Original subtitles

Garden's looking nice.

Well, not to commit the sin of pride, but I know.

How did you come out of me?

So good news, John's coming home on Friday. That's wonderful.

It is.

You must be thrilled.

Oh, I am.

Hmm, a little nervous?

No, no,

no. Be understandable if you were.

The man has been in a mental institution.

All I know is he sounds like himself on the phone, and the doctors say he's good

to go.

Well, that's great.

It is. I'm excited.

Well, good.

Very excited.

Okay. I'm going to get another beer.

Because you're so excited?

Good night.

We need to have a talk.

Georgie, get in here.

Are we in trouble?

No one's in trouble. What's going on? Have a seat.

You're also getting talked to. Sit.

Hi.

Okay.

Dr. Sturgis will be joining us for dinner.

Hot darn. That guy's back.

I thought he was in the nut house.

We do not call it that.

That's what Dad calls it. And that's why I made him sit.

We need to make sure that Dr. Sturgis feels comfortable.

You know how he's supposed to do that?

For starters, do not bring up his time in the hospital.

What if he brings it up?

You let the grown -ups handle that.

In this scenario, am I one of the grown -ups?

No. Great. You also will not stare at him during dinner.

Can I look at him at all? Yes. How long can I look at him before it's considered

staring? When I'm trying not to stare at girls, my rule is two Mississippis.

I've told him that.

Just be on your best behavior, and if you're not sure if you should say

something, do not say it.

What? Hey, it worked.

When I hit three Mississippis, she noticed.

See? Told you.

Meemaw and Dr.

Sturgis are out front.

They're walking up the path.

They see me.

I'm waving.

They wave back.

They're close to the door.

Even closer.

Almost there.

Door... Built!

Remember everything we talked about.

Welcome! Look who I brought!

Hello! Come in, come in.

It's so good to see you.

I don't normally do this, but put her there.

No, Mitten, I'm honored.

It's so wonderful to see you all again.

We've been looking forward to it. We sure have.

Why are you counting?

You know Shelly. He loves his numbers. Let's say great.

Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands

prepared it.

Amen. Amen.

Dig in.

Oh, I am so excited to have a home -cooked meal.

The food in the hospital was blandarino.

Be sure to save room for dessert. I made banana pudding. George, tell them how

good my banana pudding is.

Good pudding.

A lot of bananas. Well, now...

Pardon me if I'm wrong, but I would totally understand if any of you felt

uncomfortable about me being here after my time in the hospital.

Oh, no, we're very comfortable. Very comfortable.

Well, just in case, I want you all to know I'm perfectly happy to answer any

questions that you might have.

You sure you won't do that? Of course.

The best way to destigmatize something is to talk about it.

May I?

Go ahead.

Why wasn't I allowed to visit you?

Some of the other patients there were very unwell.

And I didn't want you to be disturbed by their behavior.

I got one.

Here we go.

Did they lock you up in a room?

I wasn't able to leave the hospital without being discharged, but I was free

walk the grounds.

How did you know when you were all better?

Well, it's not like a cold where you have it and then you don't, but I've

learned skills that help me to manage my mental health.

Well, that went over my head.

I got another one. In The Shining, Jack Nicholson goes nuts and chases people

around with an axe. One question each.

Dang it, should have started with that one.

How about a little nightcap?

Oh, I don't think so. Got to ride the old bike home.

Oh, I thought you were staying the night.

I wasn't planning on it.

Oh, okay.

Now that we're talking about this, we've never really discussed the status of

our relationship.

Don't you worry.

As far as I'm concerned, we didn't pick up right where we left off.

That means a lot.

But, um, I think it's for the best if we don't.

What? I hope we can still be friends.

But, um, I don't think we should be in a romantic relationship anymore.

Are you crazy?

I mean, poor choice of words, but are you crazy?

Do you mean you really don't want to see me anymore?

Don't I get a say in that?

Really?

I kind of think I do.

Connie, if I'm single and have another episode, it only hurts me. If we're

together, that hurts you. And I can't do that again.

I have been waiting for you this whole time.

It's just more proof that you're a wonderful woman and you deserve someone

can count on.

How about Ira from the furniture store? He's a catch.

Now you're going to play matchmaker for me?

I suppose I am.

You realize I could call him right now.

I think you should.

You better mean it, because I'll do it.

No time like the present.

I'm dialing.

Great.

It's ringing.

Tell him I said hi.

This is Blue Spine Furniture. Ira speaking.

Hello, Ira.

It's Connie Tucker.

Connie, oh, my gosh.

How are you?

He wants to know how I am.

Tell him.

I'll call you back.

Can you believe it?

It sounds like he has your best interests at heart.

Men, don't break up with me.

I do the breaking up. Well, I think it's nice that you can still experience new

things at your age.

Keep it up and you won't get to my age.

So, are you going to go out with Ira?

Well, I don't know why not.

Is that really what you want? Well, I'm sure as hell not going to sit home by

myself while I try and figure it out.

Doesn't sound like you're being nice to Ira.

She's not nice. Been saying it for years.

Oh, um, I don't know.

He should. We had so much fun talking about the mental hospital, we barely got

to talk about science.

Well, I don't know what his plans are.

Is Meemaw coming for dinner tonight?

No, she is busy.

With Dr. Sturgis? Maybe I can join them. All my fun facts make me a welcome

addition to any dinner date.

She's not going to be with Dr. Sturgis, sweetie.

Then I don't understand why I can't invite him over.

Your Meemaw and Dr. Sturgis are figuring out how their relationship is going to

work now that he's back.

Why does their relationship need to be any different?

It's complicated.

So we can't have him over?

Sorry, it's just not a good idea right now.

This isn't fair.

I find the one person in Texas who understands me and now I'm not allowed

him?

Hello! Come in.

Oh, uh, honey, is, uh, okay with my being here?

Don't worry about it. Or, you know, mention it. Well, here's a pineapple.

symbol of hospitality dating back to the 1700s.

Thank you. How tropical.

Dr. Sturgis, hello!

Hi!

Ooh, did you know the pineapple is a symbol of hospitality?

As a matter of fact, I did.

You're welcome.

I gotta tell you, this is an unexpected surprise.

Here's the surprise.

Because last I heard, you and John were still going out.

Well, now I'm not, and I'm here with you. So let's not talk about him.

Ooh, sounds like this breakup is a little fresh.

Yeah, it was pretty recent.

What, like a week, a month?

Literally, as I was calling you.

Well, I'm...

Glad that I was the first person that came to mind.

Actually, you were his idea.

So glad.

Really? This again?

Just it.

Where's Meemaw?

Not here tonight.

Why? As I understand it, now that Dr. Sturgis is back from the hospital, he

Meemaw are figuring out how their relationship is going to work.

What does that mean?

Sounds like she dumped him.

Actually... He's the one. Sheldon, didn't you want to talk about science

Yes. Good. Do that right now. Well, I realize being here after ending my

romantic relationship with Connie is unusual.

So, as before, I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions that you might

I have a question. Can I eat in front of the TV?

Sure.

Let's get back to the shine.

When them elevator doors open, oh, man.

Your boyfriend comes home from the mental hospital. He dumps you, and he

suggests that you go out with me.

Yeah. Sounds like a spite thing.

Oh, gosh, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound great.

No, no, no, I'm fine with it. I just want to make sure I got everything

Hospital, dumped, bite.

You got it. All right.

I hear the creamed spinach is terrific.

How do relationships work for old people?

When you were young, you didn't think old women looked hot. But now that

old, do you?

Well, that's a very interesting question.

Can I speak to you in the kitchen?

Well, here he is. I've always found your grandmother to be very hot stuff.

All right, let's go.

You can see her wrinkles, right?

Why don't you take John to a bar or something?

Why? Because the children don't need to hear about how attractive he finds their

grandmother. Why don't you take him out?

Fine. You make sure the kids take baths and get to bed.

Oh, and Sheldon needs his fingernails trimmed.

Hey, John, what do you say you and I go grab a beer? But we haven't cut open the

pineapple yet.

You boys go ahead. We'll eat the pineapple another time.

But we haven't had a chance to talk about science.

Ooh, can Sheldon come?

Can I?

No. Aw.

So enough about me.

What's been going on in your life?

Oh, boy. Well, after you and I broke up, I took the opportunity to work on

myself. Started playing tennis again.

I bought a telescope, which is pretty cool because...

I could see the moon all big and things, and I tried Vietnamese food for the

first time, which did not go well. Oh, very spicy. You wouldn't believe the

heartburn. Not enough Tums in the world.

This is wonderful.

Did you know the term dive bar originated because many establishments

street level and patrons had to essentially dive down to enter them?

Didn't know that.

Well, now you do.

Hey, George, who's your friend?

Hey, Nate, this is John Sturgis.

He's a scientist.

Pleased to make your acquaintance, Nate.

What can I get you?

Um... Sarsaparilla? Two beers. We'll take two beers.

I must admit, after the breakup, I was worried, but now that Dr. Sturgis and

are friends, we'll be seeing even more of him. How do we see less of him?

That is not nice.

Sorry, but I'm on Meemaw's side. She got me a two -piece bathing suit.

I didn't realize we were expected to take sides. No one needs to take sides.

When Heather M's parents got divorced, she said it was like picking sides, but

you get twice the problem.

This isn't a divorce.

And I'm sure Meemaw and Dr. Sturgis will still be friends.

Heather M's parents aren't friends, but now she's got Barbie's dream house and

the pink Corvette.

You heard me.

Oh, thank you.

That looks amazing. I love ice cream.

Did you know that they used to use the anal glands of beavers to make it taste

like vanilla?

No. Where'd you hear that?

I understand it's difficult to milk the little facts.

It's just something I picked up along the way.

You okay?

Yeah.

Let's eat pie.

And maybe not the ice cream.

Can you believe Connie was my first girlfriend?

Really. And probably my last.

Come on, don't talk like that.

No, it's true.

She may not realize it, but this is all for the best.

I'm damaged goods.

No, you're not.

It's just been so long since I'd had an episode, I thought I was okay.

But clearly I'm not.

And who knows if it'll happen again.

And I just can't take the risk of putting Connie through that.

Hey, she's got problems, too.

I've seen her take a wine cooler out of the trash and finish it.

I'm not joking.

Well, thank you for listening.

My pleasure.

And if you want to talk about your relationship with Mary, I'm all ears.

Intimacy issues.

communication difficulties, problems in the bedroom.

Hey, pool table's open.

Wonderful.

But if you did get a divorce, how many American Girl dolls could I get? Your

father and I aren't getting a divorce.

But more than one, right?

Are there any questions that aren't about divorce?

Nope. Sheldon?

Is it difficult to see your mother go out with men who aren't your father?

Wow. That's a big one.

Um, I suppose it took some getting used to, but she's a grown

-up, and even though Pop -Pop passed away, she deserves to be happy.

Just so you know, I'd be happy with one American Girl doll.

And we're done.

Thank you so much, Ira.

I really needed this.

You're welcome.

We should do it again. What's your Friday night look like?

Oh, no, Friday's no good, because we're doing inventory at the store. Oh, okay.

Well, how about the weekend?

No, no, no, that's not good for me either.

Are you blowing me off?

Is it that obvious?

Well, I don't understand why. I mean, I thought we had a nice time.

Oh, we did.

But you're still hung up on John, and I don't want to have my heart broken

again, so I'm going to respectfully pass.

Unbelievable.

I know.

It turns out I do have a shred of dignity. I'm as surprised as you are.

I'm not having a good week.

Have you played much pool?

Oh, in my undergraduate days, all the time. It's just physics and geometry.

Is that so?

I calculate the angles in my head, sometimes in radians, sometimes in

depending on my level of whimsy.

I'm a radians man myself.

That's a joke?

It's supposed to be.

Oh, life is funny. A week ago, I was in a mental institution, and now

I'm laughing it up in a dive bar.

Not just any dive bar. One where everyone knows me. And they are lucky

do.

Excuse me, everyone.

Oh, boy. I would like to propose a toast.

To George Cooper, I don't mind telling you, I'm going through a bit of a rough

patch. And this man went out of his way to take me here and listen to my

woes. And George and I don't even know each other that well.

You heard it. Y 'all heard it.

But I just broke up with a woman, a beautiful, passionate woman.

Adventurous.

Sensual.

Apparently, you're never too old for heartache. But tonight, I found

solace in the bosom of male friendship.

To George Cooper!

Drinks are on me!

To George Cooper!

He had a few beers.

He had one.

Seriously? We can't get a dog and this guy's still here?