All language subtitles for We Interrupt This Broadcast s01e04

This week, we wanted to see your skills
in combining flavors, and you got to

choose two core ingredients to cook
with.

Rita, you're up first.

I'm an adventurous cook, so today I'm
experimenting with some really bold and

unique flavors, and I'm hoping for a
real wow moment.

Rita, what do you have for us today?

It's orange juice and toothpaste.

Please allow me.

So apparently I've been something called
turbo -eliminated.

But at the end of the day, I'm just
really proud of myself for just having a

of a go.

Good evening.

We interrupt this broadcast.

I will now explain the rules of the
game.

The game is called Delgona.

The shape you see is the shape you must
trim from the honeycomb.

I'm so bad at games. So what do we do
with this?

We eat it, do we? You do not, no, must
trim out the shape without cracking the

honeycomb. Right, and if we crack it?

You will die.

Okay, bloody hell.

Actually, do you know what?

I am going to sit the first one out.
I'll sit it out. I'll watch. And then

join the second one. I'll just watch one
round. I'll just have a go. You guys

have a go.

Everyone decided to play the game.

Yeah, well, everybody else probably
hasn't had four glasses of wine.

Number 56, where did you get the wine?

Yarra Valley.

And it is stunning.

Jess, oh, oh, Jess, would you please
take this rose?

I cannot accept this rose from you.
Really?

Because I think the thorns are stuck in
your hand and you might actually need to

see a doctor.

Yeah.

Tiffany,

would you give me a hand with this?

No. No.

Let the games begin now.

What? Have

I done it?

Yes.

You will move on to the next round.

Oh, bonza. Fantastic.

What's that you've got there?

Oh, sorry, I've broken that. No, I've
broken that. He's broken.

He's broken.

News.

It's important, but it's boring, which
is why our reporters are bringing

eyewitness accounts from some of the
most cooked units on the planet.

How are they going to get away from that
cop car? And then he took off on his

dirt bike and I didn't even spill me
chalky milk.

Featuring live crosses to absolute
nutcases who are sure that they saw

something. He's like speeding and then
he's just like flips and he's like,

don't! That was a great fireball in the
distance.

Also, look me out. I'm a DJ.

DJ Psycho. Don't go on. Crazy in the
car.

News you can trust with units that are
cooked.

Jenny, if you're listening, can you take
me back, please? Your alpha wolf misses

you.

My lord husband, it's me in the shadows.

Good. It is very dark. Can we make it
brighter?

Oh, you don't like it. I just thought it
gave a sinister mood.

Yes, yes, and presents a number of
safety issues. Your grace, we've

word from... Oh, that got me. In the
ship? Yes, in the ship.

You have to see this. What is it? It's a
scroll.

Well, I'll take your word for it.

It's either going to be a palace coup or
parsley soup.

No, he's right. It's too dark.

Guys, last week was the using renovating
mumbo jumbo challenge.

And the judges were impressed by the
sconces.

the architraves, the balustrades, the
pendant lights, the nibblers and hose

you all managed to incorporate into
casual conversation.

So this week, your challenge is to stand
around in hard hats and delegate your

task to experienced and quality
tradespeople who get a fraction of your

We do that every week. Yeah.

18 seasons and counting, baby.

Yeah!

This is Lion's Share, where we throw
lots of money at ill -conceived ideas.

Liam and Jase Giese have a pitch for our
Lions.

Okay.

So, Liam, which one of you, Liam?

Okay, and Jase, right, okay. What have
you got for us today? What are you

pitching? Um, we got like, we got like,
um,

Full carton of mangoes. Just a tray of
mangoes. A tray of mangoes. So do you

have a farming or agricultural
production company that you're pitching,

one tray that we're talking about? If
the truck comes again, we'll get some

mangoes. We'll get some more, like, as
many as you want, eh? Like, yeah.

Okay.

I'm sorry, do you have any kind of
financials, any kind of projection, a

business plan of any form?

Oh, man.

This is so confusing.

Questions and stuff for us.

Give us a break.

No, I've got a gun in the truck, hey?
Yeah, I've got your camera too, hey?

And I will whack you, Carl.

Yeah, you will.

So how does this fold into your mango
investments?

Nah, forget about the mangoes, dude.
Let's talk about mangoes. Let's talk

mangoes here, dude. I think I know
what's happening here. This is a

Is that right?

Yeah. Yeah.

We're robbing you. Sorry.

Tonight,

it's mission implausible as Tom Cruise
enters the jungle.

Just here in the jungle. And it's great
to be with fans.

He's the original Maverick movie star.

People really respond to being screamed
at by a tiny man.

And he isn't afraid of anything.

What's this? I do all my own stuff.
Crazy stuff.

That's tonight in the jungle.

On I'm a Celebrity. I'm a celebrity. I'm
going to get you out of here.

What is that?

The Boyle family has survived coups,
tyrants, revolutions, assassination

attempts, even Prince Andrew.

Amateur stuff.

I'm here to teach you how to bring down
the royal family.

Step one, do boatloads of drugs with
fearless celebrities, wander around Las

Vegas completely naked, lose your
virginity to an older lady who pretends

a horse, and dress like a Nazi.

Step two, blame the family. The most
important thing is to suggest that

everything you've ever done wrong is
their fault.

Daddy and Camilla leaked stories to the
press.

William and Kate talked me into dressing
like a Nazi. And the Queen gave me a

mad spliff to puff on.

420 for life.

Step three, embarrass the family with a
best -selling tell -all book. A book is

a great way to get your side of the
story out, and crucially, no one else's.

Plus, it's a great way to talk about
your penis.

I'm Prince Harry, and this...

is my master class.

Out in Oakley, Officer Brady had stopped
a motorist who was driving erratically.

Erratic driving can be dangerous, unlike
erotic driving, which can be sexy.

That seems to be the problem, officer.

So do you really think you can drive a
car like that?

Like what?

People think it's a harmless way to
protect their identity, but drivers

with a blurry face is actually the cause
of 30 % of all road and traffic

accidents.

Is this better?

No, mate, that's worse. That is quite a
bit worse.

Will? Is that you?

We're getting another message.

Will! H -E -L -L -O. Hello?

D -E -A -R. Dear, I'm a crown prince
from Nigeria,

and I have ten million dollars. No, no,
this is just spam. You gotta stop

answering all these calls.

But it could be Will.

Listen, take this psychic link off your
call list.

Wait, I owe money to the ATO and I need
to pay it back with online gift cards. I

don't understand what any of that means.
None of it means anything. It's all

just a scam. Just don't get sucked in.

Horny singles in my area.

What? Oh, yeah, we could look into that.

Sometimes a lifeguard must put
themselves in harm's way to achieve

See anything out there, Tropo? Yeah.

We've got a bad situation happening.

Let's go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Mate, your ice cream's melting.

It's dripping down your team, Trop! It's
all right, OK, Mallet. All right,

you're going to be OK, mate. All right,
now, remember your training.

Three, two, one... Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

What are you asking for today?

I want $20 ,000.

Okay, right. So what was the outlay for
this robbery?

Does outlay mean money?

Yeah. What did it cost you?

I got this from home. It's from my shed.
So it didn't cost nothing.

Right. But I think he's lying about...
He doesn't have a gun. I don't have a

gun. No, I mean... No, no, no. Okay, you
know what? That is a remarkable profit

projection for a robbery. I mean, I'm
like 20 % stake in this.

All right.

I'll pitch in 5 % as well, if that's all
right. Yeah, you've got a deal.

Don't talk to the cops about nothing,
eh?

Here at Notchlets, we've already given a
stand -up special to every comedian we

could think of, which is why now we've
given one to... Yeah.

So, uh... Your dad.

What else did I want to talk about to
you tonight?

Comedy that has been tried and tested at
barbecues and chook raffles for years.

Anyway, I bought a leaf blower the other
day.

And, uh, well, there goes my neighbour's
Sunday morning.

One hour of pure, unadulterated dad.

And, uh, what's your name there, young
fella?

My name's Trevor.

Trevor, that's a nice, strong name. I
went to school with a Trevor.

I don't see a lot of him now. I don't
see a lot of friends now. I think you'll

find when you get to my age, what's
really good is you just don't see many

people. Critics have described your dad
as pretty easy to talk to for a dad.

It's a bad day to be one of these, isn't
it? Eh?

And doesn't remember your name, even
though you've been friends with his son

since primary school. If you need me,
I'll be in the shed suppressing my

feelings. Your dad. Coming soon to
Notflex. See you later. See you around.

All right. Over there.

This is fascinating.

What we have here is around, and I can't
be certain here, but around 20 foot of

copper wiring.

Oh, man, how much do you reckon this
was?

I can see you're eager to know exactly
what it was, but first I'd like to know

little bit more about how you came
across it.

Oh, go for me, man.

That's it to me. Ah, what a beautiful,
beautiful story. Of course, what's

interesting about copper wire is that
usually we find copper wire inside the

walls of a house. But here, of course,
the copper wiring is out.

Hurry up! No, don't. Run, man. They
know. If you run, they know.

Well,

today I'm doing one of the classics, a
lovely macaroni picture frame.

They might be rustic, as they say, but
you can't beat homemade.

So let's get started.

Sorry. I think I've got some of this
glue.

It's stuck on here. It's stuck there.

Oh, God.

It's stuck on my arm.

Ear. Ear.

I have glue on my ear, Damien.

Okay. This is the one. I can feel it.
This.

I've got a good feeling.

Oh, hey, hey.

Excuse me. Hi, sorry.

I was just wondering if I've been stood
up.

Oh, no, babe.

Babe, no, absolutely not. No, no, no,
no, no, no. There was a guy who came in

before and he actually said something.
Do you know what? I wrote it down. Yeah,

I'll find out what he said. So he said,
oh, hell no.

Absolutely not. I'm not doing this. I
don't care if I look like a jerk on TV

for standing up this woman.

But no thanking you. But no thank you.
No.

He left his credit card details.

I will take four lobsters. Thank you.

Six. Make it six.

I've blurred my face.

Oh, my God.

OK.

Oh, my God. What is that? We have to
pair the phone to the speaker using

Bluetooth. OK, OK. I think I've done
this before. How high can it be?

Just press the crisscross icon on the
screen. There is no crisscross icon.

Well, it says that there's a crisscross
icon on the screen, so just press...

Well, what do you think, I'm lying?
There's not.

I don't think you're lying. Just give us
a go, all right? Hurry up.

There's no crisscross icon on the
screen.

Steady on. Okay, are you pressing it?
I'm pressing it. Are you going to get a

soft press or a short press or a long
press? I've done both. I've done all the

presses. Well, if you do two presses at
once, then it's not going to understand

what's going on.

So, what? It's because I'm pressing too
much?

Yes, of course it is. It's a very simple
thing. Just give it a bit of air,

like... What's it saying?

It's in Mandarin.

Yeah, I think it needs to be updated.

A software update or something. You need
to be updated or something.

It's Crepe Suzette.

Oh,

is it ready for us to try? Oh, not yet.

It's Crepe Suzette.

Flambé!

Wow.

Smell that. You can tell that it's...
Oi!

It's a total fire band -aid, idiot!

Bloody irresponsible.

Wombat.

Oh, g'day. Didn't see you there.

Big Catch Barry here.

Today we're fishing for barramundi. Now,
barra's a bit of a picky fish.

Some might say they think they're better
than us, but I'll show them.

I'll show them good.

What you want to start off with is a bit
of squid, or calamari if you're feeling

like a fancy pants.

Becked king prawns from Shark Bay in
Western Australia.

Then, got some oysters, Sydney Rock,
fresh.

And a touch of balsamic vinegar.

And now we're going to top this off with
beluga sturgeon caviar.

Blown directly in from the Caspian Sea.

Oh, look at that.

Yes.

Barry?

Don't do it, Barry.

Barry?

Barry!

Barry, hold still!

Stop flopping!

Stop flopping.

Stop flipping.

I mean, what even is Bluetooth?

No one knows.

Oh, thank you for your help.

You don't know what you're doing. You
don't know what you're talking about.

man, big man.

You know what biggest mistake I did was
getting together with you.

Police officers only had to worry about
someone riding a horse while drunk,

which wasn't all that dangerous, and if
you think about it, pretty cool.

Excuse me, sir.

Have you been drinking tonight?

Oh, I had a few after work. Did you now?
All right, well, why don't we have a

little blow into this?

You know it.

Thanking you. That's plenty.

Sir, your blood alcohol level is 0 .074.

Oh, I didn't realise.

Is that bad?

0 .074.

is tonight's lucky number.

Congratulations, sir. Whoop, in we pop.

Here's your complimentary bottle of
Prosecco. You'll get three extra merit

points straight onto that licence of
yours. And, of course, you get to choose

someone else in the queue to receive a
fine. Who's it going to be tonight?

Oh, that SUV back there. They cut me off
earlier.

Fantastic. Consider it done. Well,
that's all we've got time for tonight on

So it's back to one of the daddos.

Thank you, Doctor.

I have to say this is one of the most
extraordinary pieces that has been

to me today, and I would venture to say,
has ever been on the show.

Oh, jeez, I don't know about that. It's
just something my nan left me.

Is it really that big a deal?

It is, it is, it is, it is quite, yes.
It is absolutely priceless. It is the

Great Pyramid of Giza.

Sick! I'm taking her to Kashi's.

Mrs Collins, we've acquired your phone
records for the past fortnight.

Now, to the best of your knowledge, can
you elaborate on the contents of these

phone calls?

January 9th, 1 .25pm, a 45 -second phone
call. Well, I believe that was a call

to my daughter, Shay, to let her know I
was on my way to lunch.

January 9th, 1 .36pm, a 1 .10 -minute
phone call.

To the best of my knowledge, that was a
quick call to let Shane know that I was

going to stop on my way and pick up a
load.

January 9, 1 .41pm, a 32 -second
voicemail. If memory serves, that was

let Shane know that I'd actually picked
up a baguette instead of a load.

Mrs Collins, are you aware that these
phone calls could very feasibly be basic

text messages?

Well, I just think it's nice. It's a
call, isn't it? Is it, Mother?

Hey, darling.

Mum, will you call me?

I assume someone has died. You don't
call the millennial unless someone is

Is that clear, you dial -happy sicko?
Well, if calling my daughter is a crime,

then lock me up and throw away the key.

That's the plan, Mrs. Collins?

Oh, well, do I get a phone call?

Tonight... Lady Gaga opens up about her
outrageous experience.

So, last week, I smeared cow manure all
over my body. I had...

10 000 cockroaches alive crawling all
over my skin while i bathed in a tub of

baboon blood and that was an incredible
outfit for the grammys i'm so grateful

to my stylist and the same team has
styled me today for um what show is this

what do you need me to do well it's
basically just a bit of small talk with

afl players that's disgusting that's
tonight in the jungle on

i'm a celebrity

Anna, Dan, the last team checked in
three hours ago.

You are disqualified from the Amazing
Race.

It was a big night.

I am very needy today.

I've got an absolute shocking hangover.

I'm so sorry about this, I don't know
where he is.

Sorry! Um,

I just got caught up at the, uh, server.

But don't worry, I've got the roses and
that.

Okay, uh, let's begin then, shall we?

Um... Caroline...

Shelley.

Yeah.

And Tiffany.

Really delicious.

Blushy for you.

They were out of roses.

Actually.

I've got to pull on hangover, I'm sorry.

Do you want this, Dr. Joel? Hold on.

I'm so sorry. This has never happened
before.

Actually, look.

Can we actually have that sausage roll
we have in Indian days? Yeah, yeah,

Get into it.

Thank you.

This is murder on the border.

Multiple stab wounds, fractured skull.

The perpetrator believed to be on the
loose.

Don't forget to write down the date.

It's a significant one, isn't it?

You are remembering and commemorating my
date of birth, Inspector.

Correct.

The other staff also have done so with
this oversized card.

I am touched and deeply moved.

You did not suspect it, did you? You
told me this box was full of mortal

remains. You often carry around mortal
remains. I had no reason to suspect it

was irregular.

However, this is highly irregular.

I shall read this card in due time.

Hip, hip, hooray.

He appears to have shut his pants.

Oh no, someone's in trouble.

Oh,

that's

Bernie.

They'll be right.

I got a flat tire. I need to repair it.

Just get one of the bikes from the kids
that have been eating over there.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're just going to leave your bike
there, are you? Yeah, I was going to

my bike here and get one of the bikes
from the kids that have been eating.

Okay, listen.

I just worked a double shift picking up
bikes from kids that have been eating

and putting them in this pile.

I don't need kids that have not yet been
eating leaving their bikes on the road

slowing traffic, okay?

Yeah. I think what we're saying is if we
take a bike from us, and we're not kids

that have been eaten, and we put it in
the pile of bikes of kids that have been

eaten, it's zero.

Okay, I don't have the time for these
kids. I've got to get these bikes of

that have been eaten into my truck as
quick as I can, because more kids are

being eaten as we speak.

Yeah. Why are you spending so much time
on the bikes of the kids that have been

eaten rather than preventing the kids
from being eaten?

I can't prevent the kids from being
eaten, but I am looking into getting a

monster that eats bikes.

So then our problems are solved.

Yes. I don't want to be eaten. I know
you don't, son, but one day you'll be

eaten. It's just part of growing up in
this town.

Hey, Hopper! Yeah?

Lucas has been eaten.

Oh, okay, great. Now we can take his
bike and put it on the pile.

That's the thing.

You never know what you're going to get
in an old bookshop like this.

if you know what you're looking for.

Now, these musty, dusty envelopes or
correspondence between Banjo Patterson

his wife might be an old draft of the
man from Snowy River here.

Now, that is a bargain.

Sorry, mate, there you are. Thanks,
champ. Good on you, mate.

They're all right.

I've got a really good feeling about
this date.

I just hope he asks me questions. You
know what men can be like.

You're so funny.

I hope you don't mind me asking,
Jessica. Oh my gosh, no, you can ask me

anything. Go for it. Oh, cool. Well, I
was just wondering if you could show me

your bare feet.

Thank you.

No.

I've got an email. It's unclechubbytoes
at ozumail .com.

Is anyone in the camera crew single?

Like... Tonight, a superstar celebrity
enters the jungle.

Matthew McConaughey!

All right, all right, all right.

And is about to be put to the ultimate
test.

Tell me, how are you feeling about
today's shirt on challenge?

What is this shirt, you speaker?

We're pushing this Hollywood hunk's
mental ability to its very limits.

Close. How about now?

Try again.

That's tonight in the jungle on I'm a
Celebrity. What about this?

No.

As you know, fire.

represents your life in the game.

It's now time to read the votes.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Who's in charge here?

Um, uh, me. It's a total fire ban today.

Seriously, it's a $700 fine.

It's Australian outback, mate.

Use your brain, Jeff.

It's Jonathan.

What was your special ingredient for
this challenge?

Poison. And what have you made today?

I've made poison lamb with a side of
braised fennel and poison.

And this sauce?

That's poison.

Well, you've cooked the lamb
beautifully.

Perfect.

That is...

A wonderful texture.

The blending of flavours is exquisite,
but the thing that seems to let the dish

down a little bit is it's a poison.

That's a no from me.

Me too.

Job?

I want to see my lawyer.

There'll be plenty of time for that
later.

Forget later.

I want to see my lawyer now.

Fine.

I'm your lawyer.

I have a funny wig and I live in the
courthouse.

Spot on, spot on.

Do my counting.

That's spot on. Thank you. That is spot
on.

Pretty and brief.

The judges were very impressed by your
mitered tin timber flooring as well as

your bathroom galore bathroom tiling.
All paid for with Suncorp bank accounts

while wearing your blunt stone boots and
wearing very comfortable bonds undies.

So a big gold star from everyone for
that.

However, the judges were not impressed
in any way, shape or form by your

tapware, which was not paid for by a
single grand.

I've said it before, unsponsored tapware
is just not on on the block.

I want you to have a good long hard
think about that tonight when you get

and slide in between your thousand
thread count Sheridan bedding.

Roll over on your sealy post -epidic
mattresses now featuring memory foam.

Sorry. We did the wrong thing and we
want to apologise to Rhys Plumbing.

Sorry, Rhys.

And now it's time for Where Are Mummy's
Keys?

Hi. Welcome. Welcome to the show. Where
Are Mummy's Car Keys?

Well, we asked the question.

In a very calm voice, about 15 minutes
before we do it at the dentist.

Meet Tabitha.

Tabitha is a very good girl who likes to
play hide and seek and sometimes cords

band -aids under her bed.

Tabitha, the pen point.

Where are mummy's car keys?

I don't know.

I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

Because you do know.

Because Mummy saw you take them off the
table when Mummy was on the phone

before. It's the very special doctor,
okay? So now the question is open to the

whole lot of you. Did any of you see
what Tabitha did with Mummy's car keys?

Yes, Dylan. Can I play with your phone?

No, Dylan. That's what the game was
playing, okay? So that's a no. In fact,

that's minus 10 points.

your phone too?

Absolutely not, Millie. No, Millie. No,
you know because you had your screen

time revoked. Can I play with your phone
too?

Be careful.

Pretty chubby.

Bugger. What did you tell Bo? I knew
this day would come.

I'm 32.

God. Wait.

You just eaten.

I've got him.

Grace, don't go in the water.

Wait. Is he going to be okay?

You tell me.

It was your little sandwich.

I was only a little sandwich.

You were supposed to wait 30 minutes.

I thought that was just a myth that the
nuns taught me in girl school. It was

just a little sandwich. There is no such
thing as just a little sandwich.

Hold up, Mullet.

You've got some crumbs in your beard.

This

is

Murder on the Border.

Talks report came back from the victim's
stomach content.

And, Detective Umrah?

Nothing unusual.

Burnt page, breaded reindeer chunks,
lingonberries.

That's my husband's recipe for his
reindeer stew.

You know what this means?

The serial killer is your husband?

That? Oh, we sent the wrong Tupperware
container off for analysis.

And this is not the stew I need, dear.
Goodbye.

This is the worst day of my entire life.

Hello

and

welcome to Millionaire Hot Plate. Let's
meet tonight's contestant.

Competing for a million dollars.

We have Tim Blaine. Tim likes travel,
skiing, jogging, cycling, homebrewing

doesn't understand you only need three
things for a lift.

Three things, Tim.

Sid Lang is in Mensa but never learned
how to wave.

Samantha Bung's date of birth is
Geelong. Her phone number is female and

gets confused when filling out floors.

Melanie Smith had her name mistyped on
her birth certificate but decided to

go with it.

And finally, Sam Sutton, books
contestant for millionaire hot seat,

to five and is going to need a new job.

Aren't you, Sam?

Eh? Eh?

Big fish, big rods.

Big Tucker. This is Big Catch Barry and
today we're catching flying fish.

They're lively today.

Now this is one of the best places in
Australia for catching flying fish. I

them.

Flying fish.

They can't fool me.

Whoa, hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no,

no,

musty, dusty glasses?

Or are they some 19th century bespoke
crystal goblets? And most importantly,

are they worth a packet?

Yeah, good, eh? Hi, how are you? Yeah,
not bad, eh? Pretty good, eh?

It's exquisite goblet. Yeah, I believe
these are 19th century crystal goblets.

You can tell by the tone.

Oh, it sounds sick, eh? What do you
reckon they were?

More than what they're asking, that's
for sure.

No worries, I'll just go check out some
other 17th century things. Okay, good

luck.

Another fan.

You know, the community is part of the
reason I got into this in the first

place. Well, let's cheers to that. And
go check these bad boys out.

Come on.

Happy to take these old musty, dusty
glasses off your hands.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Well, thank you. My friend, you've
accidentally taken my glasses. My

glasses.

And coming up on Daybreak, we speak to
the man who ate 50 grapes in seven non

-consecutive minutes, and we ask him why
he thinks that's impressive.

But first, to Tim C. Towne. Funnily
enough, they're grapes, aren't they?

funny. Oh, yeah? Why is that?

Well, of course, you can have a wet
grape, or you can dry them out.

A wet grape.

Yeah, you have a dry grape is a sultana.

There is also raisins, which are
different somehow.

And then, of course, their cousin, the
currant.

Great. Well, let's explore that more
because, as I said, that topic is coming

later. But the gossip coming out of
Tinseltown is... Well, grape juice and

Look at those. They're different. You've
got grape juice here and you've got

wine there. I mean, if you were to add a
clear spirit or a vodka to the grape

juice, you've got a kind of very potent
bit of wine.

Did anyone notice Trent being kicked in
the head by a horse this morning?

One of the joys of every parent's life
is when their child brings home a craft

project they've made at school.

Not for me, though.

As a professional craftologist, I find
my daughter's efforts amateur and

unimpressive. Take a look at this
alleged portrait of me.

I don't look like that.

It's captured none of my aura, none of
my shine, very little of my je ne sais

quoi. The glue work is sloppy, the
scissor technique is laughable. Deidre,

this is very, very shoddy work indeed.

Sorry, Arabella, this is your daughter's
school craft project.

That is the portrait of Queen Elizabeth
II that you did on last week's show.

And I think you'll agree that I have
captured quite a lot of her aura, her

shine, and the Queen's distinctive je ne
sais quoi. Wonderful. Damien, please

put this on the fridge.

Okay, and what shall I do with your...
Burn it. Okay.