Original subtitles

Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, I'm a Tudor, I'm a Victorian, woeful wars,

ferocious fights, dingy castles, daring knights, horrors that divide,

description, cutthroat, cultural, royal, Egyptian, vicious Vikings, cruel

crimes, partners from ancient times, Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless,

savage, fierce and tubeless, groovy Greeks, rainy states, mean and misery,

middle ages, gory, sorry, we do that, and your host, a talking rat, the past

no longer a mystery, welcome to...

Horrible Histories.

Horrible Histories presents the NHS 75th birthday.

The NHS, or National Health Service, has been with us for 75 years, with its

staff, nurses and doctors like me helping people like you.

And Trevor here. Get better when you're poorly, and the treatment is free

whenever you need it. Trevor, how can I help? Oh, it's not me that's ill,

Doctor. It's my friend Steve.

He's feeling a little lost.

And that joke's been around since long before the NHS was created.

Before the NHS, getting medical help could be a long and difficult process,

to mention expensive.

I told you he was ill.

Nick! Oh, I'm Nick.

Good day.

I'm Cuthbert Lantern.

I'm here to see a doctor. Hello, Mr Lantern. I'm the hospital almanac Mary

Stewart. Almanac?

What an answer.

Well, if you're ill and in need of medical treatment, it's my job to decide

you are, one, not able to pay, but the sort of person who deserves our help

the bills.

Two, not able to pay, but the sort of person who doesn't deserve any help at

all.

Or three, wealthy enough to pay your own medical bills for yourself. Thank you

very much.

So where do you fit in, Mr Lansdowne?

Well... I've got the gout from having far too much rich food and fine wine

sitting around watching my servants do all the work. Oh, you've obviously got

plenty of money to pay your own medical bills.

That does sound like me. Take a seat, Mr Moneybag.

Oh,

that's me. Hello.

Oh, hello, Louise.

Nice to see you again.

Baby's tummy's still dodgy.

So that's the big yes. Well, I need to think. We'll cover you doctors' bills

this time, but the next time you do have some money coming in, make sure you put

some aside in a medical savings scheme. That way you'll be ready for the next

time that happens.

Will do. Thanks. Take a seat.

Thanks.

It's true.

People had to pay to see a doctor before the NHS came along, but now you don't

have to pay when you're ill, and that is worth celebrating. We're celebrating

the 75th birthday of the NHS. I've even got a special guest.

It's Jo Brand.

Oh, hello.

Now, Jo, wait, you're a comedian. You're not in the NHS.

No, but I used to work for the NHS as a psychiatric nurse. I gave it all up for

the bright lights of showbiz.

How's that going for you?

Well, I mean... Talking to a rat.

In a sewer, so, you know.

Anyway, I've made the NHS a special 75th birthday cake, and I'm here to help

with the show. Where are we up to? We're just getting on to the birth of the

NHS. Ah, it started just after World War II, when a Welsh bloke called Aneurin

Bevan had the brilliant idea of providing free medical care for

Surprisingly, not everyone agreed with him.

Now, Rathas, I need somewhere to put the cake to later.

Raptors! I'm the Minister of Health, and I'm here on the streets of London to

speak to people about an exciting new plan, the National Health Service, or

for short.

It's a system which means people will no longer have to pay for when they need

medical treatment. I bet everyone's going to be buzzing!

Excuse me, madam, I'm an item Bevan. Most people call me Nye. Well, I shall

you Mr Bevan because I am not most people.

I just wanted to ask how you feel about medical help being free for everyone

once the NHS starts. Oh, goodness, what nonsense.

Can you imagine? Everyone using the same hospital.

I could be in a bed next to my maid.

Although I suppose if my maid was in the same hospital as me, I could send her

out on errands. See?

You'd like it if your maid had free healthcare.

No, no, now I've thought about it. The whole thing is a silly idea.

I'll win her over.

I found a wonderful doctor that's actually going to be looking after

the NHS. I'm appalled. I expect to be able to charge patients whatever I like.

That sort of attitude has led to the creation of a health system that's

different for everywhere in the country. With the NHS, it'll be the same for

everyone. Doctors will be thrilled.

No, we won't. Eight out of nine doctors voted against it. Well, that means one

out of nine doctors did vote for it. So that's a win.

So it's been two years that we've nearly finished passing the law setting up the

NHS, but the doctors still aren't happy. That's why I'm here at the Doctors'

Organisation, the British Medical Association, to try and strike a deal.

we allow you to keep seeing patients who want to carry on paying, but you also

have to agree to accept NHS patients too?

There. I stuffed their mouths with gold and they agreed.

We did it. We won the last vote in Parliament. It's a yes for the NHS.

Oh, yeah!

Free healthcare for everyone!

Let's get to work.

Does anyone actually know how to set up a National Health Service? Because if

you do, could you do that?

OK,

Edna, it looks like the baby's coming right now, so congratulations and bad

luck. Let's do this.

What do you mean, bad luck?

It's just the NHS doesn't officially start till midnight, so if you'd have

the baby a few minutes later, it would have been the first ever NHS baby.

I'm giving birth. I'm not bothered if it's an NHS baby or not.

Oh, no, I completely get it.

I just thought you might save a bit of cash and we might get a bit of free

publicity. OK, then, and puff with me.

Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean, save some cash?

Well, if you have the baby right now, it's going to cost you a shilling and

But after the NHS starts, it's free.

Well, I suppose it's only a couple of minutes and the extra money would come

handy.

When my dad broke his leg, we had to sell the piano to pay the doctor's bill.

You get to save a bit of money, we get a bit of publicity.

Everyone's a winner.

Don't think you have much choice in the matter. The baby is on its way. No, it

isn't. What?

Okay, Edna, when I say, don't push.

Oh, no, you have to push. There's going to be a baby now.

No puffing. Hold on for 30 seconds. We're going to make the history book.

help me cross my legs. No, certainly not. The baby is coming.

So are the photographers.

Hold on. Try and relax.

Don't relax.

15 seconds. We're nearly there.

Well, look at that.

The clock passed.

Oh, come on, man.

All this movement.

Hold on. Think of plugs.

Oh, I had to pay for my first six kids. I'd love to have this one for nothing.

It'd be like having my six get one free.

Here comes the baby.

Hold on to something in there.

He's going to be as famous as the Minister of Health himself.

And 9 and 7.

It's me, there.

It's me, there. It's me, there.

You should name him after the Minister.

That's a wonderful idea.

It's a girl.

Well, go and hide in there, then, apparently.

Congratulations, Edna. One minute past midnight. She's the first NHS baby.

What's she called?

Um... Anira?

Perfect. Smile for the camera.

Of course, it wasn't just that the NHS was free when you needed it. The service

and treatment was great too. And that was good, because back in history, some

doctors had some very strange ideas about how to cure people.

Luckily, they're not working for the NHS.

Imagine if they were.

Pioneering medical technique from across the centuries.

This is 24 Hours in Historical A &E.

7pm Monday, and Dr Benson is thrilled to be working with groundbreaking 10th

century surgeon Al Zahrawi. Such a pleasure to meet you. You know, you're

considered the father of modern surgery.

Oh, you're too kind.

They don't get to chat for long.

Can we get some help, please?

What's the problem?

God.

Something stuck.

Something stuck in his throat. Okay, don't worry. I have invented a device

removing blockages from the throat. It's all going to be all right. His clothes

are wet. Is it possible he swallowed a lot of water? Very possibly.

Did somebody say a possible drowner?

Unluckily for Dr. Benson, Alza Harawi isn't the only historical medic on shift

tonight. Don't worry.

I am Giuseppe Borghi. Great. Are you a doctor?

Well, but I do know some of the latest 18th century medical techniques.

Turn him over and remove his trousers.

It's in my throat. Are you sure?

Wait, what are you doing? I have filled these bellows with tobacco smoke and I'm

going to blow it up his bottom.

I mean, come on, guys, this is basic. People have been blowing stuff up buns

centuries. The patient is breathing again. I have removed the object

his pipe.

Seeing as I'm already here, does anyone else fancy any smoke up the bum?

Oh, you.

Out.

Well, he was weird.

Anyone in here for bum smoke?

It's really unfortunate he ended up pooing himself to death.

Hello, Doctor.

Oh, Mabel, good to see you. How's the family?

Oh, dead.

Yeah, a lot of that contagious plague going round.

But enough about them.

I've got these funny lumps and I wondered if you knew what they were.

I've got a booth at me to help me diagnose it.

I've seen a lot of pustules in the flesh.

I'm good at giving patients their prognosis.

And I've got medical prowess.

So now it's time for your diagnosis.

Well, I see you've got cold chills bombing you both on your armpits back.

Pain, nausea, fevers and exhaustion. You've got the plague.

You're probably going to die. Because you're covered in boils.

And your poo is full of blood.

Your arms are covered in hard lumps.

They're swelling and expelling pus. Let me be your healer.

And I will take care of thee.

But I...

I charge a hefty fee.

Oh, the plague.

Thought I'd manage to avoid the old black death.

What do you reckon caused it? It might be evil air imbalance of your humours,

hotness, wetness, causing fatal tumours.

Are there any cure?

Yes, there are. Now, listen in. Why not rub in some oil?

Oil. Nail your forehead with puppy's blood.

Rub on podium when that's done.

You should apply a chicken's bum, then have a bath in some wee -wee.

But if I'm speaking honestly...

Survival's not the guarantee.

Bath full of wee, I'd be thinking of getting one of those. Thanks, Doctor.

Oh, be careful who you talk to. They might catch it.

Yeah, I'm not too keen on pastures or boils.

Thankfully, there's not too many about, thanks to the vaccines we all get on the

NHS. I prepared a simple visual aid to demonstrate.

Ooh, exciting!

The first mass NHS vaccination programme in 1958 helped protect people against

polio and diphtheria. So we get rid of them.

Another programme soon followed to vaccinate people against tuberculosis,

as shown here.

So, we get rid of that too.

And even though these vaccinations saved lives, not everyone was up for getting

jabbed. Help! I need urgent medical care!

Excuse me, madam.

Whatever you're selling, I didn't want any.

What? Telling anything. I'm from the NHS and I may be able to save your life.

Did you know Glasgow has the highest rate of tuberculosis in Britain?

In your face, Edinburgh.

Now, out my way.

TB isn't a good thing. It's a bacterial infection that kills half the people who

get ill from it. The NHS wants to screen people so we can get rid of TB forever.

What do you say? Can we x -ray your lungs to look for the infection?

X -ray your own head, you tatty bogle.

I reckon you'll find nothing but air. Well, we knew some people wouldn't want

be tested, so we're offering incentives.

If you get checked, you could win a car. I've got a car, and it's got a great

dafty rosette on the windscreen blocking the view. If you're over 60, you could

win £2 a week for the rest of your life.

Which, judging by your cough, could be worth at least three pounds. We've even

offered a season ticket to Greenock Morton Football Club.

What's the worst price?

Two season tickets. I'm a full Kirk fan.

Harsh! We were in the cup final a couple of years ago.

Oh, aye.

Remind me, did you win?

We've got an illuminated tram, parade, adverts and papers and shops.

We've even got fireworks.

Oh, noisy thing. Okay, if you won't listen to me, how about listening to one

the celebrities supporting our campaign?

Hi, I'm famous TV comedian Stanley Baxter. And believe me, there's nothing

about tuberculosis.

I've seen yous on the telly box and there's nothing funny about yous either.

That's so mean.

Fine, don't have the test.

At least most adults in the city have, so we're beating the disease.

I know that most people who got tested received was a badge.

Oh,

you didn't mention a badge. Count me in. Hooray!

And how about a comedy song to celebrate?

I think so, pal.

If I'd wanted a laugh, I'd have taken the Greenock Morton ticket.

So mean.

Dr. Benson's shift with Al -Zahrawi isn't getting any quieter.

I invented a tiny guillotine for chopping out the tonsils.

Really? Let me get some help, please.

What's happening?

Bring him through.

Burning up? A high temperature of fever could be.

Did somebody say fever?

Unfortunately, Elizabethan physician John Hall is also on shift.

Don't worry. I have two halves of a chicken.

Okay.

No, I know. I'm going to have to work. What are you doing?

I'm trying to save this man's life.

I'm John Hall from Elizabethan England. And up there is my far -in -law, William

Shakespeare. Guys, please, just ignore me.

My next in life may be prolonged, yet death still sees the doctor too.

Sorry, carry on.

What are you doing with that chicken?

It's a Tudor cure to treat his fever, obviously.

Is it working?

Unsurprisingly, no.

Okay, plan B. Check it!

Let me eat some cloth soaked in frog spawn. Start!

Therein may the patient must minister himself.

Throw physically... Where's the frog spawn?

Well, we don't have any. This is a hospital.

What?

You don't have any rag soaked in frog spawn?

Are you even a proper doctor? Excuse me.

He has a fever because this wound on his hand is infected.

If we cauterize it... Oh, chopping it to quarters?

You could kill him. No, cauterize. It means to kill the infection using heat.

Then he should get better. He's right. We still use that treatment today.

Oh! Oh!

Call off the frog handshake, pops!

Panic over.

This man may die. I think it's important he hears us on it before he goes.

Tis no... Thank you. Shakespeare, not right now.

Right, fine. You're the doctor.

That's lunch!

I mean, give me a drink.

NHS Milestones, with your host, Miles Stone.

I'm here in 1950 to visit one of the new NHS hospitals.

There's only one problem.

There's no -one here.

Hello?

This is awkward. Excuse me!

Hi, um, I thought this was supposed to be a busy hospital. Where is everyone?

Oh, it should be, but they had trouble recruiting.

In Tottenham, they advertise for 700 jobs and only 17 people apply.

So, are you from Tottenham, then? No, I'm from Jamaica.

I arrived by ship after the British government advertised for NHS staff in

West Indies. Well, thank you so much for coming to help. I assume you're being

treated well.

We are not!

It's hard for us to get promoted.

We're not allowed to share rooms with the white nurses. And we had to buy our

own tickets to come here, even though they asked us to come.

Well, that explains why there's only one of you.

Oh, it's not just me.

Well, I'd just like to turn up early.

Watch out!

Nurses! Stand aside.

Dr Benson and 10th century medic Al Zaharawi's shift in historical A &E is

nearly over.

Hello there.

Don't worry, we'll get this cut seen too quickly.

Yes, I am well practised at treating cuts. I will close up the wound using

catgut stitching that I pioneered. Oh, no, don't worry, it's not made from

catgut. Oh, no.

No, no.

No, it's actually made from sheep innards.

These days we use nylon or silk, but sheep innards are very effective and

they're still used in some places today.

Step back. I have the exact diagnosis of this patient.

Alas, Georgian medical mystic Samuel Best is also on shift.

Oh, yes.

This patient is in urgent, urgent need of fantastic emblems and magical devices

being scattered around their room.

But we must act quickly.

Are you a doctor?

Even better. I'm Samuel Best, a prophet from Georgian England. Now, let me read

your palm.

How's that going to help her get better?

Was she ill?

Obviously. Oh.

I probably shouldn't be reading her palm then, should I?

I should be licking it. So you don't lick your

patron's palms while it's wrong with them?

No, of course not.

Suit yourself.

This woman is constipated.

She hasn't pooed in days.

I have.

That may very well be, but more importantly, she has a large cut on her

Oh, yes.

Well, that would have been my second guess. Guess? Oh, diagnosis.

I'll see myself out, shall I?

How do these people keep getting in?

Next time on 24 Hours in Historical A &E, Dr.

Benson is joined on shift by a physician from Tang Dynasty, China.

This patient has a sore bottom and eczema. I need a dead gibbon and a

dung beetle, and I need it yesterday.

Does the gibbon have to be dead?

Hey.

Ow! Oh, don't worry, he's fine.

I'm not!

Well, just be glad you're getting all this modern NHS help. Yeah, I'm glad no

-one's trying to lick my hand.

You live in a sewer. Trust me, no -one's going to lick you.

Fair. Let's move on. The NHS hasn't just been finding ways to fight the more

serious diseases and conditions that we suffer from. It's also been working for

years to find ways to cure things like the common cold. And that made for some

very odd experiments back in the day.

Joe, would you mind? I can't quite reach the biscuits with my bandages and all

that. That's a shame.

All here at the NHS Common Cold Unit to help us better understand how we catch

colds. You're not here for a party.

Understood.

Who wants to play a game? It's party time.

No, no, no. Sorry.

Our fault. We didn't make it clear in the letter.

Yes, there is a party on this side of the person.

Stop it.

This party is for children who likely have colds. And your job is just to sit

there while we fan the air from this party towards you. We're trying to

understand how colds spread.

Right. Time for musical jazz!

Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. Sit down!

I repeat, you're not at a... Party.

She's just angry because she lost. Big time. I didn't lose.

Actually, I wasn't playing.

I'm trying to conduct some serious scientific research, actually.

Who wants to play hide and seek?

Get up.

You're supposed to count to ten.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Found you.

You're not good at hiding.

Why is your finger blue?

Oh, er...

That's from one of our other experiments.

We dripped blue dye from my nose and then we played cards to see how far the

gems was wet.

How did you get it on your finger?

She picked her nose. Yeah, and it was blue in her mouth. She definitely ate

I didn't eat it!

She definitely did.

Can we please get back to the purple?

Me, me, me, me. How did you get that?

Give that to me. What are you doing?

to be our test subjects.

Can you please start doing what we ask? Or we might try one of the other cold

-spreading experiments we've been running. Like squirting Dr.

Dudgeon's bogeys up your nose.

That man should be in bed.

We'll do anything you say.

Good. Now just sit there while we fan the air from this party towards you.

Everybody, okay?

I'm here in 1960 at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary with surgeon Michael Woodruff,

who's hopeful of performing the very first successful kidney transplant.

That's when you take the kidney out of one person and put it into someone else.

I anticipate no problems.

The donor is actually the patient's identical twin brother.

You're not worried about getting them mixed up, are you?

Certainly not.

Make sure we've got the patients the right way round.

This is NHS Milestones with me, Milestone.

Does anyone have any labels? I can stick on some patients.

Did you know 75 years is actually the diamond anniversary of the NHS, which I

think is appropriate because the NHS is full of absolute diamonds.

Yes, whether it's performing life -saving operations like organ

sorting out ingrown toenails, or scraped knees after you've come off your bike.

Or maybe helping you after you've got your head stuck in a celebrity's loo. I

knew that was you.

You'll never prove it.

The NHS is always there to help us, and it has been for 75 years. So let's say

thanks to Anara and Bevan, and to all the brilliant nurses, paramedics,

cleaners, porters, caterers, doctors, and everyone who does such a brilliant

in our NHS.

Thank you, NHS.

Because I, I, I, back in 48, started the NHS, and it's

pretty great.

Togs on, scrubbing up my palms, operating theatre, let's go.

Didn't want to sign up at first, I'm really in the zone.

Came here far from home, straight on the words, let's roll.

Feel good? Looking strong, Captain, you can soon go home.

This is pretty heavy, get me to the labour ward, I'm ready.

Here you go, mummy, best of all, it don't cost you money.

No matter what's broke, Bill.

The NHF will pick you up. You're good to go through childhood and when you grow

up. Great, let's go.

Tonight, tonight, night, better than what it's like.

To make your everyone get treated right.

Countryside or city, from the young up to the old.

The NHF will make you feel right.

Whoa!

Jump on boards, sirens loud, whoever needs to come along.

Lights on, through the crowd, we're off to the hospital.

Day or night, we'll see you right, if you can't make it, you can call.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is your medicine.

And here are clean sheets for you all.

Heart, eating, steady, I can hear the boom, boom, you're ready.

Beats, eyes, tummy, we'll try and fix whatever feels funny.

Off, then reload.

I get the call. I'm good to go.

I'm on call even when you throw up.

Let's go.

Because I, I, I saw stars tonight.

Now they pick me up and I feel all right.

Have some tea and toast and now I'll take my baby home.

Will he sleep right through the night?

It's already cut.

It's our NHS, driving through the city to wherever I must go.

I'm so grateful for the NHS.

I,

I, I, I did my best to give healthcare you could all accept.

Started something back then and it's still going real strong.

So let's say thanks to the NHS.

I just wanted to ask how you feel about... I just wanted to ask how you

about... I just wanted to ask how you feel about... The path

is no longer a mystery.

Hope you enjoyed Horrible History.