Original subtitles

Abigail Baker?

Here.

Georgie Cooper?

Here. Sheldon Cooper?

Georgie, where's your brother?

I don't know.

Good enough for me. Melissa Dixon?

Since I no longer had a college class with Dr. Sturgis to stoke my

fire, I needed to find someone else who was up to the task of being my mentor. A

great mind, a once -in -a -generation thinker.

Fortunately, my schedule was wide open.

Yesterday I moved the mountains. I bet I could be your hero.

I am a mighty little man.

I am a mighty little man.

Pastor Jeff, I just need your signature.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't realize you had a gift.

It's quite all right. You remember Robin?

Of course. Of course. It's so nice to see you again. You too.

Well, I don't want to interrupt.

Actually, I was just fixing to head out.

Already? Yeah.

Discharged my firearm in a muskrat yesterday.

A lot of paperwork.

See you soon?

Yes, you will.

Bye, Mrs. Cooper.

Bye.

That seems to be going well.

It's going really well. I like her so much.

Why do you sound sad about it?

Well... This is hard for me to say out loud.

But when I'm around her, I find myself having... No.

I don't know.

I have thoughts.

Oh, but you're the pastor. You can't act on those.

Hence my sadness.

What are you going to do?

I'm not sure.

I can't engage in a physical relationship outside of holy matrimony.

Right? Right.

Right.

Solution is a homogeneous mixture consisting of a solute and a solvent.

The solute is the substance that is being dissolved.

A squared plus B squared equals...

And Pastor Jeff asked me to hold him accountable so he doesn't succumb to

temptation.

How the heck you do that?

I'm not sure.

Probably have to give him the stink eye every so often.

Pastor's been married before. Is it really that big a deal?

Yes, George.

It states very clearly in the Bible, among you there must not be even a hint

sexual immorality.

That book is a bummer sometimes.

It's no joke. He could lose his job.

I guess I just don't get it. Maybe because you only go to church when

bake sale.

That's not nice.

It's true.

Doesn't make it nice.

Everything all right with Sheldon?

How much time you got?

Why? Hasn't been a PE since Monday.

Really?

He's here. I drove him.

You check the places they like to stuff them?

Lockers, trash cans, those bags we put the footballs in?

Nothing.

Top of the flagpole? Nope.

Hey, Hubert, was Sheldon in class today?

No, haven't seen him all week.

Weren't you going to say anything?

Didn't want to jinx it.

So he hasn't been in any of your classes?

Not at all.

But I bring him here, I take him home. He's got to be somewhere in the

I might have seen him in the library, but at this point, I sometimes think I

him when I'm alone in my house.

Like that creepy Chucky doll in the movie?

Exactly!

Hey, Tam!

I can't find Sheldon. Do you know where he is?

I promised not to say.

Tam?

Lucky for you, I'm weak.

Are you kidding me?

I knew Tim was weak.

What do you think you're doing?

Exploring the impact of the French invasion on Imperial Russian society.

Well, get out of here. You're going back to class.

No, I'm not.

Excuse me? I don't learn anything in class, but in here I've taught myself

applications of gravitational lensing, Faraday's law of magnetic induction, and

how to whistle.

Well, Sam came out yesterday.

You can't spend your day in a broom closet.

It's no longer a broom closet. It's now a citadel of higher learning.

Which one says, Robin, I like you, but also says, God is watching.

Be cool.

The blue one.

Mary, your husband's on the line.

Excuse me.

Yeah, blue.

Definitely blue.

Although... Everything okay?

Sheldon locked himself in a broom closet and he's refusing to go to class.

What's he doing in the closet?

Apparently learning about Russia.

Well, what do you want me to do?

I want you to handle it. You're right there. Why can't you handle it? Because

I'm at work.

So am I.

You know what I mean.

That you have a real job and I don't? Mary, I have football practice in ten

minutes and I don't have time to deal with this.

Well, you're going to have to because I'm busy.

Tell him, Pitcher.

The bolo tattoo thanks you, right?

Knew it.

Hope you're happy. Your mother and I are fighting now.

There's a closet.

My son made a citadel.

Never mind.

Sheldon, go to your room. What?

He just got a read in there.

I'd take away Professor Proton. Stay out of this.

No more Professor Proton.

Ma, that's how you do it.

I can't believe you didn't make him go to class. You told me to handle it. I

handled it. That one's on you.

You didn't handle it. You didn't do anything.

I had to get to practice, and I made a decision.

He was in the building, he was safe, and he was learning.

He is never going to improve his social skills if he's sitting all alone. He has

to be around people.

Sounds like you know what he needs. Go fix it.

Because I have to do everything, right?

Ooh, someone's sleeping on the couch tonight.

Get out of here.

Well, maybe Sal is just acting out because he doesn't have his college

go to anymore.

I could ask John's professor friend. Maybe he'd let him sit in on the class.

And you are just bringing this up now?

I wish I said something earlier, but I was enjoying the fight.

Hello? Hi, Dr. Linkletter. It's Connie Tucker.

Connie. To what do I owe the pleasure?

I need a favor.

Of course, anything.

Should we discuss it over dinner? I'll take a rain check on that.

I was hoping that my grandson could join in your physics class until John is,

uh, back.

From the mental hospital?

Yes. The one he never told you he'd been in before?

Yes. A curious ethical choice on his part, if you ask me. Can he take the

or not?

Of course.

Although, I never taught a child before.

Is he potty trained?

What are you doing?

Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.

Moonpie!

Good news!

You can start going to your college class again.

Dr. Sturgis is back?

No, but his friend, Dr.

Linkletter, is going to let you come and take his class.

But I take Dr. Sturges' class.

I know, but that's not an option right now, and Dr.

Linkletter's been nice enough to let you sit in on his.

But I like the way that Dr. Sturges teaches.

Well, you might like the way that Dr. Linkletter teaches even better.

Is it lecture -based?

I don't know.

What's his interpretation of quantum mechanics?

I couldn't say.

Where'd he get his doctorate? From the University of Shut Up and Say Thank You.

Thank you.

I thought you were going to take out the garbage.

I'm sorry. That was only the impression you did everything around here.

You really want to start this again?

I contribute plenty, and it wouldn't kill you to show a little appreciation.

I'll be sure to do that. As soon as I finish the laundry, the dishes, the

vacuuming, the grocery shopping, and helping Missy with her homework.

You like how my job pays for all the bills, right?

Stop acting like you're the only one with a job.

Mom, Pastor Jeff's on the phone.

I have to take this. Of course you do.

Hi, Pastor Jeff.

Everything okay?

I'm in trouble.

Robin just got here. She looks nice and she smells even nicer.

Come on now.

Nothing smells better than eternal salvation.

I know. But we put so much thought into my clothes, we didn't even think about

what she'd be wearing.

Why? What's she wearing?

Georgia, you hang up that phone right now.

I just can't wait.

When I step in, I'm doing it wrong. And when I don't step in, she yells at me.

I hear you.

So Darlene does the same thing with you?

No. But I'd hate it if she did. That sounds awful.

So what do you two fight about?

You know, normal stuff.

Who loves the other one more?

Whose turn it is for a foot rub?

Oh, the other day, we did argue about which way the toilet paper should hang.

Who won?

I don't remember.

We just ended up making love on the bathroom floor.

Thank you, Wayne. This has been real helpful.

When was the last time you took Mary out on a date?

I couldn't even tell you.

That poor woman.

Hey! you're supposed to be on my side I'd like to be but you're not giving me

much to work with

Smells like you had a good time.

How'd you like to go out for dinner on Friday? Just you and me.

Why?

Because you're my wife.

I was your wife last Friday and we didn't go to dinner.

Mary, I'm asking you on a date.

Okay.

Is that a yes?

Sure.

All right, then.

If you did something stupid, I'm going to find out.

Same room, different teacher.

Same night, different time.

This is a real roller coaster.

Yes, wow.

Connie, so nice to see you. Nice to see you too, Sheldon. This is Dr.

Linkletter. Hello. I've heard so much about you.

Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.

And on that fun note, I'll leave you to it. Are you sure you wouldn't like to

stay for the lecture?

Bad idea.

I'm told I snow her.

Darling, I'll be out in the hall if you need me.

Just a warning.

Today's lecture is rather advanced.

Don't worry. If you get confused, I'll be right here in the front row.

This is nice, eh?

Yes.

Lemon in the water.

It's weird to look at a menu and not have to wonder what Sheldon won't eat.

It got easier when he printed that card from a wallet.

Still don't know where he got that laminated.

Well, it's just the two of us. We don't have to talk about the kids.

You're right.

You don't think Georgie and Missy are doing anything stupid, do you?

If Mom notices in the house, she'll lose her mind.

I know. Mom does not like demons.

So how does it work?

You put your fingertips on it like this, and you ask it questions.

Then the spirits from beyond will move around the board and answer them.

Whoa. Let's try it.

Okay.

Pastor Jeff talks about these in Sunday school.

He called them things of a knobby board.

I'll get it.

Hello?

It's Pastor Jeff. What do I do?

Say what he wants.

What do you want?

Um, is your mom home?

No, she went out with my dad. It's just me and Georgie. Oh, okay.

Well, I hope you two are behaving yourselves.

We aren't. We're just watching TV.

Okay, bye.

I just want to go past her.

So? So I'm going to hell.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Sex for you.

So then we're able to take the ends of the strings and connect them to a ten

-dimensional membrane.

Yes, show them.

Dr. Sturgis taught us that if you leave the strings open, it allows far more

possibilities. We don't believe you need open strings anymore. That's an older

model of thinking.

Now... Yes, Sheldon. Just because something is older doesn't mean that

still good.

Original Star Trek is older than Next Generation, but if you think that Mr.

is better than Mr. Spock, you don't know what you're talking about. I don't know

what you're talking about.

Sorry you're not having a good time.

No, I am.

This is lovely.

But can I ask, what prompted it?

Well, Wayne and I were discussing marriage, and he was going on about how

he is.

I just wanted to try to work on ours.

That's really sweet, George.

So they go on dinner dates like this?

They do all kinds of stuff.

Line dancing and movie night.

You wouldn't believe what they got up to in their bathroom.

Where did they find the time?

Well, they don't have any kids.

Son of a bitch. They don't have kids.

That's why they're happy.

George. It's true.

You and I used to be way more fun.

That may be so, but you can't blame the children.

Oh, I can and I am.

Don't get me wrong. They're great. I love them. But you got to admit to this.

They do not make our lives easy.

Suppose there's a challenging aspect to them.

There you go.

Feels good to say it out loud, right?

Maybe a little.

Think about how clean the house would be if it was just us.

Oh, my.

So, what did they do in the bathroom?

Not until you're dead.

You smell really nice.

Thank you.

It's soap.

I love soap.

I'll get it.

Hello? I lied to you. I wasn't watching TV. I was playing with the Ouija board.

Who is this?

Missy Cooper, and I'm going to hell.

Missy, you're not going to go to hell.

Yes, I am. God knows what I did.

He sees everything.

You're right.

God does see everything.

But he also just saw you be a good Christian and tell the truth.

So I promise, your soul is safe.

You're sure?

I'm sure. If you're lying, you're going to hell too.

I'm sure.

Thank you.

You take care now.

The Lord just sent me a message.

Really? I'm sorry.

I can't be in a physical relationship outside of marriage.

Okay.

I respect that.

Thank you.

So when are we getting married?

Uh... We don't need open strings. We just connect them to a D -Brain.

You're... theories can't recreate the known symmetries of the real world.

Everything okay in here?

More than okay. We're having a spirited debate on super string theory.

Very spirited.

Are you ready to go home? Yes.

Unless Dr. Lincoln... He's ready.

Well, I guess we'll see you next week.

Sounds good.

No wonder Sturgis went crazy.