Original subtitles

A peanut butter truck crashed into a jelly truck. It was crazy.

People were running over with loaves of bread and... Save the excuse. Boss is

out of town for the week. And besides, you were only 11 seconds late.

I know, but I haven't been working here that long and I want to make a good

impression. Okay, well, you can start by not tracking PB &J all over the floor.

Ooh.

Wait, never mind.

I have my lucky pen.

Couldn't have been me.

Why are you even wearing unlucky socks?

Because they're so cute.

Surprise!

What is all this?

Today is the one year anniversary of you setting the world record on hamster

hazard. We're celebrating!

By blasting me with spaghetti?

Darby said to get a spaghetti cannon.

No, Hurley, I said to get a confetti cannon.

Oh, yeah, that makes more sense.

Huh? I got spaghetti on me, too.

Here, my love, to commemorate this auspicious occasion, I made this for

All -time champion.

You might want to put it on now.

Wow, you have the highest score ever on Hamster Hazard?

Yep. Look it up.

And the best part is, the guy whose record I beat was Carl from the Sporting

Goods store.

We don't like Carl from the Sporting Goods store.

He sure is cute, though.

Looks just like Space Prince Mavax from L4's.

But yeah, we don't like Carl from the Sporting Goods store.

It says here that Milo only has the second highest score. And the new record

set this morning. Let me see that.

It was Carl.

From the sporting goods store. Well, maybe it was a different Carl from a

different sporting goods store. No, it's him.

Oh, I can't believe it. I fixed the shirt.

Now it says former all -time champion.

That was supposed to go up earlier.

Meatballs! You can't have spaghetti without meatballs.

I don't suppose you have a napkin cannon back there.

fair. Can you just let it go? No, I can't just let it go. I trained hard for

that record.

I mean your notebook.

Let it go.

I need to see the new scene you wrote so I can make some drawings for a graphic

novel. Oh, right.

And of all the people, Carl from the sporting goods store.

And on the anniversary of you setting the record.

I bet he did that on purpose.

He doesn't deserve it. Well, he did.

Video games are my thing, right? I don't go into Carl's Sporting Goods store and

kick sports balls into goal holes.

Is that what you think sports is?

Hey, Ren, how would you feel if I told your parents you're reading something

rated ages 12 and up?

What are you talking about?

Huh?

How did this get here?

You know, there's a song I sang to my best friend Margo back... Back home when

she lost the moose calling contest.

And when she lost the butter eating contest.

And when she lost the cactus sitting contest.

And when... Sounds like Margo loses a lot.

Oh, she does.

And this song always tears her up.

You're a loser.

For the rest of the day, we don't mention the words loser, hamster,

world, or record.

Hey, loser.

New hamster, hazard, world, record holder in the house.

Carl from the sporting goods store.

Loser alert.

I wanted to see if you heard the news about me crushing your score.

I see you have.

Nice shirt.

I am only wearing this shirt because my other shirt got spaghetti cannoned. It

was supposed to be confetti.

Whatever. Never mind. You are not going to have that record for long. Is that

so? Oh, it's so.

It's so.

So.

We're going to destroy your score.

Who are you? I'm Ruby, and I'm your worst nightmare.

You mess with Milo, you mess with me.

Congrats on setting the record.

Your record, which is going down. Yeah, way down. This weekend, right here in

Warped. This weekend?

not get too crazy. All it takes is one more point than what he got.

Want to make a wager?

Yeah. When your record gets broken, you have to dress like a big baby with

diapers and everything, and you have to stand outside with a sign that says, I'm

a big loser, baby.

Okay. And when my world record stands, Milo has to do the same thing.

We'll both do it. Me and Milo are a team.

It's a bet, suckers. Carl, out.

Wait.

Ruby happened.

You got it.

My thumbs have eyes.

Saturday is going to be monumental.

A ton of people will be watching the live stream.

Carl will be here.

I can take events.

And when you set the record, I went over 200 cookies.

And I'm talking real cookies.

Not those weird tofu cookies my parents have been making me eat.

And I am going to sell my latest invention.

You invented a pizza. Not just any pizza. It's the extreme energy pizza.

It's everything everyone loves about energy drinks.

But in a pizza.

This could be the thing that finally puts my name up there with food legends

like Patty Sheemeyer, the inventor of the stuffed crust.

It tastes like plastic.

That's because it is plastic.

I'm still working out the recipe. This is just a model of what the extreme

energy pizza is going to look like. Why didn't you just bring down a real pizza?

Great suggestion, guy who never invented anything.

What'd you do that for?

It's late. You've been practicing all day. You don't want to get burned out.

You're right.

Besides, it's not like practice is making me any better at this point.

Well, just in case, I want to give you my lucky pen.

Not to keep, to borrow.

You know, I had this in my pocket when I was in the National Spelling Bee.

You won the National Spelling Bee? No, I got eliminated pretty early.

But I found a dollar on the way home.

Hiring's tough, Ruby, but luck isn't real. And even if it was, I don't need

There's no way I'm not gonna set that record.

wouldn't have happened if you'd taken my lucky pen this also probably wouldn't

have happened if you

Well, I was at my locker and... What's up, everyone?

What happened?

How are you going to put hamster hazard?

Is that everyone?

Can I explain now?

What happened?

Ruby happened.

The doctor said I have to keep the bandages on for at least a week.

But if you don't set the record, I'll stand to lose over a thousand cookies.

A thousand cookies I don't have.

Let's not panic.

We can just post...

I can work on my extreme energy pizza some more.

I'm still struggling with the pizza to extreme energy ratio.

Yeah, I can just set the record in a couple weeks.

Well, invite Carl to have pizza with us and explain the situation.

And if Carl gives you a hard time, I can drop a pizza on him. You won't need to

drop a pizza on him. I'm sure he'll be okay with it.

No way.

Absolutely not. You forfeit. That means you officially lose.

Guess he's not okay with it.

And what's with the crown?

You like this?

It's a replica of the Space Princess crown from the Elf Wars comic.

Surely you must get told all the time you look like Space Prince Mavax.

I've never heard of that comic and never said I liked the crown.

That's fine.

I have lots of crowns.

Carl, this isn't fair.

I'm injured.

Don't care.

The deal was that the record would be broken and warped this weekend.

That's what we agreed upon.

Yeah. But we never said that it was Milo that had to break your record. The bet

was with both of us. So?

Your point?

I'll break the record.

Seriously? What, are you scared?

You should be. Because I'm going to destroy your record.

Fine. You can take his place. That loser wasn't going to break the record.

There's really no way you will.

One extra large pizza with... Hey!

You did that on purpose!

Honestly, I was going to, but then I decided not to, but then I actually

and dropped it on you accidentally for real.

Go figure.

I can't wait to watch you losers all lose on Saturday.

Okay, it's a date!

For everyone to see Ruby beat your record.

You got a pretty big mouth for someone who's never seen me play before.

Wow. I had no idea you were so good at Hamster Hazard. Actually, I've never

played it before.

What? Are you kidding?

Seriously? I just found all that stuff to mess with Carl's head.

Did you see the look on his face?

Can't you even look on my face?

Okay, we have 48 hours to turn Ruby into the greatest Hamster Hazard player

ever. That doesn't sound totally, completely, insanely impossible.

And don't forget, I have my lucky pen.

Sorry, I was just picturing you guys in diapers.

Don't you have a pizza to energize?

Technically, pizza energizes you.

Soon you'll see.

You'll all see.

You'll see.

So, what do all these buttons do?

No, no, eat the box. Eat it.

It's extreme!

A mental Mandalorian. Sorry.

How are you feeling, Ruby?

Excited. I couldn't even sleep last night. So I'm also feeling tired.

Excited and tired.

I guess it's hard to pick one. I go with tired.

Hey, Carl.

How do you like this crowd?

Which I just throw on.

Definitely didn't overthink it at all.

You got this, Ruby.

I know.

And I'm a lucky bit.

Okay, well, the pen's not going to help you, okay? But I'll be here to make sure

you don't make any dumb mistakes.

I'll need to coach you and offer you support.

Only if you need it.

I've got 2 ,384 cookies running on this.

Don't blow it.

Let's do this.

Who's ready to see Ruby beat Carl's high score?

Ready, set, break that record!

Take whatever you want. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, another bonus hamster! That makes ten!

Nervous, Carl?

She's got a long way to go.

Too close to the power cord there, amigo.

You think I would actually unplug the game and ruin Ruby's chances of beating

high score but make it look like an accident so you couldn't blame me for

anything?

Yes, that sounds exactly like something you would do.

No, this is a no Carl zone.

And last time I checked, you are a Carl.

Go, stand over there.

I'll keep my eyes on him to make sure he doesn't do anything sneaky.

Not so I can get a selfie with him modeling this cape and scepter.

this is going really well.

I know.

I'm selling tons of pizza.

And then Ruby.

Ruby? Hasn't sold a single slice.

Ruby's got the 30 bonus hamsters. I think she can actually set the record.

And then my legacy will be restored and Carl will be a loser baby.

All Ruby has to do is stay awake.

200 ,000 more points, and you still have 13 hamsters left.

12 hamsters left.

You're still looking good.

Ruby, wake up!

I just had the weirdest dream.

We were traveling to Kansas by kangaroo, and you were upset because someone

stole your bubblegum, but then we found it in your pouch. Oh, yeah.

And you were a kangaroo, too. And also, the president.

of your extreme energy pizza. Quick. I can't.

The pizza. It's all gone.

And now it looks like my success has sealed your fate as a failure.

Okay. So no pizza.

mind of the hamster be the hamster i love hamsters i love the little hamster

beds and the little hamster pillows and the little hamster tree

we're gonna store diapers no you're not because i'm here to save the day

i've been doing a lot of thinking these last few minutes my quest was never

about the pizza it's the stuff inside of the pizza that matters

This is the secret ingredient in my extreme energy juice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's really strong. I just need like one drop of that stuff in

each slice.

for you.

You're no space prince.

You're just an earth jerk.

I guess there's no way to finish the game now.

Wait, you're Lucky Pen.

I guess you're right.

There's nothing lucky about it.

Maybe there is.

It fits.

Play, play, hurry.

Now you only have one hamster left.

It's working.

There's a broccoli patch. Eat ten and you have...

you for getting the record i made you this shirt thanks and to

think that none of this would have happened if milo didn't hurt his fingers

hurt my fingers anybody besides me is gonna have the world's record i'm glad

it's you and all it took was a little bit of luck well luck wouldn't have made

difference if you didn't teach me the skills to get as far as i did aren't we

forgetting something

Invented extreme energy pizza. You all said I couldn't do it, but I did it.

No one said you couldn't do it, Hurley. We've been nothing but supportive.

Hey, everybody.

Is it okay if I keep my cookies here? My parents will make me throw them away if

they see them.

I can keep some in my belly.

How much longer do I have to be out there?

This is humiliating.

That's the point.

Kind of catchy.