Original subtitles

Hey, Tanya, do you consider me successful?

Yes, I do.

I mean, not in a traditional sense.

That's actually the sense I was hoping for. You know, you're rich in happiness.

I'm not that happy. Well, you're middle class in happiness, and that is flavor

because the middle class is vanishing.

Okay. I think I should start doing stuff with my life. That could be cool.

I got stuff. I'm going to go check out the new coffee shop. You want to come?

The really far away one? It's only a... 68 -minute walk.

Do stuff.

Nah. I think I might do a little career research. Good for you.

Hey, Kevin.

Hey, Tanya.

What is up?

Nothing. Just reconsidering my entire life.

You? Also nothing.

You know, just being regular.

Why do you sound suspicious?

What? No, I'm not suspicious.

You're sweating a lot.

I was at soccer practice. You don't have soccer practice on Sundays.

Okay, listen.

There's something wrong with the bathroom. Kevin, what did you do?

I didn't do anything.

Have you been eating in there again?

Yes. We better not have cockroaches.

It's not cockroaches.

Uh, it was like this when I walked in.

Oh, my God.

Kevin, did you leave cookies behind the sink?

Yes. That's why this thing is here. It smelled your bathroom snacks.

Oh, man.

My B.

Dude, you gotta stop this. We have a kitchen.

Well, sometimes I'm hungry in other rooms. Hey, guys, what's up?

Oh, man, what did you do?

Kevin left cookies behind the sink. Again. Kevin, we talked about that for

hours. Hey, I'm still not convinced this is my fault.

You know what this means, right?

We have to use the half bathroom. Oh, my God, no.

What the hell was that?

Oh, hey, Cat.

Kevin left cookies in the bathroom.

Damn it, Kevin!

There's nothing cool about eating cookies on the toilet.

Hey, cool it, man.

No, I just cleaned in there. You cleaned in there, like, two weeks ago. Yeah,

two weeks ago, thoroughly cleaned.

And may also I ask, when's the last time you cleaned in there? This is not a

competition. Life is a competition.

And you're running in last place, buddy. Give me that broom. I'm going to take

care of this.

Go on. Yeah.

Uh, cat?

All right, he's alive.

Kevin, clean up your shit. I have life stuff to figure out.

Go on, boy.

Hey,

what gives?

Why is that guy rich? I should be rich.

Hmm, where does money come from?

Hey, we should sue Blockbuster. You want to sue Blockbuster?

Yes, Rona.

Noel and I used to work there, and unless I'm mistaken, they had money. Do

to keep up. They went out of business 12 years ago.

Yeah, probably because somebody wouldn't rent Pixar movies to people. The

bloopers are unprofessional. They rock!

Rona, you agree.

The bloopers, we know them.

They... I really love the Brave Little Toaster.

Yeah, no shit. Everybody loves the Brave Little Toaster. You know why?

There's no bloopers.

No, it's a classic because of that rude little radio voiced by John Robin.

I can't believe you totaled my car again.

Why are you like this?

I don't know. Probably the same reason your ass is too big for your frame.

God?

It's actually Josh.

Come on, boy. Noel's pretty upset he's suing you. What? That bitch. I'll ruin

him. Well, you know, I can help.

Are you sure? Because, you know, once you kill somebody, that follows you for

life. What? No. I meant I can represent you. I studied law.

Wait. Were you going to kill Noel?

Oh, my God. Rona. No.

No. I'm going to have you do it.

So, what are we talking?

Just, uh... Standard suing a guy? I don't care about the buddy. I just want

teach him a lesson about respecting other people's property.

Okay, well, if things go south, I'll give my friend the signal, and he'll

everybody his hole.

Usually ends in a mistrial, so no harm, no foul.

It's not one of your nicer holes.

Wow,

a real courtroom.

This is my big chance.

Big chance to do what?

You know, fuck around, have fun. That's what you do every day. Yeah, but not in

a courtroom.

Please don't make this worse than it has to be.

I wonder what would happen if I touched the bailiff's gun.

All rise for the Honorable Judge Hopper.

Mr.

Dandelos, you're being sued for reckless endangerment. How do you plead?

I'd like to call my first witness to the stand.

Myself!

In all my years.

Oh, great. He's on one.

Place your hand on the Bible.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

help you God?

No.

Excuse me?

I don't need God's help. Jack, for fuck's sake.

Your Honor, Noel slandered Pixar and their fine bloopers after recklessly

allowing me into his car without doing a seatbelt check. I did a seatbelt check.

You took it off. You gotta do multiple seatbelt checks with me. This is absurd.

Go take a seat.

Gladly.

Overruled. Ride the lightning. Yes. Ride the what? No.

Overruled. Underruled. Overruled.

Overruled. I agree.

Oh, that's tricking the, ah, shit.

God, give it up. All right, you're embarrassing yourself. You're

Rhoda. But no more than usual. And worst of all, you're embarrassing me. Me. Of

all people. You always make things like this.

All right, just give it up, and I'll drop the case. No way! What if I'm

You don't even know what you're arguing about. Listen to yourself.

No, thank you. I got a weird voice.

Order!

Order!

Order! Order! Order! Order!

I'm holding you both in contempt of court.

Get out of there!

Well, Jill, we... meet again rhoda what are you doing here practicing law

without a license what do we think the wi -fi situation is here

Kevin!

Did you clean the bathroom yet?

You did not clean the bathroom!

actually not that bad.

Oh, shit.

Come on.

Hey, Kevin.

Hey,

Tanya.

Hey, you just texted me the words bathroom. Emergency in all caps. What's

Yeah, I'm trapped in the half bathroom at my place. Why are you using the half

bathroom? There's, like, an alien or a monster or something in the regular

bathroom. Oh, man. Yeah, Kevin left cookies in there. God, again?

Yeah. I'm so glad I don't have roommates. Thank God for Sola's job.

You're living the dream.

What are you up to right now? I'm still at this coffee shop. The line is super

long.

Um... Do you want to maybe bail and come get me out of here instead?

No, dude, I've put two and a half hours into this. I've got to see if it's worth

the hype.

No, yeah, that seems important.

Listen, I'll come get you on the way back. We can do lunch.

Tonya, there's a spider in here. I'll see you in like 84 minutes, okay?

Oh, God.

Don't get all stressed out.

It's way too late for that.

Oh, man.

Um, excuse me.

Do you think I could go in front of you? My friend is stuck in his half

-bathroom.

Hey, lady, everyone's got problems. You think I don't have to go let someone out

of a bathroom after this?

Do you? Yeah, my friend Karen. She's been stuck in her bathroom for three

Oh, Karen, no.

You know Karen? No, but she sounds incredible.

She's one of my third best friends. Hey, um, I'm just blue sky in here, but why

don't we just order together?

Are you getting any food?

No. Yeah, me either. Great, thanks.

Excuse me, do you think I... I can go in front of you. My friend is stuck in his

half -bathroom.

I'm going to die in a half -bathroom.

Not even a real bathroom.

At least we became bros in the end, didn't we, Spider?

Thank you for believing in me.

Ernesto, you still in there? Tanya, how was the coffee? Not good.

Did you lock it? Yeah, and then I broke the door handle off. All right, all

right. I'm going to try something.

Hi.

It didn't work.

Should I try again?

Yeah. Second high. I think it opens in the other direction.

Man, these doors are thin.

Hey, Tanya. Hey.

Why are you breaking my house?

Kevin. Ernesto? Did you clean the bathroom yet? Yeah, I mean, I'm doing

I got the broom out.

are you up to? I'm stuck in this goddamn half -bathroom. Oh, you have to lift

the door, then push.

Oh.

Hey, Tonya. Hey.

Dude. Hey! No hey.

Bathroom.

Fine.

Guys, I think I need help.

Whoa. You guys need to clean your place more.

Shit. All right. We got to take care of this right now.

Kevin, grab the broom.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Look at this, Kevin.

I've got this, Kevin.

Dude, just be brave.

Oh, man.

Okay. Can I drink some alcohol first?

I'd also like to drink some alcohol first.

You got so much to live for.

There's still only a hundred bucks.

Jump. What?

Hey.

Hey, I see you. You trying to break in?

Not on my watch, pal.

Oh, hi.

Ben, not all gypsies are thieves.

I didn't say he was a gypsy.

You're a racist.

You really went above and beyond today, Walt. That was a risky move, but it got

us the results we need to keep this whole thing going.

And since you helped me out, I have something for you.

Just a little thank you gift.

Oh, I don't think he's trying to break in, Ben.

I think he's trying to help that boy on the ledge.

Oh, no.

Oh, God. Hold on. Help is on the way.

Oh, God!

My son!

Sir! Stay where you are!

We are coming to help you now!

Oh,

we got a fucking dangler!

I have a dangler.

Is this your apartment, miss?

Yeah, I was locked out.

Is Walt okay?

I asked him to climb in through my window and let me in.

Did he fall?

Thanks again, Walt.

I'll definitely remember these next time.

Hey. Hey.

You're a hero, son.

You smell like shit, but you're a goddamn hero.

Hey, are we going to hang out after work?

Yeah, I'd love to. Oh.

Sorry.

Let

me

ask you this.

Have you ever seen a bunyip?

Basically, I was just sitting around doing pretty much nothing at my auntie's

house when I heard a very loud honking sound from behind the old jacaranda

There's somebody there.

Oh, a bunyip.

What's your name, Cobber?

Oh, I'm Sam.

What about you?

Yeah, me too. I'm also named Sam.

No way.

Nah, mate. I'm just yanking your chain. My name's Glungo. Do you want to come

and meet my family?

I wanted to go to a music festival later that month. I was kind of worried that

the bunyips would try to eat my skin or fuck me to death.

Glungo sensed my unease.

Relax, man. We aren't dangerous.

Yeah, okay.

Why not?

Are you sure this is where I was to wear?

Oh, nah.

You better put on a tuxedo.

Let's go, mate. Hurry up.

Gwongo's brothers and sisters greeted me with a traditional song that was so

gorgeous, it made me cry.

And they even gave me a feed.

I promised I'd come back to visit and walked home with a very large smile on

dial. My auntie couldn't believe what I'd seen.

Oh, they sound good. Trust me, they're really good. I want to meet them ASAP.

I'll borrow my mate's camera and we can get some photos of the bastard.

Hey! Go on, go!

Sam the Man.

Who's this?

I'm Sam's auntie.

Hey, you guys have really got the wow factor.

Ever thought about becoming famous?

What is fame?

She gave the bunyip the lowdown on showbiz. I couldn't help notice she was

nice examples like Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt and didn't touch upon the

implications of celebrity like Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse. We're going to

superstars. I can't wait to attend the Grammy.

Let's take some snaps, shall we?

Stand over there, sucking your gut, please.

Hold on to that deli cup.

I might move around if you get the lock.

Oh. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that.

If Friday's this good, we have got to make a calendar. New Year's is just

the corner.

Everybody will want one.

It'll be the most popular calendar of all time.

Bad news for those Shetland firemen. Those firemen will be fuming.

Yeah, they'll be fuming so bad, they'll have to use their hoses to put the cells

out.

Man, Glongo is such a crack -up.

So, what do you think? I mean, we heard you fellas are the largest and most

successful calendar retailers in the world.

Sure. Mind if we take a look?

Hold on.

Where's December?

Oh, yeah, there's only 11 bunions.

Are you serious?

Yeah. Is that a problem?

We always include... Every month of the year in our calendars. It's one of our

main policies. This is unacceptable.

Can't you make an exception?

It's got three eyes.

No. Oh, Wongo's going to be devastated.

Most people only have two. Please get out of here.

Hey, cheer up, little Sammy.

Those suits don't know what they're talking about. We made a great calendar.

It's a shame they all died in the bushfires, isn't it?

We're knocked out.

We're knocked out.

We're knocked out of here.

Deborah.

Deborah.

Deborah, you got a problem.

You got a problem.

You need to go home.

Deborah, please.

I know all the things that are bad for me.

He passed out.

All right, let's get him to the couch.

Guys, are you going to clean this up?

Ready? Ready.

you learn to throw a knife like that?

Videos.

Send me a link.

Oh, come on.

I'm alive.

You guys saved me.

You do respect me.

I actually forgot he was in here.

It's okay.

What the hell was that thing?

It was an alien parasite, I think.

Actually, I don't really know. Oh, my God.

It's like I could feel it in my mind.

It kept just, like, telling me to call my mother for some reason.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Kevin, are you drunk?

Yes. Good. Can you show me where the alcohol is?

I killed a monster.

Yeah, thanks for that, man.

You're everybody's hero today, pal.

Pretty kitty.

So how about that lunch, darling?

I don't know.

I should probably get back to my career search.

Then again...

I can't do anything if I'm hungry. Food is the first step to success.

I'm writing that down. Oh, you should.

Hey, Kevin, you want to come eat with us?

I know. We should do all you can eat.

Will that be enough?

We can get to order.

What about dessert? Oh, there's a new hot cookie place on 4th. It's called Hot

Cookie. Ooh.

Oh my god.