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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:05,420 Antidepressants, anti -bullying, the acceptance of diversity, people staring 2 00:00:05,420 --> 00:00:07,740 their phones instead of realizing how meaningless life is. 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,120 Suicides are way down, gentlemen. And now, this. 4 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:12,920 You know who this is? 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,040 Yes. 6 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,200 Who is it? 7 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,820 I don't know. Dr. Paul McGibian. Oh, is that that weird assisted suicide guy? 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,180 Oh, yeah, the guy's so metal! 9 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,820 Yeah, but that son of a bitch hasn't sent me any suicide in months. 10 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:32,100 Maybe they're just angels up in sweet, sweet heaven. Gary, suicide is a sin. 11 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,960 have you been down here this long and you don't know that? Here. Okay. All 12 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,160 right. You can boil a child in a bucket full of breast milk. Yeah, that's a sin, 13 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,720 of course. But you can't wear polyester? 14 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,040 We're covered in polyester. That's why. 15 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:47,120 Listen, I want you two to go topside. Fine, I'm going to give in, all right? I 16 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,640 want that suicide train running again. 17 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,540 You got it. Tell me, can we use the corporate card for this? Yeah, knock 18 00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:53,539 yourselves out. 19 00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,020 Um, think about the corporate account. 20 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,200 Do you remember how you spent that week, kind of like, exploding my bottom with 21 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,620 a bunch of lightning bolts, and then it set my pants on fire, and then you 22 00:01:00,620 --> 00:01:03,360 ripped off my pants, and then shoved them up my ass, and then set me on fire? 23 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,360 wallet was in those pants, and so my card got demagnetized. So can I get some 24 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:13,160 petty cash for that, or can I... I don't have money! 25 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,780 Thank you for coming. 26 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,560 I'm just happy to know I can... 27 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:28,460 Get to see each of you all one more time before I join my maker up in heaven. 28 00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:34,680 Oh, excuse me. Thank you. 29 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:35,920 Thank you. 30 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:40,960 Do you mind, like, spreading this out on a chair? 31 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:45,380 Don't mind me? You can keep on going with your poetry and your final 32 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,460 I've just got to spread this out. 33 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,300 Hello. 34 00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:54,330 Who are these two handsome devils? Hey, I'm Claude. I emailed you. 35 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,470 Shouldn't you be inside working? 36 00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:57,670 Ah, watch. 37 00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:00,570 Watch. All this taken care of. 38 00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:05,050 You knew I was supposed to be injected with sodium pentothal. 39 00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:08,949 But I told Dr. Nick Gibby and I was deathly afraid of needles. 40 00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:15,170 Please stop banging those pots, cooking, whatever you're doing. 41 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,680 Amen. 42 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,840 What's he spraying? Is that acid? 43 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:56,180 It's holy water. 44 00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:58,460 Hammerman's Episcopalian. 45 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:01,420 Oh, my God, he's coming his way. He's coming his way. 46 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,500 Yeah. 47 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:10,820 Very dignified ceremony, Hammerman. Now, you go 48 00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:13,760 evade the cops. I'll see you back at the office, okay? 49 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,660 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 50 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,180 Yeah, Hammerman murder, so it's not a suicide. 51 00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:23,170 They can go to heaven, their suffering's over. Everybody wins. 52 00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:27,010 Satan wants me to get back to the assisted suicides. I mean, what was so 53 00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:31,590 about the injections with drain cleaner? Hammerman can't work a hypodermic. Have 54 00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:32,830 you seen his hammer hand? 55 00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:50,390 I like your hat. 56 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:53,069 Thank you. 57 00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:54,070 Who are you, sir? 58 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:55,370 Dude? Bro? 59 00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:57,910 Yeah, you. Leather jacket? 60 00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,290 It's time for you to see the doctor. 61 00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,310 You don't look good, man. 62 00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:02,948 Nice tubes. 63 00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:03,950 Yeah, they keep me alive. 64 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,410 Right this way. 65 00:04:11,670 --> 00:04:13,570 You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Alright? 66 00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:14,790 You're gonna be fine. 67 00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:17,570 Sorry, 68 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,170 buddy. 69 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,980 Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I need to be more careful with needles. 70 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,320 I'm so clumsy. Fine. 71 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,040 Nice to meet you. 72 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,400 I'm Gary. 73 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,740 Hi, I'm Jenny. 74 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,760 He stole my nose, too. 75 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,120 Sorry. 76 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:41,380 Stopped feeling very good today. 77 00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:43,840 Guess we're a couple of cancer twins. 78 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,440 I'm just glad that they found a way to end our suffering. 79 00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:49,940 And it's not a sin. 80 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,940 You didn't read page seven. 81 00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:58,100 Death by Episcopalian hammer robot. 82 00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:04,500 You start snapping your bones and mashing your brains and just going... I 83 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:10,420 gave him free will and he's chosen to become obsessed with me. 84 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,220 Did you happen to give him an off switch? 85 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:16,820 Why don't you and I go to bed and talk about it, huh? 86 00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:20,350 Yeah, does my boldness unnerve you? 87 00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:25,230 Um, honestly, it does. Hammerman's very jealous we mustn't be seen together. 88 00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:26,710 See you do what? 89 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:32,570 Hammerman! You promised me you would make me more human, and you programmed 90 00:05:32,570 --> 00:05:36,110 to love you, but you gave me hammers for hands. Not in front of the guest. 91 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,600 No, no. You have not touched my rubber vagina in March. Why don't you go 92 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:41,539 us our dinner? 93 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:45,340 Huh? Yeah, he loves to beat the veal with his hammer hands. 94 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:49,740 Go, go. Can I ask why you gave a hammer man a vagina? 95 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,680 Well, it's in the ass. 96 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,300 The vagina's in the butt. 97 00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:56,900 Yeah. Gary, should I do this? 98 00:05:57,860 --> 00:06:00,680 If I learn anything from my time in Iraq, it's that life is short. 99 00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:03,440 You ever see that movie, The Bucket List? 100 00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:07,910 I have... always wanted to go camping and then watch a sunrise. 101 00:06:08,390 --> 00:06:11,990 No, not that. No, we should do the bucket list from the bucket list. You 102 00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,750 what I mean, when they're driving their motorcycles down the Great Wall of 103 00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:16,530 China? Oh! Do Jack Nicholson at that scene where he reconnects with his 104 00:06:16,530 --> 00:06:20,370 daughter. Oh, that would be fun. That's fun. You know what? You're right. We 105 00:06:20,370 --> 00:06:25,110 only get one go -around at this life. We should grab it by the horns. 106 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:29,550 Yeah. And leave good -looking corpses along the way. Oh, yeah. Is this hot? Do 107 00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:30,550 you like it? 108 00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:31,680 Sort of. Oh. 109 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,220 Gary, what the hell are you doing? 110 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,260 Jenny and I are taking a lap of the horse. So you're just going to ignore 111 00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:42,280 Satan told us to do? No, no. Satan wants to hold. I'm going to get him a whole 112 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,280 lot. 113 00:06:44,420 --> 00:06:49,140 I was really hoping that we would swim with the dolphins today, but it doesn't 114 00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:52,700 look like that's going to happen. Grab a spoon. Come on. Be gluttonous. And then 115 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,100 we can call your parents up and tell them to go f*** themselves. 116 00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,860 Yeah, we'll disrespect thy mother and father. What are you doing? No, no, no, 117 00:06:59,000 --> 00:06:59,859 no, no, no. 118 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:00,920 Leviticus list of sins? 119 00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:04,460 Gary, you know I'm a Baptist. 120 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,380 I don't want to do anything on this list. 121 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,580 You're right. What am I doing? I'm being selfish. 122 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:12,840 What do you want to do? 123 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:18,040 I have always wanted to get an old -timey mustache on my finger, you know, 124 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,260 photos I can be like... 125 00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:20,630 Hello, Governor. 126 00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:23,030 Let's do that. And then maybe go to a butterfly farm. 127 00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:27,870 They have those? We could go ride a roller coaster like five times in a row. 128 00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:31,230 don't know. What if instead you handle cookware while menstruating? 129 00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:39,990 We need to figure out how to stop your robot from murdering. 130 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,030 That's his whole identity. 131 00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:43,510 Okay. 132 00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:48,990 I'm already planning to break up with her. If he loses his job, too, he's 133 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:52,270 to have nothing left. Just tell me how to shut him off. 134 00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:56,430 His off switch is under his left armpit. Yeah, just there. 135 00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:05,450 Left the top. 136 00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,190 I cooked the cutlet just how you like. 137 00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:14,220 But I suppose you two are more interested in a clingy tongue and fleshy 138 00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:15,220 alien. 139 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,680 Hammerman, it's not like that. It's not what you think. We wanted to bring you 140 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,880 in on who's up for a threesome. Show of hands. 141 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:27,100 Raise your hands high if you want to have sex with me and the doctor. 142 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:35,980 Do I turn you on, Hammerman? Or do I 143 00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:37,360 turn you on? 144 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:39,640 No, stop. 145 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,240 You whole wrecking bitch. No. 146 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,100 Stop that now. 147 00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:47,240 I hope you have a great life together. 148 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,040 Where are you going? 149 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,060 No, no, not the wall. 150 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,320 Not the wall. 151 00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:56,460 There it is. 152 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:01,100 We've done so much over the past two days, Gary. 153 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,080 I've grown really close to you. 154 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,320 Governor? 155 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,600 Ditto, Jenny. 156 00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,140 Ditto. 157 00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:16,920 You brought a goat all the way up here? 158 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,359 Uh, yeah. 159 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:23,300 I love fresh goat's milk. Straight from the teat. And I love milking it. You 160 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:26,140 should try it. I'm going to guide your hand so you can milk him. Him? 161 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:27,760 I'm sorry, it's a her. 162 00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:29,460 It's just big for a lady. 163 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:30,800 Oh, okay. 164 00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:33,640 This feels weird. 165 00:09:34,730 --> 00:09:38,470 milk come out yet? It sometimes takes up to 45 minutes. You can switch hands. 166 00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:45,630 Okay, yeah, my hand's going to get pretty tired. I didn't 167 00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:48,050 think anyone would ever love me looking like this. 168 00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:50,770 I didn't think anyone could love me looking like this. 169 00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:57,310 No, no, no, no, no. I'm still hot. I'm still hot. See? 170 00:09:57,990 --> 00:10:01,330 It's just a hallucination brought on by your brain cancer or some dumb shit. 171 00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,290 Actually, it's... 172 00:10:03,910 --> 00:10:06,550 Ovarian. Is there something you need to tell me, Garrett? 173 00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:08,850 Whoa! What are you doing? 174 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:13,690 My boyfriend was cheating on me, so I am trying to lose myself in my word. 175 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:16,530 Danny, don't you die at me. You touched his goat penis first. 176 00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:17,770 I am worthless. 177 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,390 No one loves me and begs me. 178 00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:26,350 I was up there working, Claude. I wasn't trying to break off a piece inside Dr. 179 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:30,450 Nick Gibbion. At least I don't get off on watching my girlfriend jerk off a 180 00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:34,190 goat. I was trying to get her to commit sodomy so that she could be down here 181 00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:37,270 with me. Why didn't you just have her give you a blowjob? 182 00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:41,390 Blowjob? Since when is blowjobs a sin? 183 00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:43,670 Even if you're married? 184 00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:44,950 Big time. 185 00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:45,970 So, 186 00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:51,270 tricking a devout Christian girl into touching a goat's dick is not a sin, but 187 00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:55,950 you shall not print or tattoo any marks upon you, govna. 188 00:10:57,670 --> 00:10:58,670 Coming up, Gary. 189 00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:00,910 I'm going to go see you about a girl. 190 00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:02,930 Jenny. 191 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,830 Jenny. 192 00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:07,010 Jenny. 193 00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:08,590 Jenny. 194 00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:10,650 Hello, governor. 195 00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:13,110 I want to have souls. 14895