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All language subtitles for Tommy Cooper 1978 s01e02 September 18, 1978

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,180 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Cooper! 2 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,860 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Just like that! 3 00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:48,660 Thank you. 4 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:51,960 Okay. 5 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,100 Thank you very much. 6 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,200 Thank you. 7 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,260 Thank you. Is the mic on? 8 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,700 So, anyway, what I'd like to do now, I'd like to show you this stuff. 9 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:07,200 Let me 10 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:13,960 fix it, yeah? 11 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,100 All right. 12 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,720 It's not my thought. 13 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,740 What's going on with the thing? Look, the idea of the trick is this, you see. 14 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,000 You get this red handkerchief or a red piece of paper like that. 15 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,360 See? And you tear it in half like that. Is that the idea? 16 00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:29,780 See? 17 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:36,900 So, uh, 18 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,980 what's gone wrong with the cream? 19 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,160 It should be that. 20 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:46,660 I should be now. 21 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,520 Can you see me all right? 22 00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:58,360 Oh, oh, oh, that's much better. 23 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,980 Oh, no, not yet. No, not yet. 24 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,020 Thank you very much. 25 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,440 Oh. 26 00:02:15,290 --> 00:02:16,290 Oh. 27 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:28,990 The very famous... 28 00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:13,750 Take it off. Take it off. 29 00:03:14,810 --> 00:03:15,810 Come on, take it off. 30 00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:26,610 Well, I'm done with that guy. I'm going to go to the doctor. 31 00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:28,610 Because you're not here. 32 00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:39,690 But I want you to meet now five wonderful Irish singers, lovely girls 33 00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:40,690 Ireland. 34 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,310 All the way from Ireland. 35 00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:50,150 Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand now to the Sisters Dewan. 36 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:15,800 You are the keeper. You are a reacher, so reach out. 37 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,079 Reach out and lead me. 38 00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:24,880 Guide me and keep me in the shelter of your caring stay. 39 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,320 I am a speaker. 40 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:38,360 You are the keeper. You are a leader. Won't you show me the 41 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,360 way? 42 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:53,660 That wants to be. 43 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,360 The way. 44 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,840 been calm and reposed. 45 00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:57,080 I'd like to introduce the next act. 46 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,040 It's a wonderful act you may have seen all over the world. 47 00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:18,900 They're a worldwide name. 48 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,560 Everybody knows this act. 49 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,320 Everybody knows it. 50 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,720 They travel all over the world. 51 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:38,439 What's the name? 52 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:42,520 I know that. 53 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,360 Your life's being had now. 54 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,240 Watch the watch. Watch, watch, watch, watch. 55 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,520 Watch the watch. I should sit up here. 56 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,380 Can you watch the watch from there? 57 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,160 Turn your head around so she can watch the watch. 58 00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:20,460 Turn your head around a bit more. 59 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,760 Watch the watch. 60 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,760 And now, she will slowly... 61 00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:37,300 rise slowly rise 62 00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:15,350 The very famous trick done by Ching -Ling Su many, many years ago is the 63 00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:17,270 trick of catching the bullet in the teeth. 64 00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:22,610 It's a very dangerous trick, and it takes a lot of courage. 65 00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:25,930 Or any other beer you'd like to mention. 66 00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:33,290 First of all, I would like to show you the gun. Show the gun, please. 67 00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:39,310 That was not that close. Don't, don't. 68 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:40,660 Close, close, close. 69 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:43,280 Close, close, close, close. 70 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,680 Do you know how I would do that? 71 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,080 That's not the gun, I want the rifle. 72 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:56,960 Oh look, a 73 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:57,960 stager. 74 00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:05,420 Get out of the rifle. 75 00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,590 I don't want a real one. 76 00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:33,770 Where's... Where's the plastic one we got? 77 00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:38,050 The plastic one we got from Woolworths. 78 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,510 Oh, I know it's better for the trip, but this fires real bullets. 79 00:13:46,370 --> 00:13:47,850 I mean, what am I going to do with this? 80 00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:50,490 What? 81 00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:52,990 That's very funny. 82 00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:01,710 Is there a marksman here that can help me in this trick? 83 00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:09,270 Never fear, I am here, Legionnaire Manuel, at your military service. 84 00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,170 What are we going to do, monsieur? 85 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,390 What are we going to do? First of all, get the rifle. The rifle. 86 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:21,870 The rifle. 87 00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:23,750 Monsieur. 88 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,350 Oh, there it is. Here's the gun. 89 00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:27,630 Merci. Merci. 90 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,960 It's, uh, it's working. It's quite safe. Well, it's quite safe. The only thing 91 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,100 about it is the safety catch is a bit faulty. 92 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,500 Faulty? Oh, monsieur, please do not say that word, faulty. I joined the legion 93 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:38,500 to forget that name. 94 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,640 This is not the toy plastic rifle we have here, sweet. Cordon bleu, it is a 95 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,640 gun. 96 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:52,900 Don't worry about it. 97 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,480 Aye. 98 00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:07,410 Because I'll tell you what, it's a very old rifle, a very old rifle, and it may 99 00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:09,410 not fire at all. Oh, good, monsieur. 100 00:15:10,190 --> 00:15:14,570 And if the gun does not fire, I shall just fix bullets and charge. 101 00:15:17,990 --> 00:15:21,430 Now, just to recap, ladies and gentlemen, I'll catch this bullet now 102 00:15:21,430 --> 00:15:22,430 teeth. 103 00:15:22,470 --> 00:15:26,330 And when I catch it between my teeth, I shall spit it out on this plate. 104 00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:33,460 Ready to shoot. 105 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,920 Ready, aim, fire. 106 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:49,040 What about the 107 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,040 bullet? 108 00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:09,700 Four glasses, one, two, three, four. 109 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:14,700 Plastic tray. 110 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,180 Four empty glasses. 111 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:20,900 What is that? 112 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:21,960 Put it there like that. 113 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,800 The idea of the water is to stop getting the eggs all over my suit. 114 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,960 Now place the tray on there like that. 115 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:52,660 You'll like this. 116 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,160 Now you will, you'll like this. 117 00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:12,140 Eggs in here. I know. 118 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,280 Madam, would you be so kind? 119 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:19,960 What's it like, love? 120 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,680 To pick any egg you like from there, sir. 121 00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:24,420 Madam. 122 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:28,940 Just point to an egg. 123 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,760 What's the matter with you? 124 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:35,420 Just point one. 125 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,500 I didn't want you to hear that one. 126 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:49,980 She pointed at the wrong egg. 127 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,240 Why did you point at that one? 128 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,340 She said that one, that one, that one, anyone, but that one there. 129 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,440 All right, to show you. 130 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:16,160 That what you pointed to as a genuine egg, I'll break it. 131 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,520 That's fair, isn't it? 132 00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:29,380 I can't break the rest, because otherwise I'll have no trick. 133 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,280 Now the idea of the trick is this. 134 00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:48,630 I placed one egg on top there, one egg on top there, and one egg on 135 00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:51,630 top there, and one egg on top there. 136 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,490 Now, the idea of the trick is this. 137 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,820 And the trick is this. On the count of three, I should go like that. 138 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,340 Like that. 139 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:57,960 And the tray would go down there, and the glasses would go over there. 140 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,060 And the eggs would go into the glasses. 141 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,220 I'd like to point out that you are in direct line of fire. 142 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:25,900 Like that. 143 00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:54,040 It's a very good trick. All the four eggs go into the four glasses. It's a 144 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,040 good trick. 145 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,680 I did this trick many, many years ago. 146 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,260 I'd like to give you a little word of warning. If one or two eggs do come out, 147 00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:14,340 don't catch them like that because it goes all over. 148 00:21:18,379 --> 00:21:20,400 Just catch them very slowly like that. 149 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:27,620 On the count of three, you go like that. 150 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,660 And the eggs will go into the glasses. 151 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:38,980 One, two. 152 00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:34,300 and songs of old and songs of new. 153 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:35,680 All right, Bob. 154 00:22:55,640 --> 00:23:00,840 We'll meet again Don't know where 155 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:08,220 Don't know when, but I know we'll meet again. 10572