Original subtitles

What do we have here today?

This is a box of mystery.

What's inside?

Oh, well, no, no, that's kind of the whole thing. Nobody knows.

It could be pure gold.

It could be the secret to eternal youth.

It could be a wormhole to another dimension.

Embrace the mystery.

Oh, well, I must have just a little peek. I'm afraid not.

No, no, the spooky old woman in the spooky old forest who gave it to me so

only the true owner of the box may reveal its secrets.

What do you suppose it's worth?

Well, I mean, it all depends on a number of factors, you see. Look, I must know

what's inside it. Just let me know. What do you need for it? I'll give you $1

,000, $2 ,000, $100 ,000. You write your own check.

Are you the same person who sold me a sack of

mystery last week?

Yes, yes, I am.

I need to stop falling for this.

Good evening.

We interrupt this broadcast.

We're at the airport.

where many people are wearing shorts with absolutely no regard for how cold

gets on planes.

This afternoon, border force officers are questioning a returning traveller.

I've had a gutful. Hello. Miss, did you pack the suitcase yourself?

What suitcase?

My luggage was lost in Bangkok.

Oh. Have you not travelled since the pandemic? It's chaos.

Can we hurry this along, because I've got a connecting flight.

Well, probably not, because the next 26 flights have been cancelled.

Yeah, we've been waiting here so long, we decided to help out.

You don't work here.

I'm waiting so long. I really miss my kids.

Yeah.

It's all killer, all filler. You're watching Australia's favourite reality

Lip Island.

Decision time for Brianna with a Y and five Ns. Will she couple up with Taj

two Js or Jaden with an eight?

Three.

Strap in for this bumpy ride.

at those lips.

Dal

and

Jewel.

Shana was impressed by your cabinetry this week.

And Darren thinks the layout is hard to fault.

And Neil said your sense of colour is unmatched.

However, the judges have a major question mark around your decision.

To forego traditional building materials.

Oh, sorry.

Is this not Lego Masters?

Do I in any fashion resemble Hamish Blake? No. Well, I'm too flattered. I

thought you were Hamish.

You're not. I thought Hamish was going to pop out and then do a little dance.

Nope. Do we still get to meet Hamish?

Under no circumstances.

I'm definitely at the bottom of my tribe right now. You know, everyone kind of

hates me because I sleep all day and don't help with the cooking or the

But today, I completely changed my game when I found this hidden immunity gun.

Yeah, now the players just respect me heaps.

Awesome. So happy.

Crew respect me too, don't you guys?

Can I have a snack?

So you might even say that William Shakespeare would be a SoundCloud rapper

his day.

One might even refer to him as a Lil' Willie Shakes.

I've got a bee in my bonnet and I'm going to write a sonnet on Little Willie

Shakes. Yeah, Little Willie Shakes. Little Willie Shakes, can you hear

Sir, I was live streaming this and now the Premier has just tweeted that you

going to be investigated.

Look, I'm just trying to explain to you that William Shakespeare is the man who

we can thank for a lot of the words we used today.

Oh, great.

Now I have to thank a man for letting me even speak.

No, no, no. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying he's a person who built the

foundations on which a lot of our language is based. Your language isn't

sir. It's super cringe.

Oh, my God. Someone has done a remix of your rap online.

They're calling me William Shakespeare.

A turd by any other name would smell as bad.

OK. Well, that actually proves, that little joke proves that you're familiar

with the source material. So, sucked in, you've learned something.

Tonight. Come on.

Superstar survivalist Bear Grylls faces our most stomach -churning challenge

ever. How do you propose that I eat this?

It's like some kind of roast bread with sweet stuffed bread all over it.

It's a certified celebrity bufet.

There goes nothing.

That's ridiculous.

What's that?

Can even a garbage guts like grills keep down something this disgusting?

Sorry, but I've got to wash it down with a little bit of camel urine.

Bring a bucket for tonight's I'm a Celebrity.

Delicious, like heaven sliding down my throat, really.

There you go.

Thank you.

Well, Liam and Jase, it's easy.

Liam's in prison.

Liam's sick today, so it's because I was staying over.

Because I'm Luke's mate, and Luke used to go out with Tassie. Right.

Well, we're all absolutely tingling with excitement for your restaurant, and I'd

love to know what recipes you've cooked for us tonight.

Chook.

Chook? Chook.

And chips.

As well.

It's a family chip.

Put some on everyone.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah, and here's the bill. Just when you guys are ready, there's the

bill.

What are you talking about?

Because you're going to give us money for this, right?

Because it's a restaurant. It's a restaurant, right? So you're not doing a

runner on us or nothing?

That's not really how we do things here. Well, I'm $600 out of pocket for my

pocket. $600?

That's inflation, Nigella Lawson. Do the math.

Come on, give us.

Give us. Give us. Give us.

Just give us. What have you got? You've got some in your pocket. Give us. What

have you got?

Give us.

I love nature, but one thing I don't love is pests.

It's time to seek and destroy.

Got the little bugger.

Beautiful.

What a nature's miracle.

You have that leaf, little buddy. That's yours. I'm sorry for yelling.

Look.

Maybe these caterpillars have too much personality for me to exterminate them.

But if there's one thing I can do, it's spray these nematodes. Now these

microscopic bastards get right down into the roots and

they... Oh.

Go forth and eat to your heart's content, you little legends.

Look.

Gardening can be hard when you have a pathological inability to harm another

living being.

Oh, Costa,

what have you done?

It was a good sniff.

couple, Jared and Jay.

When you're ready, guys, how was your week?

Oh my God, Scotty, it was a total nightmare.

I was personally confronted by that spinny, noisy gun thing.

You're referring to the drill there.

Right.

Let's find out what the judges thought.

Oh, judgmental.

Scotty, we're not up for being judged right now. We're going to go to the

movies. No, you're not going to the movies, are you?

We're doing a room reveal right now.

So, What did you spend your money on?

Maybe you should check your privilege, because at least you can afford to buy a

house and renovate it. We can barely afford to rent.

We live in a van.

Thanks, Tom.

Oh, this is good.

It's 11 .30.

It's 11 .30, 12 .30, quarter to one. You keep saying all these numbers.

What do they mean?

They're times, sir.

Splendid, splendid.

Well, no, I rather thought it was time for you to do some stuff.

Stuff? Stuff? You keep on using this word, stuff, all right. I'll give it a

Let's declare war. I hear France is weak. Absolutely.

Can we banish someone from the realm?

Harry? He's already gone, sir.

I think that's pretty good morning's work.

Yes, I think I might take the rest of the day off.

How are we looking there, guys? We finished our smashed avo and back in the

reality of the situation here?

What?

We're having our eating time. This is our eating bubble, so I think you should

just protect that space.

This is a safe space for avocados.

It's about to not be a very safe space, but I'll give you the hot tip, mate.

Okay, Karen.

Yeah, what a boomer.

revolts, huh?

Oh, without a shadow of a doubt.

Oh, it's my top cruise, isn't it?

What are you still doing here?

I can't get an Uber.

I can't stop guessing.

Yes! Hello, Australia, and welcome to Hot Mess. It is Australia's most

game show. We're re... regular members of the public go head -to -head with our

panel of specialists. And where you get to vote for who stays and who

goes, pending the decision of our council of elders.

But the contestants won't be doing it alone. Each of them will be paired with

celebrity of the exact same height. Now, let's roll the dice of choosing.

and see which contestant will kick the show off by running through the question

maze. Justine, you are in the lead or something.

What do you want to do? You playing?

What do you want to do? Can you just ask me a question or... All right, I'll see

you. That's it, it's over.

Good night, everybody.

When holidaying in a small town, your homestay hosts will often leave you

brochures with local tourist attractions.

Now, it's important to note that these... A terrible and a complete waste

your time.

Learn how to grow peanuts.

No thanks. Big baby corn.

Whoopee! Ned Kelly's shoe.

Stink world.

Doesn't sound too good. The lawnmower museum. Not for me. The never -ending

blowhole that never actually blows on the day you go there. Some convict

Forget it. It was sad.

I think for the perfect holiday, the best thing you can do?

Stay in and binge reality TV.

Oh look, here's another one.

A heritage bakery best meat pie in Australia.

Well, that does actually sound pretty good.

Can someone please get me one of these pies?

But no meat and no gluten. And dairy free.

Oh dear.

I'm hiding because this feels so good, eh? It's got to be a secret.

This is once in a lifetime opportunity.

It's fully psycho that we're even offering it, eh? Yeah, man, we are

one, not two, but two and a half computers.

These are like full Pentiums with technology inside.

You can go on everything with them, eh? Like internet, email.

The whole lot is at your fingertips.

Yeah, and we've also, if you call now, we've actually got this thing we can

chuck in as well.

It's compatible with everything.

That's like a toolbox, silver.

Cables, everything.

Plugged inside.

So, like, get involved. Call up now and don't tell the cops because they'll

arrest us for being, like, crazy, man, because they'll be like, you're selling

too cheap, brother.

40 bucks. 40 bucks.

40 bucks.

Seriously, don't tell the cops.

The key to winning Survivor is the social game.

I'm like an actor. I can get into the parts.

I talk to the other players. They don't know who I am. I'm like a chameleon.

For example, Kim.

She's a young woman.

I'm a young guy.

So we float.

Give her a couple of cheeky wings.

Yeah, there's something going on with Scott today.

His eye keeps twitching and I think he's trying to blindside me and that's his

tell. So I've already got the whole tribe organised and we're going to

him tonight.

He's gone. Whenever I talk to the guys, I'm like a whole other person. I go into

bro mode.

Scott keeps saying, I'm going to grab your balls, and then he reaches out as

he's going to grab my balls, and then right at the last second, he pulls his

hand away and he's like, ha -ha, fake out, but imagine if I really did.

And then he just sort of runs away going, brah, or something.

Janet, she's a bit older, but I think she wants to be the mum of the group,

I know how to play her.

Scott just wandered into camp wearing a nappy, laid down in my lap, looked deep

into my eyes and pooped his pants.

Dead easy, mate. Dead easy.

So, as we can see from the positive and negative ions, opposites attract.

Yes, Lana.

That's actually super heteronormative, sir. Okay, well, I'm sorry.

In saying that, it is a very progressive list of pronouns.

What list?

On the wall behind you.

Oh, no, that's the periodic table of elements.

So why is there a he at the top? That's super patriarchal. No, that's actually

helium. And it's first because it actually has the smallest weight.

Okay, is that for a big munch?

No, no, no. It's just they're arranged that way because they don't react.

They're not affected by anything.

Oh, they're not affected by anything? Maybe they need to check their gas

privilege. No, no, no. They're just put into categories.

based on their attributes.

Oh, like racism?

No, no, no, no.

You're going to get cancelled.

I've been over this before. Can you please stop threatening to ruin my

I'm just trying to teach Year 11 science.

At RPA, Dr Prankenstein, the prank doctor, recently launched his YouTube

channel.

Yo, what's up, pranksters? It's your boy, Dr. Prankenstein here with some

hospital pranks.

Don't forget to smash that like and subscribe button.

Not gonna see this coming.

Snack wax!

Don't forget to comment below on what epic prank you want to see next.

This is Lion's Share, where we throw lots of money at ill -conceived ideas.

Now, rosé is a spectacular drink, but its popularity with men has been held

due to its pinkness, right? And its name, which means pink in the

feminine language, French.

Yuck. Yucky.

That's until now.

Introducing...

Now, obviously, as a man, I've never had rosé before.

But this rosé, will this still give me the same flirty buzz?

As flirty?

As a divorced aunt on a wedding dance floor, my man?

doesn't come in one of those, you know, slender feminine glass wine bottles. It

comes in this motor oil can made of plastic.

Huh? And it's designed to be drunk out of a rusty old bean can.

Okay? Sweet for the nectar.

Plus, if some nosy parker asks you what are you drinking, you can just tell him

what it says on the front.

Poison.

Who wants to invest?

Right, okay.

I may have poured out a bit of the poison I also carry with me in my

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, because there's the rosé.

That one will be the poison there that he's had.

Call an ambulance.

No, there's no hope for him. You'd leave it, love.

When they first asked me to be on MasterChef, I thought to myself, well,

leaving the mansion.

Then I thought to myself, this will be terrific fun.

Normally, my cordon bleu chef, Marcel, would whip up a coq au vin or

a beef bourguignon and match it with a petite chablis or a 54 Bordeaux.

He's my MasterChef. That's what I thought the show was.

But I'm willing to learn and have a crack.

as the young people say.

Anyway, I've decided not to get my hands dirty, so chop, chop, Marcel, I'm

famished.

Look what I found.

A spatula made of wood. What a wonderful antiquity.

You're such a terrific Frenchman. Good on you. Bye now.

That looks delicious.

We really stuffed it up with the submarines, didn't we, Marcel?

That was more Christopher Pan than me.

cords. We've got all kinds of cords, man.

Power cords, kettle cords.

Stereo cords, my nana's DVD cords.

She doesn't need them. No, she just sits at home and talks to the wall and goes

on about her dad and she's always nude. She's lost that.

Big cords, little cords, man. All these cords are a hundred bucks, brother. No,

two hundred bucks. These are quality cords, Australian cords.

Man, I'm flying, eh?

These cords are flying out the door. I'm going to run to the servo, dude. I'm

going to run.

Yeah, get us some chewy Mad Dog. Hot deal.

The modern airport.

When the Wright brothers invented aviation in 1903, they could never have

dreamed it would lead to a big building like this where coffees cost $9.

Yeah, you never come down to the pub when I'm singing, right?

Oh, no, you can sing, all right. Yeah, but you never come. Mum, you need to

watch. I don't know why you don't come watch and that. Like, do you think I'm

good with that? I think you're very talented.

OK, so can you confirm you packed this bag yourself?

Yeah. Can you open it up for me, please?

There, it's tucked in.

OK.

Oi! What is this?

Nail file.

No, I don't think so. Yeah.

Massive nails, mate. Yeah, cos look, watch, look.

Show me. Look at that. All right, thank you. See, he's stuffed up.

What the hell is this?

Paperweight. For business.

Yeah. Business activities.

Yeah, he's stuffed up all those papers and that. They go off like, like, poor,

like... Oh, it's my fancy pen.

Yeah. Signed documents.

Graduation present.

From tape, I'll show you.

Oh, shit.

Look, it's actually a month long, and the other one's a parka.

Right.

All right, enough.

This all seems to be in order.

Sorry for wasting your time. Yeah, we're really sorry to have held you up.

Yeah, no worries.

It's a cool pen.

Thanks. Yeah. Well, you should be ashamed of yourselves for profiling us.

Australia's most baffling game show. Justine is going head -to -head with

Charles, our carryover champ.

Can you wrest the sword of bonuses from our council of elders and seal the deal

tonight? And remember, if you hear a secret sound at any time, you can back

Hello, this is Winnie. And stop the clock and trigger the super...

Before we do any of that, you need to look in the envelope under the desk and

tell us what you've... Got in the spot!

But first, tell them what they're playing for, John.

Nothing. All right, well, that's the show.

Good night, everyone, and thank you for hot meth.

All right, bye.

This week, Darren and Kiki are dancing the rumba under the watchful eye of

mum Amber Rose.

Alright, Kiki, so this week we have the rumba. So you want to make sure that

your neck is long and tall with your spine, chest out, arms up, and you just

want to make sure that your torso is soft but erect.

Say that again, but look directly in my eyes.

I can't stress it enough how you're not supposed to be here.

Okay, great. We just want to take two quick side steps, one and two. You're

going to go forward here. Now, the man's going to interlock with yours.

And we're just going to subtle hip kind of thrust here, right?

And pull out.

You know that some people say that rumba is the sexiest dance in the world.

Sexiest dance in the world.

All right, so let's give it a go.

Hey Siri, call the police.

That's exactly what happened with Eddie McGuire on Millionaire Hot Seat.

Tell us how to get into this phone.

You unlock that phone or you're going away for a long time.

I told you, this isn't my phone. I know, it's mine.

Tried the code too many times, locked himself out.

Is it in the cloud?

What do you mean?

Can you get an unlocking app?

Can I unlock it with Bluetooth?

What do you think Bluetooth is?

Can you get the printer and hook it up to my iPad because I want to print out

the wordle.

Printer?

Okay, I did it. I did it. I did the murder. I did a big murder.

Good cop, boomer cop.

Works every time. You're going to the big house.

G'day, Big Catch Barry here.

Now, one way to get crabs is to spend the night in Brisvegas.

Or, you could use...

The humble crab pot.

Now, the way it works is that crabs go in, but they can't get out. They're

stupid animals.

You line it up with bait inside, and then you... Ah!

Oh, I'm actually stuck. Ah!

Oh! Ah, mate! Ah, truth!

Truth! Stop nipping me!

Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah

Well, that was the latest from the health department's campaign to rebrand

pineapples as spiky, owie fruit.

Yeah,

I think it works.

He is one of our most exciting young artists whose exhibition has just

up as we speak.

Let's catch Ajit Ray's thoughts post -showing.

You must be happy with how today went.

Yeah, look, I came to the exhibition with a lot to prove, but I tried to take

one painting at a time and left absolutely nothing in the studio.

Gee, you've done well to come back from that crippling period of ennui last

season. How did you do it?

Yeah, well, I've really been focusing on my brushwork and it's like the boys

always say, it's a painting of two halves.

Adipty. No comment.

Now, what about the rumours that you've been in talks to enter a spiral of self

-destruction and produce monochromatic work not unlike Picasso's Blue Period?

Yeah, look, probably the Hall of Famer in all respects to the bloke. I guess

I'll leave those comparisons to the critics.

If you'll excuse me, I've got some canapes to enjoy.

Tonight on 60 Seconds, the corruption scandal that's tearing apart the federal

police. Whistleblower Constable Middleborough.

God, that's a lot of syllables. I'm going to call you Con Mid. Con Mid. Yes.

Please don't interrupt. Now, yes or no answers only, please. How did you

the scandal?

Um, yes.

Incredible. And who was responsible? Just the first initial, please.

He... That's enough. After this interview, you have to go into witness

protection. Do you have any final words for your loved ones before you

disappear? I... And that's all that'll have to do. Sorry there wasn't enough

time to blow your face.

Goodbye.

While others relax, the lifeguards have to be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Oh, someone's in trouble.

Valkyrie, what news of Mjolnir? We sent the finest scouts of Asgard to search

for it, Mighty One. They could not find it. Can you think back to the last place

you had it?

I believe I had it when I was fixing my shed.

Well, anyways, I went to Bunnings and I got you a new one.

Oh.

I like magic hammers.

Will a sausage sizzle make you feel better? Ooh, with magic onions?

I don't think that's a thing.

Oh, it's going all cold.

Yuck.

Kiki and Darren's dance rehearsal isn't exactly going to plan.

Oh my gosh, Kiki, that's your fastest ever.

That's the quickest quick step I've ever seen. You're quicker than the other

contestants who live in the dust.

Well done, sweetie. You can have a little break.

Oh my gosh, Mum.

It says that all the other Dancing with the Stars contestants have been

assaulted last night by an all -thing -and -all -dancing assailant who is

-aged. Middle -aged?

Oh my gosh, and it says there's a hostage situation at the studio.

The things that they'll make up, sweetie, in the fake news to distract

woman.

A woman trying to get ahead.

Where's Darren, by the way, Mum? Darren?

Oh, I'm sure we'll be hearing from Darren.

Need more champagne, Primley. The guests keep drinking it.

Desperate to find Daphne a husband, Lady Fridgerton has arranged a ball.

Mama, where is Jake West in the house? Has he not received our invitation?

Not lost, Daphne. Cousin Smeg has taken a shiving tube.

Yes, but he is my cousin.

Yes, but it's still Smeg. Or perhaps Zalixalot is your best option.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Yeah,

I'm not one for sponsored content normally, but the good people at Camping

Adventure World have sent me 40 animal traps.

So, yeah, well, I mean, they've sent me after I paid them full price and posted

some handling. But, yeah, so, you know, now all that's left to do is sort of,

you know, wait.

I've set them up all around me and hopefully... Yeah,

so my review of Camping Adventure World's animal traps is two thumbs up.

Obviously, I've lost one of my thumbs.

It shows how good the traps are.

Solid traps. Always take away a positive from a negative, you know.

Speaking of positivity, please like and subscribe. Stop sending downvotes and

nasty comments. I've lost a thumb.

Target.

It's like fish, meat.

and a toilet altogether.

So be sure to check your barbecue to make sure it's not one of those ones

recalled by the ACC for making your meat smell like fart.

Cropping live now to the public apology Australia has been waiting for.

I would just like to apologise for my behaviour following the unintended grand

final on the weekend.

Too much orange fizzy drink led me to make decisions I now regret.

To Tristan Roberts, who I dacked, I sincerely apologise.

Everybody saw your bum and that is not OK.

To Mrs Roberts, I'm sorry for throwing up in your car and on your son, Tristan

Roberts.

That behaviour is inexcusable.

You'd be aware that this has disappointed your fans. After you won

Fairest Award, what do you have to say to that?

I will be handing back the trophy.

And the sticker book that came with it.

I will also be taking some time away from my devices for the next 24 hours.

And I have vowed to stay away from fizzy drinks in the foreseeable future. Thank

you.

Well, on 60 seconds tonight, we cross live to our war correspondent. No time

that graphic. Get out. Okay.

Angelique. What can you tell us about the front line?

Angelique? Yes, well, it's all calm here at the moment. Angelique, are you in

danger?

There's a delay.

No, that's right. Thankfully, no danger in this part of the city. Let's just

wrap it up there.

That's all the time we have for you tonight.

But things could escalate at any moment. I think there's a bit of a delay.

We're getting nowhere. We need to try something new. Good cop, bad cop?

No, she'll know right through that.

Good cop, sarcastic cop.

I don't know about that.

You're wasting your time, detectives. I'm innocent.

Oh! Are you innocent?

I didn't know that!

Um, that's okay.

Oh, okay! So you're innocent, even though we found the murder weapon in

Detective Gunn, we can't have an innocent person in handcuffs, can we?

got to sort that out.

Not like we had three eyewitnesses that said they saw you do the crime.

I don't think that we should. We should just let you walk out that door.

Just let you walk out that door. Probably go home, isn't it? Come on,

home. Let's get you home.

Oh, wait a second. Can't let you forget your completely innocent knife there.

You better take that.

Go. Yeah. All right. So sorry. So sorry.

Get home safe, Mrs. I didn't kill anybody.

She'll be back in a second to confess.

Any second.

Well, that was a great idea. Stay in your lane, Jed.

So,

how is my...

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Hey, how you going, everyone? Wolf Target here with another survival vid.

I just want to get straight into Wolf's mail.

Wolf mail!

I've got a DM that's just come in from BearHunter73, who says, hi, Wolf.

I'd love to join you on your next adventure.

You'd be bloody welcome, BearHunter73.

I'd love to have you join me. That's what I love about this community that

building together, the wolf pack, as I call it.

There's, you know, a lot of love in there. So send me your details, mate.

well, you sent an attachment here, a picture. I'll just have a look and...

OK, yep.

BearHunter, don't send stuff like that through to me.

It's actually not appropriate. It is not on.

It's not, like, you can't...

Well, that is a lot of murders committed by one otherwise seemingly very nice

lady.

Yes, nothing if not consistent.

Let's go to a press conference now where controversial Captain Dave Donoghue...

What do you mean if not consistent?

Well, she's killed a lot of people. Yeah, but she's also nice, so it's

inconsistent, actually.

The consistency refers to the murders.

I didn't need to say anything there. I know I didn't need to say anything

But you did.

Isn't that unlike you? Let's go again. Talking all the time. Let's go again.

can't go again. It's live.

We're live.

You can't just go again.

Thank you all for coming.

I would like to read the following statement.

After the match on Saturday, my teammates and I headed to a nightclub.

It was there that I behaved in a manner that was not consistent with the values

of the code.

I did not drink my body weight in rum, and I did not abuse or yell at any bar

staff.

After leaving the establishment, I did not do a big wee in a fountain or punch

any strangers while shouting the words, I'll glass you. I'll fully glass you,

mate.

Anyone who knows me...

knows this behaviour is out of character.

I want to apologise to my wife and my children, who were shocked and

to see me come in the door by 10pm.

I promise to do better next Mad Monday.

I will not take questions.