Original subtitles

Hey guys, who wants to help me clean graffiti along Route 5?

I'd love to, but I've decided today's a me day.

So you're just going to sit around and be a lazy slob?

No, it's a bite me day.

Why would I help get graffiti off? I put half of it on.

Do some people consider graffiti an art form?

Oh, okay, what's artistic about Kyle Rule?

And why do you always write that?

It lets people know who rules.

TJ, what about you?

I'm trying to fix your flat tire.

When did I get a flat tire? That day you told me not to ride your bike.

I see, so it doesn't benefit you in some way you're not interested.

How very noble.

I'm collecting money to build a children's hospital. Give me some.

Since when did you start caring about sick kids, Brenda?

The same time you started caring about graffiti.

When the paper announced the Caring Kids Award.

How very noble.

I've never graffitied in a children's hospital.

Here's five.

Don't tell her. She doesn't deserve to win.

Give me that. Not today, baby.

Give it to me.

Okay,

come on. Break it up, you two lovebirds.

Look, Dad, I can explain, okay?

Brenda and I are competing for... When

I catch him, he's going to need that children's hospital.

Okay, I'm going to work.

What are you guys doing today?

Play knocking in the backyard.

The backyard?

Come on, you're just going to get old lady Riley screaming at you and calling

the cops.

We could cut her phone line.

Can't you just play in the street?

DJ's already been hit by a car once.

What are the odds of that happening again?

All right, just stay out of her hair, okay?

Well, hey, Dad, wouldn't it be easier to stay out of your hair? Because you

don't have any, get it?

with unpatriotic.

All right, all right. For this one counts!

Go over to Riley's window.

She's old. Maybe she didn't hear.

Hi, Mrs. Riley.

Little help?

My aim isn't very good, so...

Hold still.

I demand to speak to your father right now. Where is he?

Why? What did he do?

He's at work.

But if you'd like to leave a message, we'll be sure to pass it along.

Oh, I've got a message, all right.

Tell him his rotten, no -good punk t... Teenage sons broke my window again, and

I'm sick of it. I tell you, sick of it.

Well, can I just say you're sick of it, or do I have to say I'm sick of it? I

tell you, sick of it.

Go on.

I'm sick of your smart mouths, your firecrackers in my mailbox, your ugly

mutt pooping on my lawn.

Now we'll never know what she's most sick of.

Hey, old lady Riley.

You okay?

I think she's having a heart attack.

What do we do?

Let's go get her ball back.

You can't just let her die.

Eh, who are we to play God?

Call 9 -1 -1.

Old lady down. Old lady down.

Sounds pretty quiet in there.

No.

Okay, check her purse.

Her purse?

Oh, sorry.

Pulse.

Nothing. Nothing?

Yeah, yeah, we know CPR.

Give her CPR.

I'm not putting my mouth on that witch. You do it.

You're the one who gave her the heart attack.

We all gave her a heart attack.

Come on, TJ, let's go. Time to be a man.

I can't even blow up a balloon.

Hey, make Kyle do it. He'll put his mouth anywhere.

I'm not doing it. Why not? I don't need a reason.

Fine. I'll do it.

I can't do it.

Oh, this is not good.

Yeah. When Dad sees a dead body on our floor, he's going to think that we have

something to do with it.

Wait.

Jam and spike pump in her mouth.

What if she explodes?

That'd be awesome.

Just shut up and massage your chest.

Not likely.

Here.

Use the toilet plunger.

You don't remember?

Last I recall, I was tearing you boys a new one.

Are you okay, Miss Riley?

What did you do to her?

We didn't do anything, I swear.

Ma 'am, tell me your name.

Agnes Riley.

What day is it?

Friday. Is it Friday already?

Ma 'am, this is where you flew by.

Why don't you go with her to the ER?

Had them check her out.

Just to be on the safe side, Mrs. Riley.

Hey, do I have to go, too?

You know, I really... I don't think she's going to make it. And I have

basketball tickets.

Okay.

What happened? She collapsed and almost died.

But we brought her back from the dead.

You gave her CPR?

Just like I taught you?

Did your mouth form a tight seal over hers?

Oh, yeah, super tight.

It was textbook CPR, Dad.

Yeah, it was no big deal. So, how was your day?

What's with the modesty? You guys are heroes.

The whole town should know what you did. Whoa, whoa.

That's not necessary, Dad.

Hey, I'm proud of you guys.

And you don't know the perks of being a hero.

You're going to have girls crawling all over you.

Well, I guess it's okay to tell a few people.

Yeah. Kids don't have that many heroes these days.

I'm back and your highway is graffiti free.

You're welcome. Shut up!

We're on TV.

Why? Shut up!

I'm standing here with the Savage family, ordinary teenage boys, but today

did something quite extra -ordinary.

They bravely saved the life of their elderly neighbor.

What thoughts were racing through your head at that moment?

Actually, our heads were surprisingly empty, Chet.

You see, in a situation like that, you don't have time to think.

You just act.

Incredible.

Not incredible.

Heroic.

I looked her in the face and screamed, You will not die! Not on my watch!

That's almost like something you'd see in a movie.

Yes.

Almost.

We believe that every life is precious, even really old ones.

And with the Caring Kids Award coming up, I'd say these caring kids are a shoo

-in. Jack Pringle, action -breaking news here on a porch with some children.

You guys are nominated for a Caring Kids Award?

You should be proud of your brothers, Sam.

They're not caring kids. I'm a caring kid.

Sam, I'm as surprised as you are, but your brothers did something good today.

They saved a human life.

They deserve your congratulations, not your anger.

Congratulations. I'm proud to be your brother.

Was that so hard?

I'm going upstairs.

Don't use the phone.

We've got an interview with Team People.

Team People?

Congratulations, it's a fine magazine.

Look, we're on the front page of the paper.

Well, not you.

Here's a story that's kind of about you, Sam.

Route 5 retaining wall slated for demolition.

she doing here?

If she starts dying, I call saving her.

Ah, my poor little angels.

Who wants some home -baked chocolate chip cookies?

Oh.

These cookies are for the boys who saved my life.

Did you save my life?

Well, I wasn't home, but... Then put the cookie down.

It's okay, Mrs. Riley.

He's with us.

Just one.

The broken one.

Did the doctor tell you it was all right to be up and around?

Oh, doctors.

They're just lawyers with rubber gloves.

I brought something else for you, boy. Money! I want money!

Why don't you come over later? I'll bake a cake and we'll play canasta.

Congratulations, guys. I really mean it this time.

That was a bad sport. I'm sorry.

You should be. We're great.

I painted over eight miles of graffiti.

You saved a person.

You're going to be tough to beat.

Just going to have to get out there and do some more caring things.

Maybe I'll get lucky and rescue some nuns from a fiery bus crash.

He's being a pretty good sport.

Maybe we should share the money.

Nah, give him the cookies instead.

back on the bike.

to mouth my ass.

One more thing before I go. I'm thinking of doing a story on you guys for the

school paper.

Well, we're more comfortable on TV, but we can do print.

First question.

Who actually administered the CPR?

All of you.

All of you? Oh, yeah, well, we all took a whack at her.

How come you're not writing anything down?

Oh, it's all up here. Second question.

Wasn't it kind of gross putting your mouth on that mean old face?

I didn't see a mean old face.

I just saw a human being in need.

Oh, give me a break. You guys are such liars. Heroes don't lie.

You wouldn't know that because you're not a hero.

And neither are you. Here's the real hero. This interview is over.

So you admit it. You didn't breathe life back into that old lady. You just blew

her up like a pool toy.

Hey, she's alive, isn't she?

And we have nothing to be ashamed of.

If you have nothing to be ashamed of, then why didn't you tell the reporters

it really happened?

They wanted heroes, so we pretended to be heroes. That's what heroes do.

Yeah, nobody wants to know how the sausage is made. They just want to eat

sausage.

You could have killed that poor woman.

You don't care about her. You just care about your stupid award.

That we're going to win if there's any justice in this world.

If there's anything that deserves that award, it's this pump.

Yeah, like you cleaned all that graffiti off by yourself.

You didn't get any help from a paintbrush.

Let me ask you this, heroes.

Where would Mrs. Riley be if we didn't own a bike pump? I'll tell you where

she'd be. She'd be dead. And knowing how lazy you guys are, you would have just

kicked her body under the couch.

We would have buried her in the basement.

The bottom line is she would have died and it would have been all your fault.

Hello?

Hey, Heather.

A party in our honor?

All right.

Yeah, of course we'll teach you how to do CPR.

Did you guys hear anything I just said?

Oh, yeah, we heard it, but we're going to stick with the hero thing.

So, you going to rat us out, rat face?

Well, unfortunately, Dad's really proud of you.

I don't want to take that away from him, so don't worry. I'll keep your dirty

little secret.

And we'll keep yours.

We're really gonna stick it to your brother.

Why are we even up here?

Hey, we did good things, too.

I painted over graffiti.

I worked in a soup kitchen.

I wrote a 30 -second play for the ADD kids.

Besides, it ain't over till the guy announces the winner.

Good evening.

Tonight, we're here to celebrate the caring kids of our town.

Like the ones who saved a human life.

Way to go, boy!

Or the one who was trying to open a children's hospital and has raised a

of $22?

$14. I went to the movies.

Or the one who painted over eight miles of soon -to -be -demolished highway

walls.

I did other stuff, too.

Way to go, Sammy boy.

And the winner is... Sam Savage, Sam Savage, Sam Savage.

Not Brenda, not Brenda, not Brenda.

I can hear you.

The winner is... Why don't you just get LASIK?

The winner is... Who else?

The CPR kids.

keeping the 14 bucks and buying myself a model.

I'm told that we have a tape of the 911 call so we can hear our caring kids in

action.

Yeah, we know CPR.

Give her CPR!

That doesn't sound like me. I have a deep, manly voice.

I'm not putting my mouth on that witch. You do it.

Make Kyle put his mouth anywhere.

You left the phone off the hook, you idiot.

Okay, they were a little scared at first, but trust me, the heroic part is

coming. Jam his bike pump in her mouth.

What if she explodes?

That would be awesome.

I never said that.

Hey, use the toilet plunger.

Or that.

All right, I've heard enough. You take those medals off, you cowards.

You aren't carrying kids. You're nothing but a bunch of no -good rotten punks.

these kids.

I really do.

They're noisy, surly, disrespectful,

smelly boys.

But I would not be up here today if it weren't for their reckless and stupid

actions. So to me, they'll always be heroes.

I said we were your heroes.

That was just for the press.

Now pick up the pace. You're boring me.

And where are my tea sandwiches?

Coming.

Coming.

Those have crusts on them.

Well, just eat them, you old nut.

Nothing, Mrs. Riley.

I didn't think so.