Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Cooper.

Just like that.

I'm going to produce 2 ,000 ducks. Ducks.

In 20 seconds.

thank you

Who are you? I am the manager of this theatre.

Well, you've got a good job. We'll look after it.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm producing ducks.

You're producing ducks on my stage?

This is the new London Theatre, not Everdale Farm.

Now, get off the bus.

Get the duck expert and get him a punt. I certainly will.

Right. Is there a duck expert here?

Yes, sir.

Well... What are you doing here?

What are you doing?

Well... Right,

get that duck off.

Get that duck... But we don't have the stage clear of ducks in five minutes.

You're out of the sphere of air.

Well... Come on. Off, off, off, off. Get off.

Thank you.

Listen to that.

Thank you.

Ah.

Listen to that.

A citizen ovation.

A citizen ovation.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce my next guest artist.

The five Seagans sisters from Ireland.

And they don't need any introduction.

Because they already know each other.

So here they are now. A nice big welcome to the sisters.

Give me long

distance.

Long distance.

Give me hair.

One, two, three. Oh, operator.

Thank you.

Thank

you.

And every time she dialed it, she always got a call.

Operator. Operator. Information.

I'd like to do now for me.

I'd like to show you now a wonderful illusion, a wonderful trick.

The very famous...

The very famous magic kettle.

Now, from this kettle, I shall pour any drink you pour. Any drink you pour.

From this magic kettle.

and start raiding the head.

And he drinks towards the end.

What would you like, sir?

A beer?

Beer? Would you like a beer?

Right, here we are. A pint of beer.

Here we are, sir.

What would you like, sir? A beer?

Would you take that?

Gin and tonic. A gin and tonic. One gin and tonic, please. Right, gin and tonic

coming up. Just taste that. Make sure it's gin and... Whiskey.

Yes, a whiskey. Is it genuine? Is it genuine?

There you are, that lady down there.

A whiskey. A whiskey. Here we are. A scotch whiskey. Scotch whiskey.

One genuine scotch whiskey.

Mmm.

Lovely. Could we have a... I'll give you a little Welsh whiskey, darling.

It is Welsh whiskey. Look, it's got a leak in it.

Anything else you want? Yes, I want a packet of crisps.

A packet of... Well, before you have the packet of crisps, I'll tell you what I

want you to do. I want you to go and get changed.

What happened? For this wonderful big trick, wonderful big illusion.

What big illusion?

I'll tell you what it is.

This very big illusion is the very famous motorbike trick. Oh, ah.

Very dangerous. Would you go off, please, to get changed?

Yes. For this wonderful big illusion.

Oh, okay.

The motorbike.

Who wants the kettle?

What? Who wants the kettle? Somebody wants the kettle?

Right, alright then.

Who wants this kettle as a souvenir?

I'll take it off. I want the big ones, please. Sorry. Take it off.

OK.

Come on, then.

We'll get the big one now.

Ladies

and

gentlemen, now, this is where it comes to this wonderful big illusion.

A wonderful big trick where she will drive up, that ramp very slowly.

Quietly.

And when she gets inside this crate here, the crate will go slowly in the

Slowly in the air, and when I tap my hand, she will disappear.

If the wind is in the right direction.

Are you ready?

I'm ready!

Right. The very famous satisfied trick.

In there and disappear.

Right, ready?

He's coming down. Come on then.

Are you ready?

If you're ready, I'll break...

Now, this is what they call a talent trail.

Because the next gentleman who's going to come on, I have never seen.

But the producer said he was wonderful.

Because they've been searching all over the country.

This producer.

He's producing a show here tonight.

He's a nice fellow.

He nearly bought me a drink once.

But I'd like to now introduce you to this man.

He's a singer and he plays an instrument.

And he's, some people say he's a virtuoso.

But personally, I don't care what he does when he's not on the stage.

But here he is now, I don't know what he's like, lost behind to Bob Blackburn.

This is how they'll never stop. Clippity -clop, clippity -clippity, clippity

-clippity, clippity -clopping along.

You'll train.

Clippity -clopping down a mountain chain.

Soon they're going to reach the top. Clippity -clop, clippity -clippity,

clippity -clippity, clippity -clopping along.

There's a plot that's worth a fight for a minor in Corona.

A guitar for a cowboy way out in Arizona.

That's right, the Cali call for pretty Navajo.

Get along.

Get along.

You will see.

Liberty shopping through the wind and the rain.

Seems to tell they'll never die. Clippity cloppity clippity clippity

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I'm just a born actor, all right?

I want someone here now just to think of any car. What do you think of a car,

sir?

Any car you like in the back.

Don't tell me. Let me thought of one, sir.

The gentleman there has just thought of a car.

Put your place in there, sir.

Take your children's cards from that pack, sir.

They may have seen a duck do that before.

But be fair.

What was your answer?

I'll put three different cards here on

there like that.

different goal, honey.

Close the lid like that.

Then you get three cards like this. Look.

Three cards. There's the clubs.

All right.

I turn the ace of clubs over.

I go like that.

And there's the queen there right there.

After the eight.

And I tell you what, I don't know what language it is, do you?

I turn the ace of hearts over.

And I go, one, two, three, and the ace of hearts is gone.

So the ice is fine, I'm gone.

I mean, yeah.

to sing some songs old and new.

Songs which you may have heard before, songs which you may have never heard

before.

And songs which you never heard before will do now because you may have never

heard them before.

I don't want to talk about it.

You must remember this.

A kiss is still a kiss.

That's how... is just as fine.

There are funny little things in life as time goes by.

I went to love and woo.

They still say I love you.

I bet you can rely.