Original subtitles

Previously on Young Sheldon. Dr.

Sturgis will be joining us for dinner. I thought he was in the nut house.

We do not call it that.

That's what Dad calls it.

For starters, do not bring up his time in the hospital.

In The Shining, Jack Nicholson goes nuts and takes people around with an act.

When them elevator doors open, oh man.

Shelly, why don't you put your book down and watch your sister play?

It's getting exciting.

It looks like everyone's just standing there.

There's two outs, bases are loaded, and the winner runs on second.

But if Misty throws one more strike, they'll win.

And then we can go home?

That is exciting.

All three.

Full count.

Time.

What are you doing down there?

Pray for her. Right on it.

What the heck's going on?

I'm going to lose the game. Everyone's going to hate me.

Listen to me. Just throw the ball over the plate. This guy's not going to

Yes, he will. He's their best hitter. You trust me, all right? He is looking

walk. He doesn't want to strike out against a girl.

You sure?

Absolutely. Just throw it across the plate. He will not swing.

Okay. Here, wipe your nose.

Attagirl. Now you got this.

Hey, we won. Let's get pizza.

Come on.

Nobody else is stronger than I am.

Yesterday I moved a mountain.

I bet I could be your hero.

Everybody dig in.

Fun fact. Did you know that pizza is only one of many Mediterranean

You talking to me?

Shelly, this is Mr. Ballard's first time eating with us. Let's make sure it's

not his last.

Interesting. Does a family meal mark an escalation in your romantic

relationship? That's a good question. Does it?

You know what? Why don't you go sit at the kid table with your sister?

Where do I begin?

They're loud.

They're sweaty from skit.

Hey, Sean, if your pizza's too hot, put ice on it. That's what I did.

So, George, how do I convince this one to come fishing with me next weekend?

I told you, nobody's going to see this face after a night in a tent.

Smart. You don't want that mug scaring the fish.

Where are you going?

Lake Conroe.

Ooh, brace pop catfish.

Well, then why don't you come along?

You can even bring Georgie if you want to. That'd be fun.

Of course, that's fun.

Mary, you mind if I go?

A bad old myself?

Bye.

It's a plan.

You got to remember to hoist your food up into the tree so this one can't get

it. Very funny. You make fun of my face, I'm going to have to make fun of your

enormous bear -like body.

Oh, how are you enjoying your first meal with our family?

Well, everybody's mean. I love it.

Hello? George, John here. I'm calling to confirm a time for beer and socializing

this weekend.

Damn.

I forgot we had plans.

I'm actually going camping.

Okay. I'm real sorry.

The invitation kind of came up last minute.

You may not know this, but I love camping.

Really? Oh, yes. I spend a year backpacking through Asia.

I'd invite you along, but it's not really my trip.

I'm going with Connie's friend, Dale.

Not a problem. I'll just hang out with another friend this weekend.

Great. I just need to make one first.

Ballards. Hey, Dale.

About this weekend.

We're going to have to bow out.

Why? Everything okay?

Yeah, I just forgot I made plans with a friend, and I feel bad canceling last

minute. Oh, heck. Does he like camping? Bring him along.

Uh, that might be a little weird.

It's Connie's ex.

Boy, he didn't impress me as a camping type.

Actually, he was hitting around about going. Claims to be an outdoorsman.

Really? Oh, hey, I'd like to see that.

Bring him along.

You sure?

Yeah. Hell, if we get caught in a freak snowstorm, he'll be the first one we

eat. Be like an appetizer.

Why can't I go fishing?

It's a boys' weekend.

Then why isn't Shona going?

Do you hear yourself?

Do you?

Well, since they get to do something fun, why can't we?

Ooh, Chuck E. Cheese. That place is a nightmare.

Something that could be fun is the museum. No.

Let him finish.

We ought to hit a museum.

It's not going to get better.

The Museum of the American Railroad. Oh, yeah, that's worse.

Suddenly camping with Dr. Stardust doesn't seem so bad.

Excuse me, camping with who?

Well, Dale didn't mention it?

No.

I'm guessing John didn't mention it.

No. And when were you going to mention it?

Well, I was never going to mention it.

So, John, I hear you're going camping this weekend.

I am.

With the guy I'm dating.

I know. It was so nice of him to let me tag along.

And don't you think that's going to be a little awkward?

No more awkward than any other social situation I find myself in.

I'm making my homemade gorp. Good old raisins and peanuts. I'll have to give

you the recipe.

I think I can figure it out. Listen, I want to warn you about Dale.

He's kind of a guy's guy.

Sometimes his sense of humor can be a little mean -spirited. Just don't let it

hurt your feelings.

Well, you don't have to worry about me. We physicists are no strangers to smack

talk. I once told Dr.

Linkletter he wouldn't know a randomized trial if it crawled up his sphincter.

Do not be...

You're a goofy little friend.

Ha!

That's Dale. We're going to head out.

Here's some coffee for the road.

Thanks. Make sure your dad doesn't drink too many beers.

You're funny.

And make sure your son doesn't drink any beers.

Got it. I'll finish them all. Let's go.

Be safe.

Have fun.

Oh, I'm free.

It sure is a sweet setup.

Well, now, thank you very much.

This thing is nicer than our house.

It's not nicer than our house. Well, don't be too sure now. I got microwave

air conditioning. I got stack old playboys back there in the bathroom.

Okay, maybe.

Hey, there's John up here on the right.

Are you sure that's not a garden gnome?

How would you feel if there were somewhere just like Chuck E. Cheese, but

instead of pizza and ball pits, there's locomotives and placards explaining

their history? That's just the museum.

I didn't think she'd see through that.

So, Johnny, that's quite the outfit you got on there.

Thanks. I just got one question. Where do the merit badges go?

Because I look like a Boy Scout?

Yeah, that's kind of the joke there.

Well,

I accept your jocular insult as a token of bonding.

Well, if you like that one, how about this? I haven't seen legs that white

since... Hey, why don't we talk about something else?

George, it's all right. You don't need to protect me. I can take it, and I can

dish it right back.

Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, babe.

Hmm. It would help if I knew a little more about you. Were you, by chance, a

bedwetter?

I know it's been a while, but I really have to talk to you.

I understand you might not want to hear about my dating life, but if you hadn't

died, I wouldn't be in this situation. So, this is on you.

How about a movie?

How about The Planetarium?

That's like a movie where you can see real stars instead of, I don't know,

Kelly. We're never gonna agree.

Let's just do rock, paper, scissors.

No. Anecdotal evidence suggests that players familiar with each other will

75 % of the time due to the limited number of outcomes.

Well, what if we added a few more choices?

Like rock, paper, scissors, candy pony.

Now you're just being silly.

But your idea of a winner -takes -all competition is a good one.

We just need to come up with something that is fair to both of us.

Ooh, what if we list all the spices in Mom's spice rack alphabetically? I'll go

first. Adobo.

Black pepper. Cinnamon, coriander, cumin.

We're not playing the spice game.

No. So now I have these two guys in my life.

And I know that might sound like bragging, but at my age, if you were

not hooked to an oxygen tank, you gotta swat them away.

Still pissing you for dying.

I'm not going to just sit at home and miss you.

I mean, you wouldn't want that.

You'd want me to go out and have fun.

Right?

Take your time. Think about it.

Hey, I'm John.

Three already. What are you using for bait?

I made it myself.

It's cheese, garlic, and a little bit of pig brains.

Pig brains? Where the hell do you get pig brains?

From the butcher.

But you get some odd looks when you ask for it. You get odd looks? Oh, I find

that hard to believe.

Like this.

I think he's pulling your leg, John.

Oh, I see.

Meaning, I get odd looks all the time.

That's funny.

Well, if anyone wants to try my bait, you're welcome to.

Sure, I'll give her a go.

Dale?

No, I think I know how to fish, John. Really? Because it doesn't look like it.

Well, maybe that's because all you're talking is scaring the fish away.

Evidence suggests your theory is incorrect.

Well, evidence suggests I need another beer.

I bet.

Oh, that's nice.

You decided to stay home and play a game?

Nope. We're inventing a new game and the winner gets to pick what we do today.

We had to find a way to make sure that it's completely fair to both of us.

So we made a list of 20 challenges that combined stuff we're both good at.

Everyone who sees the challenge gets to take a block and put it on top of their

tower. Whoever's tower reaches the height of this rock at first wins.

Okay, I will leave you to it.

And finally, both parties agree the loser will do the activity selected by

winner graciously without complaint.

For the purpose of this agreement, a complaint is defined as any disparaging

comment, eye rolls, or name -calling, including but not limited to dingus,

breath, and butt wipe.

Can we just sign it and play?

I've signed my name. Feel free to draw an X.

I know how to write my name, Sheldon.

Damn it, I wrote Sheldon.

Dale is fun.

Kind of a good old boy.

Reminds me a bit of you.

It gets on my nerves.

So it kind of reminds me of you.

John's not anything like you.

He's not anything like anyone.

Maybe that's why I keep thinking about him.

Fun fact.

In Finland, they make a fire. That's two long logs sitting on top of each other

with a wedge of wood in between to let the air flow through.

Uh -huh. Not your idea of fun, is it?

Mind if I grab a beer?

I'm not your father.

Hold on. This young man's underage.

So? So the laws of Texas are pretty clear on the subject.

What a surprise. There's one more thing you know more about than everybody else.

I don't know why you're surprised.

I know why you're here.

I'm just gonna stick with Dr. Pepper.

Why don't you get some more firewood, Georgie?

Thank you.

I'm here because my friend George invited me.

Uh -huh.

Well, your friend George invited you because he felt sorry for you.

You know, Connie warned me you might behave like this, and she was right.

I don't know why the hell she ever went out with you.

Well, she did.

And we got along famously.

Until you broke up with her after you got out of...

Out of what?

Say it.

Never mind.

Damn. Piddled on my shoe.

What a mess.

So enough about me. How about you?

You got your wings yet, or is that just in the movies?

It's a wonderful life.

It's one of my favorites.

Ah, sorry, I didn't see you. I'll keep it down.

Oh, it's all right. I talk to my wife all the time.

I'm Kenneth.

This is Vanessa.

Connie. This is Charlie.

I'd introduce them, but they're neighbors. They probably know each

Well, if he complains about someone snoring, I'm sure it's her.

I didn't bury him with a tyranny, so he's fine.

Well, you know what? I'll...

I'll come back in a few minutes and let you finish your chat.

Really nice meeting you, Connie.

You too.

You see?

Gotta swat him away.

Okay. Each player alternates naming a state while hula -hooping. The first

player who can't name a state or drops a hula -hoop loses.

Ready?

Set.

Go.

Taxi! Darn it. So I won?

Yes.

Good, because I was just going to say Texas again.

That was some good catfish.

Yeah, real good.

Gentlemen, I'm no longer enjoying this outing, so I'm going home.

See ya.

Hang on, Dale. John, you can't just leave.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

Not a problem.

I have my compass, a flashlight, and half a bag of gort.

No, wait, wait, please. Let him go, George.

You want to tell Connie you lost your old boyfriend in the woods?

Well, he's a grown man for crying out loud. Let him do what he wants.

Well, that's an argument for me having a beer. Shut up. Come on, Dale. Do the

right thing.

Tell him to stay.

Fine.

John?

Oh, damn.

John!

Boy, for a little guy, he's fast, ain't he?

You can't set it that way.

Does it say that on the rules?

Well, no.

And is this your signature?

Yes, but... Mom, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese!

We're not going anywhere. It's almost your bedtime.

Sorry, hon.

Well, all that matters is that I'm the winner.

Yes, you are.

Actually, I was the winner.

We spent the whole day doing everything I love.

Drafting contracts, arguing about rules, and most importantly, never leaving the

house.

Come on.

I don't want to.

Just one more time.

Fine.

Rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony!

Rock, trips, pony.

I win.

How do you keep winning? You keep picking pony.

Corp?