All language subtitles for The escape artist (1982)

Yes,

may I help you?

I'd like to see the city editor, please.

Is it about a job?

No, I have a story for him.

What about?

I'd like to tell it myself.

What you got?

I'd like to issue a formal challenge to
the police department.

Yeah? I'd like to be locked up in a
solitary cell, chained and handcuffed,

guard.

And I'll set myself free within an hour.

I haven't heard of an escape artist
since before the days of flagpole

Okay, let me see the soldier's feet.

And the other one.

Scully, here's my cuff, son.

Open your mouth.

Now stick out your tongues.

Lift it up.

Shove your teeth.

When was the last time someone broke out
of here?

Never.

Nervous, Danny?

All right, get inside.

Have you got some leg iron for change?

At least some more handcuffs then.

For Christ's sake. Okay, Scully. Put on
the leg irons.

And double cuff him.

Got any other hot ideas?

You want him strung upside down?

All right.

Now this is a phone cell.

Double lock.

Like an old maid's back door.

All right.

Is everybody out?

The deal is he's totally alone, Fritz.

One hour.

I know this all seems like a publicity
stunt, and you're probably wondering how

I got all these people to lock me up
like this.

But you see, my father was Harry
Masters, the greatest escape artist in

world after Houdini.

He could open any lock without a key.

disappear and reappear.

I guess when you're really good at
escapes, you figure you can get away

anything.

They say he became a crook and died
trying to escape from this jail.

But you can't believe anything they say
because this whole town's corrupt.

And the mayor of this town is a crook.

I know because I got mixed up with his
crazy son, Stu, and I'm going to help

out of a jam by breaking out of jail.

And... Wait a minute.

I better start this at the part where I
escape from my grandmothers.

My whole family keeps trying to get
away.

After my father died, my mom ran away
from home, leaving me here stuck at my

grandmother's. But I'm getting out of
here to go join my aunt and uncle's

act. At least it'll be a start.

Then I'm ready for the big time.

All I need is a chance.

Gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen.

Uh, green pill bar.

That is correct.

Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever been
separated from a close friend in a

crowded room?

Say, man, what's out of your mind?

I'm a plant.

You a houseplant man?

Or are you good outdoors too?

It's time to go home.

Theon, 1 -7 -1 -0 -8 -0.

Red and white.

The left hand up the drawer.

The first cousins.

Hello, Danny.

Danny.

Danny.

Ladies and gentlemen, these spirit
messages come through once in a while by

of the TV antenna.

In her head.

And now, getting back to reality.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a small
card on every table.

Now, we'd like for one person at each
table... My aunt really could read

But when she did, it messed up the
mental act and pissed off Uncle Burke.

Now, if you don't have pencils, the way
to do... Where are we going later?

You're going in Jack's Chevy.

And you wish you hadn't.

Now, cut it out, honey. Just hold on. I
don't like to see girls go wrong.

We all hate to see girls go wrong. Well,
she's good. She doesn't have to... Shut

up!

Now, let's leave the fortune -telling to
honest people.

Well, I heard those answers coming
yesterday, and right now I can hear

tomorrow's. So, who needs it?

You see, my wife's mind is a delicate
instrument.

And like all fine instruments, it needs
adjustment from time to time.

Yes.

Trying to keep her under wraps for
years.

Now, would you like to say a polite
goodnight to the audience?

Goodnight, dear.

Though some people will be shocked by my
wife's...

Natural appearance.

But after tonight's performance, I don't
think anyone will be particularly

surprised.

How are you doing?

Aren't you Aunt Louise?

I used to be Louise Thompson.

The amazing simple.

Where'd you get that jacket? It makes
you look like one of the boys in the

How'd you like a wrap?

Well, things got a bit confusing at
first.

I'm so glad to see you. You know, you
really look like your father.

What were you trying to do out on that
stage? Honey, listen, it's Danny.

See, it really is Danny. Yes, I see
Danny.

How are you, Danny?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Sybil's okay.

I'll tell you something. Burke's a jerk,
and I frankly don't feel too related to

him.

Here, Uncle Burke.

Pick a card.

Okay, look at it.

Put it back.

You sure you saw it? I am sick of those
pick -a -card tricks.

Okay, then.

I'll show you a trick with six cards.

Three of them are black.

And three of them are red.

Black, red, black, red, black, and red.

When I turn them over, all the blacks
are together.

And so are the reds. Oh, that's swell.

That's oil and water. Everybody does
that trick.

Let me show you the eight -card
variation.

It's a lot harder with eight cards.

Red, black, red, black, red, black, red,

black.

Red, black.

You paying attention?

Red, black, red, black.

This side is red.

And so is this side.

And these are all... Black. No, these
are the four kings.

My stars, that was really wonderful.

You've really been doing your homework,
huh?

The world is full of guys that can pick
up a deck and put it down without

spilling it.

What's your next step, kid?

The next step's up.

I'm going up.

I came out of the sticks because this is
up.

Yeah.

But what's it up?

Just because you can do a couple of
tricks doesn't mean you got it made,

How do you know what else he can do? You
never heard of a child prodigy?

It doesn't take everybody a whole
lifetime to learn the tricks of the

know. I know what he's got in mind.

Kit, did anybody ever tell you about
your father?

He was an escape artist.

Yeah, a pretty good one, too.

But he always had to be up on everybody.

Harry was a wise guy.

Harry was a real man and a great artist,
and don't ever forget it.

What about the bright side?

Let's use him in the act, if we still
have him by the time he learns.

Hmm.

Is that what you want to do, kid?

Well, I'd be very good at it, and I'd do
anything you told me to.

Okay.

Now I'm going to tell you the truth.

You see, we can't even afford to let you
visit with us.

Not for long, anyway.

Here's the card you picked.

The old card in the wallet trick.

The old card in your wallet trick.

The wonderful way.

It's all there.

that one of these is going to end up in
a card game somewhere and try out some

of the amateurs.

How's that?

I don't know the magic word.

It's open sesame.

Open sesame.

Something for you? For your little
friend?

Well, see, you're fooling your friends.

If you have any, you're just fooling
yourself.

Do you write your own pattern?

You should ask me whether or not I fool
my relatives or strangers.

Well, how about relative strangers?

Them too.

You know, I'll bet you keep mine at toes
up at the debate society.

See, listen, I've got something here
that I think you just might be

in. Yeah.

Who did he use to do this one?

It's, uh, King Tut.

No, that's not quite what I had in mind.
So my father was Harry Masters.

Yes.

Listen, you know anybody in town who can
rip a bass or deal a good second?

Slow down, boy.

I haven't been in pots and pans very
much, but it wouldn't take me too long.

Say the magic word.

Say the magic word.

Let me handle it.

Watch how I serve the customers.

Well, now, wait a minute.

Say the magic word.

Open the front door.

Oh, God.

Don't let this guy know that I'm here.

He's nutty as a fruitcake.

No, sir.

It's open sesame.

Something for you, for your friends?

Where's the boss?

Hey, Stu, look at all this junk,
William.

Well, when the boss is in here, I'm the
boss. Maybe I can help you.

Yeah, I'd like some ice cubes with flies
in them.

Well, how many you want?

I'll take six dozen.

I got a check.

These things are all right. I'll put
them in my father's drinks. He'll go

Oh, Stu, he's such a jokester.

Yeah. These are great ones, the flies.

Do you have the beetles or the spiders?

How about some rubber racks?

Mr. Lee, we've got everything.

Do you seriously think I'm here to look
at insects in ice cubes?

I'm the humane society in this town.

I want to see you make some canaries
disappear.

We've gotten reports that you guys
killed those birds, and I want you to

otherwise.

What a surprise.

You know, Stu, your father told us that
if you came around, that we didn't have

to take it from you anymore.

He said, in fact, we don't even have to
talk to you anymore.

Now, he says if you give us any trouble,
that we're supposed to call the police

department.

You're not supposed to hold a rabbit by
the ears either, but did that ever stop

any of you guys from pulling them out of
hands?

Hey, Stu, let's pretend like I'm a
rabbit.

I want to know how you idiots make a
canary disappear, and I don't have 25

to figure it out.

Look, Stu.

Phone? I'm calling the police.

Sir, the magician switches the live bird
with the stuffed one. So why would

anybody want to kill the bird?

Ask a turkey on Thanksgiving.

Hey, Stu.

Slide it in here a second. I want to
show you a little trick.

Look, don't play with the illusions,
girlie.

In fact... Don't touch anything in the
store.

I'll be glad to demonstrate anything you
want.

You can tell this guy's been in and out
of the nut house.

You know who he is, don't you?

He's the mayor's son.

Stu, somebody's always saying stop.

Let's go drive past and get another
drink.

Okay, we'll go get a drink. Excuse me,
mister.

I don't normally deal with the walking
wounded, but if I may, let me show you

the signed card to all effects.

Who's this kid, for God's sakes? Pick a
card.

So, you're another prestidigitator.

Forget it.

Put it back.

Still, magic is boring.

Yeah.

You're a jerk.

Jerk? Don't you know any other good
words? Move with the times, boy.

Why don't you leave the kid alone and...

Just get out of here.

You want to know what you need?

You need to be educated.

I've had a lifetime of education, Pa.

Here.

I'll pass along one of my educations.

What does a steamboat do in the harbor?

Tie up.

What a jerk.

Why don't you go home now, Stu, and come
back sometime when you're in a

friendlier mood.

Don't come back. All right, I'm getting
out of here, okay?

Excuse me.

Well, we got a little Lord Fauntleroy
here, and the spectacle is disgusting.

I'd like to apologize.

I apologize for my remarks.

All right.

His Honor would like to speak to you.

It's about the wallet.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Sammy.

What's happening?

Well, where's my wallet?

Oh, yeah.

Sam told me about it.

Well, Sammy, he said you told him.

Is that right?

Yeah. Oh, well, maybe with somebody
else. I've been talking to a lot of

you know, how things get around. Nice to
see you, Dan.

Nice seeing you.

Look, let me try to explain to you what
happened here. You see, I put the wrong

money in that wallet by mistake, you
know. I'm safe.

It's not the spending kind.

Nothing that anybody would want to use
now.

Will it be?

Okay, I'd like a cup of coffee with a
side of milk and eggs, please.

I like them over easy. What about you?

That's the way I like them.

Okay.

A cup of milk, Charlie, and eggs over
easy.

Hocus Pocus, huh?

I work at the Toucan Club.

Oh, yeah?

I've heard about that place. What do you
do, sweep?

Sweep? Yeah, you sweep up?

No.

I'm putting together an act.

Aren't you a little young for that sort
of stuff?

I happen to be looking for an assistant.

Would you by any chance know any friends
you might be interested in?

Well, what about me?

I don't think I can handle that.

Maybe you can.

Ever seen one of these?

No.

Listen, my mother gave it to me.

Can you break a hundred?

No way.

You're crazy, you know that?

You know, after you get off work.

I know where they make popcorn.

And they got this great new invention.

They call it the movies.

Well, I work till about 10.

Come on by.

My name's Sandra.

Where's the wallet, kid?

It was just a joke. I mean, you know,
they were trick handcuffs. All you had

do was flip the little button.

Relax.

I got mad. You know, you punched me in
the nose.

It wasn't even a fair fight to begin
with.

Keep it quiet, kid.

We're going to have a little employment
insurance interview here, kid, now, and

I don't want to shock the neighbors.

What's going on?

Who sold that junk?

Who? The Fix and Watches. Hey, you
remember the time... Hey, Vernon.

Where is it?

Where's what?

I already got all my other stuff. What
else do you want?

You heisted my wallet. Now, while things
are pretty calm and reasonable, it

would be a good time to give it back.

You think this is funny, huh? You think
we're rehearsing a play here.

Huh?

I'll tell you how funny this is. It will
kill you. Ha, ha, ha.

You'll disappear like a canary and
there'll be a vacant seat in the glee

I don't know what you're referring to.
In plain language, I'll kill you.

Understand that?

Are you kidding, Stu?

Shut up.

My old man's a crook. That money is hot.

And if you try to spend any of it,
you're going to get a real -life close

technical review of enough FBI men to
start a big law firm.

What? Never mind.

Hey, that's the first I heard of that.

Vernon.

I'm talking to people one at a time
here, so let's not have any heckling.

I'm sorry you're in trouble.

Look.

It's not whether you win or lose.

It's how you play the game. And so far
you've been playing this like Chapter 8

of Bomb of the Jungle Boy.

I don't enjoy threats.

I don't enjoy hurting people.

Sometimes I wish I did, because it'd be
a cheap way to get kicks.

Yeah, well, if you try anything... You
think I'm kidding, do you?

Listen, I've been known to go berserk
for a lot less than this.

So quit playing dumb and give it back.

Okay?

Help!

I'm cutting out.

Come back here!

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Don't you ever try a stupid trick like
that.

Stupid, huh?

What if you had time to hide it
somewheres?

I was thinking. You thinking?

Look.

Now look.

I'm the kid, right?

Huh?

Right? They're tough guys.

You see, I'm getting shoved through,
right?

Now, I'm really worried as hell.

Now, I know.

I know that in two minutes, I'm going to
get frisked.

So what do I see?

That's pretty good.

It's not about evening's entertainment,
is it, kid?

Come in!

What the hell?

I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, but we can't
have any interruptions right now. Oh,

my. Hi there. You looking for Burke?

I heard somebody holler, so I brought
over a drink. That's usually it. The kid

just had a little trouble tripping over
himself, that's all.

What's going on? Leave the boy alone.

I bet he's got it on him.

Where is Vernon?

I know you've got to mind this, lady.
It's a little late in the day. By

midnight, you'd be down right in Paris.

I just bet I would.

Don't spend it all in one place, dunny
boy.

Hey, I know you. You're the mayor's son.

Shoo! Beat it!

Get out of here!

This is the last thing you want.

Hold on a minute. You should take

care of yourself.

I am taking care of myself.

Where'd you get that outfit?

My uncle let me borrow it in case I got
a job.

I thought you were coming by earlier.

I got held up by a business meeting.

I'll bet you it was funny business.

I could really use an assistant.

Start slow after I saw you in half. Saw
me in half?

That'll be the day.

Do you use a real saw?

Yeah, I want to show you something.

It's got to be really quiet. Is it okay
if we're in here? No,

but here we are.

Oh, my.

Wow.

This is all my father's stuff.

What do you do with all this stuff?

You use it in an act.

See, that's my father in the middle,
that's Uncle Buck on the side, and

Aunt Sybil on that side.

Danny.

You know,

my father died trying to escape.

How?

Well, they tried to keep it from me.

I guess they were afraid I might fall on
his footsteps.

He was the greatest escape artist in the
whole world.

After Houdini.

Hey, do I get to say ladies and
gentlemen?

Yeah, but not yet.

You know, escape is only good when it
looks dangerous.

Burke, it's Danny.

It really looks dangerous.

What the hell's going on?

Oh, my God.

Come on, Danny.

trying to escape.

Let's try doing something normal.

Like what?

Oh, stealing WCOs.

I don't know. Why don't you ask that
girl after the movies? She's a real cute

girl. You promised her, didn't you?

You know what we could do then? We could
go grocery shopping, and you and I

could argue about whether or not you'd
have crunchy peanut butter or smooth

peanut butter. Maybe you could forget to
make your bed, then I'd get mad at you.

You know, we could...

family, what do you say?

Brooke doesn't want to have anything to
do with me. Oh, don't be silly. He just

talks like that to everybody. It doesn't
mean anything. That's just his way.

Yeah, well, he hated my father, didn't
he?

Harriet just did things really good and
made people mad.

You know what you're doing is really
dangerous.

You could get hurt.

Did you ever tell my father that?

That he might die or even try to stop
him?

You could die, Danny.

I know you see things.

But if you just stop talking about them,
maybe they won't happen.

You know, Harry was the very best that
there ever was, and he died.

But I have to do the things my father
could do.

Oh.

If you promise me, you'll be really
careful.

I promise you.

I'll try not to see what's going to
happen.

Well, here we are.

Hey, where's Stu?

I thought you said Stu was going to be
here.

Oh, jeez.

Hey, he's in the restaurant.

Hey, look.

I'll settle for half.

No questions.

Half of nothing.

Thank you, Sonny.

We're having a banquet.

Grab a lobster.

I want a job.

I see.

Did you spend all the other money
already?

I told you the truth.

Well, what kind of a job do you think
you can do for me?

I can do anything.

I tried to drag them in here, Stu, but
he got the keys out of my pocket and

threw them away. I've been looking all
over the place.

What keys?

Not my keys?

Yeah.

You better find them.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself making my
friend look bad?

Perch him.

Right.

So what happened to the rest of the
honored guests?

Some people are a little slow in showing
up sometimes. You know, business, the

heat.

Just this kind of stuff.

Okay.

That's it.

What's this stuff?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

These are pick locks, aren't they?

Some of them.

You know how to use this stuff?

Yeah.

How

do

you feel about breaking the law?

Which law?

Well, like do one to others before they
can do it to you.

I'm not mad at anybody in particular.

How about city ordinances and federal
statutes and international embargoes?

I don't know what those are.

Well, okay, I'm going to put it in a
simpler way for you. How about don't

on the grass, don't shoot cows, don't
sink the Coast Guard, stuff like that?

I've stepped on the grass.

I see.

Does that mean you've got an open mind?

One end's open.

Well, you know when it's open I Really
like you kid

I do tell you what I'm gonna do We're
gonna go

downtown and see about this You see that
caddy out there

Go warm it up for me

What are we doing here, Stu?

All right, boy.

Everything you see is locked. I like to
lock up, and I don't like to keep too

many sets of keys around, which is a
mistake when all Vernon's on the job,

because now we have none.

But anyway, it's all yours.

If you can get through that one, you'll
find a set of files...

A locked desk and a war surplus safe.

And I think that John's locked too, just
in case somebody tries to crawl up the

drainpipe.

How much am I going to get paid?

How do I know what to pay you until I
know what you can do?

Open it.

Do we all go through our ocean pit
blocks all day?

Why don't you get some drinks, okay,
honey?

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Thanks. I can't open it that fast with a
key.

Aperitif?

What?

Can I clear the room?

Like two minutes.

You know, I always seem to talk my way
into something that I'll have to get

myself out of.

I think he's hired me to open the safe
in his father's office.

It's not quite what I had in mind.

You're under arrest.

Hi. Hi.

I thought I recognized your voice. Well,
I thought you did, too. I missed you at

the banquet today.

Oh, yeah. Something came up.

In case you didn't know it yet, your
father says nobody has to even listen

anymore.

This is our water commissioner, Freddie,
who's in charge of polluting everybody

when he's not on vacation.

I'd like you to meet Freddie Jones. He's
the best left -handed high school

quarterback this state's ever produced.

Pleased to meet you. Nice to meet you.

I'm trying to persuade him that our
little college would have a lot of

advantages. I'd definitely think about
it.

Give Harding a close look.

Those big state universities don't pay
as much as they used to. Yeah, that's

right. How much do you weigh?

98 pounds.

Well, he grew three inches this summer.
He's like a snake out there in the

gridiron. I see.

Smells like boulders in here.

There you go.

Hi. Hi, Stu.

Where's Sam?

You know where he is. He's in his
office.

Oh, Stu. Oh, no.

I'm not supposed to be in here. You know
that. Nobody is. Stu, stop. Stu.

If you do this, I'll have to call
upstairs.

Don't you know who this is? Don't you
read the back part of the papers? This

Freddie Jones, state president of 4 -H.

Well, that's nice.

I just wanted to show him where they
hide the bodies when they cool off.

Sam!

I heard you were in the building, baby.

Take a good look at this skid. It'll
scare the hell out of you.

I don't get scared anymore.

No, take a good look.

A completely honest kid. He's the one
who found my old man's wallet. We're

taking it in to return it.

Well, if you have that wallet, you
better turn it over. Now, wait a minute.

figure a 10 % reward would be good
enough to put a clean living kid like

through his first year of embalming
school.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Mind if I see the wallet?

Seeing is believing, eh, Sam?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

I don't believe you.

So get out of here.

It's back to the nuthouse, baby.

Oh, I like this.

Just keep your mouth shut and learn
something.

It's just a little confusing.

Well, you've got to expect a little
confusion, especially when you're

yourself. You make everybody mad at you.

Yeah, sure.

Listen, this place would melt down into
grease if I didn't. Why do you think

they use a lot of marble in city halls?

Because it doesn't absorb stink.

You don't have to clean it unless you
want to show off, and it keeps people

worried because it looks like a bank.

Uh -oh.

I see Sam brought the good news
upstairs.

We expect it.

No, not today.

By appointment only.

Have any trouble getting your motorcycle
in the elevator?

What the hell kind of duty are you
supposed to be on?

Just to go downstairs and out the front
door. Or I've got orders to cool you

off. Hey, I'm bringing the first double
-eagle scout in the whole goddamn

country, a local boy, to meet the mayor.
So what's the matter?

I don't know.

It's okay, Al. Let him do it.

Okay.

Place, sofas, antique clock.

And here, watch closely, the safe.

And there's the mayor himself.

Well, sonny, what's the latest, huh?

I brought along your successor, Fred
Jones.

He's going to be mayor on the J .C.'s
government day next week.

Commissioner told me that you were
touting some football player.

Football player?

Oh.

Which one of the George boys are you,
son?

The last one, sir.

Ah, well, that's good.

You stick to football.

See, Stuart here never played football.

And look at him.

Some people just don't like to play
ball, Dad.

Yeah.

And, uh, Sam, you know the city
treasurer?

He had the idea that you found my
wallet.

For God's sake, Sam needs a hearing aid.

Stuart.

Stuart.

Come here.

I want to talk to you.

Stu.

Come over here, sonny, will you?

I'll talk to you, huh?

You see, the way I...

You

know, sometimes you remind me of the
little boy.

Listen, the way I understand it...

This, uh, thing can cut everything off a
little short.

Matter of fact, you can cut it right
down to the knob.

So, uh, be a good boy and give it back,
huh?

I am a good boy, Dad. He's a good boy,
too. You're a bad boy.

Look, the wallet was on the table in my
room.

You were in the room. Now the wallet is
not there anymore, so where is it? Well,

maybe somebody put it in the washing
machine.

What do you think, kid?

Could you hold down the job? Keep the
citizens lined up with their hands going

in and out of their pockets at regular
intervals?

Do you like insulting me in front of
your friend?

Just stay down, Dad.

And give the party machinery a nice long
rest.

This is what?

That is the last straw.

That is the last straw.

Yes. Now.

Now? Yes, right now.

Now, you listen to me, Stuart.

You got something of mine, see?

So, I'm going to give you a chance to
rest.

And take it easy until you remember what
you did with it, huh?

Now, I don't want any reports, no report
sheets, no reporters, no nothing.

I'll call Fritz in a minute. He'll use
this elevator here.

What about the kid? I don't know about
the kid. Let Fritz find out about him.

I had your wallet, I'd never give it to
you.

I might give it to the FBI along with
the rest of my files.

That's so.

Well, let me tell you...

Something, Sonny.

Something. When little boys make up
stories, they have to be locked up in

rooms. Now get him out of here.

Get him out of here before I kill him!
If you work me over, I'm gonna... I'm

warning you!

I'm... I'm warning you. If anybody works

me over, I'm gonna really... You're
doing what?

I want both your mouths shut between
here and the jail or else.

He used to be my friend.

Shut up.

He used to cook Chinese food for me. I
said shut up.

Don't give me any trouble.

So that's when I got the idea to make
the challenge.

All I have to do is get out of jail,
make my way back to the mayor's office,

open his safe, and get away.

How would you say an escape artist is
different from just plain folks?

Well, he does what people wish they
could do. And if he can, he makes it

like he can.

Never tried to escape from anything
tough before?

Sure. How'd it make you feel?

Fine.

All right.

Everybody out.

The deal is he's totally alone, Fritz.

One hour.

Okay, back to get you in an hour, kid.

Closer across the hall.

Good luck.

You don't see me, do you, Scully?

No, Fritz.

Come out here now.

I have to do a lot of things I don't
like in this job.

I don't mind that so much.

Matter of fact, if old Matt would come
down...

I don't know what your connection is
with that, and I... If you ever know

anything about a bunch of $100 bills,
you better start talking.

I did a little checking.

I don't know what you've heard, but your
old man was a petty crook.

They didn't shoot him in here, you know.

He got as far as the kitchen, which
isn't bad for a country boy.

Why don't you even try to escape?

In a little while, I'll report if you're
back, take your picture, and write down

your comments and the virtues of
bragging.

Think about $100 bills.

You ever want me to go and try to bring
you out of here?

Oh, yeah, I got to try to get out.

reporters coming back in a few minutes

You'll be safe in here.

It'll be in all the papers.

Boy, they're gonna be surprised to find
you in here.

Did you find the wallet yet?

No, sir.

What about the kid? We got him locked
up.

Tell you what, Al. You tell Fritz to
send someone over to Stusser Farm and

for it.

Okay.

Do whatever you have to do to find it.

Good night, sir.

We'll take care of it. Good night. Get
on.

And now what am I holding up? A cycle,
Joe.

Seven of diamonds.

I want you to like to say a nice good
night to the audience.

Good night, everybody.

Now, my dear, shall we show them our
secret?

Yes.

I'm trying to keep her under wraps for
years.

Some people may be shocked by my wife's
real appearance.

That's a nice moment.

I don't think anyone would be
particularly surprised.

Danny, watch out for Stu.

Bye, Danny.

You put the wallet in the safe?

Uh -huh.

You really did it.

I don't know how you did it, but you did
it.

Look what your dad did to your
apartment.

I looked.

What's a couple of shiners between
friends?

I kept my eyes open and did more or less
exactly what you told me to.

I figure you owe me 80 bucks, whatever
time it is.

Did I tell you to call the cops?

Did I tell you to call the cops?

No, but who else was going to do it? The
Humane Society? Don't use my own jokes

on me, kid. No, it's bad manners.

It was just a game. I didn't want to
turn him in.

You did it for me, you little creep.

Now I won't give him his booze and
cigars and whipping boys.

You did it.

And I'm going to cut you up.

Yeah, well, you wanted to do it, but you
couldn't. Yeah, I wanted to do it. He's

my father.

You kill your father and I'll kill mine.

You're a good boy.

You've got talent.

And you did do some of the things that I
asked you to.

Potentially, you're a phenomenon.

Are you still my employee?

Are you?

I don't want to get sliced up.

I just get mad sometimes, you know?

I wasn't really going to hurt you. I
just wanted to scare you a little bit.

Yeah, you managed that just fine.

Yeah.

Yeah, I sure did, didn't I?

Here.

Here's the money I owe you.

Now come on out and get a bonus.

I'm going to get my car and I'm going to
knock this box into the next precinct.

That's a federal offense.

You're a...

Hi. You're having a little trouble.

No.

You dropped something in there?

I just mailed a letter.

A letter?

That wasn't any letter.

To my mother.

You're having a little talk with
somebody, huh?

What's your number, officer? I don't
believe I've seen you before.

Be polite this time of the morning.

Because if you get wise, I'll shut that
other eye for you.

All right.

You're not going to believe this.

There's a kid in the box.

In here?

That's right.

Open it if you don't believe me.

You put a baby in there.

No, I didn't put a baby in there.

Danny. Hey, Danny, will you say
something?

Danny? I tell you, there's a kid in the
mailbox. He opened it and got in it, and

he's wanted by your goddamn chief of
detectives. You can't do that.

Don't you know who I... Don't you know
who I... Okay, ow!

All right, okay, all right.

Stay still.

Okay, I'm still, I'm still. Don't you
see I'm holding still?

What do you want to do that for?

Stay still.

Okay, okay.

Don't you read the papers? Keep up, for
God's sake. I'm famous for being the

wrong guy.

I tell you, there's a kid in the
mailbox.

In here? Yeah.

you