Original subtitles

( industrial sounds )

- LUKE: Previously on SurrealEstate.

- I'm afraid I broke my promise. - You're fired.

- SUSAN: So, I saw Megan the other day.

She told me you two were on the outs.

- You didn't even say stay! You said goodbye!

- I love you, Megan.

- You'd make up stories about the things

that Elvis told you.

- SEVEN: I'm going to give you more time, but remember:

if you inspire scornful laughter,

an eternity of agony awaits you.

( dramatic score ) ( groaning )

( silence )

- MALE (whispers): Luke.

( rain pattering ) ( distant thunder rumbling)

Luke. Come on, Luke.

Wakey-wakey. ( quiet eerie score )

- I don't want to.

- He turned off the TV over an hour ago.

He's asleep. Come on!

First, come here.

Come on, real close.

Come here.

( toy grumbles, sighs )

Nope. Still can't do it.

- Do what? - Jump into you.

Never mind. Come on. It's time.

- I don't want to do this to my dad.

- Luke, he made your mom leave home.

If he's out of the picture, she'll come back.

Don't you want your mother to come back?

- Yeah. - Then we have to do this.

Let's go.

( toy clears throat )

Aren't we forgetting something?

Hee-hee-hee. Come on, slugger.

( score intensifies )

Don't screw around, Luke.

Big shot to the head and then again.

Don't stop until you see blood.

Lots of blood.

Come on, huh.

Batter-batter-batter, swing!

Ow!

- Good job! Way to go, Luke!

Are you okay? ( grunts )

( groans )

( car engine revving )

- He's mad at us.

- Let him be mad.

*

( urgent percussive score )

( car door closes )

( score abates )

( crickets chirring )

( car door opens ) ( dad sighs )

( car door closes )

It's okay. He's gone now.

We're going home.

( opening theme piano intro plays )

( exciting opening theme )

( distant man screaming )

( theme fades out )

- LUKE: So I got a whole rundown on demonology from Phil, but...

( quiet tense score ) I should have seen it coming.

- Don't be silly. - How could you know?

- I should have known that he was--

- Your old childhood imaginary friend

who rose from a lake to take vengeance?

Come on, Roman, that's a bad horror movie.

- And yet...

- Phil said that Tyler had some kind of encounter with

a certain type of demon.

In original Hebrew, he was called Sedim Sachaq,

or the laughing demon.

- Tyler laughs a lot? - LUKE: No.

In fact, I laughed once at something he said,

he got all weird and defensive.

- So it doesn't like to be laughed at.

- No, it hates it. It can kill him.

- What does it want? - It wants chaos.

It wants to jump into good people

and make them do bad things.

- SUSAN: So, how do we stop it?

- We need to know its name. We have to call it out by name.

Otherwise, nothing else will work.

- I thought it was that Sadaam Dukakis thing?

- Demons have a binomial system of nomenclature, like plants.

The genus and the species.

We have a rough idea of the genus,

but we need to call him out by his real name - out loud.

Phil says there's a church here in town, St. Ignacius.

They might have the Book of Baphomet.

( score intensifies ) - What's that?

- They're like a regional roll call for active demons.

A lot of churches have them hidden in the basement.

It's a big secret. - Will they let you just

check it out? - No.

It is a little more complicated than that.

- I've made some enhancements to our MEE technology.

- He said a demon like this will eat your MEE beam for breakfast.

You'll have to extract it before anyone else can touch it

and you'll have to come up with something

a hell of a lot stronger if you're gonna wax it.

- My work is evidently cut out for me.

( score intensifies, abates )

- We have a showing in, like, 15 minutes.

- That's not all.

( quiet tense score ) ( sharp sigh )

I still haven't told you guys the bad part.

- Oh, this has been the good part?

- Phil says if we don't stop it right now, it branches out.

It bifurcates and spreads like a virus.

Right now he just wants me, but if he gets me,

he's going to go after all the people I care about.

The people I love. People in this room.

Then he goes after the people you love

and so on and so on.

( score intensifies )

- LOMAX: I hate the bad part.

( phone keypad clicking )

( phone line ringing )

- Zooey!

Yeah, no, yeah, I'm sorry. I know you're busy.

Listen, I need a favor. ( score fades out )

( bird calling loudly ) ( church bell pealing )

- MAN: Yes, I've heard of Mr. Orley.

He's the priest who turned gay at Easter a few years ago.

- Actually, he's the priest who announced he was gay

and leaving the church during an Easter service.

- Well, his timing was unfortunate.

- Come on. What's a better time to come out than Easter?

All those pastels.

- What is it you want, Miss...?

- I need to take a look at the runes in your basement,

snap a few pics, flip through that Book of Baphomet,

if it's available.

- Your Mr. Orley has been speaking out of school.

- You know that Mr. Orley works for the Vatican now, right?

- So? - Like, the Vatican.

Some serious juice for you, uh, monochromatic types.

- Our basement is unavailable to the public.

It's old, crumbling, dangerous. Our insurance simply will not--

- The fact of the matter is

Mr. Orley could get the cardinal's office

to call the archbishop who will call the bishop

and, eventually, we get down to you back-of-the-house types,

but we just don't have time for that.

So, if I can get into the basement for five minutes?

( quiet tense score ) - Absolutely not.

Good day, Miss...? - L'Enfant.

Remember it because I will be back.

( forces air through teeth ) ( heel clicks )

- NUN: Excuse me.

( nuns speak quietly )

( score grows louder )

( door clicks open, thuds closed )

( quiet chattering )

( shutter clicks )

- LUKE: Yeah, it's just down the street.

It's kind of become our staff's unofficial sofa fort.

So, I was wondering if-- ( score fades out )

Wow. How much? ( footsteps approaching )

All right, I'll give it some thought.

Yeah. Thanks, Frank. Uh-huh. Bye.

( phone clicks ) What'd you find out?

- No go. Priest decided to play

a little game with me called "dick in the diocese."

- Yeah, Phil said he'd be a problem.

He told me about his boss, too, the bishop.

Used to box with the Jesuits.

Likes to raise a glass or two and then looks for

somebody to fight with.

- A brawling bishop, huh?

- Phil thought it would be useful.

- Hm. ( phone buzzes repeatedly )

- I, uh, I'm sorry, Zoe, I gotta--

- Yep, sure, go ahead. - I'll catch up with you later?

- Bye.

- Megan, it's great to hear from--

( quiet tense score )

My mom?

Well, when did they bring her in?

( score crescendos, fades out )

- It's her heart. ( chatter, office sounds)

A friend found her in the living room unconscious.

Did you know she was taking ACE inhibitors?

- I, uh, no. I had no idea.

- Yeah. - Can I see her?

- We have her stabilized, but, uh...

Try not to get her worked up.

( indistinct PA announcement )

- Hey.

How you feeling?

( quiet tender score )

- Tired. ( sniffles )

- Okay, you need to rest now, okay?

- (inhales) It was him.

- Who was what? - The man.

He claimed to be a friend of yours.

Tyler something.

- Tyler MacNeil? - He was one of the voices.

From all those years ago.

He came to my house.

As soon as he pushed his way through my door,

I knew who he was.

What he was.

And he said all these horrible things about me

that he shouldn't have known.

And the awful part of was that I--

I couldn't disagree because he was right.

- No, he wasn't.

( score intensifies )

And he had no right to mess with our family.

Look at me.

We made our peace.

We are good.

You know how happy dad would be to know how good we are?

- Oh, Luke,

( sniffles ) be careful.

It's not the man.

It's what's inside him.

( loud motorcycle approaching ) ( eerie score )

( score abates )

- Get the door, please?

I didn't expect to see you here again.

( score fades out )

- I need a favor.

There's a, uh, certain piece of technology

we developed in spring of last year.

I believe we codenamed it the God Flosser.

- ( sighs) Augie,

I have 81 projects in the pipeline right now.

I can't recall every single one.

- I need it, Shell.

For a friend.

- Yeah. I wonder who that might be.

- In this one case, I think-- - In this one case.

That's what you said the last time.

Which apparently was a warmup for this time.

- I swear, this will nev-- - Just...

( quiet tender score )

don't.

- If it wasn't so important--

- Wasn't so important. A kid in an attic here,

a monster in the basement there, Luke in a graveyard wherever.

It'll always be something, won't it?

( heavy sigh )

( intercom beeps )

Jeffrey, bring me the file and the prototype

named the God Flosser.

Project number KVD dash 1-8-8-9.

Give it all to Mr. Ripley on his way out.

- Rochelle.

- We're finished, August.

I can respect you leaving ASDRA for your principles.

But you never really left, did you?

And now you're asking me to risk my job, my reputation.

Everything that I have worked for.

( score intensifies )

It's too much.

I'll come get my stuff,

preferably while you're not there.

( sighs )

( score fades out )

- Do you really think it'll work?

- From five yards away, they all look the same.

And, if anybody stops you,

just say you're helping the bishop.

- What's wrong with the bishop?

- He drinks too much and gets into fights.

- ( scoffs through nose ) Oh, I don't know.

Impersonating nuns, it just seems--

- Um, awesome?

- I was going to say sinful and really hard to do alone.

( footsteps approaching )

Lomax!

( mischievous score ) - What?

( score becomes more urgent )

We're going to Hell, we're going to Hell!

- We're doing this to stop a demon.

It's got to be a mitigating factor.

Come on.

*

- Do you think they know? I think they know.

- We look exactly like them. How would they know?

- I feel like I'm radiating Greek Orthodox.

( scoffs )

Oh! There's a staircase.

- MAN: Sister! - Shit! Cover me!

- Cover you?

- Sister? - Yes, Father.

- Could you give us a hand?

- Oh, I really need to-- - Just a few more boxes there.

- Oh. Okay.

( score intensifies )

*

( angelic choir vocalizing )

( rapid approaching footsteps )

( angelic choir vocalizing )

( sharp exhale )

( loud sneeze )

( score intensifies )

( score abates )

I really need to be going now, Father.

- What is so urgent?

- Well, the bishop had one of his bad nights.

- Oh, dear. - Yeah.

He was at that place that he goes.

- Hannigan's Tavern? Oh, dear God.

- And it was karaoke night. I know, right?

There was a booth full of Lutherans there and

( sucks teeth ) well, you know the Bishop.

When they start talking smack about the Ninety-five Theses.

- God help us.

- Yeah. That's why I'm here.

( score intensifies )

( groans loudly )

( engine revs suddenly, loudly )

- Shit! Shit! Shit!!!

Come on!

- LOMAX: Nope, nope, nope, nope, no. Hell, no!

- Anyway, I really need to go.

- By all means.

Tell the bishop he's in our prayers.

- You bet!

( exciting score )

Did you get it? - I have all of it. Come on!

( exciting score )

- Shit! Shit, shit!

( Tyler groans loudly )

( elevator bell dings ) ( doors rumble )

- Susan?

- Crash! What are you doing here?

- You kids don't mind me, I'm just gonna...

- I just stopped by to say hi. ( mischievous score )

But, listen, Susan, I kind of knew you had a secret,

but this wasn't a top six guess. - Oh!

- No, no, no, it's not what it looks like.

- I was raised Methodist but I'm sure we could work it out.

- No, no, no, please, um, come this way.

I'll try to explain.

( score ends )

- Okay.

- Crash, I know this looks really ridiculous,

but, um, you need to know that I am not a nun.

I'm just... - Second to nun?

( tender score )

( Crash moans softly )

Oh.

You know I had a dream like this in junior high.

- Mm.

( car approaching ) ( score fades out )

( quiet tense score )

( score intensifies )

- Luke. What a surprise.

- Afraid we've gotten a little crossways, Tyler.

Do you mind if we talk?

- Sure.

- Look, Tyler, I don't want to lose you as a client.

- You're goddamn right you don't.

*

- I can sell your house for top dollar

and I can get you into a place that you'll love.

That's what I do. - See, here's the thing, Luke.

Now, you've made it clear you don't want to

be in business with me.

So, why in the world should I be in business with you?

- Because we're friends, Tyler.

And that's what friends do.

Look, I'm having a little get together

on Saturday night with all my friends.

In fact,

I'd really like it if you were there.

- All your friends, together in one place.

( laughs drily ) I wouldn't miss that for the world.

- I'd invite my mom, but, well, she's in the hospital.

- Nothing serious, I hope.

- She'll be fine.

- I hope so.

Give her my best.

- I'll do that.

( score intensifies )

( score abates )

( mysterious score )

( Zooey inhales, sighs ) ( pen clicking )

Any luck?

- I've effectively managed to triple the output

of our legacy MEE technology.

- Enough to solve our little problem with Mr. MacNeil?

- If you can weaken him first, we have a chance.

- Okay.

( tense score )

( score fades out )

So I need you to talk me out of something.

You know the Tell-Tale Heart?

Bar right down the block.

- I know it well. - It just went up for sale.

And, well, thinking about buying it.

I know, It's dumb. It's middle-age crazy.

- It seems to me a move of a man who wants control

over a place that is meaningful to him.

- Well, that is way loftier than my middle-age-crazy theory,

but damn, I don't know.

I wonder.

Is real estate all I am?

- It's what you're very good at.

- I don't know.

The thought of owning a place

people just get together to have a good time.

Real people. - The ones still breathing?

- Yeah, them.

Just sounds good.

- Luke, I don't know what to tell you.

It's reckless. It's impulsive. It's impractical.

And I absolutely think... ( quiet score )

you should do it.

- You really aren't good at the whole

talking me out of this thing.

- To employ a sports metaphor,

perhaps it's time for a big swing.

- Yeah, it is.

And August?

I'm just getting warmed up.

( expansive dramatic score )

Hi.

- Here to see your mom?

- How is she? - The same.

Stable. We want to keep her around a while.

- So, what else is new?

- I broke up with Hunter.

- That's a shame.

- We wanted different things, so...

- You have the energy for a walk?

- Maybe a short one.

- Just feels like the last few years

I've been stuck in a holding pattern.

( score fades out ) It's like at the airport,

walking alongside the moving walkway,

hoofing it along at the same speed,

but everybody seems to be moving past you.

( leaves rustling )

- Well, agency's done well. ( Luke scoffs )

- That's not progress. It's stasis.

So I've decided I need to make a bold move.

Or two.

- Yeah?

- Well, first, I'm buying a bar.

- A bar?

Was a sports car not available?

- Buying the Heart.

- ( soft gasp ) The Tell-Tale Heart.

- There is something else I wanted to talk to you about.

( tender score )

About us.

- Us?

- I want us to be us again.

- I see.

- So, I put together an offer for you to consider.

- And given today's market conditions...

- LUKE: Club soda?

- It wouldn't do for the prospective buyer

to be potted in his own establishment.

- So, you heard.

( quiet acoustic guitar music )

You know, Lloyd, I've been coming here for a couple years

and I don't think we've ever really spoken.

So I thought, maybe since we're going to be, like,

working together, we should get to know each other.

I was looking at the bar's financials.

I didn't see a line item that included your salary.

How much do we pay you?

- Enough.

- Oh. Well, I only ask because a change in management is also

a great opportunity to make any other changes

that might be good, like hours, or more live music, or

local bands?

Anyhow, if you think of something, let me know.

By the way, I asked the current management

if I can close the place down for a private party

this Saturday night.

Sort of a celebration.

Make sure there's lots of champagne. The good stuff.

Should be fun. Lots of laughs.

Do you ever laugh, Lloyd?

Well, Saturday would be a great time to start.

( tense score ) ( footsteps clanking on metal )

( distant police siren wailing )

( dramatic booms, rumbling )

( thuds )

- You got the stuff?

- Money first.

( rustling )

- Oh, baby.

- You might want to be careful with that.

This hit so much as touches your skin

and you're dead as dinner theater.

- Science.

Oh,

by the way,

if you forget you ever saw me,

you won't have to worry about your kids finding

this stuff poured over their corn flakes one morning.

( acoustic guitar music )

( ice clinking )

- SUSAN: So everyone knows what's going on?

- LOMAX: They're excited!

Most of them have never been to an exorcism before.

I told them to be ready for anything,

and everyone laugh big at the toast.

- Anyone seen Zooey?

- She's still at the office looking for the name.

- Oh, that's right.

Is your death ray going to work without it?

- We can only hope.

( keypad clacking )

( phone buzzing repeatedly )

- Oh.

Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. - LUKE: Oh, come on.

Between a room full of people laughing and a jolt

from August's God Flosser, that demon,

whatever his name is, won't survive the night.

- Yeah, but Phil said that you're going to need a name.

- Oh, come on, I want you here for the speech.

We're just up the street. - Yeah.

I know where you guys are. I'm just going to keep

looking a little bit longer, okay?

( click )

( heavy sigh )

( indistinct chatter )

( tense score )

( Rita chuckles )

- Uh, excuse me for a second.

- Yeah.

- All good?

- Good enough.

- Has anybody seen our guest of honor lately?

- Oh dear.

- What if he got suspicious and left?

- LUKE: We gotta find him.

( score intensifies )

Saw you were talking to Tyler.

- Oh, get over it, Luke.

- No, where is he and where did he go?

- He's probably just gone to the little client's room.

( sighs )

- (whisper) What's your name, your name, your name, your name?

( score intensifies )

Nothing here.

( dramatic boom ) ( score intensifies )

Oops! Sorry, go ahead.

( score crossfades to acoustic guitar music )

( loud indistinct chattering )

- Ooh. - BOTH: Thank you.

- RITA: Mm-hm.

- LUKE: Everybody! ( chattering abates )

( tense score )

Just have your attention for just a second?

First of all I'd like to thank you all for joining me

in my latest manifestation of my midlife crisis.

( all laughing )

So, recently I've decided that I've been

a passive protagonist in my own life story for too long.

So...

I'm buying this bar. ( all gasp )

A place to get together with friends.

Old friends.

And new.

( tense dramatic score )

But that's not all.

I've asked Megan to marry me.

( guests react approvingly ) ( applause )

- RITA: Aw!

- So, please,

raise a glass to us,

our new place, and our new life.

- ALL: Cheers!

( glasses clinking )

- Thank you.

( tense score continues )

- Now,

here's to my oldest friend,

who, ironically,

is hiding

in my newest friend.

As a child, I knew him as Elvis the Elephant.

The most evil demon from Hell to ever be outsmarted

by a seven-year-old!

( forced and awkward laughter )

( dramatic boom, rumble ) - TYLER: No!

Wait!

( laughter intensifies )

- And I just found out

( high-pitched ringing )

that he tried to kill everyone in this room but

he even screwed that up.

( raucous laughter )

( Tyler groans )

So, ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass

to tonight's entertainment.

- Oh! - Since I didn't have

the budget to hire a proper clown

ladies and gentlemen,

Tyler MacNeil!

( tense score, raucous laughter continue )

- ZOOEY: Charismalech!

Charismalech!

His name is Charismalech.

( raucous laughter resumes )

( yells )

( whoosh ) ( crackling )

( yelling )

- TYLER: Oh my God! God!! ( pained yell )

( loud long guttural exhale )

( guest exclaims twice )

- WOMAN: Oh my god. Is he okay?

- CRASH: Hey, hey, hey. You okay?

- MEGAN: I'm a doctor. ( concerned chatter )

- MEGAN: Sir, are you okay? - CRASH: He's got a pulse.

He's breathing. - So, what did I miss?

- Well, Lomax, what really happened?

( mischievous score )

- LOMAX: So, when we couldn't find Tyler,

I thought I'd check the back. You know, just in case.

And sure enough, there he was

coming out of the kitchen, and I thought,

"What's he doing in the kitchen?"

The champagne flutes did not look right.

Then I saw Lurch. - Lloyd.

- Whatever. There was something

at the bottom of each of the glasses, and fingerprints

on all of them. Clearly, it had been

spiked with something nasty.

- I know death when I smell it.

- So we swapped out the glasses and we did the toast as planned.

But I gave Roman the heads-up because, uh, he's the boss.

- So Tyler MacNeil, like, the real Tyler MacNeil,

he's going to be okay, right?

- I don't know. Crash went with the paramedics.

- Thank you. ( tender emotional score )

Thank all of you.

And, uh, you were right.

We needed the name.

( Zooey purrs happily ) ( Lomax laughs )

- Yes, the devil is in the details.

( Zooey exhales loudly )

( door clatters )

( melancholy score )

( door hinges creak ) ( door clatters )

( August sighs ) ( score fades out )

( clock ticking faintly )

( phone clicks )

( keypad clacking )

( phone line ringing )

- This is Dr. Decker. You know what to do.

( voicemail beeps ) - Hello, Rochelle.

I was just at a, uh, work-related affair.

I'd hoped you might be here tonight.

Perhaps we can talk soon.

No rush.

We have all the time in the world.

( tap running )

( door creaks ) ( footsteps approaching )

Shell. I didn't realize you're here.

I just left you a--

( quiet emotional score )

I thought I had more time.

- Everyone does.

( score crescendos, abates )

( glass shatters )

( leaves rustling ) - LUKE: So, today,

( quiet tender score ) we say goodbye to a man

whose brilliance was never at odds with his compassion.

And we envy his daughters

for all the more years they got to spend with him.

We can only be grateful

for the kindness and the wisdom that he shared with us.

( score intensifies )

( Lomax gasps softly ) ( Susan inhales emotionally )

(crying) Goodbye, Augie.

( hand pads on coffin )

Sleep well.

- ZOOEY: Kindness in words creates confidence.

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.

Kindness in giving creates love.

Lao Tzu.

- Always do what you are afraid to do.

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

- Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.

Buddha.

- Bitterest tears shed over graves

are for words left unspoken,

( gasps sharply )

and deeds left undone.

Harriet Beecher Stowe. ( sharp inhale )

( Rochelle sobs )

- Other friends have flown before,

And on the morrow he will leave me,

As my Hopes have flown before

Quoth the Raven

"Nevermore."

Edgar Allan Poe.

( score intensifies )

- (whisper) Goodbye, Auggie.

- SUSAN: I can't believe he's gone.

- LUKE: I know.

What are we going to do now?

- We're going to be good.

No, we are going to be great.

( quiet tender score )

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hm.

See you guys.

- Yeah. - CRASH: See you guys.

( Megan sighs )

- You going to be okay?

- I'll meet you later? At the place with the thing.

- Hm.

- Love you. - Love you, too.

( tender emotional score )

Why don't you let me close up?

( glasses clinking )

Lloyd?

( score abates )

Thanks.

( angelic choir vocalizing )

Oh...

just don't.

Unfinished business is what we always look for, you and I.

And now there is nobody that I can think of

whose business is more finished than yours.

Godspeed, August.

I'm going to miss you.

( frame clatters ) ( score abates )

( score intensifies )

( light switch clicks ) - Luke?

- Am I crazy?

Or did I just want to hear your voice

so very badly that I-- - Luke.

Turn around.

( mysterious score )

( score intensifies )

( closing theme )

( theme fades out quickly ) ( doorbell chimes ring )

( projector rattling )

( inspirational fanfare )