Original subtitles

Okay, boys.

Paul is here.

And you know what that means.

Time to throw out the rakes.

Nope.

Time to get rid of last year's leaves.

Make room for the new ones.

Why can't you stay and help us?

Oh, I'd like to. I really would. But unfortunately, I'm a fireman and...

don't take weekends off.

And? They don't do drugs.

That's right.

Hey, Nick.

Ready to hit the links there?

Hey, the greens are really dry this time of year.

They could burst into flames at any second.

Nice try, Dad. Grab a rake.

Hey, you too, Uncle Jimmy.

Put that down.

All right.

How much do you think this job is worth?

Ten bucks an hour?

Yeah, totally.

Well, that's what I'm saving by having you guys do it.

Have fun, boys.

I wasn't really going to break.

Yeah, sure you weren't.

Tree stalk.

Hey, if we... Towards the backyard, we'd never have to rake again.

You know, guys, instead of complaining about cleaning up the yard, why don't we

just play rake ball?

I call good rake. Kyle, go get the ball. We'll set up the goals.

All right, let's pick teams. I'll take Cotton.

I'll take TJ.

I'll take the dog.

Why does the dog always get picked before me?

can do that.

for my collection.

This is a first -class caning.

Hey, guys.

Dad's gonna be home in a couple hours.

Yeah. Better get back to our game.

We can't.

That ball was our last one.

She swiped all of them.

You mean she's totally de -balled this family?

Yeah, I had to go grab that one out of Dad's room.

That wasn't a ball from his bureau, was it?

Oh, you moron!

That was Dad's game ball from his high school championship.

Didn't you notice the little plaque with the writing on it?

I don't have time to read stuff.

We better get that ball back from old Lady Riley before Dad gets home.

What, you mean actually talk to her? Like, face to face?

I heard if she bites you, you turn into an old lady too.

I heard she keeps a jar of kids' teeth in her kitchen.

Look, I'll make it real simple for you.

You can either lose your teeth to her or to Dad.

The choice is yours.

Let's go.

Okay.

Let me do the talking. She likes me. I used to be her paper boy.

Where's my papers, crony?

Good day, young lady.

Is your mother home?

Okay, I'll get right to the point. That ball you took from us? Which you were

absolutely right to do. That ball happened to be very special to our

Who's dying?

In about an hour.

So we hope that you can find it in the goodness of your sweet, wrinkled heart

give it back to us.

Please, Mrs.

Wiley.

What's in it for me?

The good feeling inside that comes from doing the right thing.

What else you got?

We could come in and listen to you tell us boring stories.

Old people like that, right?

Get your paws off me!

You want your ball back?

Yes. Rake my yard.

Deal.

Mow the grass, stack the firewood, and clean up that gum.

What gum?

Okay, we're done.

Can we have our ball now?

Who are you?

Are you robbers? Please, don't rob me.

What? No.

But the guys could just clean your yard.

I'm an old woman. I have trouble remembering things.

I have to lay down.

He's faking.

Hey, we had a deal.

that by calling her names.

Excuse me, Mrs. Riley, I'm really sorry about what my little brother said.

I think elderly people have a lot of wisdom that my generation...

She's a mean old hag and we're sweet young kids.

We're natural enemies.

Kind of like you and girls?

Yeah, or like you and literacy.

Hey, you guys didn't rake the yard. Hey, Nick, before you start yelling, can I

finish this chili here?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, thanks.

Scream away.

I've had it with you guys.

I'm tired of having the worst yard in the neighborhood.

She was in Chile.

It's like chocolate pudding.

With meat in it.

I'm sorry, go ahead.

Look how nice Mrs. Riley's yard looks.

And she's an old lady and walks with a cane.

That's not all she does with it.

For your information, we rigged her yard.

You? Shut up!

I don't want her taking credit for our hard work. It's bad enough she takes

Dad's game ball.

No more cough talking.

How did Mrs. Riley get my state championship ball?

Well, we were playing this game, rake ball.

Rake ball!

Just to loosen up for raking. And your ball went over the fence, and she told

that if we did a bunch of chores, she'd give it back, but she didn't.

What the hell were you doing using my ball?

It wasn't me. Kyle took it from your room.

It was Chris's idea to play.

Sam's the one who hit it over. That's because Jack took the good rake. If you

weren't so busy trying to show up the dog, it would have never gone away.

Shut up.

I don't care whose fault it was. You're all to blame.

But mainly Sam, right?

Get out there and rake the yard.

And take the shovels, because I don't want to see you until it starts snowing.

You guys know what that ball meant to me. That was my greatest moment in high

school.

I broke the scoring record.

We won the championship.

Hey, got to ride in a parade with Miss Clam Chowder.

And her quart of oysters, huh?

You guys have no respect for me or my stuff.

You know what?

I don't even want to look at your faces right now.

Come on, Jimmy, let's go get a beer.

Yeah, good idea.

Gotta wash this meaty pudding taste out of my mouth.

I didn't want to say anything.

This is my science project.

Uncle Jimmy's disturbed the larva.

Boy, Dad's really mad at us.

Yeah, maybe we should just do what he told us to do in the first place and

the yard.

Nah, it's too late.

We'll just have to let the yard go till next fall.

Stupid old lady Riley.

Look at her out there with her stupid old lady purse.

Getting into her stupid old lady car.

With her stupid old lady blinker on.

You hear that? She's leaving.

This is our chance to get Dad's ball back.

What are you suggesting? We break into Mrs. Riley's house and steal the ball?

Oh, Sam, you can't steal something if it's already yours.

Okay, but it's still breaking in. It's not breaking in if no one catches us.

Come on, Sam.

This is our chance to make Dad proud.

By burglarizing an elderly woman's house?

Hey, it's not burglarizing if we're not wearing masks.

No more rationalizing. Sam, it's not rationalizing if it's true, okay?

Whatever, let's just rob the old bag.

Watch the decorative bells, jerk butt.

Oh, man, this place smells like a deep museum.

Hey, candy.

All right, let's split up and look for the ball.

I'll take Kyle. I'll take TJ.

Oh, come on.

Look at all this creepy stuff.

I can't find my body.

Did you take it?

Why is there a couch in a sandwich

bag?

Nothing in her bedroom except for a closet full of fuzzy slippers and

pants.

Oh, man, she left her mouth here.

Hey, Kyle, ten bucks says you don't put them in your mouth.

Huh?

God, she's got like every toy we've ever owned.

It's my old MC Hammer kite.

Jack, isn't this your pretty pony frisbee? Give me that.

We'll take the bird as hostage.

I smell young people.

Ringing.

I can hear him from the phone.

Still ringing.

Still heading for the...

A friend of yours here wants to say hello.

Say something, you dumb bird.

your dog.

If you eat our dog, we'll pull the plastic off your couch and sit on it

pants.

Who are you talking to, boys?

Uh, I don't know.

Oh, well, that answers that.

It's old lady Riley's dad. We broke into her house to get your ball back, but we

ended up kidnapping your bird. Now she's got her dog and she wants to eat it.

That does it.

This thing has gone far enough.

Nobody terrorizes my kids but me.

Yeah, that's right, Dad. She's not our father. You are.

Yeah, we love you, Dad. Yeah, who does she think she is, stealing your ancient

memories?

What are you going to do, Dad?

It's time somebody gave old lady Riley the bird.

But it's okay for you to yank off a body part?

It's an artificial leg, and he yanked it off.

gonna have to be straight with him.

Buenos dias.

Oh, Mrs. Riley.

Yes, it's here.

Of course we're taking good care of you.

What?

Okay, fair enough.

I'll meet you there.

What'd she want?

She wants to bake us a pie.

I wouldn't eat that pie, Dad.

There is no pie, Chris.

Give me that.

Hold on, I'm not done carving my name in her shin.

Well, hurry up.

As much as we may hate her, this is still part of a human being.

Your brother's right.

As much fun as it is, we should still have respect for her infirmity.

Maybe this little misunderstanding could be the beginning of a whole new

relationship for all of us.

I'd like that.

Now get off my lawn!

I'm glad you got your ball back, Dad.

Sorry I hit it into her yard. No, it was my fault. I took the good rake.

It was my idea to play the game.

I'm the one who went and got the ball out of your room. No, I'm the most

Dad. I knew they were wrong, and I kept silent.

Here, let me put it back in its case where it belongs. Eh, what good's a ball

a case when we could use it to play a rake ball?

Wasn't I bored?

Yeah. Which one are you, Dad?

Afro, mutton chops, goggles. How can you not recognize me?

Whoa, check out the cheerleader, third to the left.

Oh, man.

I didn't know Chewbacca was in a movie before Star Wars.

Nick's first love.

Hey, Dad, you want us to bring you a beer?

Yeah, thanks.