Original subtitles

The newer tablets are portable and thinner than ever, but not so small when

being forced inside a human rectum.

Slight. And of course, the classics.

Curling irons, lava, spikes, popcorn.

We're shoving the most cutting -edge technology up people's asses. And now,

3D printers, the only limit is our imagination.

Thank you, Satan. Hail, Satan. May you reign for a million years. And I hope

applause, and then I'll take the questions. I have a question.

Why do you praise yourself in the third person?

Well, obviously I'm Satan, so that's a joke.

Satan likes the ladies.

Satan don't play that. You know, that's all. I get it.

But what about this on the first slide?

Why does it say that your name is Darren?

Is that also comedy?

Darren's such a ridiculous name. You ever use these? Chopsticks?

Yeah. Depending on the cuisine sometimes.

Just had some Chinese food. I had some Mushu pork.

Oh, Mushu's a real funny name.

Yeah, it's funny. I can still smell the Mushu. Do you smell that? Like soy

sauce? Mm -hmm. And I'm getting a little ginger, maybe turmeric?

Oh, there you go.

Yeah.

Where's the clicker thing?

I need the clicker.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Ah, boy.

Hey, how are you?

Uh, Darren Farley.

Hey, yeah, great, thanks. Hey, Darren!

Whoa, Cam, what's up, my man? How you doing, man?

Large and in charge. Oh, yeah, look at that swag back there. There's a granola

bar in there. Nice. T -shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Likes your laser pointer.

Yeah. Cool. How's things been gluttony? Any plans for expansion this year?

Oh, hey, expansion, yeah, I get it.

Look at Eric over there smooching on Satan's ass.

Oh, shit. Oh, all smiles. Here they come.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey,

hey, hey,

hey.

No, no, no. I'm doing things up the ass in 2016.

No, no, no. Terry and Luft is doing things up the ass. Did you not get the

email? I, uh, radical Islam. I can have two hours, right? Nope, nope, nope.

Moved it up. It's in 20 minutes.

What's he really got to check email, bud?

Oh.

What? Come on.

Who is this?

It's Satan. Everybody whip.

Hi, Satan.

No, it's Troy.

You're going to have to talk a little louder because of all the whipping.

I need a PowerPoint presentation on meeting the challenges of radical Islam.

need it in 20 minutes, and it takes 10 minutes to get here.

Yeah, no problem. Where are you?

North of Diary Lagoon, past Puss Valley.

Past Puss Valley?

Isn't that the edge of hell?

Yeah, there's more hell.

I'll explain when you get here. Just don't be late. Yes, sir.

It's your own.

And thanks to the good work of our mascot, Cornelius J. Cornship, doing

cake giveaways in third world countries, I'm glad to say that gluttony is

leading the way to a more diverse path in 2016.

Thank you.

Thanks, Chip.

Now, Darren from Miscellaneous is going to enlighten us to the challenges of

radicalism. Darren to the stage.

How are we going to deal with the recent

influx of radical jihadists? I have a multi

-pronged, at least two prongs to the problem,

hopefully, when I speak.

Dare you interrupt my presentation, you lowly imps. But since you did, you

should plug in the USB cord into that computer.

Here we go. First slide. Here we go.

Behold.

What the fuck am I looking at? We're going to gay marry them, but we're going

put them all in burkas so they don't know who they're gay married to. We are

going to gay marry them.

We're going to dress them up in burkas and they don't know who they're gay

married to. They don't know who they're gay married to. I don't know. Do we

really want women?

Excite them, Darren.

Darren? Who's Darren?

It's a nickname.

They are a well -organized and highly motivated Darren.

They dug a tunnel in a purgatory, stoned a bunch of dudes.

Yeah, one of them made a knife out of his own leg bone.

They are hardcore, Darren.

But they won't be doing that when they're too busy having gay sex with

other. Next slide. Just go to the next slide.

So, as you can see, we are going to contain these jihadists in a canyon

surrounded by brown spiked pork. It's pulled pork.

Pulled pork.

And it's covered, as you can see, with blood. Barbecue sauce. Barbecue blood

sauce. Bloody barbecue sauce. No, it's regular barbecue sauce. No, it's regular

barbecue sauce. Muslims don't eat pork.

And they don't drink. Which is why what we're going to do then is put a stream

of vodka throughout the whole valley. They'll hate that.

Next slide.

The pulled pork is going to get soggy with my slush, man.

Slush? Oh, when I take over your circle, we're flooding your entire area with my

violent, escapable slush, D.

We have to streamline.

We're folding Miscellaneous into treachery, and we've appointed Eric to

that circle. No, Miscellaneous, that's my circle. Well, it was your circle, but

I had some guys do a 3D simulation of how the merger is actually going to go

down, so it's behind you.

Boom!

Look at you, Darren, running.

At midnight.

We are going to explode.

The ridge between the two circles and two will become one.

Laugh with me.

Sorry, Darren.

Hey,

five chains. How about that? You're rapping now?

All in all, it was a pretty dynamic presentation.

Let's not talk about it. I just can't believe your real name's Darren and

not really sitting. You've been on this whole time. You call me sick.

Not from the real scene. Got it? We got it. Yeah. So we're just a circle.

You know in a public school when they've got overflow and they've got those

trailers?

Where are the trailer kits?

Where are the trailer kits?

Well, what are we going to do, Darren?

It may be the pee -pee talking, but I'm telling how it is. And if I'm going to

be sitting here all day with a bunch of people who say they are, then I'm going

to have some appetite. All right.

Oh. No.

Give it back to him.

It'll be worse.

Might as well just order some appetizers. You know what's going to

see all this flush.

All of this is about to be our circle. We're going to be swimming in this

I'll tell you what you do.

You just go kill Eric.

And you take over his circle.

You'll be treachery at his own game.

I like it.

I'm in.

Darren's going to kill you tonight.

I knew that.

I also knew that you would come blabbing to me about it.

Still, though, pretty treacherous.

I just thought I'd show you how I'd be perfect for your inner circle.

Well, we prize loyalty above all.

I'm kidding. You got a card?

Hi,

I'm Gary.

And I don't have a business card, but I do have this napkin all covered with

honey mustard.

And it's got my name on it, so you can remember it. And I will take down a rack

of ribs right in front of you if you want me to. I've seen gluttony. We

our own excrement.

Is this something you'd be interested in?

No.

Sure? No.

I'll call you if you... You know what?

Actually, let me just... I don't have a lot of these.

So, thank you.

Set up the explosives. They're going to go off right underneath the plunger. All

systems are go, Darren.

What? Is it cool with you, Dare, if I call you Dare?

Sure for Darren. No.

Because the real Satan's here?

Darren?

I'm... No, don't. Pull it off. Darren!

Get up here. You're a big part of this. Darren has been a real champ during his

difficult transition, so I want him to do the plunger. Yes, Darren. Why are you

so far away behind that rock?

Oh, uh... I,

uh... Come up. Depress the plunger.

Fine.

I'll do it, Dave.

I'd like to have Gary come up and do it. Gary, come on up. I don't want to do

it. Get your ass up. I don't want to do it!

I'm going to go. I got to get something.

Oh, now, Eric, where are you trotting off to?

Come on, Satan. I mean, you should do it. It's all for your glory, right?

Well, I'm going to do that and get blown to bits. That doesn't make any sense.

Both in the slush.

Down on your knees, Darren.

I am now Satan. All of you bow down before me.

Yeah, kid.

I'm Satan. Hail Satan.

Build for me this barbecue pork canyon with vodka stream at once.

Whatever you want.

Your secret is totally safe with me, sir. But what are we going to do about

Gary?

He's going to blab to everybody. You know that he will.

Hey, Darren, what's up?

Listen, it was mind -blowing watching you bow down to that big fat guy. I was

just like, what is even happening here? Yeah, it was pretty crazy. But it's kind

of nice because it's like I can relax around you now, you know?

I'll bet, yeah.

Guys like Chinese.

Oh, me a wreck of Chinese.

What happened to Gary and Troy?

Oh, they were both eating Chinese food and running.

And they both tripped, and the chopsticks went up their nose at the

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, we made a North Carolina vinegar sauce, but it's not holding the

brisket together.

So what I want to do is make a cornbread burn here, you know, to keep the pulled

pork out of the vodka. But this says make benches out of coleslaw.

How the hell do you make a bench out of a coleslaw? Just do it.

Satan wills it.