cat in Lombardy. Meow. My stomach squashed under my chin. My ears

pointing at you. My brain crushed in a casket. My breath twiddled like

a harpy.

Sorry, what's a harpy? Well, it's kind of like a woman, but with a bird's body

and wing. It doesn't matter.

My brush.

Above me all the time dribbles paint so my face makes a fine floor for droppings

because I'm stuck like this.

Oh, but that ceiling looks fantastic.

No.

Anyone shoots badly through a crooked blowpipe.

My painting is dead.

Defend it for me.

Defend, my honor. I am not in the right place. I am not a painter.

I don't know about that.

You're certainly more of a painter than you are a poet, am I right?

Eh?

Oh no, that's very dirty.

You know, the fact that painting the Sistine Chapel was difficult for you, it

makes me sad. Oh, thank you. I was glad that I wasn't there to see you struggle.

But seriously.

Being an artist in a renaissance was pretty challenging. We started using

techniques like perspective again. And it all really changed how we showed the

world and the human body.

Now, all these changes made our work much more realistic and detailed than

before. Like my sculpture, the statue of Dainty. Or my Vitruvian man.

Okay? I have finished my extremely lifelike painting of you.

Brilliant. I cannot wait to see how.

It's the poo emoji.

Oh, hi, Raphael.

Come on, guys, let's give it some space, shall we? He's painting a lovely fresco

for me.

I'm Puck Julius II.

This is my palace and you will do what I say!

Right! Remember, Your Excellency, it's just a painting.

Every single day.

Come on, let's get you up.

Who built that window there?

Your Excellency, we talked about this yesterday. It's just a painting. I

it using a technique called perspective. It tries to copy how people and

buildings look in real life. All of that is just a painting. All a painting?

That is fascinating, Raphael. Ah, you've got a bit of the philosopher Aristotle

on your face.

Yeah. Other side.

Oh. Really very simple, Your Holiness.

Perspective is a way of showing the relative distances of objects and making

flat image look three -dimensional using mathematical techniques developed by

the Greeks and Romans, which we've recently rediscovered. You lost me on

OK. You know how people further away look smaller?

Some people who are further away are smaller.

I know this bishop from the south of France. He's tiny.

Yeah, definitely.

But I mean people you can see. Let me show you.

Ooh, look!

I'm getting smaller as I get further away.

You see?

Yeah, yeah, you are getting smaller, like those people there.

Again, that's just a painting.

Yeah, I see.

So, using perspective, we can create the illusion of things being further

away. Oh, it's an illusion!

You are so clever with that. That's brilliant.

Your Holiness, do you actually understand it? Completely.

Great. I'm going to hang out with that bald guy there. He seems cool.

Say I said hi.

I will.

It's the boat!

Hey, how's it going? Oh!

Boat down!

Hi, I'm William Shakespeare, and during the late Renaissance period, I wrote my

world -famous plays and poems.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Shall I compare thee to a winter's day?

Shall I compare thee to a plumber I know called Martin? Probably not.

Stop working. Start again.

So, it wasn't just in Italy that great artists and writers were at work during

the Renaissance.

But where did I set 15 of my brilliant plays? Was it A, London, B, Italy,

or C, America?

The answer is B, Italy. Well, I might be writing in England, but setting plays

in Italy makes them sound extra cool and exciting.

Now, back to the love poems.

There once was a young woman from Capri.

Who desperately needed a wee.

I know what you're thinking.

It's a gift.

So, the Renaissance was happening all over the world. And even writers in

England were getting creative.

But the Renaissance wasn't just about the arts. Some people were becoming very

rich and very powerful.

Which was lucky for us, because one way of showing off how much money you had

was to commission art.

And in Italy, the super -rich Medici family were paying us artists for a lot

art. Oh, I like them a lot.

So much a Medici lover in this room. The Medicis became so rich that they had

their own bank, which isn't like the kind of bank you might know. In the

Renaissance, Medici bank... You could go in and borrow much more than just

money. Let me do it. We could do it together.

No.

I'm really excited to be working at the Medici family bank, Mr. Giovanni. Oh,

yeah, sure.

Of course, we're much the same as the dozens of other family banks in

only we're bigger, and we try to find our clients some of the specialist items

they require.

Is that the Pope?

Your Holiness, how are you today?

Oh, excellent, yes.

Thank you for handling my new tapestry.

It's a bit bigger than I thought.

Should have sent for a cart.

Well, whatever you want, Your Holiness.

After all, he does let us look after his money and collect his taxes, which

means ka -ching for us Medici's. Wow, I can't believe that Pope John XXIII is

one of your clients. Yeah, it doesn't hurt to have customers who are that rich

and powerful.

Where shall I put this box of saint's toes?

Over there on the shelf between the fingers and the jars of tears.

OK.

You sell toes and fingers of saints?

Yeah, but they'll cost you an arm and a leg.

No, you're joking, you're joking. The arms and legs actually cost much more

that. We provide everything from painted wooden panels from Antwerp to, oh,

well, choir boys.

Yeah, not now, please, guys.

Wow, banking is really different to what I was expecting.

Yeah. What's the weirdest thing one of your clients have asked you to find?

Giraldo. And what does Giraldo do?

Well, blicks the ceiling, mostly.

Yeah, Giraldo's my name for our giraffe.

In fact, someone's coming to pick him up soon. So grab out his stool.

And then when you're done with that, maybe you can help with counting the

After all, this is still a bank.

Thank you so much for this opportunity, Mr Gibbon. Oh, no, no, no.

There you go.

I think you're going to need a bigger bucket.

Ciao, Mr Meeks. Catherine de' Medici, daughter of Italy, queen of France, back

with another Medici -Tici mum.

Hashtag just a normal mumma, because I'm just like you.

Eloise! Be careful with my crown. Today we are talking about something that all

we mummas struggle with. What to do when you are worried about your family

keeping its power in European politics.

Eloise! So.

What you have to do is take one of your kids, a boy or a girl. I'm using my son,

Francis, and my daughter, Elizabeth.

But any prince or princess you have lying around will do. And you simply

them off to the king or a queen of another country.

So, you see, Elizabeth has married King Philip of Spain.

And Francis has married Mary, queen of Asgard.

And just like that, that's two countries added to your list of political allies.

Eloise! I don't know why more people don't marry their kids off to monarchs

political gain. And so join me next time when here on Medici's peachy mum hack,

I will be showing you how to make a bed with only three servants to help you.

And when one of them is absolutely useless.

Be careful, Eloise!

Don't forget to like and subscribe.

Help!

The Pope needs a doctor!

I came as soon as I heard. Tell me, what's the matter? He's got a very sore

trunk. I'm sorry, did you say the Pope has a sore trunk? Not me, my elephant.

I'm sorry, I thought I was here to treat the Pope.

No!

You're here to treat Hanno, my darling elephant, gifted to me by the King of

Portugal himself.

But I'm a human, Doctor.

Hanno is better than a human. He does tricks for the people in the Vatican.

Show him, Hanno.

Yes, so good.

Is that it?

No, he also does that. You must save him, Doctor. He's one of my favourite

exotic pets.

How many exotic pets do you have?

One or two.

Well, if it was a person, I'd test his urine. So, let's start there.

Yeah, you're going to need a larger jar.

Poor Hanno. I think he's backed up. He hasn't pooped for days.

Ah, well, I can help there. I'll give him a laxative, a medicine to help him

poop.

It's one or two pills for people, but for an elephant... Better safe than

No, Your Holiness, that's too many. Those laxatives act fast. Oopsie.

Move, move, move!

Will he be okay, Doctor?

Well, the smell will be bad and you'll need to throw away his clothes, but if

you hold him down, you'll be able to see his face again.

I meant the elephant.

Oh, I see. Well, he does seem happier.

Better stay up this end, though.

Just in case.

Hey,

Leonardo, I think elephants are really cool.

You know why?

No, why?

Because they have ear conditioning.

You know,

ear like air, so it's cool.

That elephant joke would be best locked in a trunk.

That is so good.

During the Renaissance here in Italy, how you presented yourself was hugely

important. There were even books written telling you how to behave, like

Cattilione's Book of the Courtier.

One of the things that the book tried to teach was the art of being amazing at

everything while appearing not to put in any effort. An effect they called

sprezzatura.

Are you interested in learning the exciting new Renaissance way of behaving

called... Sprezzatura?

Yeah? Are you prepared to work hard?

Yeah. Do you care how hard people know you work? Yeah, of course. Then you have

failed the first test of Sprezzatura.

Wait, what just happened?

Walk with me.

Sprezzatura! The art of being an author while looking like you're making no

effort whatsoever.

What's this?

Nothing. Took me like five minutes.

He's got a sprezzatura.

How long did it really take?

Months. You can hardly feel my hair.

Sprezzatura is the perfect attitude to have if you want to look good in the

Renaissance. I guess I'll just do this or something.

Oh. Oh.

Checkmate.

I don't know, I've never really played before.

He's got... He hasn't. How long did it

really take for you to learn this game?

I haven't slept for four years. I'm so tired. I may be dreaming right now.

So, are you interested in learning the exciting new Renaissance way of

I will study your book.

Night and day. And day.

What are you going to tell the people? I never even opened the book.

I just use it as toilet paper.

Finally, you got Bracatura!

I'm joined by the man of the hour, legendary Italian Renaissance painter,

Caravaggio. Now, Caro, you're best known for works like Death of the Virgin and

Bacchus, but today's been all about tennis.

And what an extraordinary match you just had with a young Italian called

Renuccio Tomasconi.

Yeah, well, look, I feel like I've been in a battle all right.

For a win's a win. I've got to give it to the lads. Thomas Thorny, put up a

great fight, boy. Just wasn't his day out there on the tennis court.

Look, Cara, we are going to have to talk about what happened out there today.

What happened?

Are you talking about that rally in the first set? Look, the ball looked out to

me, but these things happen in the game.

No, no, I'm talking about where you argued, took out your sword and started

fighting with Thomas Thorny. Look, I'm a renaissance artist.

Passions always run high with me, Chrissie.

But at the end of the day, I feel like we can just... just sit down and have a

drink and shake hands afterwards.

Well, he can't.

He's dead.

Oh, look, it was a close match.

He drew his sword too. Got me with a good one, actually.

But that's tennis.

We had a bit of a disagreement during the match. A few harsh words were

So naturally, I just drew my sword and I killed him. It happens all the time.

But at the end of the day, I'm here to talk about a great game of tennis and

potentially even a rematch.

Well, maybe not. Well, rematch or not, there are a couple of soldiers just over

there who'd like to talk to you about the murder.

So, good luck with that. Oh, cripes. Oi! Come here, you!

You've got me so old.

Garavaggio was one of the bad boys of the Italian Renaissance.

Bad boy.

But the good news for him is he's not remembered for tennis or murder, but for

art. And that's why we're here, guys.

Yes, it's all about the art for us, and that's good.

Because it's fair to say that we created a lot of the best stuff.

Like? My Mona Lisa!

Painting brush drop.

I mean, it's good, but what's going on with her face? Is that a smile or not?

It's a hover smile for the last time.

I'm not surprised. She was probably furious when she found out it was you

painting her.

People like to be painted in.

I was a brilliant artist.

People, animals.

People holding animals? Were the animals smiling weirdly too?

Oh!

So, Leonardo, in this painting, I want to look noble, kind, a little bit regal,

and really, really fit. Well, Cecilia, it will not be difficult.

You are a sweetie.

No, I mean, it will not be difficult for me because I'm a genius.

For anyone else, it will be a nightmare because you possess none of these

features.

Tell me. So, for this painting, I'm thinking that we get you to hold

to spice it up a little bit.

Oh, nice.

Like what?

What do you think about cow's eyeballs?

Oh, that's disgusting.

Well, good lots of other bits of cow, if you think they'd be better. What are

all them bits for?

Because I dissect cows, and I dissect monkeys, birds, frogs, sheep, bears, so

can see how they move, and I can paint them better. What about monkey time?

holding all them bits, it'll create the wrong impression.

People think I'm a farmer.

I know.

I'm going to paint you inside of a sheep, surrounded by its guts.

You what now? I think I could get you right in there, too. I once inflated a

sheep's guts to the side of a room.

Sorry, it's slippery.

What about a dragon?

Oh, you've got a dragon, have you? Well, no. I sewed some wings to a lizard so

it looked like a dragon.

But it's escaped.

Oh. Well, I'm not surprised. You're nasty.

Oh, what about an ermine?

Ermine? What, a stupid long white rat thing?

How is that better than a dragon? It's real, and we haven't lost it.

You make a strong agreement.

In any way, it's not a rat. It's like a small white otter. It's regal, isn't it?

It's also the symbol that you might be pregnant, so it'll create an air of

scandal and mystery.

I like it. Let's do it. There's just one problem.

Oh, what's that then? The ermine has escaped and is presently climbing up my

trouser leg.

It's a wriggly one.

Hi, I'm Henry VIII, King of England and Royal Renaissance. Cool dude.

Now, a top drawer Renaissance king like me needs to look the part, so I made the

famous artist Hans Holbein my own personal court painter. He's painting me

now. Try and keep still, Your Majesty.

You'll keep still when you've got no head.

Feel free to move around, Your Majesty.

Yeah. Well, I'm in the market for a wife again, wife number four, and this one

will be a keeper. So tell me, how is Hans Holbein over there helping me with

search? Is it A, he's painted a picture of me that's so handsome a dog licked

it? B, he's dressing up as me and going on blind dates on my behalf?

Or C, he's been travelling Europe painting all the princesses and

can have a look at all my options?

The answer is C, he's been painting all the princesses. Yeah, and I've got one

for them here.

No.

Maybe, maybe.

Wow, gorgeous.

We have got a winner.

That's you, Your Majesty.

Huh?

Sadies.

Rugged devil.

Right, well, I guess we'll go with the Navy, then.

Anne of Cleves, my fourth and final wife.

Probably.

I mean, that's kind of a weird use of art, but okay.

Well, that's the Renaissance.

An explosion of ideas and creativity in everything from science to politics to

money to thinking and, of course, to art.

People's paintings, drawings and sculptures became more realistic than

More flamboyant than before.

And in our case, just more brilliant than before.

To finish with, here is what just might be our greatest work ever. A song about

how amazing we were.

To use the language of the Renaissance.

It's a proper banger.

Every now and then I try to picture the art in the dark ages before

changes began.

Nobody was listening to new ideas.

They like things just as they stand.

But studying the classics from Rome and Greece gave us thoughts we'd not had

before.

An explosion of creation music, sculpture in the nudie, paintings and

Every day is like a brand new start.

Every day we revolutionize art.

Everybody knows that Florence is the place salty party types really should

Masaccio Donatello, true artist, created visions so lifelike that they look

real.

The Medicis have the vonger. The Pope pays us to bling. The Vatican.

Raphael musters oil.

Botticelli's Venus is careful to cover all the bombs.

Every day is like a brand new start.

Fighting with our branches to make art.

And now you all can see.

My technique is getting better.

And if our patrons pay their fee.

Our legacy will last forever.

Study anatomy to make the right body.

Because before they looked shoddy together.

The light and dark make these people look 3D.

Cause we all have shadows on us. Look at me.

Oh, look at me.

Perspective gives us depth. Our backgrounds come alive.

We study nature and old paint brings it to life.

I really think this will last.

History will remember my art.

No. History will remember my art. Once upon a time your paintings moved me to

tears. Yours always just.

Made me laugh.

What can we say?

We totally eclipsed the old art.

Sistine Chapel.

The Mona Lisa.

Totally eclipsed the old art.

Statue of David.

Sketch of an helicopter.

Totally eclipsed the old art.

I hope to last not to be longer than you.

Thanks, animals. Your name?

I don't have one of them yet.

Not useful at all.

Sorry.

What an incredible match you had out there with young Italian tomahawk.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Aha!

Sorry, we were confused with what was happening out there.

to take my body. Of course, Father.

And boil it to the flesh of me.

Dear Larry and Deece, imagine what it feels like to be going on a date with a

god.

That's too long. I've got the phone.

It's hard for us to be promoted.

We, we, we, we, we, we.

This is no longer our mystery.

Hope you enjoyed Horrible History.