Original subtitles

CAMERA BEEPS AND CLICKS

Lennie is on to us.

Get me close enough.

I'll throw a punch.

Can't promise where it'll land... but he'll die.

We need to be smarter

than mindlessly murdering a man.

It's not what Mas would've wanted.

You make it sound like he's dead.

Well, his bladder's dead.

And it would be weird to say,

"It's not what Mas's bladder would've wanted".

I'm ready to kill.

With an 80-unit injection of insulin,

Lennie Kennedy will have a sudden glucose drop,

experiencing confusion before major seizures,

leading to overheating and his brain could die.

Oh...

Well, unless he's a type 2 diabetic...

Like Mas. ..in which case, it'll only make him stronger.

HE GROANS

I-I'm not diabetic.

Hiya, Mas. Get well soon etc.

I got you a little something

and I cooked your favourite doro wat.

With extra spice?

What do I look like, an amateur?

Oh, my God, that's it!

DOOR SLAMS OPEN

What's it?!

What? All this violence makes me hungry.

I've been running on watermelon vape fumes for two fuckin' days, man.

Move.

I'll take care of the Minibus guy.

You get the kid off to her exam.

If you want something killing properly,

you do it yourself.

Sit your arse down and don't move.

I have apologised for breaking your recorder, my darling.

I'm sure they'll have a spare one you can use, all right?

Enjoy your time with Uncle Mikey

and I'll be back before you can say...

Fucking move!

All right, come on. This way.

I know how we get Lennie - plant spice.

We prick the prick to death with a cactus?

No, we...

Drown him in curry. Face first in a big old vat.

Anyone asks, we claim he was a hungry boy and he slipped.

No, we...

We shoot him in his big, fat bastard face,

then plant a tree in commemoration,

then piss on it.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

We plant the spice on Lennie.

My bag is full of it.

And with the dirty money and Daphne.

Those were important medical notes.

I'll meet Lennie, begging forgiveness.

"My sincerest apologies

"for dealing drugs in your town."

That's perfectly OK.

I forgive you.

And thank you for being such a fabulous daughter-in-law.

Let's hug now.

But beneath the dirty money

is Daphne and a kilo of spice,

directly connecting Lennie

to the Brack's new supply line.

So, what's my job?

Harry can be my look-out...

I shall take this bag of suspicious money away now.

...and he can alert the police,

who will arrest Lennie...

Bye-bye.

SIREN APPROACHES

You're nicked, sunshine.

Bad luck, old boy.

...with the bag.

And then Ewen, Mas and Pat

will leave town for a bit

till the heat dies down.

We'll clear of drugs

and we can finally go legit.

All clear?

Wait, can you say that again?

Oh, this is the way out.

Emily? Not the way out!

Lennie's here!

Stunt man coming through!

Don't move.

Don't move.

Hiya, love. I'm looking for Masir Mason.

He came in last night.

Nice fella, stab wounds.

Fuck! The whiteboard!

Jojo Rabbit!

Daddy's acting weird again.

I think I've seen your girlfriend.

And nobody cares about my recorder exam!

WHISPERS: Right, let's go, man. Let's go.

Here.

Steady, Daddy. That's it. Steady.

Steady. It's all right, Daddy.

Why does every room look the bastard same?

Come on. Mate, are you doing all right?

Y'know, like, no bladder and that?

It's just, like...

...real life-changing shit, y'know?

I'll be all right.

I think we'll all have wee bags one day.

Yeah. Saves so much time.

Yeah.

TRICKLING

There you go.

I just went whilst making eye contact with you.

Right.

All right, come on, let's go.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Come on.

Ee-ee...

Ee aye, Ewen!

WOMAN SCREAMS

Push! Well done, you.

Push!

Ah, here they are. I called for you quite some time ago, doctors.

No, no, we're not...

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, my God. Is that thing the baby?

That's her anus.

She's doing a poo.

Why?

That can't be our Sean.

It's not me. My name's...

...Sean. Well, it is me.

We've not seen you in a while, love. Shall I pop t'kettle on?

Oi! Stop!

Fuuuuck!

Oh! Very disabled!

Move!

Ugh!

Argh!

Oooh...

Oh, mate, just move, yeah?

Fuck!

Emily?

Dad!

It's not my blood.

It's a stranger's...

Fucking stay there, you.

See ya later, bye! Oi, excuse me, pal.

WOMAN SCREAMS

We're too far gone for a section.

Oh, way too far, mate.

We are at the second stage, so maybe a ventouse is advisable?

Oh, yeah, right, me old friend vontiloo.

Yeah, nice and hot, like. Yeah.

Er, what?

Er, always gets things moving for me.

Did you just say "vontiloo"? What is that?

It's, erm... It's the same word, thing. Vonti.

It's the thing what you said.

A vacuum extraction?

You wanna suck the baby out that big, old gash?

Oh, God, I've messed up, haven't I?

WOMAN SCREAMS

What the fuck am I looking at now?

Doctor, you need to deliver this baby.

I'm... I'm sorry. I can't. I'm...

...I'm just not ready.

It's all right, it's all right, don't worry.

Mas, mate, shall we do this?

Er... Yeah, yeah.

I-I...I'm not nervous.

HE GRUNTS

TRICKLING

Right, hold me bap.

Hold it. Give it t'me.

Pump. Pump action.

THEY LAUGH

I'm sure I bought something like this off Kango.

He said that it'd help me with me... confidence issues.

He sold one to me too, man. Didn't fucking work!

Sorry about... I'm sorry about that.

You are so fucked, little lady.

I have a Daphne.

I mean, a gun.

I have a gun.

Is that gaffer tape?

Stop.

I'll shoot.

After you, fuckface.

Oh, no.

You have got some elephantine bollocks,

fucking about on my streets.

What are you doing?

Stop that.

My apologies for dealing drugs in your town.

I hate dealers like you.

You fuckers.

You spread misery like it was butter.

I have kept this town clean for years.

There are rules.

Clear, simple rules.

Why the fuck doesn't anybody get that?!

You're very welcome to buy my good, clean weed.

You're very welcome to snort my good, clean gak.

But if you want to huff some evil fucker's spice

or inject shitty heroin into your penis

so you end up with an infection, and the NHS amputate your leg,

and you face a life of begging, lying on the pavement drooling,

then fuck off to Hull!

Agreed.

Hull is shit.

Oh, God.

The baby looks distressed, doctor.

The baby's distressed? Come on!

I'm fucking distressed!

Get it out! Get it out!

SHE SCREAMS

FRRRRT!

SMALL FART

BABY CRIES That's it. I'm gonna vomit.

Don't you dare throw up

in that open woman, Ewen. KNOCK ON DOOR

Now, before I begin the procedure, would the patient please consent

to a group of student doctors witnessing...

Would you stop that?

Excuse me, do you work here?

No. I mean, yes.

Erm, I work here. Erm...

Yeah. Welcome.

Is this recorder for sale?

Erm... Yes.

Erm... It's 50p.

Erm... Let me put it in a case for you.

SHE MOUTHS

Daddy? Yes?

Why am I getting calls from my sister, saying she's been abandoned?

She has her exam in 20 minutes.

And what the hell's going on here?

Oh, here you are. Erm...

This is for you.

It's a new recorder, love, for your exam.

And this lovely bunny is for you.

And it's from me too.

It's a joint present.

From you? No, it isn't.

Gotta go. Bye. Bye!

Oh, no!

Byeeee!

Yeah, bye. Bye.

Well, just text me later, then, Em, yeah?

What?

Come on, come on!

Fuck it, man! Fuck it!

That door opens, yeah, you get in there and you look like

you fucking belong there, man!

I don't... I don't really think I'm up to delivering another baby today.

Oi, Sheridan! Come on.

You're mine.

All right, Mas. I've got ya, mate.

Hey-o, big fella!

That almost hit me.

Oh, God!

Argh!

Oh! Ohhh...

Welcome to the inner rectum.

Sanctum!

Sanctum.

Why are you covered in... in jam?

It's the blood of a stranger.

Why are YOU covered in jam?

Also the blood of a stranger.

SLAMMING

Open this fucking door!

We're fucked, man.

I will tear this slab of dead fucking tree

off its fucking hinges, you fuckers!

Er, excuse me, Mr Kennedy?

Boss, you all right?

I'll mash your skulls, you fuckheads!

He's Jack Nicholson-ing it.

Quick, quick, gimme Daphne, now.

He's got her.

Really? That slag gets about.

They won't even be able to find the little random bits of you,

you... dead... fuuuucks!

Boss! Boss!

Excuse me, sir. May I ask what you're doing?

Fuck off, piggy. Daddy's busy.

Boss!

Fuck off! You fuckhead bastards!

Police! Police! Open up!

Is that still...?

Full of money and spice?

Oh, yeah. Police! Open the door!

Then we're fucked, man. Open up!

You took the rap for me at school.

Now, it's my turn.

Fuck that, man.

Right. We both go, yeah?

Me and you, man. Both go.

Are you sure?

Yeah, man.

Yeah, man.

I think I'll do all right in prison.

I've always wanted to be someone's bitch.

At least you'll finally get laid, man.

SHE CHUCKLES

Ohhh...

Hey.

Fuck off.

SHE SIGHS

Fine. Let's go.

Step out slowly. Show us your hands.

SIRENS WAIL

A toast - to our heroic doctors.

Where would me and little Ewen Minibus Masir Thompson

be without you?

Cheers.

ALL: Cheers!

I ain't worn this suit since the day

you got stabbed nine times in t'bladder, man.

I've not worn this suit since last time I was in court

for double manslaughter.

Got away with it though, didn't I?

Funny times.

Here, have him, mate.

What? He got away with it!

Hello? Jo speaking.

I'll be right back.

So, have you two...?

You know...?

Have you fucked?

Oh, erm...

Ooh, er... Yeah.

Yeah, erm, loads.

Exhausting.

Babe, no. Mm-mm.

Sorry.

It's nonstop, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Erm...

No. Oh, mate.

You could be getting railroaded by a 60-year-old former dinner lady

called Tiny in t'prison bog right now.

I know.

What a shame.

Right.

Finish that, then get out.

Oh, you've finished.

Get out.

Thank you very much. Twat.

So, it's going well with you and Leo, then?

She's still annoyed cos of, y'know...

...the murder. What murder?

Murdered me bladder.

I was ready to go down with you, you know.

I still cannot believe we got away with it.

It's her! This is her fucking gun!

Down! He's got a gun!

No! It's my bag.

You?

You! Fucking hell, you're still going?!

And that's my bag, man, not hers!

Check that bag and search 'em.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Finally.

I'm sorry, Dad.

It's clear. Nothing on 'em.

What?!

Check the recorder case!

I should check the recorder case.

Gotcha.

Why am I getting calls from my sister, saying she's been abandoned?

She has her exam in 20 minutes.

And what the hell's going on here?

I should've known it was you.

See you in a decade. Take him away.

You're welcome.

You're amazing!

Can you see into t'future?

Do I ever learn to swim?

Do me and Mas ever make it to Moon/Mars?

Will I ever not be lonely?

Do dog shoes ever take off?

Will I die naked or in't pyjamas?

Actually, no, no, no, don't tell me, don't tell me.

I want it to be a surprise.

OK...

Er... Pints?

Hey, where's everyone's favourite mentally ill alcoholic?

Gandalf?

No, the other one.

Oh, Sean.

Oh, yeah.

Dunno.

Cheers.

Do you know what?

I could get used to this muck.

Well done, everyone.

We got out of the drugs game entirely healthy.

Other than the lost bladder.

Just like the sex worker/teacher

played by Tamzin Outhwaite in episode 748 of The Bill.

Cheers. ALL: Cheers!

Ya bastard grass!

Are we even?

Yep.

Pint? Thanks.

So, where were we?

"Hello, Ewen!"

No, Em! No more...

...drugs.

Crikey Moses!

Yes.

Bastards.

You'll make me miss my fucking yoga class tonight!

Let's go. Daddy'll be OK.

I believe you, Daddy.

You're my little chu-chi face

and I'll always be your teddy bear.

Now, go and destroy the cunts.

MUSIC STARTS AND STOPS

Guv, there's someone here to see you.

Hello, there.

This might be a slightly unusual request, but...

...I need you to arrest me daughter.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0