Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Benji, and welcome to hell.

Hey, it could be worse.

I'm kidding. It could not be worse.

By now, you've met with one of our rusty whaling hooks, and you have questions

like, what were my sins that landed me here? What sort of additional tortures

should I expect?

Maybe you're thinking, is there a way to escape?

Or, would someone please return my intestines into my gaping stomach wound?

the boring video a part of the torture? Quiet.

We have a lot to cover. But luckily, we have a lot of time.

So let's hay Macarena over to the answer.

Hey, what are you doing? Huh?

Ah. All right.

Okay, everybody hang loose.

I'll be back in 45 minutes.

Well, looks like that was our only copy. We'll have to reshoot it. I don't know

why we have an orientation video.

Seems like it's better if they're disoriented.

Why don't we make a disoriental tape?

This video is dying out there.

They come down to hell, they're terrified, they're in shock, and then we

them? Let's do something fresh.

Let's do something new.

What do you have in mind?

New orientation video.

All right.

Let's see it.

Now, before I play this, I just want you to know that it's not fully finalized.

I'm not sure if this TV is color calibrated or not. All right. Cool. Just

it. Just so you know, also, before I play it, there's some digital effects

waiting on.

And so when they come up, what I'm going to do is I'll call them out. I'll

describe them. Yeah, I get it.

I wasn't sure whether to letterbox it or not. Play it up.

Hey, babe.

Here we go.

Straight out of Haiti.

Crazy mother f***er named Satan.

Hit your knees and start to blatant. When you meet me, you best greet me.

Or I'll put my horse hoof up your cheap seat.

Hey, time off.

There is not health benefits.

You get one.

Everyone here gets to live forever. And I'm grating your brain like a block of

cheddar. Yeah, boy.

Or Gouda.

I had nothing to do with this. You're in it. What? You're in it. Straight out of

Hades, dog!

You see any ladies?

William N. Beast, he's the only one squirking. So the masturbator spider is

jerking hard.

He's a hell of a job.

This guy is the dopest motherfucker I've ever met in my life.

I'm a team player.

Come on!

That's where your face goes. Satan is waiting to explode with the lobe.

No one can save you, not even Bruce Wayne. And if you don't believe me,

don't you ask Bane.

We got Bane.

Who's this guy with the tube coming out of his face?

That's Bane. That's Batman's bisexual nemesis. Yeah, and it may be a little

difficult to understand, but what he's saying is, he'll be bringing the thunder

down on Brenda, and then you have my permission to go.

So what did everybody think of this?

There's like three more minutes. Yeah, we get the idea.

I don't understand at all what Batman, much less a

peripheral villain of his, has to do with our organization.

I can count at least seven or eight different licensing issues we're going

have. Music, character usage.

I also think it's weird.

that the song is straight out of Hades, and this is directed towards people who

are coming into Hades.

I thought it was really dope.

Yeah. I thought it was great.

I really did, Gary. Congratulations, Gary.

It just came out of me. I've never seen anything like this, where you take a

famous song, and then you spoof it, you know? You spoof Weird Al Yankovic.

I don't know who that is, but I think I want all of our videos done just like

that. Yeah, I completely agree.

No, Benji, I want Gary in charge of all internal videos from now on. But I run

the video department. Yeah, not anymore, Benji.

You are going to rapes.

Wait a minute.

You like rapes. You're going to hot liquids.

Congratulations, Gary.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh.

Good energy, everybody.

All right, I'm going to need two like this and two like this when we come

Tails later, if you would.

Straight out of summoning snake.

You got to do what it takes. Got to raise the stakes when you summoning

What are you doing? Damn it, Mike. Quit doing the cutaways to the stakes.

All right, I want you to stick to the close -up of me. I thought maybe we

eventually get to the snake.

Why don't you turn that telephone cord that I'm playing with, obviously like a

snake, into some sort of snake? I was wondering why...

You couldn't just actually summon the snake in the video instead of having me

that with the phone. I don't have time to watch a video that I haven't made yet

to learn how to summon snakes, which I don't know how to do.

Let's keep editing some video.

Tell you what, here, this is straight out of making walls bleed. This is the

hot realness.

Straight out of making walls bleed. We're about to paint this joint crimson

indeed.

Now, you're going to digitally add bleeding walls into that, right?

Yeah.

Every one of these is straight out of?

That's what I was saying.

What?

How do you mean? You could have done Satan's Got Rack instead of Baby's Got

Back.

That's pretty funny.

That's good.

But it's not.

I'll tell you what's funny.

All right, Straight Outta videos.

The Straight Outta brand is very simple. It is Straight Outta and then a bunch

of words about different subjects, right? And the only things that are the

are the word Straight Outta and the melody and the rhymes for each song and

beat. When did you have time to do all these? I have not made any one of these.

I just have the box.

And the Straight Outta How to Repair the Network video goes on this whole

rigmarole about...

R2 -D2 and C -T3P?

C -3PO. I just didn't find any of that helpful.

Your fly is down.

Oh, excuse me.

Straight out of understanding how to log into your email. You don't want to have

an email fail. Are you going to log on to your email?

Here's to logging into email. Okay, hang on. Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Did you write these raps? Yes, these are my rhymes. Yeah, of course they rhyme.

It's because you're saying the same GD word, Ted.

You've got to log into your email. You're going to be forced to eat a whole

bunch of kale.

Or you're going to have to have sex with Gmail. You see what I'm saying? Are we

allowed to say Gmail?

No, Ted.

You pig.

Do you not watch straight out of workplace activity training?

The force is not with you, my friend. Take the buns off. A rapper you are not.

Y 'all too white.

Everybody in this dang room is too white but me. I'm the blackest man

that's ever been.

I'm as black as Oprah's pocketbook. Black as 85 % whole food dark chocolate.

Let's do this again.

Gary. See what I'm dealing with here? Shit.

Yeah, showbiz, huh? Yeah.

Hey, listen, Gary, I hate to tell you this, but I badly need more of these

videos. What's your thing, B? How many you need? You know I love to work. I

a straight -out -of -video for every letter of the alphabet. All 26 of the

letters. Straight -out -of -A, straight -out -of -B.

You get it. I want them all. Cool -mo B, absolutely.

All right, get it up. Yeah, dizzy -push -izzy, absolutely.

What is the deadline on all that? Oh, tomorrow. I'm going to screen them in

auditorium for everyone.

What if I ask, like, why the whole alphabet?

I mind.

To the end of the name, Jeff. And that's my rap about the letter F.

Cut.

All right, we nailed it. Okay. All right, everybody. All right, action.

going to do action on the other set. Quiet on this different set. Action on

other set, though. All right, so action. Action of the set.

Straight out of the letter C.

It sounds like the letter D. Who's rapping incoherently? I'm rapping.

Why are you rapping? You call action. I call action on the other set, V .C. Oh,

I... All right, yes, you are wrong. I am right.

Next, we're going to be doing the letter G as in goose.

So, action on the other, other set.

It sounds like the letter C. I swear to Christ, V .C., I'm going to split you in

half.

Fired. I'm fired.

Sounds like someone could use a little help.

I can't do it.

You can't.

But we can.

Okay, everyone, we're going to take five, and when we come back, we're

this live. No cuts, three cameras, like a telethon. And we need to repair your

instrument. I need some hot tea with lemon ASAP.

We ain't got no lemons down here.

There's a whole box of lemon over by paper cut.

You guys are in for a show.

Where's everybody else?

Oh, no.

It's just you two.

Let's get them strapped in.

Nice. I like the packaging.

Oh, precious.

I've got some eye drops here in case you guys need a little moisture.

I can't reach the eye drops. And we'll see you guys in like 50 years.

You know what is real surprising of all?

What? I sound black.

I really sound black.

If I could close my eyes, I would be like, is that Harley Davidson Jr.? I

think of a black man's day right now or too much pain.