Original subtitles

Oi, you! Don't fucking move! Oh!

SHE PANTS

Oi, stop!

Fuck!

Very disabled,

move, move!

SHE GRUNTS

Everything all right?

SQUELCH!

Fuck!

The man came in,

took one look at me,

and cut my benefits in half.

You've had ataxic cerebral palsy since birth? Yep.

Due to a complication -

whoop -

on the exit slide.

I didn't breathe for 17 minutes.

I really wouldn't recommend it.

How does your cerebral palsy affect you on a daily basis?

My speech... obviously,

and when I walk, I drag one foot behind...

You've ticked...

..."walking long distances brings you considerable pain."

You got here.

You don't seem to be in considerable pain.

Your words.

Well, no, not today, but...

TYPES KEYS "Not in pain."

Well, no, don't write that.

Moving on. Do you regularly soil yourself?

Oh, God.

BANGS DOOR

God.

Oh, God!

Mam, the lighter. Pass me the fucking lighter, Mam.

Oh, God!

Sorry!

Hey, hey, hey. You're, um...

Don't I, um...?

Didn't we shag in a Co-op storeroom?

I don't shop in Co-op.

Their sausage rolls

are not big enough.

Could've been in Asda. Hmm, Asda.

I think we went to school together.

Ewen Sheridan, right?

Fuck!

It's fucking you, man. Hey, fuck, it's Emily Dawkins!

Wait, I thought you'd died.

Oh, no.

That was that other disabled kid.

The other one. Wendy.

Hmm. Pot-ayto, pot-ayto.

I haven't seen you since...

The fires.

Nobody believed that sweet little Emily were involved.

I could get away with anything.

What are you here for?

An appeal. Hmm.

But I fucked it.

I told them I don't soil myself.

Yeah, you gotta play the system. Mam...

...do you soil yourself?

Yeah. Can you wipe your own arse?

No. Are you in pain?

SHE WINCES AND GROANS

HE LAUGHS

Just your regular Julie Dench over 'ere!

She's got that multiple scoliosis thing, right, but it's not that bad.

Sclerosis, you dumb fuck.

Scleros...

And what's up with you?

One foot -

half a size bigger than the other.

Look at 'em.

Bizarre.

And I do genuinely fucking shit myself, but...

...only when I'm completely fucking battered.

So, what do you do for a job, like?

I work for a charity.

We check if workplaces

have accessible loos.

And then we give them

a sticker if they do.

Oh, I love stickers, man.

So, do toilets pay well?

It's voluntary.

But Jo, our boss, she's amazing.

She'll start paying us soon.

We have an office in the back.

Is that where they keep the donkeys?

Yeah. It is.

Don't it stink?

Yeah. It does.

Look, it's a bit random, but if you need 50 squid

you could deliver this tomorrow at 10:00.

Flat 42, Gurnard House. I'm too busy to do it meself.

What's in it?

Kinky shit. I sell whips,

plugs, clamps, flashlights.

Are flashlights kinky?

Well, they are when you stick your cock in one.

Well, it feels a bit dodgy.

Right. Where is it? Suit yourself.

I'm saved under "fit boy from assessment centre".

Text me when you change your mind.

I won't.

You fucking will.

I won't!

Will. I won't!

Will!

I won't!

Fucking WILL!

I WON'T!

Will!

Mr Andrew Hadden?

My name's Hope and I work for a Bracklington-based

disability charity called Wee CU.

Is now a convenient time to speak?

When might be a convenient time to speak, Mr Andrew Hadden?

"Half past fuck off"?

That's disappointing. Just hang up.

Hello, Emily Dawkins.

No, I was speaking to Emily Dawkins, not you, Andrew Hadden.

May I ask you one final question?

Would you prefer disabled people simply shat in their wheelchairs?

No, genuinely, I'm interested.

I will be reporting you to the Charity Commission,

I hope you're aware... THUMPING

Oh.

The phone's broken

so I'm off to lunch.

Meal deal, Harry Clarke?

No!

HE GRUNTS Hurry up.

Oh, I signed for a parcel for Jo.

Oh, thanks. Um, make any phone calls?

Phone calls? Oh...

Who to?

Don't worry.

Enjoy your meal deal.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

SHE SNIFFS DEEPLY

Mmmm, Jo.

I got a notification about a parcel.

Hi, Jo!

A parcel?

No, nothing's here.

Um, if it comes,

I could come to yours,

drop it off,

cheeky glass of wine...

It's only lingerie. No rush.

Oh, cool.

Groovy. Yeah, yeah.

Listen, um...

...Emily.

Do you know why I started this charity?

You want every workplace

to be welcoming

and accessible to all disabled people.

Yeah. But, specifically, Soho Farmhouse.

Did you know they only have two disabled parking spaces

and, like, one accessible toilet?

No. We rang up

and, actually, they have, like...

Don't.

It's abhorrent, Emily.

Let's talk donations.

Yeah, you first,

and then I'll offer my two pence.

Have we had any donations?

Two pence.

And technically that was

bank interest.

Actually, I've been meaning

to talk to you about wages.

Well, listen, lovely,

I can't afford to endlessly pour money into this little thing.

Bring in those juicy donations, yeah?

Book assessments. And then,

perhaps we can go to Soho Farmhouse together.

Check out the toilets.

But if nothing improves by the end of the year,

we'll have to shut down.

Please, don't make me be that person.

DOMINOES SCATTER

RINGING TONE

MAN MUMBLES

What am I looking for?

What am I? What am I?

What am I? Oh, God!

What was that...

...pretty lady?

BUZZER

DISTANT SHOUTING

Ka-ga, ka-ga.

Ka-ga!

The bin. What?

The bin! The green bin.

What?

Don't keep saying "what".

Have you heard of bins? The bin. Go to the bin.

Oh, OK!

There we go.

Come on. Yeah, there's a white envelope.

Got it!

Thank you!

All right, all right.

Bye! Don't say bye!

Fuck me...

Rude.

Shit!

POLICE RADIO CHATTER

Fucking hell.

Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.

Big boy!

I always wondered.

You'll know this - you work with donkeys.

What kinda animal

is an uht?

Don't worry.

They're extinct now.

Right.

They're dead.

Never open the serious-looking ones. Just chuck it.

"Dear Miss Dawkins."

Why do they have to rub it in

that I'm single?

And ageing. You're past your prime.

"I'm writing to inform you

"that your appeal was...

"..unsuccessful."

Told you, mate. You shoulda dribbled. Even I dribble a bit.

"All money to be ceased immediately."

Fuck off and die.

Love from the DWP.

Did they actually write that?

So I lose the few quid they gave me, for what?

Cos I can walk to work

and touch the end of my nose

with my index finger?

That's not lingerie!

What do they want me to do?

Just stay stuck here

in this house,

shitting in an adult nappy

like a big fucking baby...?

What the fuck are you doing?!

Shit!

It was drugs?!

Of course it were drugs, man!

You seriously thought I were running an underground sex toy business?!

No.

My dad will be home soon.

Go, go!

Outside!

I'm a drug user, not a drug dealer.

Paracetamol, ibuprofen.

Sometimes both!

Listen, right, seeing you again, right,

has got me thinking.

The ideal drug mule

is a good ol' girl with an obvious disability!

So, vi-o-lah!

"Voila"?

Voi-olah!

Yeah?

You could pass off any powder as your meds or say,

"A nice man fucking gave 'em me," right,

and then start fucking screaming.

Play up your cerebral whatsit, right?

We can make shitloads of fuckin' money!

Here, smell it.

Smell it.

Yeah. Give it a good smell.

SHE RETCHES

You all right?

Onions?

Emily, love? Are you home?

Um... Oh, my God. Oh...!

VACUUM WHIRS

What's this, then?

I dropped a bag of...

Sugar. ..flour.

Flour? Yeah, I was baking

flap... A big cake. ..jacks.

Flapjacks don't use flour, man.

A lovely big flapjacky cake.

Oh, right. Yeah.

When's it ready?

We ate it. Yeah.

Before you cleaned up?

Oh, we were well 'ungry.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What?

Um, all right. Bye-bye, Mr Hawkins.

Yeah, see you later.

Bye, helpful boy!

No problem!

You should go, OK?

Listen, hold coin for a bit, yeah?

Yeah?

Think about it.

All right? OK.

Bye-bye!

Bye-bye.

I bet you'll keep that money.

I won't. You will. Won't.

Good day, Dad?

The best. I've got me front page for October.

A guy on the estate is stealing lead.

It's a lead about lead!

That joke will work written down.

OK...

Oh, hi!

Hiya. Hello!

Hello. Remember me?

It's parcel lady.

Yeah. No pressure,

but can we swap back our parcels?

It'd be great for my conscience...

Yeah. ..if we could.

Right. You want your packet back, yeah? Yes, please. Yeah?!

Yeah, you want me to sell it to ya? Yeah.

Yeah, will that be good? Yeah.

Are you fucking filming me or summat?

Are you fucking filming with your little camera? Excuse me.

With your little fucking camera? When's the last train to Ganstead?

What?! When's the last train to Ganstead?

I'm not a fucking timetable. When's the last train to fucking Ganstead?!

I'll fucking bounce you up and down. Move.

Give me that money. Give me this. Give me this...

Oh! Oh!

Crips help crips.

Hold me beer.

Oh, fucking... Oh! Jesus!

There. There's your fucking timetable...

DOG BARKS Hey! You lot!

You're fucked! Stay right there!

Well, it's not as if we're Usain Bolt

and fucking Paula Radcliffe, is it?

Don't touch that dog. DOG BARKS

Is that what you teach dogs to do now, is it, maul disabled people?

What are ya, Humberside Police or the fucking SS?

Just stay there, sir. I need to talk to...

We're a couple of poor cripples who get mugged in broad daylight

and now you're setting vicious dogs on us!

I want to speak to the young lady now, sir.

So SHUT UP!

Are you all right?

Can you tell me what's wrong?

I...

I can't help it.

Am I in trouble?

Of course not. Um...

Oh! Er...

Gotta go.

Um, did you want to file a report?

No.

Thank you, Mrs Policeman.

Did you really piss yourself?

Ta-da!

Waste of good beer, that.

SHE CHUCKLES

Thank you for beating the living shit

out of that man.

How can I ever repay ya?

Blowie?

Yeah, I probably

won't give you a blowie.

Worth a try.

How about a pint?

And that's why I had to have iodine

injected into my urethra.

I wouldn't recommend Belgium.

What's YOUR back story?

Oh, I used to tell people at school

that I was like this cos my dad was

Stephen Hawking.

Fancy a cocktail?

Do they do 'em in 'ere?

No, I'm fucking joking.

We're having a lager.

Two more, please, Dave.

Well, look who it is. Emily Dawkins.

About your money...

Did you bring a heavy?

Shush. He's on paleo.

He's trying.

Ewen, I lost the money you left me.

But I got some of the...

..drugs back.

No worries. You're not angry?

Nah, I'm happy.

Happy Ewen, that's what Nan calls me.

So he's not here to break my legs?

What would be the point?

Nah, this is Minibus Masir.

All right? I'm Masir.

He has a minibus.

Nice one.

When's the last train to Ganstead?

Oh, heel!

We're old friends.

Right, OK.

Well, if you need me, I'll be...

...shootin' pool.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

You, you brought a heavy?!

I did. One word,

and he'll tear your face right off.

POOL BALLS RATTLE

So, we do have a good laugh, don't we?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a good laugh, don't we?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. So, did ya think about what I said, yeah?

Yes. Yeah. It's a no.

Oh, come on, Em, right. You're perfect.

You're a lonely, boring,

single woman rapidly hurtling towards middle age.

Am I right, Masir? 100%.

You're invisible. You're nuffink!

You have a lovely way with words.

You're gonna come work with me, aren't ya?

Let me think about this properly.

The charity doesn't pay me.

Shit career prospects, tick.

And I'm stuck living with my dad.

No life, tick.

Er, sad dad, tick.

He looked quite well, by the way,

old Steve Hawkings. Yeah, talking normal again.

What would happen if I get caught?

If yous was caught, they'd just, like,

well, look at you, and they'd be, like...

Fuck it. Fine.

But just until I clear my debts.

Here's some more cocaine for you to deal.

Are you dealing cocaine on a Wednesday lunchtime, Emily Dawkins?

No.

Why would you think that?

Not again!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media