Original subtitles

Why didn't you tell me you and Josh were back together?

I never thought I'd be talking about kids yet. He told me he wants to have

Maggie. He needs to stop wasting his time with me. Does Kelsey not know? Not

know what? I know you're 40.

What story am I going to send him, Liza?

Spend some time together.

I've got everything covered here. Okay.

Thank you.

Swallow, you're about to get a book deal.

Kelsey, it was either right now or Max would have to pay another month's rent.

You didn't consider me at all. You could have given me some warning.

I like you.

But you're a liar and a cheater. And whether you realize it or not, your lies

are hurting everyone around you. Please sit together because we've got company.

You okay? I'm not 26.

I don't understand.

I'd love you to explain.

I was

alone. On the verge of bankruptcy was a daughter in

college and a deadbeat husband who I finally got the guts to throw out the

I worked at Random House right out of college for three years before I quit to

raise Caitlin.

My mom passed away that year, and my daughter needed me.

When I was ready to go back to work, no one... would give me a chance.

Literally, nobody.

Maggie had this crazy idea that I lie about my age on my resume. I was so

desperate. I was ready to try anything.

There were so many times that I wanted to tell you, but then we started

Millennial, and I knew you needed me to be the person you believed I was.

Sometimes I believed it myself.

I know it was selfish, but the longer it went on, the harder it became to tell

you the truth.

Why even tell me now?

Because I couldn't keep deceiving the people I love most.

And Kelsey, next to my own daughter.

And Maggie.

You're the most precious thing in the world to me.

Wow.

I feel like I've made an episode of Black Mirror or something.

I think that's all I can deal with for one night.

We can talk more tomorrow. Yeah, we can keep talking for as long as you like.

Take my room.

I'll sleep with Maggie.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Black Mirror?

Beats me.

They'll probably fire me.

I just hope they don't sue me.

You know what?

Let them try.

It's not like I have anything to lose. You know, I don't know why you suddenly

feel the need to unburden yourself to everyone. Starting with Kelsey.

You're not doing her any favors. I can't keep lying to the people I love, even

if it means they're not going to like me very much anymore.

Sometimes lying to the people you love best is the most loving thing you can

You sound like a twisted fortune cookie.

I accept that.

I've got to get Kelsey up for work. We're going to be late for the morning

meeting.

Kelsey, we should start thinking about heading to the office.

Morning. Morning.

Oh, good. You're here.

Of course.

Where else would I be?

Well, you kind of disappeared last night. I was worried about you.

What can I help you with?

Kelsey, we have to talk.

I'm not going to burden you with this secret.

Right now, I'm more concerned about how this happened.

You bought that stupid Labradoodle book behind my back.

Emily Burns did some digging. She found out about my real age, threatened to

write a story about me in EW unless we published her book.

I begged you not to buy that book. I know. I was just trying to protect...

Yourself. Oh, I'm so sorry to interrupt your morning gossip, but Marilyn Keller,

the famous Washington spin doctor, is waiting for us in the conference room to

pitch her new book. She has to leave in ten minutes to be on Hardball with Chris

Matthews, so let's move.

The title of my book?

It's true because I'm shouting it.

Confessions of a Washington Spin Doctor.

Because after 20 years behind the scenes of shaping policy and perception, I'm

ready to take a good long leap.

I'm ready to take you through the stories of how I shaped the narrative,

making people believe that George W. Bush just left a clear brush on his

to the universal perception that Michelle Obama is a down -to -earth

plate. Well, isn't she? Well, if you think so, then it must be true.

But how did that happen?

Because she managed to be both down -to -earth and glamorous.

And who would disagree with you? Nobody.

You say something loud, you say it often, then when people contradict you,

sound like defensive babies.

The bottom line, truth is a four -letter word.

Actually, truth is a five -letter word.

Not the way I spell it.

It's important not to confuse the truth with the facts, and vice versa. I'm not

sure I see the difference.

Okay. The reality is, a fact is a factotum. And according to Webster's, a

factotum is a jack -of -all -trades.

Certainly not something to trust or rely on.

Those are true completely.

Different words.

You're a very attractive woman. And I love that necklace. And I don't care if

you are transgender.

I'm not.

Either way, I don't care.

The fact of your gender identity is irrelevant to me.

I'm a woman.

And I applaud that.

Marilyn, thank you so much for meeting with us. Oh, the pleasure of my life.

Thank you.

So much. Oh, you're welcome.

Thank you.

Okay. I hear the opening offer is two million.

Assuming we want it.

It's going to be a big title for someone.

Thoughts? Very enlightening.

You can't be serious.

She is a one -woman reality distortion field.

Liza?

I think truth is more elastic than we can imagine.

But it still has value.

Because without it, there is no trust.

And without trust, there is no love.

And that is why I have to confess something extremely difficult to a group

people that I have come to love very much and to whom I owe so much.

And whose forgiveness? I wouldn't have the presumption to ask for. What? What

it?

I'm not going to marry Josh.

Josh, he proposed.

And, Liza, I know that this has been really hard for you.

Oh, for God's sake, this is a business meeting. We do not discuss our personal

lives. I apologize for that. Charles. It's fine. Liza, we need to talk.

Give us a moment first.

Yes. I don't know anymore. Probably.

If you tell people that you've been lying about your age, what do you think

going to happen to Millennial?

Our credibility will be destroyed, and every hater out there who would just

to see us fail will get their wish.

So I just keep lying?

No. You create your truth.

I Googled you earlier, and the only thing I could find was this.

A prized pig in Iowa named Liza Miller.

I actually hired someone to make myself invisible online.

That's where you went wrong.

You are who your last ten search results say you are. You need to rewrite your

narrative. Create some alternative facts.

This is so sad.

No Twitter, no Tumblr, no Spotify playlist?

I've always been a very private person.

Privacy is just another word for low self -esteem. Okay, Liza, you don't

anything you say or do. That's why you're still in the system. Okay, all

We're not here to criticize.

We're here to help her shout her truth.

Of course. We need to build your social media profile.

That's what I do. When I first met Hector and Dorf, they thought Instagram

something that went up your nose. Okay, three million followers later, well...

We need to give Liza an online identity, all right? It's important for a

millennial that people have a strong sense of who she is. Okay, so who do you

want to be?

A bookworm with a slutty streak?

Workaholic hipster? Oh, I know, I know, I know. Maybe you're a feisty blonde who

doesn't call her friends back. Wait, no, that's Kelsey.

Lauren, I'm sorry.

I had a rough week.

Oh.

Colin and I broke up.

Oh. Okay, wait, and you were going to tell me this when?

Soon. But you went to cry on Liza's shoulder? Actually, we've been crying on

each other's shoulders.

Josh and I broke up, too.

Ah, I see. I see. Okay. So you've both been bonding over your mutual heartbreak

and you feel like you have nothing in common with a happy person? So what? I'm

odd woman out? No, of course not.

It's not like my life is perfect, okay? Max works ridiculous shifts. He comes

home at crazy hours.

There's not even time for sex.

I'm sorry. Last night, I sat on his nocturnal erection while he was

Okay, in some cultures, that would be considered rape. Yeah, pretty much in

every culture.

Oops.

Liza.

I certainly hope that broken engagement had nothing to do with me.

No.

When we got down to it, it wasn't what I wanted.

And I'm really focused on work right now.

That's important.

Good night.

Good night.

Liza, are you a Hemingway fan?

I love The Sun Also Rises. Not so much The Old Man and the Sea, but A Moveable

Feast. Pretty much my Bible in college. I still have dreams of moving to Paris.

Would you like to join me for something? I think you might find this

interesting.

Okay.

Hemingway's original draft of Farewell to Arms.

This is his handwritten notes.

Wow!

And that is the original Three Mountains Press edition of his first collection

of short stories, published in Paris in 1924.

The movable feast years.

Amazing.

Are you thinking of buying something?

No, I'm selling.

What? All this belongs to you?

No, my parents. My dad loved Hemingway.

There's actually a picture of the two of them somewhere together in Sun Valley.

And I wanted to come by and take one last look.

That must be tough.

Not at all.

This is history, and I'm more interested in the future.

Wait, Hemingway wrote love letters to Marlena Dietrich?

Yeah, that's the 1950s version of sexting.

I never knew they had a thing.

They didn't, exactly.

Hemingway once called the two of them victims of unsynchronized passion.

Excuse me for one second. I'm old friends with my parents.

This is the living room. We split the cable bill.

That's the kitchen. There's always kombucha brewing, so help yourself.

Oh.

And the bedroom.

My bedroom? No, it's a shared bed.

We could make a pillow wall if you want.

from Liza and her entire world, okay?

I mean, I'm sure you know by now what's going on with us.

Josh? Yeah?

I know everything.

You know everything?

What do you think you know?

Everything.

Did you think it was funny?

Just to pretend to be my good friend and be just lying to me like that? No, I

wanted to tell you.

I didn't, wouldn't let me.

God, who is she?

Like, do I even know her at all? It's like you know her and you don't.

I mean, the same thing happened to me.

Okay, so.

So what really went on that night when you were planning to propose?

No, look, um, we can be friends.

Don't ask me about that night.

Never again.

Excuse me, Liza.

Emily Burns is in the conference room. What? What is she doing here? I set it

up. Shit's about to go down.

Excuse me?

Emily. Thanks for coming in. Anytime. I am so excited about my book.

That's what I wanted to discuss with you.

According to Liza, there was some kind of blackmail involved.

Now, I don't know what it's about, nor do I care.

But I can assure you that once our lawyers are done with you, you won't

losing a book deal. You'll be losing your job.

I can't believe you're saying this after that nice article I wrote about you

guys in EW.

That article was mostly about Colin.

Not Millennial.

And thanks to the publicity the article generated, we're not even publishing his

book. So thanks for nothing.

Now, if you want to play dirty, the stakes are going to have to go way up.

What do you want?

Well, Liza and I would like to be on EW's 29 Under 29 media list.

Both of us? Absolutely.

Okay, that is crazy.

The party is tonight. That list has been closed for weeks.

Unclose it, or we're canceling your book.

I guess you could tie for 29th with Tabby Gevinson.

That would be fine.

You do realize this is a press event?

I just want to make sure you're both prepared to be photographed.

Absolutely.

Good to see you tonight.

And I hope you bitches know what you're doing.

takes out an important niche in the marketplace.

And of course, you can't run a publishing company called Millennial

you're a millennial yourself.

Kelsey! Oh my God, Kelsey, you look amazing!

Oh, thanks. God, I'm so impressed.

Hi. Max has something he wants to say to you.

We took the bench press out of your room. It's in the hallway now. Please

back. Thank you, but no. It was time for me to move out.

Where are you living?

I'll let you know.

Soon. I promise.

No, what's wrong with right now?

No, no.

Boundaries. Warren, think of this as an exercise.

Okay. Okay, fine.

Never mind. You look nice.

I've gotten so many offers on the book. The tracking is incredible.

It already has more pre -orders than the last Harry Potter.

How is that possible you don't have a publisher yet?

Well, I can't do the math for you.

The point is, Empirical's offer was not the best.

But I do feel comfortable with you.

Well, we will have a great team working for you. Did you hear about the rumors

on Politico that we're having an affair?

So weird.

Really? That is strange.

We should just go ahead and do it and prove the nice errors wrong.

Wouldn't that be proving them right?

I'm talking about the trolls out there who are saying it isn't true. Oh, by the

way, according to my Twitter feed, it says that I'm at a conference in

so it's the perfect cover.

If you are here, how are you tweeting from Beijing? Oh, I have people.

It's important to maintain a Chinese presence.

It would be great if we could confine our conversation to the book.

And kissing.

Oh, I'm hearing you.

No, I'm saying no.

What? I'm just saying.

Okay,

you are an evil genius.

You just got EW to put their reputation on the line. They would rather die than

admit they were wrong.

Wrong about what?

We're all in this together now.

Hey.

Isn't that your dildo?

Oh, um, excuse me.

Hey. Hi. I thought you had your dinner tonight.

I did. I wanted to congratulate you on the honor.

Though I feel like I'm the oldest person in the room. Are you sure I'm allowed

to be here if I'm over 29?

Oh, so, did we get the book?

Uh, no.

Uh, because I, I don't want to publish it. Why not? I don't want to contribute

to the idea that, uh, that truth is whatever you're comfortable with.

Even if it means taking a hit to the bottom line.

Right. I guess I'm just, uh, old -fashioned in that way. Uh, do you mind

feel her? I'll turn us up your question.

Uh, no, no. Go, go.

Have fun.

And Liza.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Have fun.

Wait, what's wrong?

Are you nervous?

No, I'm great.

I'm just great.

Okay. Oh, my gosh. This list is being retweeted everywhere.

And your Twitter account is blowing up.

Hello, 1 ,235 new followers.

You're welcome.

My phone just died. Will you please call me an Uber? Dude, no, this is your

night. Okay, please, take mine. In fact, there's Abdul arriving now in the black

SUV.

Good night.

There's another class. Oh, hey, Kelsey.

I just want to thank you for forgiving me and for understanding that I'm still

the same person that you've always known.

It's not in there.

It's business.

I don't think that I can ever forgive you. You broke my heart.

Hey, do you know where Kelsey is living?

No, do you?

No, she won't tell me.

But now that she's in my Uber, we're about to find out.

The dark and monsters living underneath my bed.

And then I said, enough, this ain't nothing for me.

The only monsters were the voices in my head.

So go on, tell me to lose, tell me to move, tell me to rise.

Hey, got these made today.

season on younger you're living with josh dude we're like in lines of

together no first rule of recovery do not use the l word kelsey is in a

now to make decisions and i would hate to see that personal drama in the way of

a promising career i love my job and i think i'm pretty good at it and if that

isn't good enough for you then maybe this isn't working maybe it's not

McMillan is launching its own Gen Y imprint, and we are looking for someone

head it out. Would you be interested?

I am just so grateful that you are in my life.

I don't need to know your feelings. Get it over with already.

You ready to show me some of those two -step moves of yours? Oh, hell yeah.

Josh and I are friends.

That's it. No, no, that is exactly how these things always start, Jude. Have

seen a single Cameron Diaz movie?

Creeping Ghost?

Text me when you're free. Okay.

I should be getting off soon.

Oh, I have a feeling you will be. Can I see you both in my office?

It's about Liza.

Liza Miller, right?

Jay, Molly, we met at Bonfire?

No, Mom, one's too long. We'll deal. Would you pay?

Wait, Mom?

Help me be what I want.

Help me be what I want.

This is bad.

Help me. How could you accuse her like that? This is not her fault. I honestly

have no idea how to handle this.