Original subtitles

The Bible says a lot about love. Love thy neighbor, for God so loved the

In 1 Corinthians it says, love is patient, love is kind.

But what does it mean to truly love someone?

You see, Jesus showed us that love means always thinking about others. Why?

Because I'm trying to unwrap a candy and I don't want anybody to hear.

He's talking

about

Robin. Who's Robin?

Pastor Jeff's girlfriend.

Mom set them up and now she thinks she's cool.

Shh.

But I did set them up.

Cool. So let's see what Jesus has to say about that.

Thanks

for

coming. Pastor Jeff, do chickens go to heaven?

Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals, but I like to

believe that God loves all his creatures.

Why? My dad wants to eat Matilda.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

She stopped laying eggs, so it's off with her head and into the fryer.

Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.

Just pray she's juicy.

We have decided to get married.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh.

And we were hoping that you could help us plan the wedding. Oh, my gosh.

I did it again. I'm sorry.

I would be honored.

Just something small and simple.

So when were you thinking? Spring?

Summer? Next Sunday.

Oh, that is soon.

You're not.

No. Because we haven't.

You know. But we would like to. But we can't because I'm a pastor. But we can

once we're married. So Sunday it is. Okay. Or maybe Saturday.

Ooh, Saturday.

Even better. I cannot wait.

Me either.

Still here.

George.

You will not believe what I get to do.

What's that?

Playing Pastor Jeff's web loop. Oh, isn't that nice?

It's going to be a lot of work. They want this done by next weekend.

Well, knock her up.

In there.

No, he is a man of God. He cannot have a physical relationship outside holy

matrimony. Oh, so that's the rush.

Well, yes, but they also seem very much in love.

Love is great.

Anyway, I am going to be extra busy, so I'm going to need you to pick up the

flag around here. You know, the kids, making meals.

Sounds good.

Wait, what?

I need you to help out.

So Pastor Jeb wants to get lucky and I pay the price?

I am asking you to take care of your children.

And I'm asking you, why can't your mother do it? George!

Fine. That has to be the play of the game, maybe even the season.

And I can't believe what I just saw.

Your dad can't eat Matilda.

Sure he can. He eats everything.

Billy, you raised her from a chick. She's like your child.

You wouldn't let somebody eat your child.

Does my child taste like chicken?

Billy!

Missy!

Many inventions change people's lives for the better. The light bulb, the

vaccine, and one that doesn't get enough credit, the home video cassette

recorder.

It didn't help keep people out of wheelchairs, but it did keep me from

Star Trek.

Captain Block, Stardate 44307 .3.

I'm preparing to leave by shuttlecraft.

Georgie, why are there bathing suit ladies where Captain Picard should be?

Georgie!

He's not home.

What's going on?

Georgie taped over Star Trek The Next Generation.

So? Watch something else. I don't want to watch something else. I want to watch

Star Trek The Next Generation.

And I want to feel bad for you, but I don't.

The television station's in Houston.

Drive me there. I'm sure they have a copy of it. I'm not driving to Houston.

Well, then I should warn you. I am very unhappy.

Okay. In fact, I am peeved.

Okay.

I would slam this door right now, but it would startle me, so just imagine I

did.

Okay.

I'm sorry Robin couldn't be here. She's working extra shifts so she can take

some time off after the wedding.

For a honeymoon? How nice. Where are y 'all going?

Oh, we don't really plan on leaving the bedroom.

Well, um, we have a lot to discuss.

Reception, flowers, cake.

Like I said, we're just looking for something simple.

Got it. Nothing fancy, just elegant.

Right, but a plain bare bones elegance.

How many guests were you thinking?

It doesn't have to be big. I've been married before.

Well, Robin hasn't, and you're our pastor. Your congregation is going to

share in your special day.

Those bones are sounding less bare.

Sorry. Your small, elegant, bare -bones, unforgettable, simple special day.

Now let's talk centerpieces.

None of my friends had recorded the episode.

I called Tam.

I called Dr. Sturgis.

Those were all my friends.

Fortunately, having a modem granted me access to an even better kind of friend.

The kind you don't have to see or talk to.

would you bring that packing poop machine into our home? To save her life.

about my life?

She's not trying to kill you. Oh, yeah? Then why was there hate in her eyes?

That's how everybody looks at you.

I got luck.

Dad, Missy put a chicken in my room. The Sparks were going to kill her and eat

her. What the hell's going on?

How could you?

What?

I miss your mother.

Would you look at these sugar flowers?

I'm too busy looking at the price tag.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, you can't skimp on the cake. It's the focal point of the entire wedding.

How about this? Get a bunch of ding -dongs, stack them in the shape of a

Everybody's happy.

You do not want your wife to look back at her wedding pictures and see a pile

ding -dongs. I'm not sure she's going to care.

She don't care!

But there are more affordable cakes here that we can look at.

Thank you. Maybe they have some stale ones in the back that you can disappoint

your bride with.

All right, here I am.

What's the emergency?

Sheldon's mad at Georgie because he taped over a space show, but now he's

in the garage because Missy brought home Billy's chicken. And Missy's hiding in

the bathroom because I brought home fried chicken.

Good luck.

Come on, help me out.

What are you doing to help? I called your ass over here.

Where's Mary?

At church, planning Pastor Jeff's wedding.

And she left you in charge?

Yeah. Well, that was dumb.

Thank you. Okay, let's split up. You want live chicken or dead chicken?

Hey. Right in there.

Hi. Hello.

Hi.

See ya.

I'll take the chicken problems. Girl in bedroom?

All yours.

Would you like to try it on?

Oh, no. I'm not here for me. Just helping a friend.

Oh, too bad.

That dress would be stunning on you.

Oh, I would look like a princess.

What do you think? How handsome.

I feel like I'm in the presence of James Bond.

Well, I don't have a license to kill, but I do have a license to officiate

funerals.

Should we pull some dresses for Robin?

I suppose.

How about that? Oh, she'd hate that. Keep looking.

Come on and bring that bucket of chicken out of there. No, we're not eating...

That one's from Kentucky.

They didn't know each other.

George, why are you not in that bedroom?

Well, I'm just thinking of what to say.

They're teenagers.

If you wait any longer, they'll be done.

I'm just going to grab a beer.

George!

Georgie?

What? That boy?

Of course.

Really? What'd you say?

You know, his stuff.

The father says, and we had to talk with the son.

Good Lord.

Did you tell him about protection?

Oh, come on, Connie.

Well, it's important. What if he knocks that poor girl up and ruins her life?

Is that a swipe at me?

Well, it depends.

Did you knock up my daughter and ruin her life? Wait, I know the answer.

Hey, for your information, Mary is very happy.

The wedding's going to be perfect.

Great.

Thank you.

She won't have to go down to City Hall wearing the only thing that still fits

because she's trying to hide the fact that she's pregnant.

Uh -huh.

She's going to get the wedding of her dreams.

If she cries on the dress, do I have to buy it?

You know it takes two people to get pregnant, right? I know that. Does

Probably. We got cable now.

What? Is Matilda still in my closet?

What? That's a yes.

Ah!

The bathroom's flooding!

What happened?

I flushed the chicken leg and water started going everywhere.

Chickens were your job.

Maybe you've been punished.

I'm a bad person.

That went in my mouth.

Stay back.

Calm down. We're taking her home.

To be murdered.

Okay, have fun.

Can y 'all keep it down?

I have a bone to pick with you, sir.

What'd I do?

You taped over my Star Trek episode.

So?

So now I may never get to see it. What if it was a two -parter? I can't start a

two -parter on part two. That's madness.

I think I'm gonna go.

Okay. Hola, señorita.

She's in my Spanish class.

I'll call you later.

Te veo mañana en la clase de español.

What? That means see you tomorrow in Spanish class. I was going to ask how

thought you did on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno.

Adios.

What?

I'm sorry.

This is your wedding, and I'm making it all about me.

No. I mean, you are, but it's fine.

It's just every bride dreams of walking down the aisle, and I never got to have

that. Still on you.

Okay.

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

Hey, even though I'm looking fly, I'm still your pastor.

Well, it's more than the wedding.

Overnight, I became a wife and a mother.

I feel like I missed out on a lot.

Well, sometimes the Lord has his own plans for us.

And if it helps, Robin and I always talk about how much we admire you and your

family.

Really? Your marriage may have gotten off to a rough start.

But if that's what it took to get where you are, maybe God knew what he was

doing.

You know what?

Let's get back to planning your wedding.

Oh, no. You're done. You may be a great wife and mother, but you stink at this.

That's fair.

Do I have to?

You want to add grandkids to this mess?

God, no.

Georgie, we need to talk.

What now?

You're of an age where your body has urges.

Oh, my God.

Georgie, you need to hear this. From both of you?

Who do you want to hear it from?

No one.

If I got to pick, I guess you.

Good choice.

Don't forget to tell him about venereal disease.

This next part's so great.

What's going on here?

Wesley Crusher was just accepted into Starfleet Academy, and for his final

mission, he's accompanying Picard on a shuttle mission to Pentaurus V.

No, I mean, who's your friend?

Oh, he's not a friend. He's a stranger.

I met him on a Star Trek bulletin board. He had a copy of the episode Georgie

taped over and brought it here.

Hello. I'm Nathan.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Nathan.

Okay, but I'm taking my tape with me.

That's fine. No, I need to see the end. No, you don't.

Does anyone read us?

And I know your mama want me to tell you to wait till marriage, but I also know

you're probably not going to.

Did you?

The important thing is that when you're with a girl... You know how we were

running practice drills and we wear protection so both people are safe?

Yeah. Well, there you go.

What?

Same thing, but with your privates.

Please leave.

Thank you.

Wesley, you will be missed.

That was excellent.

Yeah, top notch. Get out.

Yeah, I think I've turned out pretty. Who the hell is this?

This is Nathan. He's been to four Comic -Cons. And he's leaving.

Are you sure?

Beam your ass out of here.

Yes, ma 'am.

Want to beam up?

Energize.

Okay, that last part didn't happen. But boy, would that have been neat.

That was neat.

We're done with pig.

Energize.

I miss him already.

Robin and Jeffrey, by their solemn vows, freely made before God.

Pastor Jeff and Officer Robin finally had their ceremony, which was nice for

them, but meant I had to go to church on a Saturday and watch old people kiss.

You may kiss the bride.

A little less conversation, a little more action.

All this aggravation ain't satisfaction in me. No tone, no tone.

Well, there it is.

Where are they going in such a hurry?

Probably to unwrap their presents.

Nothing's getting unwrapped.

Told you.