All language subtitles for We Interrupt This Broadcast s01e10

What do we have here today?

This is a box of mystery.

What's inside?

Oh, well, no, no, that's kind of the
whole thing. Nobody knows.

It could be pure gold.

It could be the secret to eternal youth.

It could be a wormhole to another
dimension.

Embrace the mystery.

Oh, well, I must have just a little
peek. I'm afraid not.

No, no, the spooky old woman in the
spooky old forest who gave it to me so

only the true owner of the box may
reveal its secrets.

What do you suppose it's worth?

Well, I mean, it all depends on a number
of factors, you see. Look, I must know

what's inside it. Just let me know. What
do you need for it? I'll give you $1

,000, $2 ,000, $100 ,000. You write your
own check.

Are you the same person who sold me a
sack of

mystery last week?

Yes, yes, I am.

I need to stop falling for this.

Good evening.

We interrupt this broadcast.

We're at the airport.

where many people are wearing shorts
with absolutely no regard for how cold

gets on planes.

This afternoon, border force officers
are questioning a returning traveller.

I've had a gutful. Hello. Miss, did you
pack the suitcase yourself?

What suitcase?

My luggage was lost in Bangkok.

Oh. Have you not travelled since the
pandemic? It's chaos.

Can we hurry this along, because I've
got a connecting flight.

Well, probably not, because the next 26
flights have been cancelled.

Yeah, we've been waiting here so long,
we decided to help out.

You don't work here.

I'm waiting so long. I really miss my
kids.

Yeah.

It's all killer, all filler. You're
watching Australia's favourite reality

Lip Island.

Decision time for Brianna with a Y and
five Ns. Will she couple up with Taj

two Js or Jaden with an eight?

Three.

Strap in for this bumpy ride.

at those lips.

Dal

and

Jewel.

Shana was impressed by your cabinetry
this week.

And Darren thinks the layout is hard to
fault.

And Neil said your sense of colour is
unmatched.

However, the judges have a major
question mark around your decision.

To forego traditional building
materials.

Oh, sorry.

Is this not Lego Masters?

Do I in any fashion resemble Hamish
Blake? No. Well, I'm too flattered. I

thought you were Hamish.

You're not. I thought Hamish was going
to pop out and then do a little dance.

Nope. Do we still get to meet Hamish?

Under no circumstances.

I'm definitely at the bottom of my tribe
right now. You know, everyone kind of

hates me because I sleep all day and
don't help with the cooking or the

But today, I completely changed my game
when I found this hidden immunity gun.

Yeah, now the players just respect me
heaps.

Awesome. So happy.

Crew respect me too, don't you guys?

Can I have a snack?

So you might even say that William
Shakespeare would be a SoundCloud rapper

his day.

One might even refer to him as a Lil'
Willie Shakes.

I've got a bee in my bonnet and I'm
going to write a sonnet on Little Willie

Shakes. Yeah, Little Willie Shakes.
Little Willie Shakes, can you hear

Sir, I was live streaming this and now
the Premier has just tweeted that you

going to be investigated.

Look, I'm just trying to explain to you
that William Shakespeare is the man who

we can thank for a lot of the words we
used today.

Oh, great.

Now I have to thank a man for letting me
even speak.

No, no, no. I'm not saying that. I'm
just saying he's a person who built the

foundations on which a lot of our
language is based. Your language isn't

sir. It's super cringe.

Oh, my God. Someone has done a remix of
your rap online.

They're calling me William Shakespeare.

A turd by any other name would smell as
bad.

OK. Well, that actually proves, that
little joke proves that you're familiar

with the source material. So, sucked in,
you've learned something.

Tonight. Come on.

Superstar survivalist Bear Grylls faces
our most stomach -churning challenge

ever. How do you propose that I eat
this?

It's like some kind of roast bread with
sweet stuffed bread all over it.

It's a certified celebrity bufet.

There goes nothing.

That's ridiculous.

What's that?

Can even a garbage guts like grills keep
down something this disgusting?

Sorry, but I've got to wash it down with
a little bit of camel urine.

Bring a bucket for tonight's I'm a
Celebrity.

Delicious, like heaven sliding down my
throat, really.

There you go.

Thank you.

Well, Liam and Jase, it's easy.

Liam's in prison.

Liam's sick today, so it's because I was
staying over.

Because I'm Luke's mate, and Luke used
to go out with Tassie. Right.

Well, we're all absolutely tingling with
excitement for your restaurant, and I'd

love to know what recipes you've cooked
for us tonight.

Chook.

Chook? Chook.

And chips.

As well.

It's a family chip.

Put some on everyone.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah, and here's the bill. Just
when you guys are ready, there's the

bill.

What are you talking about?

Because you're going to give us money
for this, right?

Because it's a restaurant. It's a
restaurant, right? So you're not doing a

runner on us or nothing?

That's not really how we do things here.
Well, I'm $600 out of pocket for my

pocket. $600?

That's inflation, Nigella Lawson. Do the
math.

Come on, give us.

Give us. Give us. Give us.

Just give us. What have you got? You've
got some in your pocket. Give us. What

have you got?

Give us.

I love nature, but one thing I don't
love is pests.

It's time to seek and destroy.

Got the little bugger.

Beautiful.

What a nature's miracle.

You have that leaf, little buddy. That's
yours. I'm sorry for yelling.

Look.

Maybe these caterpillars have too much
personality for me to exterminate them.

But if there's one thing I can do, it's
spray these nematodes. Now these

microscopic bastards get right down into
the roots and

they... Oh.

Go forth and eat to your heart's
content, you little legends.

Look.

Gardening can be hard when you have a
pathological inability to harm another

living being.

Oh, Costa,

what have you done?

It was a good sniff.

couple, Jared and Jay.

When you're ready, guys, how was your
week?

Oh my God, Scotty, it was a total
nightmare.

I was personally confronted by that
spinny, noisy gun thing.

You're referring to the drill there.

Right.

Let's find out what the judges thought.

Oh, judgmental.

Scotty, we're not up for being judged
right now. We're going to go to the

movies. No, you're not going to the
movies, are you?

We're doing a room reveal right now.

So, What did you spend your money on?

Maybe you should check your privilege,
because at least you can afford to buy a

house and renovate it. We can barely
afford to rent.

We live in a van.

Thanks, Tom.

Oh, this is good.

It's 11 .30.

It's 11 .30, 12 .30, quarter to one. You
keep saying all these numbers.

What do they mean?

They're times, sir.

Splendid, splendid.

Well, no, I rather thought it was time
for you to do some stuff.

Stuff? Stuff? You keep on using this
word, stuff, all right. I'll give it a

Let's declare war. I hear France is
weak. Absolutely.

Can we banish someone from the realm?

Harry? He's already gone, sir.

I think that's pretty good morning's
work.

Yes, I think I might take the rest of
the day off.

How are we looking there, guys? We
finished our smashed avo and back in the

reality of the situation here?

What?

We're having our eating time. This is
our eating bubble, so I think you should

just protect that space.

This is a safe space for avocados.

It's about to not be a very safe space,
but I'll give you the hot tip, mate.

Okay, Karen.

Yeah, what a boomer.

revolts, huh?

Oh, without a shadow of a doubt.

Oh, it's my top cruise, isn't it?

What are you still doing here?

I can't get an Uber.

I can't stop guessing.

Yes! Hello, Australia, and welcome to
Hot Mess. It is Australia's most

game show. We're re... regular members
of the public go head -to -head with our

panel of specialists. And where you get
to vote for who stays and who

goes, pending the decision of our
council of elders.

But the contestants won't be doing it
alone. Each of them will be paired with

celebrity of the exact same height. Now,
let's roll the dice of choosing.

and see which contestant will kick the
show off by running through the question

maze. Justine, you are in the lead or
something.

What do you want to do? You playing?

What do you want to do? Can you just ask
me a question or... All right, I'll see

you. That's it, it's over.

Good night, everybody.

When holidaying in a small town, your
homestay hosts will often leave you

brochures with local tourist
attractions.

Now, it's important to note that
these... A terrible and a complete waste

your time.

Learn how to grow peanuts.

No thanks. Big baby corn.

Whoopee! Ned Kelly's shoe.

Stink world.

Doesn't sound too good. The lawnmower
museum. Not for me. The never -ending

blowhole that never actually blows on
the day you go there. Some convict

Forget it. It was sad.

I think for the perfect holiday, the
best thing you can do?

Stay in and binge reality TV.

Oh look, here's another one.

A heritage bakery best meat pie in
Australia.

Well, that does actually sound pretty
good.

Can someone please get me one of these
pies?

But no meat and no gluten. And dairy
free.

Oh dear.

I'm hiding because this feels so good,
eh? It's got to be a secret.

This is once in a lifetime opportunity.

It's fully psycho that we're even
offering it, eh? Yeah, man, we are

one, not two, but two and a half
computers.

These are like full Pentiums with
technology inside.

You can go on everything with them, eh?
Like internet, email.

The whole lot is at your fingertips.

Yeah, and we've also, if you call now,
we've actually got this thing we can

chuck in as well.

It's compatible with everything.

That's like a toolbox, silver.

Cables, everything.

Plugged inside.

So, like, get involved. Call up now and
don't tell the cops because they'll

arrest us for being, like, crazy, man,
because they'll be like, you're selling

too cheap, brother.

40 bucks. 40 bucks.

40 bucks.

Seriously, don't tell the cops.

The key to winning Survivor is the
social game.

I'm like an actor. I can get into the
parts.

I talk to the other players. They don't
know who I am. I'm like a chameleon.

For example, Kim.

She's a young woman.

I'm a young guy.

So we float.

Give her a couple of cheeky wings.

Yeah, there's something going on with
Scott today.

His eye keeps twitching and I think he's
trying to blindside me and that's his

tell. So I've already got the whole
tribe organised and we're going to

him tonight.

He's gone. Whenever I talk to the guys,
I'm like a whole other person. I go into

bro mode.

Scott keeps saying, I'm going to grab
your balls, and then he reaches out as

he's going to grab my balls, and then
right at the last second, he pulls his

hand away and he's like, ha -ha, fake
out, but imagine if I really did.

And then he just sort of runs away
going, brah, or something.

Janet, she's a bit older, but I think
she wants to be the mum of the group,

I know how to play her.

Scott just wandered into camp wearing a
nappy, laid down in my lap, looked deep

into my eyes and pooped his pants.

Dead easy, mate. Dead easy.

So, as we can see from the positive and
negative ions, opposites attract.

Yes, Lana.

That's actually super heteronormative,
sir. Okay, well, I'm sorry.

In saying that, it is a very progressive
list of pronouns.

What list?

On the wall behind you.

Oh, no, that's the periodic table of
elements.

So why is there a he at the top? That's
super patriarchal. No, that's actually

helium. And it's first because it
actually has the smallest weight.

Okay, is that for a big munch?

No, no, no. It's just they're arranged
that way because they don't react.

They're not affected by anything.

Oh, they're not affected by anything?
Maybe they need to check their gas

privilege. No, no, no. They're just put
into categories.

based on their attributes.

Oh, like racism?

No, no, no, no.

You're going to get cancelled.

I've been over this before. Can you
please stop threatening to ruin my

I'm just trying to teach Year 11
science.

At RPA, Dr Prankenstein, the prank
doctor, recently launched his YouTube

channel.

Yo, what's up, pranksters? It's your
boy, Dr. Prankenstein here with some

hospital pranks.

Don't forget to smash that like and
subscribe button.

Not gonna see this coming.

Snack wax!

Don't forget to comment below on what
epic prank you want to see next.

This is Lion's Share, where we throw
lots of money at ill -conceived ideas.

Now, rosé is a spectacular drink, but
its popularity with men has been held

due to its pinkness, right? And its
name, which means pink in the

feminine language, French.

Yuck. Yucky.

That's until now.

Introducing...

Now, obviously, as a man, I've never had
rosé before.

But this rosé, will this still give me
the same flirty buzz?

As flirty?

As a divorced aunt on a wedding dance
floor, my man?

doesn't come in one of those, you know,
slender feminine glass wine bottles. It

comes in this motor oil can made of
plastic.

Huh? And it's designed to be drunk out
of a rusty old bean can.

Okay? Sweet for the nectar.

Plus, if some nosy parker asks you what
are you drinking, you can just tell him

what it says on the front.

Poison.

Who wants to invest?

Right, okay.

I may have poured out a bit of the
poison I also carry with me in my

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, because there's the
rosé.

That one will be the poison there that
he's had.

Call an ambulance.

No, there's no hope for him. You'd leave
it, love.

When they first asked me to be on
MasterChef, I thought to myself, well,

leaving the mansion.

Then I thought to myself, this will be
terrific fun.

Normally, my cordon bleu chef, Marcel,
would whip up a coq au vin or

a beef bourguignon and match it with a
petite chablis or a 54 Bordeaux.

He's my MasterChef. That's what I
thought the show was.

But I'm willing to learn and have a
crack.

as the young people say.

Anyway, I've decided not to get my hands
dirty, so chop, chop, Marcel, I'm

famished.

Look what I found.

A spatula made of wood. What a wonderful
antiquity.

You're such a terrific Frenchman. Good
on you. Bye now.

That looks delicious.

We really stuffed it up with the
submarines, didn't we, Marcel?

That was more Christopher Pan than me.

cords. We've got all kinds of cords,
man.

Power cords, kettle cords.

Stereo cords, my nana's DVD cords.

She doesn't need them. No, she just sits
at home and talks to the wall and goes

on about her dad and she's always nude.
She's lost that.

Big cords, little cords, man. All these
cords are a hundred bucks, brother. No,

two hundred bucks. These are quality
cords, Australian cords.

Man, I'm flying, eh?

These cords are flying out the door. I'm
going to run to the servo, dude. I'm

going to run.

Yeah, get us some chewy Mad Dog. Hot
deal.

The modern airport.

When the Wright brothers invented
aviation in 1903, they could never have

dreamed it would lead to a big building
like this where coffees cost $9.

Yeah, you never come down to the pub
when I'm singing, right?

Oh, no, you can sing, all right. Yeah,
but you never come. Mum, you need to

watch. I don't know why you don't come
watch and that. Like, do you think I'm

good with that? I think you're very
talented.

OK, so can you confirm you packed this
bag yourself?

Yeah. Can you open it up for me, please?

There, it's tucked in.

OK.

Oi! What is this?

Nail file.

No, I don't think so. Yeah.

Massive nails, mate. Yeah, cos look,
watch, look.

Show me. Look at that. All right, thank
you. See, he's stuffed up.

What the hell is this?

Paperweight. For business.

Yeah. Business activities.

Yeah, he's stuffed up all those papers
and that. They go off like, like, poor,

like... Oh, it's my fancy pen.

Yeah. Signed documents.

Graduation present.

From tape, I'll show you.

Oh, shit.

Look, it's actually a month long, and
the other one's a parka.

Right.

All right, enough.

This all seems to be in order.

Sorry for wasting your time. Yeah, we're
really sorry to have held you up.

Yeah, no worries.

It's a cool pen.

Thanks. Yeah. Well, you should be
ashamed of yourselves for profiling us.

Australia's most baffling game show.
Justine is going head -to -head with

Charles, our carryover champ.

Can you wrest the sword of bonuses from
our council of elders and seal the deal

tonight? And remember, if you hear a
secret sound at any time, you can back

Hello, this is Winnie. And stop the
clock and trigger the super...

Before we do any of that, you need to
look in the envelope under the desk and

tell us what you've... Got in the spot!

But first, tell them what they're
playing for, John.

Nothing. All right, well, that's the
show.

Good night, everyone, and thank you for
hot meth.

All right, bye.

This week, Darren and Kiki are dancing
the rumba under the watchful eye of

mum Amber Rose.

Alright, Kiki, so this week we have the
rumba. So you want to make sure that

your neck is long and tall with your
spine, chest out, arms up, and you just

want to make sure that your torso is
soft but erect.

Say that again, but look directly in my
eyes.

I can't stress it enough how you're not
supposed to be here.

Okay, great. We just want to take two
quick side steps, one and two. You're

going to go forward here. Now, the man's
going to interlock with yours.

And we're just going to subtle hip kind
of thrust here, right?

And pull out.

You know that some people say that rumba
is the sexiest dance in the world.

Sexiest dance in the world.

All right, so let's give it a go.

Hey Siri, call the police.

That's exactly what happened with Eddie
McGuire on Millionaire Hot Seat.

Tell us how to get into this phone.

You unlock that phone or you're going
away for a long time.

I told you, this isn't my phone. I know,
it's mine.

Tried the code too many times, locked
himself out.

Is it in the cloud?

What do you mean?

Can you get an unlocking app?

Can I unlock it with Bluetooth?

What do you think Bluetooth is?

Can you get the printer and hook it up
to my iPad because I want to print out

the wordle.

Printer?

Okay, I did it. I did it. I did the
murder. I did a big murder.

Good cop, boomer cop.

Works every time. You're going to the
big house.

G'day, Big Catch Barry here.

Now, one way to get crabs is to spend
the night in Brisvegas.

Or, you could use...

The humble crab pot.

Now, the way it works is that crabs go
in, but they can't get out. They're

stupid animals.

You line it up with bait inside, and
then you... Ah!

Oh, I'm actually stuck. Ah!

Oh! Ah, mate! Ah, truth!

Truth! Stop nipping me!

Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah

Well, that was the latest from the
health department's campaign to rebrand

pineapples as spiky, owie fruit.

Yeah,

I think it works.

He is one of our most exciting young
artists whose exhibition has just

up as we speak.

Let's catch Ajit Ray's thoughts post
-showing.

You must be happy with how today went.

Yeah, look, I came to the exhibition
with a lot to prove, but I tried to take

one painting at a time and left
absolutely nothing in the studio.

Gee, you've done well to come back from
that crippling period of ennui last

season. How did you do it?

Yeah, well, I've really been focusing on
my brushwork and it's like the boys

always say, it's a painting of two
halves.

Adipty. No comment.

Now, what about the rumours that you've
been in talks to enter a spiral of self

-destruction and produce monochromatic
work not unlike Picasso's Blue Period?

Yeah, look, probably the Hall of Famer
in all respects to the bloke. I guess

I'll leave those comparisons to the
critics.

If you'll excuse me, I've got some
canapes to enjoy.

Tonight on 60 Seconds, the corruption
scandal that's tearing apart the federal

police. Whistleblower Constable
Middleborough.

God, that's a lot of syllables. I'm
going to call you Con Mid. Con Mid. Yes.

Please don't interrupt. Now, yes or no
answers only, please. How did you

the scandal?

Um, yes.

Incredible. And who was responsible?
Just the first initial, please.

He... That's enough. After this
interview, you have to go into witness

protection. Do you have any final words
for your loved ones before you

disappear? I... And that's all that'll
have to do. Sorry there wasn't enough

time to blow your face.

Goodbye.

While others relax, the lifeguards have
to be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Oh, someone's in trouble.

Valkyrie, what news of Mjolnir? We sent
the finest scouts of Asgard to search

for it, Mighty One. They could not find
it. Can you think back to the last place

you had it?

I believe I had it when I was fixing my
shed.

Well, anyways, I went to Bunnings and I
got you a new one.

Oh.

I like magic hammers.

Will a sausage sizzle make you feel
better? Ooh, with magic onions?

I don't think that's a thing.

Oh, it's going all cold.

Yuck.

Kiki and Darren's dance rehearsal isn't
exactly going to plan.

Oh my gosh, Kiki, that's your fastest
ever.

That's the quickest quick step I've ever
seen. You're quicker than the other

contestants who live in the dust.

Well done, sweetie. You can have a
little break.

Oh my gosh, Mum.

It says that all the other Dancing with
the Stars contestants have been

assaulted last night by an all -thing
-and -all -dancing assailant who is

-aged. Middle -aged?

Oh my gosh, and it says there's a
hostage situation at the studio.

The things that they'll make up,
sweetie, in the fake news to distract

woman.

A woman trying to get ahead.

Where's Darren, by the way, Mum? Darren?

Oh, I'm sure we'll be hearing from
Darren.

Need more champagne, Primley. The guests
keep drinking it.

Desperate to find Daphne a husband, Lady
Fridgerton has arranged a ball.

Mama, where is Jake West in the house?
Has he not received our invitation?

Not lost, Daphne. Cousin Smeg has taken
a shiving tube.

Yes, but he is my cousin.

Yes, but it's still Smeg. Or perhaps
Zalixalot is your best option.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Yeah,

I'm not one for sponsored content
normally, but the good people at Camping

Adventure World have sent me 40 animal
traps.

So, yeah, well, I mean, they've sent me
after I paid them full price and posted

some handling. But, yeah, so, you know,
now all that's left to do is sort of,

you know, wait.

I've set them up all around me and
hopefully... Yeah,

so my review of Camping Adventure
World's animal traps is two thumbs up.

Obviously, I've lost one of my thumbs.

It shows how good the traps are.

Solid traps. Always take away a positive
from a negative, you know.

Speaking of positivity, please like and
subscribe. Stop sending downvotes and

nasty comments. I've lost a thumb.

Target.

It's like fish, meat.

and a toilet altogether.

So be sure to check your barbecue to
make sure it's not one of those ones

recalled by the ACC for making your meat
smell like fart.

Cropping live now to the public apology
Australia has been waiting for.

I would just like to apologise for my
behaviour following the unintended grand

final on the weekend.

Too much orange fizzy drink led me to
make decisions I now regret.

To Tristan Roberts, who I dacked, I
sincerely apologise.

Everybody saw your bum and that is not
OK.

To Mrs Roberts, I'm sorry for throwing
up in your car and on your son, Tristan

Roberts.

That behaviour is inexcusable.

You'd be aware that this has
disappointed your fans. After you won

Fairest Award, what do you have to say
to that?

I will be handing back the trophy.

And the sticker book that came with it.

I will also be taking some time away
from my devices for the next 24 hours.

And I have vowed to stay away from fizzy
drinks in the foreseeable future. Thank

you.

Well, on 60 seconds tonight, we cross
live to our war correspondent. No time

that graphic. Get out. Okay.

Angelique. What can you tell us about
the front line?

Angelique? Yes, well, it's all calm here
at the moment. Angelique, are you in

danger?

There's a delay.

No, that's right. Thankfully, no danger
in this part of the city. Let's just

wrap it up there.

That's all the time we have for you
tonight.

But things could escalate at any moment.
I think there's a bit of a delay.

We're getting nowhere. We need to try
something new. Good cop, bad cop?

No, she'll know right through that.

Good cop, sarcastic cop.

I don't know about that.

You're wasting your time, detectives.
I'm innocent.

Oh! Are you innocent?

I didn't know that!

Um, that's okay.

Oh, okay! So you're innocent, even
though we found the murder weapon in

Detective Gunn, we can't have an
innocent person in handcuffs, can we?

got to sort that out.

Not like we had three eyewitnesses that
said they saw you do the crime.

I don't think that we should. We should
just let you walk out that door.

Just let you walk out that door.
Probably go home, isn't it? Come on,

home. Let's get you home.

Oh, wait a second. Can't let you forget
your completely innocent knife there.

You better take that.

Go. Yeah. All right. So sorry. So sorry.

Get home safe, Mrs. I didn't kill
anybody.

She'll be back in a second to confess.

Any second.

Well, that was a great idea. Stay in
your lane, Jed.

So,

how is my...

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Hey, how you going, everyone? Wolf
Target here with another survival vid.

I just want to get straight into Wolf's
mail.

Wolf mail!

I've got a DM that's just come in from
BearHunter73, who says, hi, Wolf.

I'd love to join you on your next
adventure.

You'd be bloody welcome, BearHunter73.

I'd love to have you join me. That's
what I love about this community that

building together, the wolf pack, as I
call it.

There's, you know, a lot of love in
there. So send me your details, mate.

well, you sent an attachment here, a
picture. I'll just have a look and...

OK, yep.

BearHunter, don't send stuff like that
through to me.

It's actually not appropriate. It is not
on.

It's not, like, you can't...

Well, that is a lot of murders committed
by one otherwise seemingly very nice

lady.

Yes, nothing if not consistent.

Let's go to a press conference now where
controversial Captain Dave Donoghue...

What do you mean if not consistent?

Well, she's killed a lot of people.
Yeah, but she's also nice, so it's

inconsistent, actually.

The consistency refers to the murders.

I didn't need to say anything there. I
know I didn't need to say anything

But you did.

Isn't that unlike you? Let's go again.
Talking all the time. Let's go again.

can't go again. It's live.

We're live.

You can't just go again.

Thank you all for coming.

I would like to read the following
statement.

After the match on Saturday, my
teammates and I headed to a nightclub.

It was there that I behaved in a manner
that was not consistent with the values

of the code.

I did not drink my body weight in rum,
and I did not abuse or yell at any bar

staff.

After leaving the establishment, I did
not do a big wee in a fountain or punch

any strangers while shouting the words,
I'll glass you. I'll fully glass you,

mate.

Anyone who knows me...

knows this behaviour is out of
character.

I want to apologise to my wife and my
children, who were shocked and

to see me come in the door by 10pm.

I promise to do better next Mad Monday.

I will not take questions.