Original subtitles

Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, fighting Frenchmen, far victorious,

wars, ferocious fights, stingy cartels, daring knights, horrors that divide,

description, cutthroat, culpable, Egyptian, smashing, taxing, cruel,

partners, and from ancient times, Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless, Norman,

savage, business, evil, civil wars, brainy, fagy, mean and missing, middle

-aged, gory stories, we do that, and your hopes are drumming rack, the past

no longer a mystery, welcome to...

Horrible Histories.

Horrible Histories presents Wiley Winston Churchill.

Winston's Leonard Spencer Churchill, big name for a big man.

World War II, he was the boss. All hail his victory plan.

And though it's true that World War II was Churchill's finest hour, so many

tales you never knew, years of war and power.

Prime Minister and soldier too, he joined the fighting corps.

India, South Africa, even the First World War.

He's known as Britain's greatest man, we say his name with pride.

But greatest, don't just ask your grand good people, you decide.

The Diary of a Winston King.

I'm here to tell you a story about one of the greatest heroes this country has

ever known.

Possibly one of the greatest heroes of all time.

Me!

It's the publishing sensation sweeping the nation.

The daring adventures of young champion Churchill, is he?

Is he?

Yes. Read about his boyhood days during the reign of Queen Victoria. From humble

beginnings in the family palace to adventure in Cuba.

The sunshine.

The cigar.

It's a dreadful habit.

Very bad for you. The sleeping.

Winston.

Tell me time.

Is it?

Read about his time in India, mixing with the locals, the army, and, of

victory. What do you say, Winston?

Oi, Churchill.

Pineapple chunks.

The sensational story of his time in South Africa during the Boer War.

Imprisonment. Escape.

Being shot at. And ruining a perfectly good hat.

You won't be able to put it down.

Irish stew.

The diary of a Winston kid.

Now, if there's one thing you must remember from this tale, it's that...

Cut!

He galloped with the cavalry, he fought in the Great War.

Was not the greatest soldier, but he learned from what he saw.

Between World Wars played little part in shaping Europe's fate.

Instead there was one grand design he battled to create.

When Winston Churchill bought the country house Charkwell for £5 ,000, a

dosh in 1922, he knew he was taking on a big project.

But I wonder if he realised just how big.

Unbelievably, Winston has decided to project manage the whole thing himself,

hopes to be finished in just four months, despite having never done

like this before.

Make yourself useful, will you?

He'll need all the support he can get.

But is his wife on board?

No, no.

I tell you now with great certainty that if I told Clementine, she'd only do one

of her faces, so I didn't.

She'll love it when it's finished, though.

Winston. Hyde. What's going on?

Behold, the house of our dreams.

And how much is all this going to cost?

Ask not how much this will cost, Clem.

For in these difficult times, the true value of our efforts... £5 ,000.

Who's side are you on, man?

I love you so much right now.

Winston has been learning to bricklay in order to help with the build. He even

joined the Bricklayers' Union.

It's not the easy way to do things, but Winston insists it's working for him.

Did you touch it?

It's been several months since I was last here, and Winston has hired the

architect Philip Tilden to help him construct the extension.

With an architect on board, things should move faster.

Now you're going to get it!

Unless, of course, they end up fighting.

Sir Winston, the house is built and the family can move in.

You must be delighted.

As I told you, it would be magnificent. But you did go over budget.

You are this close.

How much extra did it cost?

Well, we allow ourselves to be distracted from our vision by petty

concerns. How much? £18 ,000.

You, sir, are a massive twerp! Winston!

Come here!

Don't let me show up!

You know, when this project started, I have to admit, I had real concerns that

it would be over -budget, over -scheduled and would upset Winston's

Turns out I was right about all of that.

Right! I've had just about enough of you. It's time to unleash the gorilla!

Winston got into plenty of scrapes when he was younger, but nothing compared to

this bloke, the legendary soldier Adrian Carton de Wiart. Hold that pose!

You know, Mr de Wiart, it's a huge honour for me to paint a veteran of the

written Boer War in South Africa.

Excuse me, but are you bleeding?

Yes. Took a bullet in the old picnic basket.

Oh! There goes the ditch.

Took one that time, too.

Ah! Can we do this another day?

It's OK.

So, I understand you've been at war again?

Somaliland this time.

Climbed up a fort and got shot in the face.

Guess what happened next?

You got shot again?

Correct! In the arm this time.

And more importantly, make sure you get my broken polo stick.

Used to carry that on the battlefield, cos I had to beat my own men for

cowardice. Oh.

In fact, I should probably pose with it. Something dynamic, like a leg -up

swing.

Oh!

Any chance we could do this another day?

Oh, OK.

Battle of the Somme.

Shot through the scarlet ankle.

Passchendaele hip blasted off. Cambrian lost a leg.

Still managed to get the old Victoria cross early.

Blast. One second.

I should do this another day.

Mr. Carton de Vieux, you can't have been fighting in the Second World War as

well. Well, they made a big song and dance about me being too old to command,

I popped off to Yugoslavia as a diplomat. My plane crashed and I had to

mile with one arm.

Then she got picked up by the enemy and thrown in a prisoner of war camp.

Ended up tunneling out using a spoon.

Shall I pose here?

Yes,

we can do it another day.

It's true.

Adrian Carton de Biart really did survive all those wars, even if some

off on the way.

Brave Churchill also survived the Boer War and World War I. But in 1939, the

Second World War began. The British people needed a hero to lead them

the might of Nazi Germany.

A new Prime Minister, the one and only Winston Churchill.

But there was no TV for Winston to get his message across.

Instead, Winston used the radio.

Dragged the power of his voice.

Come,

come. I'm here,

I'm here.

And now it's the turn of the new Prime Minister, Winston Churchill.

Let's see if he can convince the three judges.

We shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our island home, to ride out

the storm of war and outlive the menace of tyranny if necessary for

years, if necessary alone.

Sounds good. You should turn around. No, no, you turn. Sounds like a bulldog

with a sore throat. I like it.

He's off!

You shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end.

We shall fight in France.

France is tight.

We shall fight on the seas and oceans.

The sea is the bomb. Man, oceans are fresh.

Fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air.

Come on, Tom.

Oh, he's fresh.

He's World War II mega -fresh.

Much better than that shaggy German with the moustache he was on last week. I

don't know what to say.

He's one to watch out for.

We shall fight on the beaches.

We shall fight on the landing grounds.

We don't live near any beaches or landing grounds.

It's all fields and streets and hills from around my way. We shall fight in

fields and in the streets.

We shall fight in the hills.

That's my liking, boy -o. Yeah.

We shall never surrender.

Come on. Let's fight them Germans. And he's got all three to turn.

Incredible performance from Mr Churchill.

This man really has got the voice.

Never in the field of human conflict has one man flipped the script and made it

quite his own like I did just then. Word to your mummy.

Although Winston proved to be a great leader, life was tough for ordinary

during the war.

Food rationing was introduced, meaning everyday ingredients often weren't

available, so people had to make do with whatever they could find, which often

wasn't very much.

I'm Paul Jollygood, keep on smiling, sip up a lip, we'll meet again. And I'm

Mary, very fond of Winston Churchill.

Let's see how our bakers have been getting on in the party food round.

You, little common man, what have you made?

Some lovely chocolate truffles and no mistake, yep.

Mmm, my favourite.

Did you find the ingredients with the war on?

I did have to adapt the recipe, see. I didn't have no chocolate, nor cream, nor

bun. No, I didn't, Mum. Oh, love -a -ducksy.

So what have you used?

I used carrots instead.

Carrots. So you've used carrot and carrot with carrot.

Oh, yes, there's no shortage of carrot. No, there isn't.

Voila! And chocolate truffles.

Mmm. Carroty. You can make almost anything at a carrot. I'm talking a

carrot tart.

Ooh, some carrot fudge. Get in.

Carrot jam.

Nailed it. Carrot soup.

Thick. Carrot lollies. Are you serious?

Here we go for the kids at home.

Right, I think we've had quite enough of carrots.

Let's take a look at your showstopper challenge.

Oh, blimey, that's what I like to call the pineapple surprise.

It's a surprise that it's carrot.

Oh, you ruined it.

There's no place for you, love, is there? You know what I mean?

Trying to do a poo.

And I'm just in time.

Major General William Donovan. Leader of the United States Army Morale

Operations Branch. Sir. Look, can this wait? Because I know I can't. That's why

I'm here. I'm going to give you a chance to show Adolf Hitler exactly what you

think. You don't even need to stand up.

It's got Hitler's face on it.

And we just dropped 300 ,000 sheets of that all over occupied France and Italy.

Why?

Psychological warfare.

Or should I say, dirty tricks.

We're going to wipe the floor with these guys. And not just the floor, if you

hear what I'm saying. Do you hear what I'm saying? I understand what you mean.

You know what? I don't need to go now. So thanks.

You've ruined it. You've ruined the one thing in the day that I love to do.

Thanks a lot.

Ridiculous. Hey, come on, wipe the smile off his face.

Morris, push.

So then, we are at war with Germany and her allies.

And to win wars, you need good ideas and new weapons, which I tried to help

invent in a new laboratory known as Churchill's Toy Shop.

But which of these three isn't a real World War II invention?

Is it A, the burrowing tank, B, the rocket -propelled jumping tank, or

C, the floating tank?

The answer, of course, is A.

Tanks don't furrow. You're thinking of moles.

The floating tank is splendid, and you can drive out of the sea straight up the

enemy beach.

Admittedly, the jumping tank doesn't work quite so well.

Well, not unless you like tanks that accidentally land upside down.

Oi! Run away, mate!

Winston was a bit of an eccentric, but he wasn't the only world leader who

behaved in odd ways.

It's time for history's craziest fools.

Ah, this is nasty. There's a worm in me sock.

This period in history had so many crazy fools. But what happens if one of the

craziest was also the British Prime Minister of Britain?

Stupid stuff happens, that's what.

Oi, who goes there?

Sorry, officer.

Just going for a pee.

It's D -Day.

D for Don't Show Me, Crazy Chubby Fool.

But Churchill ain't the only fool in charge of a country.

Here's the leader of the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin.

This dude was mad, bad, and had the world's greatest cookie duster.

You may lead one of the world's military superpowers, but you still need the

comfort break on a long journey, mate.

But wait, there could be landmines in the bushes.

What's he gonna do?

Going the middle of the road?

You're a crazy Russian fool!

But sometimes, even the most inspirational people in history are

seriously crazy behaviour.

No wonder the world is so messed up. And you know what? That is deep for me.

This is the leader of Indian nationalism who led Indian independence in 1947,

Mahatma Gandhi.

Now, he was wise, like Yoda, but like everybody else, he got old, like Yoda.

Nothing crazy about that, is there?

Where are my working sticks?

Ah, here they are.

That is not cool, bro.

What do you expect? I'm old. At least I don't fool in the road.

What? Nothing.

Namaste. Namaste. Left.

I don't know about you, yeah.

I've had enough foolishness for today.

But if history has taught us anything, yeah, it's got plenty more where they

came from. Stay away from stupid.

I'll see you next time. All right.

My latte's gone cold. Can you fix me another one, please?

Can you get me another latte?

Yes, Winston definitely had some unusual habits, which meant working for him

during the war could sometimes be a bit of a challenge.

Welcome to 10 Downing Street. I'm sure you'll fit right in.

Well, it was here I'll stay at the radioactive munitions plant.

Things are a bit different under Mr Churchill.

Riders at 8am will want to see a report from the map room.

Here they are.

And trip deployment summaries.

And communications briefings.

Now, the good news is it's not too far to his office.

Great. The bad news is these are going to his bedroom.

He likes to read them while lying down.

8 a .m. bedroom.

And then he comes downstairs after reading the report.

No, he stays upstairs till early afternoon when he heads down to the war

cabinet. So what's he doing all that time? Bath.

In here.

He comes up with a lot of his speeches and ideas in the bath.

I think he...

You know he's finished when he starts blowing bubbles.

Oh, so he's finished then?

Yeah, before he's just had baked beans for breakfast.

Fine, then after the wall cabinet?

Back to bed. Tell me time.

Excuse me.

So after the wall cabinet, back to bed means he's awake.

Sorry, what happened to him? John had to go and look after Mr Churchill's tummy

-time card, run a war on an empty stomach, ate beer this dinner, then at

only starts work. He starts work? He starts work. Although by the time you're

called on to take detection, it could be midnight.

Here's a hat and a rope.

Midnight? Oh, you again.

What happened to... James, tea break.

Right, he said something about midnight?

Ah, yes, we call them the midnight follies.

You can be working until about 3am.

And then he goes to bed?

Sometimes. Sometimes he gets an extra burst of energy.

So how will I know when the working day is finished?

You call for Sue.

Sue?

Sue.

Perfect, Bill.

And then I start work again at 8am.

I might give the radioactive munitions plant a call.

Oh, hang on, don't clear that up. I'll eat that later.

After six years of bitter fighting, World War II ended in 1945 with victory

for Britain and her allies. Thanks, Churchill.

Then Winston was defeated in the general election and replaced as Prime

Minister. No thanks, Churchill.

But even if the British public didn't fancy Churchill as a peacetime leader,

they would forever be grateful for his wartime heroism.

Thanks, old boy.

In 44, we turned the war.

D -Day made sure the foe retreated.

In 45, our troops survive.

But in the vote, I am defeated.

The masses spoke, though victory's mine.

Chose some old bloke, ungrateful swine.

There goes my power.

What should have been my finest hour?

Back in 36, I tried to fix the

mad idea.

Hitler was charming.

Then in 38, though I'd gained weight, so did my

case for re -arming.

In my modest way told all I was right, but lack support had to sit tight till

39.

Justice was mine there by the star.

I kept my faith.

Words well I'd choose.

Time to bear and endure.

Never surrender.

Blood, toil, tears and sweat.

We'll go on to the end.

What's never so much owed to so few.

expected you would thank me too and show affection.

But victory and love for me did not

extend to the election.

Defeating Hitler, we had to fight. Defeating me, ballot box sufficed.

what we killed for.

What blood was spilled for your finest hour?

I won the war, but lost the peace.

I can't complain.

My life did not cease.

The only cross was one you wrote.

Your brothers died, so...

You could vote.

Didn't just beat me.

You beat tyranny.

Your fight is sure.

You know me as Winston Churchill.

And my wife is the lovely Clementine Churchill.

But those are our official names.

At home, what do we call each other?

Is it A, orange and lemon?

B, cat and pug?

Or C, Torvill and Dean?

Well, the answer is B.

She's my cat, and I'm her pug.

Or sometimes Mr. Pig.

It's fun to have nicknames for the person you love, just as it's fun to sit

them and chat about things.

Even if those things are a bit confusing for an old chap like me.

In the year when Match of the Day started and the Beatles were top of the

Winston and Clementine enjoyed lots of great ballet.

It's back holiday Monday, 1964, but no fun in the sun for holidaymakers as mods

and rockers clash on the beaches of Brighton. Or know who they.

There's the mods, Pug. They're all the rage. They wear suits and ride motor

scooters and listen to soul and blues music.

Why are they at war?

Have the mods invaded Hastings? Should I address the nation?

They're just young people looking for fun, Pug. Do you think we fought two

wars so this lot could fight on the beaches?

You asked people to fight on the beaches.

Not for fun, I didn't.

Certainly not because some chap wears the wrong shaped shoes.

What else is on?

Oh, why don't we have a look at that new channel?

BBC Two.

Two?

There's two BBCs?

Oh, whatever next.

BBC Three.

BBC Four.

Children's BBC.

Look. The Beatles.

Even you must have heard of them.

Like a bunch of wastrels and baboons, if you ask me.

Bingo!

Jockey Vicky for Winnie's tummy time.

Oh, how did him fluff?

I like the fluff.

So, Winston Churchill died in 1965 at the grand old age of 90.

He'd lived from Victorian times right up to the swinging 60s, fought in India,

World War I, and led the country to victory in World War II. Take a bow,

Mr Churchill.

Chatty death, chatty death, my grisly interview.

Chatty death, chatty death, the dead, I'm famous too.

No, I don't know how anyone can accuse you of being spineless, Nigel. I mean, I

can literally see your spine, it's right there.

Are we on? Right, who's next?

Oh, goody.

Please put your hands together for former Prime Minister of the United

Winston...

Churchill! So, Winston, how does it feel to be dead?

I've faced death a great many times.

It holds no mysteries for me.

All right, mate, keep it light. It's a family show. I'm an old man.

I'm very tired.

You're tired?

You should try working in show business, mate. I'm dead on my feet.

Get it?

Is there a reason I'm here?

All right, mate, don't get shirty. It's my show.

So, Winnie.

Now you're dead, how do you think you'll be remembered?

I led Great Britain to victory against the Nazi foe with decisive tactics and

some of the most inspirational speeches of all time, saving our great nation in

its darkest hour.

We fought them on the beaches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, you know, we've all done that before, haven't we?

Have you?

Well, uh, no.

But, um, Nigel, he is very brave. He was just telling me about how he fished a

spider from his eye socket.

So, am I as well -loved as I deserve to be? You are a bit weird, but to be fair,

you consider the greatest Prime Minister of all time. And one of the greatest

ever Britons. Sweet.

On the other hand, no smoking!

Do as we have it.

It'll kill him. Oh, it's too late!

And smoking tonight!

Smoking with jokes. My jokes are smoking, not me.

Catty death, catty death. Hope next time it's not you.

That's all for you.

And that's the end.

And we cut.

The path is no longer a mystery.

Hope you enjoyed Horrible History.