Original subtitles

It's not always apparent when someone is over the limit, which is why the police

use the latest technology to detect blood alcohol levels.

Yeah, these new units are terrific. They're about 99 % accurate. So if

even close to the limit, then we're going to know about it.

Excuse me, if you wouldn't mind blowing...

I'm sorry, ma 'am. I'm actually going to need to get you to flow into the tube

to get an accurate reading to tell whether you're drunk or not, all right?

just wait.

I'm going to need you to have an accurate... Oh.

Good evening.

We interrupt this board, sir.

Guys, there are two roses remaining, yet there are three of you.

Sadly, that means that one of you will be leaving tonight.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Look, first rose is a no -brainer.

I'm giving this one to Woodsy.

Mate, when you sack -whacked him the other day, it was full of the funniest

thing I'd ever seen.

So here's a rose, mate. Good on you.

Sack -whack!

Sack whack.

Sack whack. Sack whack. Sack whack.

Scrap booking is a wonderful way to enshrine precious memories from your

do it for all of my important occasions.

My wedding.

My honeymoon.

My husband's mysterious disappearance.

Wonderful memories, all.

Now, I thought as a special treat today, I would make a scrapbook for my lovely

stagehand, Damien.

So during the break, come here, I nicked his phone.

So now let's just choose some photos from here.

Oh, my God.

Don't look at that phone. Don't look at those.

That's Tina, mate. That's Tina from Makeup. I know. That's my dressing room.

Please don't fire me. Fire you?

I'm going to promote you.

God, I love a saucy scrapbook.

Just have a look at my honeymoon. This is where... Oh, far out. That's where I

got started. That's disgusting. I know.

This one? Incredible, right? Because I used to be... Where is your hair?

I know.

Kim, when we had our solo mate date, watching the NRL, it's pretty bloody

obvious you were Victorian.

You had no idea what a 40 -20 was.

I thought it was a pie.

It's not a pie, mate.

You messed up, mate, but not as bad as Miko.

What do you mean?

You brought your missus to our date to the TAB.

You can't do that, mate. It's a party fair. You can't bring your misso

everywhere. She's still here now.

Um, babe, can we go?

Because, like, you don't need this in your life.

No, it's really hard to make new friends as a guy.

He's right. It is hard, mate. Because of that, I'd be more than happy to be

here, mate.

Yeah, cool. I'll give you a call sometime.

I've got a really good feeling about this one.

Loyalty is actually really important to me.

God.

You sound like my wife.

You're married.

Please, I get enough of that at home.

Yeah, I need to go. I wouldn't go back to mine.

You should be quiet because of the baby.

It's all killer, all filler. You're watching Australia's favourite reality

Lip Island.

Lip Island, where Madison with no vows is headed to the pool to give Taj with

two Js a sexy massage.

Oh, my God!

Uh -oh! Looks like Taj has been a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

And his side chick had left a trail of evidence behind her.

Hey, what? What?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I didn't do it. You didn't do it? I did nothing, nothing.

I'm not dumb, OK?

You and you are dead.

I like you, because I do it.

You know?

See you tonight, babe.

100%, yeah. Yeah.

disagree. I wish to raise an issue.

We've achieved many victories on the field, but our treasury is low. We must

find more ways to raise money.

However,

I cannot help but notice we have allocated an hour of our meeting talking

marrying our sisters.

We have so many other things to discuss. Fear from battles, dark magic, dragons

breathing fire.

You know what's hotter than fire?

My sister.

I do have a question for which I need your counsel. Go on. I have two

Which one shall I marry?

Both.

Both. Both. Both.

Both. Both. Both. Both.

Both. Silence!

Shall we not speak of uncles?

Look, we came here to do one thing. Yeah, we really want to push ourselves.

We want to do what we love. And, yeah, we're not going home until we get a

chance to prove it.

Gavin and Amy, you were the last team to arrive.

And I'm sorry to say that you have been eliminated.

Get that!

What is this, Mad Monday?

Nice happy hour, and it's $5 daiquiris.

We came and we saw and we dacked. Mission accomplished, yeah?

Dacking's what we live for.

Can't take it away from her. Yeah.

I'm really proud of you. Thank you. Yeah.

Paolo, Rita, could you tell us a bit more about your choices?

This dish means a great deal to me personally because in my family, food is

important.

Tell us more.

My father eats food.

My mother eats food.

I've actually been eating food since I was a baby.

Incredible.

Food is important in my family as well.

Oh, really? Yes. We would actually, growing up, have multiple foods a day,

morning, midday, and then at night.

This dish is actually a celebration of my family's belief that if you do not

food, you will die.

Sorry, everyone, I'm just getting really emotional because in my family, we also

eat. It reminds me of my Grammy because she could eat.

I feel so privileged to hear these stories from each and every one of you

because my family, we never had that.

We just used to get organic material, warm it up or cool it down and then put

into this hole.

That's food.

Really?

You've been eating food with your family.

Food is important to me.

Food is important to my family.

Monster, it's time to take it off!

are pushed to their physical and psychological limits by a very shouty

Englishman. This is SAS Australia.

You maggots!

Pathetic! Useless! Molly -coddled bunch of crybaby weaklings!

We've been here for four days!

Four days!

And none of...

You livid, useless crack, do you know what I want?

Do you?

Eh?

Eh?

You know that?

And it is, of course, a Bitcoin in quite remarkable condition.

Do you know much about blockchain technology?

No, not really. I'm just sort of interested to know what it's worth.

Very funny, because, of course, Bitcoin is famously volatile. But if this went

to auction today, I would say it could set £100 ,000.

Oh, my God.

And with that £90 ,000, I said £80 ,000. That's £200 ,000 Bitcoin.

Which is now worth £70 ,000.

I beg your pardon?

That's nothing to sniff at. If I had £40 ,000... Sorry, now it's something worth

£40 ,000?

No, it's worth £40 ,000. Stop! Stop!

Stop it!

This is Lion's Share, where we throw lots of money at ill -conceived ideas.

Carol thinks she has an invention that could change the way we live.

But will it impress our lion?

Hello.

Carol Schneider is my name. Pretty excited to show you. I've been

this five years.

It's cost me most of my savings and all of my marriage.

So what it is, as you can see, I'm here standing.

Got my legs extended.

Do this for long enough, you get pretty tired. So what if there was another way?

Introducing the Carol's...

Hind Assist Inactivity Rig.

What it is, well, I'll show you. So, as you can

see now, legs are bent, but the weight is being held by the Carol's Hind Assist

Inactivity Rig.

Okay, Carol, can I just ask, how is the Carol Hind Assist Inactivity Rig

different to an actual chair?

Because...

because don't worry about a chair. Stop thinking about a chair, okay? Today we

are talking about the Carol's Hind Assist inactivity rig.

But you do realise that that spells out chair.

C -H -A -I -R.

No. No.

Anyway.

Just give me 15 minutes.

Just give me one more go. Give me one more shot of 15.

All right, puppies, give Mummy a sit -rep. Still nothing, Chief.

This is priority one, everyone. I want him bound.

This guy's good.

He's a master at blending into the background.

But he's going to slip up eventually, and when he does, Mummy's going to be

there.

Wait, Chief.

Talk to me.

Ground team say they have him. They're bringing him in now.

Ha! You can't hide forever.

Today's the day you meet your match, Wally.

Not him, Chief.

not Wally. That's just a pirate in a stripy shirt. You've done it again, you

absolute poodles.

Keep working, people. Come on.

I will find you and I will end you.

Do it. Say it again. I literally, I don't know what is happening, eh?

It's so funny. So we just did a DNA test from my new line of DNA

tests, KK's DNA.

Yeah, and it's actually hilarious because we always thought we were

Yeah, and it turns out we're actually Australian.

Which is amazing, and these tests are super reliable.

Yeah. And today's extra special because our new Australian cousin Craig is

coming over.

I love Craig. I love Craig. Craig with a K.

Yeah. And cousin with a K.

Yeah. And coming over with a K.

Yeah. Are you saying Craig?

Yeah. Or Greg?

Craig. Yeah. We're saying Craig. Craig.

Craig. Craig. Craig.

Craig. Craig's so funny.

I'm literally dying.

It's Greg. It's with a G. Craig. With a K. Like Greg. Craig.

I literally can't even breathe. I'm obsessed with Craig.

Do you want something?

Do you want like a little salad? We have 150 pounds of salad.

I can't. I can't eat any more salad, please.

That is so funny.

Craig!

As the cops will tell you, if you drink and drive, you're a bloody idiot.

Mind you, it's not like the cops are all geniuses.

Do you know why I pulled you over, ma 'am? I was going 57, I swear.

It's not speeding.

Those traffic lights back there, I... I saw you apply make -up. No, I didn't. I

wasn't, I swear.

You sure about that? I don't put makeup on. I don't wear makeup to work.

I'm going to have to call this one in.

And before I read the votes, does anyone have an immunity idol that they'd like

to play?

No, never, babe. Yeah, last chance.

I would like to play my idol. I'm not going home tonight, Jeff.

It's Jonathan.

My name is Jonathan. Yeah, whatever.

Oh, it's in here somewhere. I'll just fish it out.

You just place it there and then...

out duck and out duck jonathan lapancia uh i love to duck i live to duck and we

ducked this is like not a tribal council it's a trouser council my work is done

yeah i'm going home but it was like totally worth it

You have made it this far by thinking on your feet and working as a team.

But this game is every player for themselves.

I hope you're ready to play.

Monopoly!

Oh, sorry, nah, can I be the Scotty Dog?

What? At home I always be the Scotty Dog, so I just want to be the Scotty Dog

for laughter. No, we assigned these roles ahead of time so we wouldn't have

exact conversation.

Number 187 is the Scotty Dog. I literally don't care, dude. He doesn't

I'll be Scotty Dog. Okay, fine. All right, you can be Scotty Dog. Can I be

Scotty Dog too? There's only one Scotty Dog.

What am I going to be then?

You can be that silver hat.

I can be a silver hat.

No, when you go around the board, you will be passing... Are we doing free

parking rule?

Yeah, free parking. We get the money in the middle.

Yeah, it makes it fun. It's like a lotto. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, free parking means free parking. Not get money for free for no reason at

all.

It's good, it's good, it's good. Okay, fine. You can have free parking. Thank

you. Now, as always, if you lose, you will be eliminated.

How do you lose Monopoly? Do you know what I mean? Like, I always thought it

just kind of ended when everyone was, like, fighting.

Or, like, I just get bored and just kind of... I'm bored.

I'm bored right now.

Then you lose, I reckon.

Yeah. No offence, but... Yeah, you're out. No offence. No, no, no. Think,

ladies, that you can get him, actually, because he's out.

You can be Scotty Jack, though. Rest in peace.

Hooray!

46 ,053.

The most thoughtful gifts make the receiver feel like you know them.

So today, I'm making a personalised gift for my assistant, Damien.

Damien, come.

Come.

Drop.

Ta -da.

What's that?

Fast issues.

Because you told me you and your girlfriend were having a fight over her

partner's shoes.

No, you have your own pair.

Not partner's shoes.

Partner's shoes.

Your

Grace,

with the greatest of respect, the time to act is now.

The walls of Castle Blackhaven have been besieged by the false Prince Janos

Rhaegar. whilst every passing moment, the grand size... Sorry, can I just stop

you there?

Which one are you?

Which guy?

There are a lot of guys, and I'm having trouble keeping up.

I am Sir Bratton Ehrenford, son of White Crow, keeper of the sacred fire. Brett

Ehrenford? Nope. Okay, so what's your thing?

Could you take a sentence, please?

I wish for troops to defend my land. Yes, because your father was killed by

brother when he was trying to take over the throne.

No. Father, I believe you're thinking of Sir Ericsford. What?

Then which one's this one?

Sir Erinsford.

Also,

while we're here, who are you?

Me? Yes, I wasn't going to say anything, but I don't know who you are.

I'm your daughter.

That's why I called you father.

Really? You look very different to the last time I saw you. And that is what's

really difficult to follow about this whole show. Tell you what, could

do me a favor?

Let's go around the room and say your name and whether you are a goody or a

baddy. Or we could just cut different boobs.

Fine.

A wise choice, my king.

Well, I'm the king.

Oh, wow.

I can feel a deep connection already.

Me too. It's like we've got some sort of deep synchronicity.

Jinx. Snap.

Jinx again.

This is getting weird.

I feel a profound emotional bond that transcends time and space.

I love you.

I love you too.

Oh, my goodness.

Sorry, I'm just getting word from our...

experts that have made a huge mistake. So we'll just scoot you out and bring in

a better match. This is Mercedes.

Who's this toss pot?

Sorry, but can you bring the other bride in? I think we just had a better fit.

Not for the show, you're not.

Give us a smooch.

Give us one smooch. Give us one smooch. Give us one smooch.

Welcome to Millionaire Hot Seat. Let's meet tonight's contestants.

Katrina Henderson is a psychic who already knows she's not going to win

Kenny Graham hates small talk and will be communicating tonight via blinking.

Darren Dale wanted to try to get a stadium wave going.

No dice, buddy.

We're also joined by Ash... Ban, who thought she was on Masterchef.

And finally, Marcus Kennedy, who never shows up on time.

It's all killer, all filler. You're watching Australia's favourite reality

Lip Island.

There's some rules here on Lip Island. The clothes are small, the mic packs are

visible, and above all else, the banter.

is wicked.

Wow,

that banter is mental.

Two chilled glasses of sparkling banter, please, waiter.

Cheers to the Archbishops of Banterbury.

Here comes Corey with a cue.

Yuck, Corey.

Worst banter ever.

This is Murder on the Border.

If you don't tell us who you are working with, there is a strong chance that you

will end up in prison. And believe you me, you do not want to end up in a

Scandinavian prison.

Have you ever been inside, Lars?

No. Well, you know that it's not all funny and games. In fact, the

of time for funny and games is just two hours a day.

Two hours. Do you know what they do to new inmates in a Scandinavian prison?

No. They will give you an induction to a beginner's pottery class.

Beginner's pottery class?

I can see this is no good, Sir Volvo. He is not going to cooperate. I can see he

would rather rot in a tastefully appointed cell with limited views of the

No, please.

They will lock the door and throw away the key. Well, actually, they're not

using locks anymore. It's more an honor system. You come and go as you please.

Oh.

Can I go now?

We would prefer... If you stayed, but it is your prerogative. But I can go.

Well, definitely, you can go, but we would like you to stay. Yeah, I... I

I got to... Look after yourself.

Thank you.

We almost had him.

Right through our finger.

Oh, welcome back to Small Death Big Boy.

We'll get to that in a second, Boggo. But firstly, the winner of Australia's

Next Big Boy has just been announced. Last night, Chukka beat out Ruda for the

top spot.

Chuck is here to permanently join the death and become one of the big boys.

on down.

Boggo's right, Chaka. There's too many boys and there's not enough desk. You're

going to have to go, mate.

All good, boys. Had a good run.

Good on you, Chaka.

Good on you, mate. Hey, give it up.

Exit's over this side.

Oh, well.

That's right, Boggo.

We'll all miss him.

So why don't we take a look back on all the fond memories we had of our time

with Chaka.

is lion's share.

After her last pitch, our judges have decided to give Carol another chance.

Thank you for seeing me again.

So, I think I've cracked it this time.

What unites us all as humans?

We all need to drink.

We all need liquid.

But what do we use to hold that liquid?

Can't use our hands.

Flip down the sides, go through our fingers.

So, What do we use? Okay, Carol, I'm going to stop you there.

Is there a cup under that sheet? Like, have you invented the cup?

Are you going to show us what's under that sheet, Carol?

Not today, no.

Is that because there's a cup under there?

Not necessarily.

Just, okay, one more go, one more go.

I've had the best time with all of yous, and I wish I could be mates with every

single one of yous.

But, rules are rules.

Miko? Yeah?

I had a great time with you on the group mate date at the golf course.

Same. Every time I had a beer, you were always there with a bottle opener.

But, I did catch you cheating.

How do you mean?

You did not get two holes in one.

I definitely did. You should have seen what I was having to really... Turn it

up. Woodsy?

I also had a great time with you at the golf course. It was thick.

But you went too hard too early.

And you stole that golf buggy and you smashed into Tim.

But every

group needs a loose unit.

Woodsy, will you accept this rose?

Shit, yeah.

Welcome to the bear pack, brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mika, there's a Commodore waiting for you and it's time to piss right off.

Is it a VL or a Calais or...? Afraid not. Stock standard, mate.

All right.

Checkers.

Eight years in a Colombian prison.

Eight years.

Almost every day.

Beaten.

Starved. No sunlight.

No one came.

No one cared.

But we escaped.

And now we're free.

We're free.

Wait a minute. Are you Hayden and Paul from season three?

Yeah, that's right.

Oh my God.

Everyone thought you were dead.

Boy, oh boy, have you been eliminated.

And now,

vows.

Amanda, when I first saw you walk down the aisle, I thought, that is a woman

can get me 50 ,000 followers.

When I first saw your eyes, your smile and your hot rig, I

thought we can take on the world.

Smash it.

And start a social media campaign marketing untested vitamins and

I promise to stand by your side until one of them other brides shows me the

tiniest bit of attention.

I promise to be there for you, make you laugh, and also throw wine at you.

Yes, sir. I promise to always communicate my feelings, especially

back.

I promise to persevere through the tough times or until Love Island call.

Do you, Chris, and you, Amanda, promise to endure each other for the next four

months as long as you are contractually... Obligated.

I do.

I think it would be more like three months. I do.

By the power vested in me in this fake TV show, I now pronounce you radio drive

time host and influencer.

And, Jason, what do you have for us today?

Oh, I don't know. I think it's like a yoga leader.

May I? Oh, yeah, no dramas. Thank you. I just up, and it is indeed

a yoga lid. You can see here by these distinct markings, yes? Yeah. Sound out,

yo -go.

But it is indeed the genuine article, and your suspicions are correct. Oh,

Thank you, little marvelous. I can even give you an approximate age of the pot

of yoga chocolate.

I believe it was, because of the uh -huh, yes.

And that is here. Do you see these numbers here? Oh, yeah, what's that

Yes, of course, in the business known as a used by date, or occasionally here we

see a best before.

In French, of course, plus point.

Plus point, yes.

And we can see here in the detail, not for individual sale.

It was originally, of course, part of a pair.

Oh, absolutely perfect.

At a guess, Jason, what would you say this was worth?

Oh, jeez.

Probably nothing. I mean, it's just a yoga letter found on the ground.

And a beautiful piece, as it is.

I'm afraid you are correct. It is worth absolutely nothing. It is absolutely

worthless. Being refused and what have you.

But what a find and what a privilege to own a piece of history.

Yeah. I like yoga.

So do I, Jason.

So do I.

I've been hunting down suspects for over 20 years.

Sometimes you catch them quick. Sometimes it takes a little longer.

But the thing about me is, I always catch my man.

Again, CCTV again. We're looking for this guy.

Attractive Facebook, Instagram and Spotify. That is a lot of Taylor Swift.

Yes, I am.

Coming for you, Barry, you little rat dog. No matter where you are, no matter

what corner of the world you're hiding in, you're mine, mate.

Right, we done? Gotta go find this dog.

Ready to roll?

Barry's close. I can almost feel him.

The

town

is consumed with the latest dispatch from gossip columnist... Lady Bing Lee,

has declared Daphne Fridgerton must hasten to choose a suitor before her

on the marriage market wanes.

Mother, you cannot be serious.

His warranty had slid a decade ago.

Always banging on about how much you want children, Daphne. Sir Leek's lot

two already.

Yes, but... Hello, Fisher.

Hello, Paykel.

What charming children you have, Sir Leek's lot.

What is that smell, Mother?

Just a gas leak, Daphne.

Perfectly natural. I would rather marry a dishwasher. There is nothing redeeming

about him.

Well, not nothing.

From what I hear, he has plenty of meat in his bottom drawer.

If you catch my truth.

Mother!

Well,

we've heard the clues. Now let's hear the voice.

Yes! Performing for the first time?

What?

song that I've definitely heard of and I know all of the words.

I literally want to take this car!

Let's hear it for Banana!

What a voice!

Thanks! Thanks, thanks, thanks!

Judges, what did you think?

I missed it.

Once again, our judges talked over the entire performance so they have no idea

who it is.

We'll try again after the break with a performance from Plastic Man!

Yeah!

We're

at

the airport.

engineers have worked tirelessly to make sure every toasty is completely devoid

of taste.

Alright, let's go through the story again. You disembark. At arrival, you

your bag unattended. Then suddenly, bam, you're distracted by a beautiful woman,

at which point your bag is switched out for an identical one by a person or

persons unknown.

Look back. Woman's gone. Where is she? Vanished into thin air.

You then proceed to border security blissfully unaware of the contents of

bag. How am I doing so far?

Yeah, good.

Do you really think that's believable?

Yes, I do.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, because the publisher said it was just,

derivative and boring. I would buy it. Really? Oh, thank you. Off you go.

I think I was self -published. She had a lot of cocaine in that bag.

His mother on the border.

Sir, there better be a good reason for getting me up at this hour. Sorry,

Inspector. It is three in the morning, but a body has been found.

Blunt trauma to the head.

Any witnesses?

No. Everybody's in bed. It's the middle of the night.

Okay. Sir Volvo, take this down.

I want Anderson, Larson and Carlson to talk to their whale contact.

Erickson, Nielsen, Olsen and Svensson talk to family friends of the victim.

Gustafsson, Peterson and Magnusson, they can go to the coroner. Olafsson,

Axelson and Hendrickson, they can handle the press. And Samuelson, Eliasson,

Hermanson, Abramson and Johansson, they can stand by. Lundqvist won't be needed.

Did you get all of that? No, none of it. My pen is out of ink.

I am very angry.

This is Lion's Share.

Oh, please don't run.

Thank you, Lions, for seeing me again. Appreciate it. And you're sure this is a

new invention, Carol? Yes, absolutely, 100%. So, okay.

There's nothing on the card, Carol.

No, no, forget about the card.

Look at this brand new invention.

Holding the card, leaving my hands free to do whatever they need.

So, anything you... It's a hard no from me. Okay.

I actually did invent a cold fusion engine

that would put an end to coal. And I should have started with that. And I

got in my head and doubted myself.

started just going off script.

Carol, Carol, we've given you three chances, okay?

It's a no from us.

This would actually put an end to cold.

You know.

Thanks anyway.

See you later.

Our instant restaurant is authentic, cooked Italian food.

And the judges always say to cook with love.

So, plenty of love is what they're going to get.

Our style.

Fuck off, Blair. What have you done?

We dacked you, mate.

We knew it would be polarising with the judges, but... We love dacking.

Well, I think it's full, risky.

And quite sumptuous.

I know.

After being eliminated, would I recommend going on MKR and dacking Manu?

Probably not. But would I do it again?

100%. 100%. Yeah.