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Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, fighting Frenchmen, brave Victorians,

woeful wars, ferocious fights, stingy cartels, daring knights, horrors adapted

by description, cutthroat cults, old royal Egyptians, bashing taxes, cruel

crime, punishment from ancient dives, Roman rotten rank and ruthless, Norman

savage, fierce and two -footed, civil wars, brainy phagies, middle middle

gory stories, we do that, and your hopes are drumming rack, the past is no

longer a mystery, welcome to...

Horrible Histories.

Horrible Histories presents Freaky Queen Vicky.

There's too much to the story.

A Queen Victoria's reign.

Britannia rules, more wealth, new schools. Empire strikes back again.

When young, her mum controlled, her life would always interfere.

He's the 18th Queen that kicked her out. Now I'm the boss round here.

She mourned and mourned Prince Albert's death, that man she didn't adore.

Mourned 30 years, surely enough, but no.

Mourned 10 years more.

64 years she ruled a star on the world stage.

Let's find out how Vicky lived in the Victorian age.

When her uncle William IV died in 1837, Victoria became Queen, not just of Great

Britain and Ireland, but of all the countries across the world that Britain

ruled, called the British Empire.

And did you know, she was only 18 years old at the time. Good day.

My lords, ladies and gentlemen, the Queen.

Good start.

Catchy.

Impressive.

Excellent.

Global.

Nice.

Innovative.

Philosophy, arts, and medicine.

Marvelous. I want our armies and navies to be the envy of the world.

But mostly, I just want, like, an hour to myself.

Like, seriously, I've not yet been alone my whole life.

There are people who go to the toilet with me. Like, totally gross.

Gross, gross. Well, I'm in charge, and I'm clean, so they can't say no. Oh, my.

Little Dreena has grown up.

Corning me, Little Dreena. I am Queen Victoria.

And I don't want to share my bedroom with my mother anymore. And that's

thing.

That's it.

Thank you.

Well, everybody's got to start somewhere.

Somebody needs a map.

Oh. Victoria.

Oh. Little Dreena became Queen Victoria. And romance came shortly after when the

young queen met a real -life prince charming. A German prince called Albert.

Oh, ja, bitter.

This week in Venn Magazine's Queen Victoria wedding and honeymoon special.

Meet the new man in Vicky's life.

According to her diary, the part of Prince Albert that Victoria finds most

attractive is... It's rough.

Not that I've read her diary.

Ogle at our snaps of Albert's naked neck.

See our exclusive photo story of the loving couple's wedding.

Let your heart melt as Prince Albert sails to England to be with his love.

Also, we reveal the story of their honeymoon in Windsor Castle. The

they don't want you to see.

She got a headache.

Darling, is that art?

He got all faint because it was past his bedtime and he hadn't had his tea yet.

And they jacked it in after three days so Vicky could get back to work.

Romance tactic!

Also take a peek behind the scenes of the newlywed couple's first royal photo

shoot.

OK, your Royal Highnesses, about to take the photograph now, so frown.

Read then magazine.

The biz, the gots, the pics, the enlightening historical insight.

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert became the first royal couple to live at

Buckingham Palace in the middle of London. But unlike today, it wasn't

palace of luxury you might expect.

Good day.

Hi, I'm Queen Victoria, and I want to show you how the other half live. Like

This is Vicky's Palace Secret.

Buckingham Palace, in the heart of bustling London.

This is my favourite drawing room. We love it here, don't we, Albert?

Albert!

Not about you.

Although there are over 600 rooms here, you're never too far from a friend

because this place is absolutely infested with rats.

Albert!

What's the name?

Every time.

Every time.

Me.

Also, the chimneys fill the rooms with smoke, so the fires can't be too big, so

it's freezing.

Which is perfect, because the cold is good for you. Isn't that right, Albert?

Albert?

And the racing atmosphere hasn't put off my deemed guest, the Shah of Persia.

He's just through here.

Have you done it again?

Sure. Have you sacrificed another sheep in here? You have, haven't you?

Shasha. You're so weird.

So weird.

I adore this room because it overlooks our beautiful garden, which you can't

because of all the London smog. But we must still have the windows open because

fresh air is vital for... Please

excuse the smell.

sewage from the bathroom empties into the courtyard.

Isn't that right, Albert?

Talk about the royal we!

And after a long day in the palace,

I come to my bedroom to relax.

Ah! The boy genuinely is always sneaking in and trying to steal my pants.

That's Victoria's secret.

Oh, my lucky pants.

Albert? What is it, darling?

Time for your bit.

Oh, thank you.

Buckingham Palace is... Oh, sorry. We've run out of time.

I do hope you've enjoyed your visit. Get up.

Get up.

The married young was wedded bliss with barely any quarrels on one big thing

they both agreed. We must... all have high morals. But younger Vic was not so

strict and had a love of art. Might have said to her older self, chill out, you

boring alpha.

Please, Legion, you know I don't like surprises.

They make me go all giddy. But Albert, my dear angel, it is your birthday.

What do you think would please you most?

Are you going to put the heating on?

No. Oh.

Much better than that. I have a painting for you. Oh, not another obscene one.

It's a picture of the shepherdess you gave me last year. Just to think on it,

makes me go light -headed.

It was rather good, wasn't it?

But, Frau Chen, you could clearly see her ankles.

Female beauty is a natural thing, and you know how I adore the painted form.

Please, please, my little stolen cake. Promise me that it won't be another

picture of a scantily glad stranger.

My heart could not take it. Kaput, it will go.

I promise.

Thanks to heaven.

It is not a stranger.

It is me.

Oh, it's been overwounded.

Victoria, what have you done?

It is rather jolly, isn't it? Your hair, unbound.

Your shoulders, they are bare.

And your neck, on view for the whole world to see.

Don't look directly at it.

Outrageous. Scandalous.

And that is not the only surprise I have for you.

What next?

a watercolor of the housemaid with her wrists showing.

No, you silly sausage.

The statue of you as a Greek soldier has arrived.

Ah, now that is bound to be a much more somber and noble piece of art.

Meine Augen!

I am scandalized. The high tunic, it reveals my ankles, my knees, and one

even catch a glimpse of my lower thigh.

Victoria and Albert were happily married for 20 years and had nine children.

Yes, nine!

That's a lot of poopy nappies.

However, Victoria's beloved Albert fell ill from a disease called typhoid. The

doctors couldn't help him and poor Albert died aged just 42.

Queen Victoria took his death...

very badly and mourned him for the rest of her life, always dressing in black

and famously growing more and more grumpy the older she got.

Now, being a doctor in Victoria's time was tricky as there were lots of

different opinions on how to treat patients.

Let's just say some doctors really weren't afraid to get their hands dirty.

Little Carver, isn't it? Yes. Dr Hannity not available?

He was called away urgently on a very important yoga retreat.

I'm Dr Morgan, a Victorian surgeon.

In fact, one of the best. A Victorian?

That's not a good start.

Shush, Milo. Look how smartly dressed he is.

Oh, Milo. You need an operation on your leg, correct?

Yeah. Well, let's get started.

Oh, look at me. Look at me.

Look at you. Hang on, is that Ballard? Yes.

And Puss.

And possibly blueberries. That sounds pudding.

No, that's brain.

But, as they say, a filthy coat is the sign of a busy surgeon. It's the sign of

a weirdo. Mum, let's go.

Now, Milo, to start off with, I just need to punch you right in the face.

I need to knock you out for the operation.

Trust me, you don't want to be conscious.

Also, to be honest, it's a little hard to concentrate with people sort of

screaming. OK, if he hits me, I'll sue.

Try and relax.

These hands would not be caked in blood, pus and...

I think that might be some poo, if I didn't know what I was doing.

I'm so sorry about him.

Have you just... No, it's the poo on the jacket.

That was me.

Now, great medical progress was made during my reign, and I was a bit of a

pioneer, too.

What was I the first queen to do?

A, give birth under pain -relieving anaesthetic.

B. Have heart surgery. C.

Donate blood to someone else.

The answer is A.

I gave birth to my eighth child, little Prince Leopold, while sedated, thanks to

chloroform. Of course, if you have got anesthetic to put you to sleep, you

always listen to my Prime Minister, William Gladstone, talking about

Terrible man.

He dares to have his own opinions.

It's true, Victoria was never glad to see Mr Gladstone. She was much happier

when he was replaced by Benjamin Disraeli, who came up with a cunning

cheer up moany old Vicky.

Yes, she was Queen of the British Empire, but now the British were running

India. Disraeli made her Empress of India too.

Happy days!

Well, no, not really.

Victoria remained as grumpy as ever. But surely she might at least visit her new

country. No, not blooming lightly.

It's good to be boss and queen, Victoria. But what if all the world's

leaders ignore you? You're the world's biggest empire.

But who does that impress?

When even my own subjects don't know me.

I thought it was really your PM in charge. Suppose if I had to, I could tie

to the rod. The plan, your highness, to prevent your sense of injure. I hereby

name you Empress of India.

India is all very well, but there's no place like home I prefer, so it's Mel.

Don't you love Bombay spices?

And the jewels of Hyderabad?

They are shipped to England.

Go fetch them, I've been mad.

That Indian famine's no fun for a newcomer. Prefer the Isle of Wight for

Indian summer.

Oh, that is very nice. We'd better have no quarrel. Frankly, Benji, bread's

better in Balmoral.

Bread of India!

Title sounds good.

The party didn't stop for a bit of blood and gore. Thousands of readers beat the

week or more. The biggest party party you ever did see.

19th century British India, otherwise known as the Raj, a large group of

provinces, falls together under British rule.

That's a total headache for the authority.

For example, how can they tax such a huge area with only a small number of

officials?

Today, I've come to meet Ranjit, a man who's been helping to create a rather

interesting solution.

Ranjit. Why don't you explain what's going on?

We're planting a hedge.

Fascinating.

Can you give us any more details?

We're planting a massive hedge. Right. It's a massive, massive hedge.

After several hours of this, Ranjit finally explained the British ruler's

ambitious solution is to build a hedge 2 ,300 miles long right across India.

When completed... The hedge will be so thick and thorny that people won't be

able to get across it. The British then plan to build a series of crossing

points, each one guarded by soldiers and officials, people who pass through, are

taxed on their goods.

I've come back to see Ranjit to find out how the hedge is coming along.

This hedge is nearly five metres deep and four metres high.

Goodness. Can you picture a small hedge? Yes, I think so. Well, it is bigger.

It takes 12 ,000 men to guard it.

Do you know why?

Because it's a big hedge?

No. Because it's a massive hedge.

It's like the Great Wall of China, but with one crucial difference.

It's a hedge?

You better believe it.

We love the hedge.

Several years and one costume change later, I've come back to see Ranjit and

find out how the hedge is progressing.

Ranjit. An advantage of a hedge over a wall is that it grows by itself, so it

doesn't need constant rebuilding.

It needs constant rebuilding.

The storms blow it down, locals set fire to it and eat it. I hate the hedge.

I see.

What about stopping the smugglers?

They get past it all the time. They throw things over it, they float things

it in the rivers.

They even get herds of camels to run at it to break it down.

Dilkey, as a feat of engineering or gardening, it really is very impressive.

It's just a massive hedge.

It's not even the kind that you can shape into amusing animals.

Look.

This is a rabbit.

I made a rabbit.

When I first heard about the plans to create a great hedge of India, I was

initially sceptical.

Of course, I was right, because I wear glasses.

Hide the hedge.

At the time, Queen Victoria's empire covered nearly a fifth of the world,

including India, Canada, New Zealand and most of Africa. Not all of it. She

wasn't greedy.

Actually, she was.

Britain even ruled Australia, where an outlandish outlaw called Ned Kelly was

causing the police all kinds of problems.

By being bulletproof.

Sounds wild. Yep, it's time for another one of history's craziest fools.

Sometimes, yeah, there is a fine line between being a hero and being as mad as

bag of foxes on roller skates, yeah? And this next fool has got to go down in

history as one of the most bravest, dangerousest, craziest geezers that ever

lived, apart from my cousin Brian.

is the famous Australian outlaw, Ned Kelly.

This fool was around in the time of Queen Victoria, and he was so crazy, I

thought, like him, actually.

Don't be an idiot, Ned.

You're surrounded, mate.

Taking on a whole Victorian police force in homemade bulletproof body armour.

Oh, no!

You're only making this worse for yourself.

Far away.

You're not going to hurt me. Turns out Ned's legs were not armoured.

But as Constable James Dwyer is about to find out, his underpants were... Check

it!

They say Dwyer hopped about like a demented frickin' kangaroo, which is

Australian for fool, yeah?

History has taught us that fools can be well nasty, they can be well nice, they

can be zeros or even heroes. But one thing's for sure, they are all...

Crazy bra.

Until next time, stay away from stupid, all right?

My grandmother knits them, and then I take them to Spitalfield, and I sell

for a tenner each.

The Victorian era was a time of great invention, and one such brilliant idea

the bicycle. It transformed the way people travelled, although not everyone

thought it was a good idea.

Good day.

I went out by the perfectly full pot of loveliness.

A gift, perhaps, for the only man in your life? The only man in the village,

more like.

Incoming.

What is it, Dr Shadwell? I'm a very busy woman.

Oh, well, three things. One, will you marry me?

No. Two, will you marry me?

Uh, no. And three, you appear to be wearing my trousers. Will you marry me?

Yes. Yes, you'll marry me. Yes, I'm wearing your trousers. I stole them from

your washing line this morning. Left you my skirt.

Some odd strange behaviour, my sweet trifle of desire.

Not really. I wanted to ride this bicycle.

If I wear that skirt, I'll take off like an owl.

Just any owl, my love. The most wondrous of owls with the most kissable of

beaks.

I'm afraid I simply must go, Doctor.

I'm planning on riding to the next village today.

The next village?

That's miles away.

You surely won't make it without... Hitting a tingle. I will with my

Don't you worry, Julie.

Paint? Buckle? Go doolally?

No. I've read your extensive list of don'ts for women riders.

Don't race.

Don't coat.

Don't criticise other people's legs.

Don't scream if you meet a cow.

Don't develop bicycle face.

Bicycle face?

It's a real condition, and not something I just made up to stop you from

leaving. It occurs when ladies like yourself try extra hard not to fall off

riding a bike.

Regard.

Bicycle face.

Ridiculous. You look like a smashed crab.

Surely the most dashing of all smashed crabs, my sweet. A kissy kiss kiss?

No, just the most smashed, with eyes like a bulging frog.

Ride safe, my love.

And don't speak to any other men. I will.

And will you marry me?

No!

Now, I'm not sure why, but there seems to be a bit of a craze for this

newfangled bicycle thingy.

The strangest one I've seen has a very big front wheel and a much smaller back

wheel. But do you know what it's called?

A. A penny farthing. B.

The answer is A.

Apparently,

it's because the big wheel and the little wheel are very different sizes,

like pennies and farthings.

But I prefer a three -wheeled tricycle.

It's not safer for those of us with creaminess, that's sure.

And no, I'm not too short for a penny farthing.

The rest of you were too tall.

Victoria died in 1901, aged 81 years old, and was succeeded by her eldest

Edward VII.

Yes, she may have been a tiny five foot tall, but at the time of their death,

she had a big stature as the UK's longest serving monarch.

She reigned for a whopping 64 years, and in her lifetime, there were huge

advances like photography, telephones, and railways.

Didn't little Dreena?

Come a long, long way.

Chatty death, chatty death, my grisly interviews.

Chatty death, chatty death, the dead and famous too.

No, they don't make you look cool, Nigel. You're indoors, mate.

Oh, welcome back. Time for my next guest.

It's former Queen of the United Kingdom and Empress of India, Queen Victoria.

Don't mind them, love. They've been dead all week.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Vicky. I must say, I've always been a fan. Black

clothes, grey hair. It's a cool look.

Thank you. Nice to meet someone else making black work for them. Oh, you're a

charmer. If I was alive, my cheeks would be bright red.

So, Vicky.

How would you like to be remembered?

As the longest reigning monarch in British history, in charge of one of the

largest empires in the world.

Oops. When modern people look at their British empire, I want them to think of

me.

Hashtag awkward.

A bit of a problem there, love.

There isn't one.

What? The empire's gone. Finished.

India, Egypt, all of it. They run themselves now.

Really?

Yeah. To be honest, you're mostly remembered for being a bit of a misery,

We are not amused and all that.

Oh, I only said it once.

And the opera I had just watched was rubbish.

Hey, you're always saying it. Oh, but I was amused at other times. I was amused

by lots of things.

Ooh, like jokes.

Sometimes. Good, good. Um, uh, uh, what's a corpse's favourite food?

Gravy.

Gravy!

That's a good one.

Oh, no. Vicky, it's too much for me.

Too much, get it? Because you're dead in a tomb. Too much.

We are not amused.

Oh, yeah? Well, this will amuse me.

No sense of humour.

None.

Big round of applause for Queen Victoria, everyone.

Yeah, don't bother. Might change the habit of a lifetime.

Chatty deaf, chatty deaf. Hope next time it's not you. Hoo -hoo!

Tall tales. We gave you all the bits and facts. We showed you all a juicy bit.

Gory, darkly, mean and cruel.

Stuff they don't teach you at school.

The past is no longer a mystery.

Hope you enjoyed Horrible History.