Original subtitles

- We're tiny. - We're toon-y.

ALL: We're all a little loony.

And in this cartoon-y We're invading your TV.

BOTH: We're comic dispensers.

We crack up all the censors.

ALL: On Tiny Toon Adventures Get a dose of comedy.

So here's Acme Acres It's a whole wide world apart.

Our home sweet home It stands alone.

A cartoon work of art.

The scripts were rejected Expect the unexpected.

ALL: On Tiny Toon Adventures It's about ta start.

PLUCKY: They're furry. They're funny.

BOTH: They're Babs and Buster Bunny.

ALL: Montana Max has money Elmyra is a pain.

BUSTER: Here's Hamton. - And Plucky.

BA BS: Dizzy Devil's yucky.

ALL: Furrba/Vs unlucky And Gaga is insane.

At Acme Looniversity We earn our Toon degree.

The teaching staff's been getting laughs Since 1933.

We're tiny We're toon-y.

We're all a little loony.

R's Tiny Toon Adventures Come and join the fun.

BOTH: And now our song is done.

DAFFY: I tell you. T.S.. It'll be a smash.

Honey, I Shrunk the Laundry. Starring Daffy Duck.

What do you say. Hm?

[G HU HTS]

Philistines.

BUGS: Aw, light of my life, I'd never take you for granted.

You're the only one 10! Me.

And I love you, my precious statuette.

Oh.

Eh. What's up. Docs?

Welcome to a special edition of Tiny Tour: Adventures.

Eh. When Warner Bros. Asked me to introduce this show. I said:

“For you guys, anything...

as long as I'm paid in advance.“

I don't accept checks.

[GASPS]

Thanks.

Ah, yes. Tiny Ton Adventures, a fine show.

It all began quite a while ago...

but I remember it as clearly as if it were a flashback.

BUGS: It was late one night at the Warner Bras. Studio.

I was just hanging around as usual...

while the artists were coming up with brilliant new TV ideas.

[SHOUTING] This is garbage! Garbage!

No one wants to see a show about some rich little brat named Monty.

You'd better come up with a hit show by 9 a.m. tomorrow. Kiddo...

(or it's the a): for us.

Now get to work!

[STAMMERS] Yes. Sir.

[SIGHS]

Aw. It's hopeless. I don't even know where to start.

BUGS: Can't go wrong with rabbits, doc.

Hmm. Rabbits.

[GIGGLES]

Golly. Gee whiz.

Aren't I just the cutest thing you ever saw?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I sure am.

I'll go to your house and I'll live forever and ever and ever...

and you'll never, ever, ever get tired of me.

And I'll go hippety-hop, hippety-hop light into your heart.

Ew. That thing will give people cavities.

CUTE BUNNY: I love everybody in all the world.

[MUFFLED] And I even love being rumpled and thrown away.

Maybe something a little more manly.

[YELLS]

Prepare to fly!

You insignificant slug!

[MUTTERING]

Hi-ya!

[SIZZLING]

[GHOWLS]

Never get him past the Parent-Teachers Association.

I'll split the difference.

[BOINGING]

Hey, nice shocks.

How about splash a color, pal?

[SPUTTERING]

Whoa. Who are you. Ted Turner?

Mm. Better.

Now. 10! The censors. How about some clothes?

[SPUTTERING]

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Ha. Ha.

Tutu tunny.

A star is drawn.

Say, how about drawing me a best friend?

A buddy, a conwpadre, someone I can talk to rabbit-to-rabbit.

A girl?

Welcome to the '90s.

Huh?

So how do I look?

- Well. You... - And what about my voice?

Well. It's. Ahh...

[AS GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH] Is it a good voice or a bad voice?

[AS DOLLY PARTON] I'm busting out all over.

Yeehaw!

[AS JESSICA RABBIT] OI maybe a bit more bunny heat.

So which voice do you like?

I like them all. How do you do that?

It's a gill thing.

So. What's your name?

BUSTER: Good question.

Hey. What are our names?

I'm Buster Bunny.

And I'm Babs Bunny.

BOTH: No relation.

[KISSING]

When they start jumping 0H the paper and kissing you...

it's time to call it quits.

BABS: Hey. What the...? ANIMATOR: Who was I kidding. Anyway?

I could never come up with a cartoon show by tomorrow morning.

That pool guy is throwing his career away.

Not to mention ours. Requesting clearance 10! Landing.

Roger. Rabbit.

You've got the wrong bunny.

Dam. I'm 14 and I already have wrinkles.

BUSTER: He just doesn't know star potential when he sees it.

Who does?

We do.

We'll create the show ourselves lo! Everyone who loves toons.

For the little guys. 10! The big guys...

to| the strange medium guys with bad haircuts.

I like this kid. He's got moxie.

But. Buster, it takes dozens of highly paid network executives...

years to come up with a TV show.

Which means it should take us about as long as this next commercial bleak.

Exactly.

BUGS: Eh, Warner Bras. Needed a hit series by 9 a.m.

And the fate of the project rested in the hands...

oi two hard-working and brilliant young rabbits.

[BA BS SINGING NO NSENSE]

I'm Eraser-Head.

[LAUGHS]

[BA BS SINGING NO NSENSE]

I've made up a list of everything needed for a hit show.

BABS: Let's do Tiny Toons instead.

Right. We need appealing stars.

BOTH: Done.

Also. We need an exciting locale. Wacky-but-lovable neighbors...

malchenemies and stories.

Okay. What's our location?

[SCISSORS SNIPPING]

Feast your eyes. Babsy.

BABS: So. What do you call it. Rembrandt?

BUSTER: Green Acres.

BABS: Get current.

BUSTER: Okay. Acme Acres.

What do we need next?

Wacky-but-lovable neighbors.

Last one in is eraser dust.

[BREAKS SQUEAL]

[BOTH THUD]

[READING] “Audition today.“

Well. Isn't that convenient?

[BUSTER GROANING]

Next.

All light. Baby. This is your audition. What do you do?

My name is Hamton J. Pig.

And I. Uh. Clean.

I react to characters Iunnier than I am and I have low sell-esteem.

Well. Every show needs a straight man.

You're in.

I'll get mY 5997199-

[G HU HTS]

Ick. Mud.

Next.

Hello. I'm Sweetie.

I can be the birdie who is always being chased by that mean old Funball.

[FURHBALL PUHRING]

Leave me alone, you nasty, vicious predator.

[FUHHBALL SCREECHES]

That's what this show needs. More heart.

You're in.

I'm only three-and-a-half minutes old.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Ah.

[SC HEEC HES]

Next victim.

Hey. Who ordered the Toiutti?

Not me.

I'm Gaga Dodo.

And I shall perform Hamlet's soliloquy.

[CLEARS THROAT]

To bees... [BUZZES]

Or not to be...

that is the question.

[LAUGHS]

BUSTER: We have just the place 10! You. Nut boy.

[THUD]

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

Wackyland. Home surreal home.

[SINGING GIBBERISH]

We need a few more characters.

Okay. You're all in.

[ACTORS CHEER]

Give actors a bleak and they'll walk all over you.

PLUCKY: Just a cotton-tailed minute.

You can't pull this show off without me.

I am Plucky Duck. My resume.

I'm a swashbuckler. H00. Ha. Ha!

Parry, thrust, dodge.

Superhero.

Up. Up and up some more.

A romantic lead.

Ah, you gorgeous hunk of duck.

Let me take you away from all this and back to my place.

And tunny duck extraordinaire.

So. What do you say. Huh? Hm? Hm. Huh?

Okay. —You ' re in.

Great! What's my role?

Musketeel? Romeo?

OI just king?

You're our sidekick.

Sidekick? No way.

I am no sidekick.

Hamton's a sidekick type!

He has all the earmarks of a sidekick.

I am a superstar.

A supeldupel nova star. That's what I am.

I'm exploding with talent.

Yeah. Next we need villains.

[G HU HTS]

[MONSTERS GROWLING]

[TEETH CHATTERING]

[CHUCKLES]

Hey. Babsy. Check out the leftovers.

[DIZZY YELLING GIBBERISH]

Come back. You spin-y, pulply puppy thing.

[GASPS]

Dizzy out of here.

[DIZZY YELLING GIBBERISH]

Elmyla just wants to hug you and squeeze you into itty-bitty pieces.

And then I'm gonna change your diaper all by myseli.

Eh, they'll be pushovers.

[MONTY YELLING]

Who are you?

I'm Montana Max.

That stupid animator promised me my very own show.

Where is that no-talent hack?

He went thataway.

L1 you hurry. You can catch him.

He can't do this to me. I'm rich.

I'll sue. He'll never work in this town again.

Archenemies. Check.

Now to write some stories.

How we doing. Hamton?

I took down every wold. Buster.

And each script is jam-packed with comedy.

BUSTER: Scripts. Done. We have a show. BABS: All right!

[CHUCKLES]

I'm staging a takeover and you rabbits are out of here.

Fore!

[BOTH SCHEAMING]

Welcome to The Montana Max Show...

where I'll be the only star.

Got any last words. Duck?

Help!

Oh. Peanuts. That brat stole our show.

Without those scripts. We're doomed.

Time was running out 10! Buster and Babs.

BUGS: And Acme Acres was in ruins.

[MONTY LAUGHING]

Send in the stunt duck.

Redlum. Iedlum. Iedlum.

BUGS: Buster and Babs were ready to throw in the towel.

[BELL RINGS]

So I decided to give them a bit of rabbit wisdom.

Oh. Pater. Oh. Mentor.

Oh, great unaffordable one.

Eh. You can call me Bugs.

Bugs. Monty stole our show and...

[WAILING] He stole our scripts.

Please. Please. Help us.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] This always works.

[WAILING] Please. Please. Please.

Well. Since you asked so nicely. Sure.

Now follow me and I'll learn you something.

Welcome to Acme Loonivelsity...

institute 0t higher learning and lower comedy.

Oh. I love the plush green carpet.

I've decided the sidekick role is workable.

What happened to you?

A steamlollel with Monty's name on it.

[SINGING] Our faculty is like no other': The Looney Tones of Ulfarner Bros.

Now will proudly demonstrate Tricks to help you animate.

There's wild takes.

Exploding cakes.

Anvil dropping.

Villain whopping Bad old pussy cat!

Imitations are a must If you're to gain a bad guy's trust.

Is that all?

[SINGING] Nu, there's classes Ducks will find appealing.

Like. For instance, spotlight stealing.

It's mine. It's mine. Hoo-hoo, what luck.

Gasp, my hero, Daffy Duck.

[SINGING] Even though you're kind of little I'll teach you how to spray your spittle.

Anyone got a chammy?

BOTH [SINGING]: Thank you, Bugs, from bath our hearts.

You'll he okay if you use your smarts.

So now my song is almost through.

Welcome, teens, to Acme Lou

[CUCKOOS]

You've got parsley and sage, but you're running out of "thyme."

We've only got five minutes to get our scripts back and save our show.

Eh, you'll be fine if you remember three things.

One, your adversaries have tapioca for brains.

[NERVOUS LAUGHTEH]

Two. Always eat your carrots.

And, uh, three, villains always fall for cheesy disguises.

[YELLING GIBBERISH]

Eh, I think you'll find Iillonty in the big mansion at the end of the woods.

Thanks. Bugs.

Good luck.

BABS: Buster. How are we gonna get in there?

Villains always fall for cheesy disguises.

[EVIL LAUGH]

Without these scripts. Those rabbits will never have a show.

DOORBELL: Money. - Huh?

Probably some Iazza-hazzing charity worker.

BUSTEH [AS YOSEMITE SAM]: Howdy. Son.

BABS [AS ELMER FUDD]: Greetings. Ha-ha-ha.

Wow. Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd.

My heroes.

BABS: I wish I cared.

Congratulations for getting rid of those varrnints.

How'd you do it? Did you flatten them like this?

[MOANS]

OI did you splay them like this?

[SPUTTERS]

Or did you do it like this? —How about this?

- And this? - A burrito is good.

And what about this?

[G HU HTS]

No. All I did was steal their scripts.

[BOTH OOH]

Wow. That's a great trick.

Really well-written.

- Well. We'll be seeing you. - Have a nice life.

Aah! Rabbits!

[BOTH YELLING]

[BOTH YELL]

[PANTING]

[SCHEAMING]

Let's get these scripts where they belong.

Buster and Babs did it in just the nick of time.

Now. What's this?

[READING] "Tiny Tour: Adventures '.7."

The network loves the entire concept.

You're a champion. Congratulations. My boy.

Here's that bonus.

Thanks. Guys. You saved my job.

If there's ever anything I can do for you...

I mean anything. Just name it.

Okay. Can you get us a created-by credit on the show?

Yeah. In your dreams. Pal.

[BOTH YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Eh. You know. I think they're learning.

BOTH: Aloha!

[ENGLISH SDH]