Original subtitles

I really love what you put together for our staff pics display, my love.

Thanks. I do a mix of mainstream hits and obscure deep cuts.

I lure them in with Batman, and then I hit them with cockroach sisters.

Cockroach sisters?

That's definitely something my parents wouldn't want me to read.

Skimmy!

Uh, I think I may have misunderstood.

When you said staff pics, I thought you meant staff pics.

You know, like pics of the staff.

Here's me on my first day at Warped.

Here's Milo getting a wedgie from Carl from the sporting goods store.

Where did you take a picture of?

Where am I?

You don't work here.

I'm here just as much as anyone, and I bring in business.

I'm not the cute puppy in the pet store window.

Wait a minute. You took a picture of me sleeping?

And how did you get my senior prom picture?

I texted your mom. Sweet lady.

By the way, you could stand to call her more.

I think someone super famous just walked in.

Oh, my gosh. I'd recognize that backwards cap anywhere.

It's Kevin Smith.

He's everything I want to be. A writer, filmmaker, a comic book store owner.

He's basically a professional nerd.

Let's talk to him.

We cannot talk to him. Excuse me, can I talk to you?

Who's talking to us? What do we do?

Let's talk back.

Welcome to Warped.

Hi, Mr.

Smith.

We're huge fans. I have a framed photo of you in my room. Get out of here. How

weird. I have a framed photo of you in my room.

Really? No, of course not. We just met.

Good point, good point.

So, what brings you to town?

Kevin Smith?

Well, they're finally letting me direct an episode of Space Conflicts, man, so

that's why I'm in town. But I'm here specifically because as a proud

of a comic book store myself, I just had to lay eyes on Warp. This place is

legendary, even as far back as the East Coast.

Thanks! You're directing an episode of Space Conflicts? That's our favorite

franchise of all time.

We even visited the set. No!

destroyed it. Here's us getting thrown out by security.

That is so metal.

Listen, kids, maybe you can help me out with this. I came into the store looking

for a little inspiration for my next project.

Oh, what's it about?

Tell us. I'm great at keeping secrets. I've never told a soul that Milo still

sleeps in his parents' bed when there's a thunderstorm.

It's to protect.

Them. I haven't settled on the exact topic yet, but I think it's going to be

the area of werewolves. So I was hoping to find some inspiration from something

in here. So what do I owe you, kids?

It's on the house. It's the least we could do after everything you've given

Oh, the rich get richer. Thank you so much.

But we wouldn't say no to a photo. I wouldn't say no to a photo either. Come

let's do it.

You kids are adorable.

There you go. Well done. No, I'm just kidding. You meant selfie.

I understand. Here we go.

Well done. Look at that, kids. All right. Pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to

you. What a great story.

Comics forever.

What? What?

That's so cool. He's doing a werewolf movie.

My best friend Margo from back home once dated a werewolf. Well, actually, it

was just a coyote. She was convinced it was a werewolf. She took him to Winter

Formal, and he ended up dancing with her sister.

It was a whole thing.

But it was.

You know, I had a good idea for a werewolf movie back when I was in middle

school. We should dig it up and work it into a pitch for Kevin Smith's new

project. You know, he was barely older than us when he made his first movie.

Yeah, maybe he'll see a bit of himself in us and give us a shot.

I can see it now.

Kevin Smith Presents A Milo and Ruby Movie Based on some idea Milo had in

school.

My werewolf idea's in here somewhere.

Milo's middle school memories.

Super private. Do not open.

I'm serious.

This is not a joke.

Back away from the box.

I didn't want people to look in this box.

Hey, a campaign poster from when I ran for class president.

Vote for Milo. He's your guy -lo.

That's so cute. Did you win?

No. Shannon Kennedy promised no school Mondays, and everyone fell for it. That

was the only poster I could find that didn't have a mustache drawn on it.

They just got a new flavor.

Corn dog.

Sounds gross.

I can't wait to try it.

Yuck.

Maybe just need some mustard. You know, you can't have a corn dog without

mustard.

Look at me.

No.

Work.

We should all go on a gross grub crawl.

Yeah, we can go to every food place in the mall and order the most disgusting

thing on the menu. You too, Ann?

Sorry, as much as we would love to eat really disgusting food, we can't. We're

working on a new project.

Oh. Well, that's okay, because Darby and I are also busy working on an even

newer project.

We are?

Yes, these two aren't the only ones working on exciting stuff. Come on,

So, I'll just go... No, we're too busy.

Yeah, we'll get disgusting food.

Here it is. My werewolf movie idea.

I've got two words for you.

Werewolf dream. I love it already. Tell me more. I can't. I only wrote down the

two words.

But I remember it being about something like a werewolf who haunts your dreams

and then it comes to life.

That's great.

Kevin Smith is going to love this.

We'll work up a great presentation with poster boards, music, maybe a

performance element.

How are you at gymnastics?

Maybe we should start with characters and the plot?

Good idea.

Are you seriously already sketching up some werewolf designs?

Nope. Just doodling on your campaign poster.

don't know what they're missing. This peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich is

definitely disgusting.

Yeah, this egg salad soup is somehow hotter and colder than I thought it

be.

There you are. I've been waiting forever to order.

Oh, but didn't you see the sign? Take a slice and leave a dollar. I always put

this out when I leave. Yeah, but the pizza's cold.

I left a long time ago.

Should have gotten here earlier.

How do you still have a job?

It surprises me, too.

So how... Are you ever going to tell me about this project we're supposedly

working on? Oh, no, I was just bluffing. I didn't want Milo and Ruby to think we

have nothing going on.

Everyone knows you two have nothing going on.

Hey, we can come up with something.

Let's just think.

Well, that was exhausting. I got nothing.

Snack break!

Aw, Penny.

See, this is the problem with putting pizza in your pants. It's all the non

-pizza stuff that gets stuck on you.

Well, there's your idea.

Darby's great at designing clothes.

Harley's great at keeping food in his pants.

Pizza pants.

Pizza pants.

That's a great idea.

We can design pants to keep your pizza in.

You're welcome. I'll take half of the profit. Let me just drop the contract on

the back of this kid's menu.

Just as soon as I felt the difference between these two pictures.

These kids are here to see you.

Just say the word and I'll body slam them back to the dark ages. Roger, I

want you to body slam anybody, particularly the kids from Warped. I

kids. What's your face when the boy who sleeps with his parents from time to

time?

I told you we were very close.

What a surprise. What are you kids doing here?

We've been thinking about how you're looking for a new word. And we know we

the perfect idea.

Werewolf dream!

Wow, that's really cool.

We open on a full moon.

In the distance, the sound of a wolf howling.

Again?

Oh, hold that howl. I gotta go to set and deal with the fact that Tentacle Tim

here has not memorized his dialogue. I'm so sorry I didn't get to hear your

pitch.

Keep being creative, kids.

Warped! You!

It's very, very simple, man. The line is brr -gak, not brr -gook. Oh, that

worked for nothing.

Maybe not. We can leave our pitch here and he can read it later.

Now let's get going. I gotta get this theremin back to the rental place by

three, which is a bummer because I was just starting to get good.

No word from Kevin Smith.

I guess our werewolf dream will never be a werewolf reality.

I'm sure you have other middle school ideas we could pitch to other big shot

Hollywood directors.

Let's see what else is in this box of memories.

How about this?

Dear journal, got my second armpit hair today.

See? That's a movie right there.

Two armpit hairs having adventures together. Maybe a road trip.

Stop going through my journal.

No way.

You're not going to believe it.

Kevin Smith just announced his new project. It's called Dream Werewolf.

sounds like a good movie.

Yeah, it sounds like our good movie, Werewolf Dream.

Where's the By Milo and Ruby part?

It doesn't mention our names anywhere.

He's not giving us any credit.

Kevin Smith just stole our idea.

That no good thief.

Let's make sure we don't say a word to him about our armpit hair buddy comedy.

press conference tomorrow from the Space Conflict set to give more details about

Dream Werewolf. Yeah, which he stole from our idea, Werewolf Dream. I bet his

movie, Mallrats, was based on some idea he stole called Rat Malls.

He's just like Barbo from Space Conflicts. They're both no -good, lying,

backstabbing thieves.

Except Kevin Smith is not a slimy lizard alien.

We're gonna have to do something about this. About what?

Milo and I pitched a movie to Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith?

Ooh, that's great. Yeah, but he stole our idea.

Ooh, that's bad.

What you gonna do?

I guess we could talk to him. These idea stealers can't be reasoned with. I had

plenty of things stolen from me.

Remember fidget spinners?

Yeah. That was my idea.

Wilson's Whirly Whales.

Shark Week.

That was mine, too.

Wilson's Weaker Whales.

To be fair, they made that one better.

What did you do?

I sued, and I lost every time. So I never got any of that fidget spinner

Week money. I could have been really, really rich, but instead I'm just really

rich.

Great. Now I'm sad. I'm going to buy something I don't need.

We can't let Kevin Smith get away with stealing Werewolf Dream.

I know.

I'm not just going to sit here and take it. That's all I ever do.

Like when Shannon Kennedy stole the election, or when Carl from the sporting

goods store gave me that wedgie.

I looked up to Kevin Smith, and he let me down.

And now, he's going to pay.

Ooh, how does mild -mannered Milo get revenge on someone?

Strongly worded email.

Aggressive fist wagging.

Yeah, because I definitely was not thinking a strongly worded email.

Well, good.

Because this calls for some serious payback.

You're right.

And I know exactly how we're going to do the serious paybacking.

We're going to embarrass Kevin Smith on his live stream in front of the whole

world. Say goodbye to Mild -Mannered Milo. And say hello to Wild -Mannered

Versatile. And they keep your pizza at an optimal 150 degrees.

We're going to be rich.

The only catch is we have to make the pants before we can sell them. And

going to cost a lot of money.

Yeah, who do we know that has a lot of extra cash and spends it on ridiculous

things?

Everyone, say hello to Ponystar.

Wilson, why do you have a little horse?

I have a lot of extra cash, and I like to spend it on ridiculous things.

I think we found our potential investor.

Hey, Wilson, has this ever happened to you?

You're wearing your favorite pair of pants, and you reach into the pocket,

to pull out a lukewarm slice of pizza covered in glitter.

Then you are going to love pizza pants.

Pants that keep your pizza warm and keep you looking cool.

I'm intrigued.

You know, I'm a bit of an inventor myself, and I've been recently reminded

not as rich as I could be.

Let's cut to the chase.

We need money. You have money.

Can we have your money?

I'll give you enough money to make a sample pair of pizza pants, and if I

what I see, then yeah, I'm in.

So, how much do you need?

This should cover it.

Okay.

Let's embarrass Kevin Smith.

Well, I've rigged this podium to spray him with honey and blast him with the

crushed up corn chips. And then he'll look exactly like that thieving lizard

Larbo from Space Conflicts. Great plan, Milo. If he wants to behave like a

Larbo, we'll turn him into a Larbo.

All right, the podium's all ready to go.

Let's do a test run.

Oh, did Carl from the sporting goods store let you borrow that?

Nope. I just went in, threw a frisbee at Carl's head, and walked out with it.

Okay. Seems a little aggressive, but okay.

Hey, this is the new wild mannered Milo. I'm unpredictable.

You never know when I'm going to do something like this.

Yeah, I did that.

Now, it's test run time.

Take that, Kevin Smith.

I love where your head is at.

I just don't love where his head is at.

We've got to turn this thing down.

Do we?

I mean, it's hard to steal ideas without a head.

Hello, fellow crew members.

We're here at work, just like you.

I think they bought it. I told you, you should have asked like we belong here.

Now, you've got to set this in place before Kevin starts the press

Kevin Smith, prepare to be larboed.

Start the timer and find a spot to watch the payback.

All right, let's do this.

Hey, man, it's me, Kevin Smith, and I am proud to be here today to share with

you details about my forthcoming new project, Dream Werewolf.

Based on our idea, werewolf dream.

Based on the classic French novel from 1933.

Did he just say based on a French novel? From 1933.

Now, Dream Werewolf is a romantic comedy about a girl who falls in love with the

boy of her dreams who happens to be a werewolf.

This movie's not about a werewolf that haunts your dreams.

It's about a dreamy werewolf. A dreamy werewolf?

Sign me up.

That doesn't sound like ours at all. He didn't steal our idea.

Uh -oh.

We're about to honey and trip an innocent man.

And that's, of course, when I coined the phrase Bennifer. But enough about that.

Phase one of the Dream Werewolf Saga is going to include no less than four

movies, one podcast, and a coloring book for adults, man. Makes no sense, but

the studio made me do it, so... The timer's going to go off in five minutes.

have to stop it.

Maybe he won't talk for that long.

And kick back, because I plan on talking about this for well over five minutes,

so...

Why did I choose now to start standing up for myself?

I felt so betrayed, I wasn't thinking.

All I wanted to do was publicly embarrass my hero, and now I'm going to

embarrass my hero.

This is no time for another one of your silly emotional outbursts. When have I

ever had a silly emotional outburst? You're doing it right now!

Pull it together!

We've got to stop the honey from exploding onto Kevin Smith.

Wait, I think I can stop the timer remotely.

No, no, no, no, no!

The battery died.

This is why you should always carry a charger with you.

Oh, do you have a charger with you?

I don't.

We're going to have to disable it ourselves.

Hey, stop right there.

Uh, we belong here?

Well, uh, we can explain.

Oh, you're going to explain, all right?

Explain how you got this sweet job doing podium stuff.

Uh, my uncle owns the company.

Oh, I knew it.

Well, uh, put in a good word for you.

here you were wearing a fake mustache impersonating a podium technician is a

crime take him away security guard

Favorite top and topping.

Mmm. Fresh out of the pants.

Perfect for the girl on the go and the girl on the couch.

It's super cute any way you slice it.

Feeling saucy? Try our pizza overalls with our patented five -pocket self

-heating technology.

Your pie will stay piping hot all day long.

Your clothes are the oven. It's always dinner time.

I have to say, I'm impressed.

How many millions can I put you down for?

Is it getting hot in here? I feel like my legs are starting to burn. It's just

the lights keep shredding. We've almost got Wilson convinced.

Pizza pans are perfect for any occasion.

School, work, or blind dancing.

The cheese is running down my leg. Keep going.

No problem.

They're the hottest pants on the market.

Literally. So much hot cheese. I don't know where my body ends and where the

pizza begins.

Get your pizza pants today.

Look, it's something I love so much. It makes me so bad.

Oh, it's so hot.

It's going to my legs.

Yeah,

I'd rather not get burned by another bad deal or those pizza pants.

Come on, Pony Stark.

We're sorry we tricked you, but something bad is going to happen in 30

unless we get to Kevin. We've got to get to that podium.

The only place you're going is out of here. Come on.

There's a head on my head.

And that brings us to phase four. Let me tell you, phase four. Hey, what do you

want?

that backstabbing lizard alien from space conflicts.

Bobo. Kids, what is going on here? We thought you stole our idea for a

dream, so we rigged a podium to explode.

Oh.

Really, really sorry.

You know what? It's totally understandable.

When I was your age, I probably would have done something very similar.

Oh, really?

Not at all. You could have taken an eye out with one of them chips. What do you

think? Listen.

You're both very passionate and very creative. And those are the two keys

will unlock the doors to your entire future. You keep that up, that kind of

enthusiasm, I promise you, you're going to be where you want to be one day. You

understand?

Thanks, Kevin Smith. That really means a lot to me.

You know what?

I think I'll keep your picture on my wall.

You know what? Then I think I'll keep your picture on my wall.

Really? Still no.

Those were poor chips out of my ear.

I guess I got a little carried away.

There's got to be a Milo between mild -mannered Milo and wild -mannered Milo.

From now on, I'll try my hardest to be a medium -mannered Milo.

Hey, how did your big project turn out?

Um, we don't want to talk about it.

How about your project?

Um, we also don't want to talk about it.

Well, who wants to go for some disgusting food? I heard that new candy

some tuna fish lollipops.

It's disgusting.

Why? Let's go try some.

Hey, before you go, can you take a picture of me and Pony Stark for our

pics? He's having a really good main day.

Come on, get this picture.

Get that selfie.