Original subtitles

Antidepressants, anti -bullying, the acceptance of diversity, people staring

their phones instead of realizing how meaningless life is.

Suicides are way down, gentlemen. And now, this.

You know who this is?

Yes.

Who is it?

I don't know. Dr. Paul McGibian. Oh, is that that weird assisted suicide guy?

Oh, yeah, the guy's so metal!

Yeah, but that son of a bitch hasn't sent me any suicide in months.

Maybe they're just angels up in sweet, sweet heaven. Gary, suicide is a sin.

have you been down here this long and you don't know that? Here. Okay. All

right. You can boil a child in a bucket full of breast milk. Yeah, that's a sin,

of course. But you can't wear polyester?

We're covered in polyester. That's why.

Listen, I want you two to go topside. Fine, I'm going to give in, all right? I

want that suicide train running again.

You got it. Tell me, can we use the corporate card for this? Yeah, knock

yourselves out.

Um, think about the corporate account.

Do you remember how you spent that week, kind of like, exploding my bottom with

a bunch of lightning bolts, and then it set my pants on fire, and then you

ripped off my pants, and then shoved them up my ass, and then set me on fire?

wallet was in those pants, and so my card got demagnetized. So can I get some

petty cash for that, or can I... I don't have money!

Thank you for coming.

I'm just happy to know I can...

Get to see each of you all one more time before I join my maker up in heaven.

Oh, excuse me. Thank you.

Thank you.

Do you mind, like, spreading this out on a chair?

Don't mind me? You can keep on going with your poetry and your final

I've just got to spread this out.

Hello.

Who are these two handsome devils? Hey, I'm Claude. I emailed you.

Shouldn't you be inside working?

Ah, watch.

Watch. All this taken care of.

You knew I was supposed to be injected with sodium pentothal.

But I told Dr. Nick Gibby and I was deathly afraid of needles.

Please stop banging those pots, cooking, whatever you're doing.

Amen.

What's he spraying? Is that acid?

It's holy water.

Hammerman's Episcopalian.

Oh, my God, he's coming his way. He's coming his way.

Yeah.

Very dignified ceremony, Hammerman. Now, you go

evade the cops. I'll see you back at the office, okay?

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Yeah, Hammerman murder, so it's not a suicide.

They can go to heaven, their suffering's over. Everybody wins.

Satan wants me to get back to the assisted suicides. I mean, what was so

about the injections with drain cleaner? Hammerman can't work a hypodermic. Have

you seen his hammer hand?

I like your hat.

Thank you.

Who are you, sir?

Dude? Bro?

Yeah, you. Leather jacket?

It's time for you to see the doctor.

You don't look good, man.

Nice tubes.

Yeah, they keep me alive.

Right this way.

You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Alright?

You're gonna be fine.

Sorry,

buddy.

Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I need to be more careful with needles.

I'm so clumsy. Fine.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Gary.

Hi, I'm Jenny.

He stole my nose, too.

Sorry.

Stopped feeling very good today.

Guess we're a couple of cancer twins.

I'm just glad that they found a way to end our suffering.

And it's not a sin.

You didn't read page seven.

Death by Episcopalian hammer robot.

You start snapping your bones and mashing your brains and just going... I

gave him free will and he's chosen to become obsessed with me.

Did you happen to give him an off switch?

Why don't you and I go to bed and talk about it, huh?

Yeah, does my boldness unnerve you?

Um, honestly, it does. Hammerman's very jealous we mustn't be seen together.

See you do what?

Hammerman! You promised me you would make me more human, and you programmed

to love you, but you gave me hammers for hands. Not in front of the guest.

No, no. You have not touched my rubber vagina in March. Why don't you go

us our dinner?

Huh? Yeah, he loves to beat the veal with his hammer hands.

Go, go. Can I ask why you gave a hammer man a vagina?

Well, it's in the ass.

The vagina's in the butt.

Yeah. Gary, should I do this?

If I learn anything from my time in Iraq, it's that life is short.

You ever see that movie, The Bucket List?

I have... always wanted to go camping and then watch a sunrise.

No, not that. No, we should do the bucket list from the bucket list. You

what I mean, when they're driving their motorcycles down the Great Wall of

China? Oh! Do Jack Nicholson at that scene where he reconnects with his

daughter. Oh, that would be fun. That's fun. You know what? You're right. We

only get one go -around at this life. We should grab it by the horns.

Yeah. And leave good -looking corpses along the way. Oh, yeah. Is this hot? Do

you like it?

Sort of. Oh.

Gary, what the hell are you doing?

Jenny and I are taking a lap of the horse. So you're just going to ignore

Satan told us to do? No, no. Satan wants to hold. I'm going to get him a whole

lot.

I was really hoping that we would swim with the dolphins today, but it doesn't

look like that's going to happen. Grab a spoon. Come on. Be gluttonous. And then

we can call your parents up and tell them to go f*** themselves.

Yeah, we'll disrespect thy mother and father. What are you doing? No, no, no,

no, no, no.

Leviticus list of sins?

Gary, you know I'm a Baptist.

I don't want to do anything on this list.

You're right. What am I doing? I'm being selfish.

What do you want to do?

I have always wanted to get an old -timey mustache on my finger, you know,

photos I can be like...

Hello, Governor.

Let's do that. And then maybe go to a butterfly farm.

They have those? We could go ride a roller coaster like five times in a row.

don't know. What if instead you handle cookware while menstruating?

We need to figure out how to stop your robot from murdering.

That's his whole identity.

Okay.

I'm already planning to break up with her. If he loses his job, too, he's

to have nothing left. Just tell me how to shut him off.

His off switch is under his left armpit. Yeah, just there.

Left the top.

I cooked the cutlet just how you like.

But I suppose you two are more interested in a clingy tongue and fleshy

alien.

Hammerman, it's not like that. It's not what you think. We wanted to bring you

in on who's up for a threesome. Show of hands.

Raise your hands high if you want to have sex with me and the doctor.

Do I turn you on, Hammerman? Or do I

turn you on?

No, stop.

You whole wrecking bitch. No.

Stop that now.

I hope you have a great life together.

Where are you going?

No, no, not the wall.

Not the wall.

There it is.

We've done so much over the past two days, Gary.

I've grown really close to you.

Governor?

Ditto, Jenny.

Ditto.

You brought a goat all the way up here?

Uh, yeah.

I love fresh goat's milk. Straight from the teat. And I love milking it. You

should try it. I'm going to guide your hand so you can milk him. Him?

I'm sorry, it's a her.

It's just big for a lady.

Oh, okay.

This feels weird.

milk come out yet? It sometimes takes up to 45 minutes. You can switch hands.

Okay, yeah, my hand's going to get pretty tired. I didn't

think anyone would ever love me looking like this.

I didn't think anyone could love me looking like this.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm still hot. I'm still hot. See?

It's just a hallucination brought on by your brain cancer or some dumb shit.

Actually, it's...

Ovarian. Is there something you need to tell me, Garrett?

Whoa! What are you doing?

My boyfriend was cheating on me, so I am trying to lose myself in my word.

Danny, don't you die at me. You touched his goat penis first.

I am worthless.

No one loves me and begs me.

I was up there working, Claude. I wasn't trying to break off a piece inside Dr.

Nick Gibbion. At least I don't get off on watching my girlfriend jerk off a

goat. I was trying to get her to commit sodomy so that she could be down here

with me. Why didn't you just have her give you a blowjob?

Blowjob? Since when is blowjobs a sin?

Even if you're married?

Big time.

So,

tricking a devout Christian girl into touching a goat's dick is not a sin, but

you shall not print or tattoo any marks upon you, govna.

Coming up, Gary.

I'm going to go see you about a girl.

Jenny.

Jenny.

Jenny.

Jenny.

Hello, governor.

I want to have souls.