Original subtitles

It's been a long time since I last wrote,

but because of my shoulder...

I find it difficult to lift a pen.

So I record this cassette for you...

my son in America.

It will save you lots

on phone bills, too.

Right?

It is said that "Forzen Shoulder" is a sign of old age.

It'll last only one to two years.

Hope so!

Pa has retired from the Army and now he's acting strange.

Before he was a general in charge of thousands of troops,

but now he's at home commanding only me and old Chang,

and he's getting very cranky.

Maybe it's because I'm getting old

and he's getting older too.

And you're not getting any younger yourself.

When will you marry?

You know, Pa came from China to Taiwan by himself.

And you're his only precious son.

So don't be such a snob! Right?

Last week, we enrolled you

into Taipei's best singles club.

And they'll send you a computer form

for you to describe your ideal woman.

All their girls have impeccable backgrounds, COMMENT: ;

they are well-educated, well-brought up,

and they're elegant and very attractive

In past, you refused to marry with Mrs Quian's daughter,

come on, Son, please,

don't be so picky

As a great Chinese poet once said

"Nature is eternality"

"No need to worry"

What's that supposed to mean?

It means if you don't zen out,

you'll be murdered by your physical therapist

Simon, there's a call for you

Hello?

Here's a buck,

would you please stop for a minute?

Simon?

Yeah, where are you?

In the city Come and meet me,

I'll take you out to dinner

You still mad?

It's just we've been planning this trip for months,

all you to do is tell me

But I can't control when zoning boards meet

We'll get the time together, I promise

Just come home tonight and we'll talk that later

Sure I'll go by the Williamsburg building first,

be home by 7:00 PM

Wai-tung!

Wow! What a coincidence!

You live in Brooklyn?

No, in Manhattan

What are you up to?

Last time I saw you was before my operation

See? They put 33 different wires

but you can hardly notice,

only the skin graft

Sorry, but I'm late

Yeah, let's get together

Call me sometime

Get like the old days

You're eating too fast

I'm nervous

If they let me convert the Hudson building,

I'll make millions

If not,

we couldn't even afford a vacation in the Poconos

What's the point if you won't even take time off to have one?

Speaking of which

Steve and Andrew just got back from Belize

They hated the hotel

Was that the one we were going to stay in?

So I think it's great we didn't go

Look, Simon, I'm really sorry,

but I've made up my mind

I'm taking you to Paris in September

right after the zoning hearing

It'll be a birthday present

You're such a jerk

Hey, you homo!

What are you doing in this neighbourhood?

Don't joke about it You know the Welch's?

Check them out!

Cute

You and Wai want to go shoot some hoops later,

maybe around 2:00 PM?

Wai has to run to Williamsburg

to deal with some tenant stuff

I might be able to make it though

I'll call you

Just show up!

Alright, see you

See you

They're not off the sight by 10 or I'll get a ticket

Sorry boss

You sorry? Those tickets cost me 175 bucks

If I get another one, it'll come out of your salary!

Who is it?

The nasty landlord

This floor has been liberated

but since you're so handsome, you may come in

This can't be rent

Simon says these will be worth a lot some day

Simon isn't the landlord, and I don't know modern art

But you like me

It's my fate, I always fall for handsome gay men

Bullshit! Don't try to trade paintings for rent

What a racket!

It's to block the noise, so I can concentrate on painting

You like Taiwanese music?

Anything to block the noise

What's this painting called?

Heat!

And if you shut it off,

the whole building will have no hot water

Then don't touch it

Can't you fix it? It's so hot in here

How am I to live like this?

It's not a living space That's why the rent is so low

I've tried it for a year It's stuck

What's this?

My depression cuisine

You're really that poor?

No Just depressed

Immigration showed up at work yesterday,

luckily, I got there late

As usual

Yes, but they got Emily

If they get me, I'll be meeting Emily in Shanghai

Emily was my best friend here,

now I've lost my job and my friend

I'm sorry

You have no relatives here?

It is too kind of them to sponsor me,

I can't trouble them again

I'm not like you,

rich,

and with American citizenship

I'm not as rich as you think

All my money is stuck in here

Then thanks for the extra investment in my loft

Actually I kind of like this one

It's pretty good, and I'll take it as rent

and for the last two months also

Thank you, Wai-tung

Okay

When will you fix the sink?

Say hi to Simon

He's lucky to have a handsome and rich boyfriend

Ask him to get me one too, then I'll pay the rent

My perfect woman

What? Another one?

Isn't it expensive?

Yes, but how can I tell them to stop paying for them?

Why don't you just tell them?

Shit!

Really, Wai,

someday I'm just going to call your father, and tell him myself

I told mine

Look at yourself!

Your parents send you a form in the mail,

and you practically pee your pants

You know, you are an adult

in fact, almost middle-aged

Fuck you!

Let me check this out Education, right?

Yes

Well, she must have a Ph D

No, two Ph.Ds!

One in Physics

And she should be an opera singer!

And six feet tall!

Let's not go overboard, she's Chinese after all

Five foot nine

And she should speak five languages

Good

You're right

It's kind of stupid, all these lies

But I'm used to it

Hey, I got you a little present

Me? Why?

Shut up and open it

For the busy entrepreneur

Go ahead, try it

Hello?

Thanks

You're welcome

I love you

I love you, too

Yeah, but if I sell it to their corporation

and they re-appraise the building, it'll kill me at tax time

Fax this to Chow

Okay, I'll sign if you say so,

but if it costs me, it's coming out of your salary!

Boss, Miss Wei-Wei called

and complained about the heater

Heat? What heat?

It's June

Son,

you must be surprised to get another cassette so soon

I have good news

Your singles club is amazing

that they've found a near match for you

"She's 5'8" tall

and although she only has one doctorate degree

She is also an opera singer

so she can speak five languages

Dad and I are going to give you a surprise

We're flying her to New York, so you can meet her

Her name is Wu Ren Ren,

but everyone calls her Little Sister Mao

She'll fly to New York in about two weeks,

and will be staying with her cousin

Please pick her up at the airport Shit!

Son, after hearing that

aren't you excited? We are!

I'm exhausted Sorry to put you out

No Sister Mao, how's your dad, Mr Mao

I mean Mr Wu?

He's fine, thank you

You have your cousin's address?

Of course! I'm not a kid

I know

Sister Mao, your luggage is so heavy!

Why didn't you use cargo?

I did!

Half the stuff here is for you from your mother

Oh, I'm sorry

I'll buy you dinner tonight for that

So heavy!

Not really

Where's your car?

First time in America?

No I sang at the San Francisco Opera for two years

Ah Opera

Are you a fan?

Yes Pavarotti

Eh?

What?

Nothing

The service here is lousy

So, you've met my parents?

Only your mom

Your dad was still in the hospital

Hospital? When?

About two weeks ago He had a stroke

Didn't you know?

No, nobody told me

I'm sorry Me and my big mouth

your mom probably didn't want you to worry

No Thanks for letting me know

Your mom told me that

when they took him in the ambulance,

there was a huge traffic jam

He was in pain, really suffering,

she thought he was going to die

Lucky that he hung on

for one last wish

What wish?

To hold his grandchild

He'll be fine, don't worry

May I take your order?

Wei-Wei, you got a new job?

What's it to you?

This is Miss Wu Just arrived from Taipei

She's an opera singer

Wei-Wei is a squatter, a tenant of mine

I spoke to Simon on the phone

Simon? How's he doing?

How's he doing?

He likes the painting I gave you

He told me you had some family business to attend today

Is this it?

Does Simon know?

It's not what you think, please

You told me you're gay, and I believed you

Why didn't you just tell me I'm not your type?

Is there some kinds of problem here?

Poor Simon I pity him!

You crazy

Hey, wait!

Shit, why don't they quit AFTER dinner?

Why did you join the singles club?

I didn't, but my mom did it

Like you, I have a white boyfriend,

whom I have no guts to introduce to them

Really?

Where did you learn to sing?

Soochow University

You don't speak like a singer

One doesn't speak like one sings

Is that so?

Are you really an opera fan?

Not at all

Thought so What a pity

How many floors more?

You must forgive me I'm so ashamed

When Simon told me the story,

I wanted to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge

No, it's for me to apologize

You've been having so many troubles,

and all I do is pressure you for rent

Here I bought you an air conditioner

But the electricity costs

Out of work again,

I'm such a fool

always hoping you'll like me

Anyway, we'd like to invite you out to dinner

Okay It'll be my farewell dinner

Your what?

Really, I can't last any longer

No money, no job, no green card

no stupid American will marry me

What about Boris? I thought he's going to marry you

He was, but he wanted $5,000!

What?

What about Andrew? That guy you were seeing?

He wanted to marry me too,

but it turns out he's Albanian,

and doesn't have a green card himself

I'm such an idiot!

Hey

I said, forget about it

Don't you see? This way Wei-Wei can stay here and paint,

and you can finally get your parents off your back

Forget about it

She can move into the basement room

until the immigration exam

Take some photos, send them to your parents

That's perfect!

Forget it

Hey, as a married couple, you'll get a big tax break

Wai-tung's clothes Shirts, underwear

He wears jockeys but sleeps in boxers

Here are the gifts from his parents,

mega polyester, but he saves it religiously

The couch is his own little world

Here, piles of unread magazines

World Trade, Advocate, GQ, Fortune

He's such a disgusting yuppie

And, of course, the phone, which he hogs like a total pig

Extra pillows, cause he likes to drop off to sleep here,

sometimes I have to carry him up to bed

He showers in the morning unless he goes right to the gym

When he's bad mood or we've been fighting

No smoking, no drinking

unless we've been fighting or he's in bad mood

And no junk food

Unless he'll be fighting or he's in bad mood

On his right side?

The birthmark is on his right side, the mole is on his left

Do they get this personal?

They do, and if you don't pass

Oh, I'll pass!

Let's see, today's Friday

You're wearing blue shorts

Hello?

Ma? How are you?

Yes?

How's Pa?

You got my letter?

Like I've told you,

I've been dating Wei-Wei for two years

she's from the mainland

and we're decided to settle down together

I didn't tell because

I was afraid you wouldn't approve

What?

You're coming here?

The 15th? To arrange the wedding?

No of course I want you to do it

It's only once in a lifetime

Haven't I made myself clear in the letter?

With Pa's health, you shouldn't make such a long trip

Don't come What if

Pa, don't say that

Of course you'll see your grandchild,

I won't disappoint you

I was just concerned

Ma? Ma, talk to him

Tell him not to be so sensitive

Okay, I'll call tomorrow

Bye Talk to you tomorrow

Did you understand any of that?

Unfortunately, I think so

This was your big idea

For how long are they coming for?

Just a short visit

2 weeks!

Good night

God, I'm so nervous

Relax The in-laws want to meet even an ugly bride

How about an ugly son-in-law?

Here they come

Wai-tung! I missed you so much!

Are you tired?

Slept all the way

I'm not as lucky,

but I feel better now that I see you

You're so thin! But look good

Older

Where's Wei-Wei?

Over there

Pleased to meet you

You're prettier in person

You cut your hair?

Short hair is nicer

Thanks for caring for our son

He takes care of me

We're blocking traffic Let's leave

Allow me

Where did you find such a beauty?

I placed an ad for an apartment two years ago,

20 people answered, and Wei-Wei was one of them

Good My investment paid off

What do you think?

She'll make lots of babies

Hey!

How long have you been here?

Over 3 years Never went back

And your family?

I have my mom, dad, and a kid brother in school

What do they do?

Her Pa works at a hospital,

and her ma teaches art

Good

It's traditional that we bring the Gift of 4 Colors

to formally propose to your parents

My parents are easy going

They've seen pictures of Wai-tung,

and I talk about him all the time

And they like him,

but not easy for them to come here from the mainland

That's too bad

Hi!

This is Simon,

my roommate and landlord

It is pleasure Mr and Mrs Gao

Welcome my home

You speak Chinese!

Thank you for caring for our son

and letting us stay here

Pa, he doesn't understand

No?

A little

Tell him his home is beautiful

May I help with these?

That'll be great

How come you rent from Simon

but don't live in your own building?

Mine are dumps

You can't live there

We're looking for a new home

We'll move after the wedding

Dad

Nice place

Yeah, the air is fresh

Now that you're getting married,

I've got something to tell you

You know why I went into the army?

Because you wanted to fight

with General Chiang against the Japanese

No I

What?

I had to run away, so I joined the army

Your grandpa arranged a marriage

I got angry and just took off

We fought the Japs and the communists

and then I went to Taiwan in 1951

One day a relative escaped and brought a letter from grandpa

that said the Gao family was gone,

and it was up to me

to continue the family name

I can't tell you how I feel about

being at your wedding!

You should have stayed home and rested

You want to take bath before dinner? You'll feel better

Stir a little bit longer and then drain the juice

Thanks for cooking, Wei-Wei

It's nothing Feeling better?

Yes!

Where's Pa? Dinner is ready

He's coming

I'll set the table

They're over there

Wai-tung is lucky

He found a girl who can cook

Today that's rare

Not really!

When did I write this?

2 years ago

It's my favorite, that's why it's in the living room

This is very good

Not one bad stroke

Not easy to do

Pa, dinner is ready

See how you compare this to Old Chang's cooking

Of all your scrolls this is my favorite

It's really great art

How so?

The Wang Hsi Zhi school emphasizes harmony and nature

Your Wang style of calligraphy reflects a beautiful structure

combined with unrefined purity

Bei Qu Yi's poem and your writing flow naturally

That art is not often attained

And every stroke is perfect

That shows your steadiness, it's a sign of longevity

She's more expert than you, son

Of course She's an art student

Food is getting cold Let's eat

Wei-Wei, we're so much trouble

Not at all It's something I want to do

Good

Pa, taste the shredded tofu, see if you like it

Very good

Right amount of soda, perfect soaking time

Just the right tenderness

He likes it? Yeah

Wei-Wei, what an effort!

Not really I bet it's not as good as Old Chang's

Yours is better His is too salty

What does he mean?

A gift to our future daughter-in-law

for taking care of our son

What's this?

He is in your hands now

Then I can't refuse

We bought these pearls in Japan

Please wear them at the wedding

How beautiful!

They're natural pearls, not cultured

This red coral pin is from Malaysia

It's gorgeous! This is too much!

This bracelet

Here is my wedding Chi-Pao gown

We bought that in Taipei

Please try it on Can we have it altered?

Probably in Chinatown

It's a real treasure

I brought it from the mainland when I was young

This quality and workmanship, you can't find it anymore

I'll try it on

Wait, one more

This gold bracelet is from Old Chang

He worked for us for nearly forty years

He helped raise Wai-tung

I'm speechless

I'll try on the Chi-Pao

She likes them!

And you said I shouldn't give my old things

Simon has some gifts for you

Oh no We are already your guests

We can't accept gifts too!

Just a little something

You heart problems and high pressure

This show

pressure all times

Auntie, this facial cream.. special prevent wrinkles

Old woman, should

Put every night

You want me to be forever young

Yes Never get old older older

Look, it fits perfectly!

I knew it would fit A mother-in-law knows

It's a spiritual bond that passes from generation to generation

You were brought together by fate

You and our son should be husband and wife

We call that 'fate will find you no matter how far apart'

Excellent!

This is Wai-tung's personal spoon

I feel great We walked for an hour

I'll wash up

Go wake up Simon

What are you looking at? Never seen eggs before?

Hey love muffin Time to make the doughnuts

How was my performance on the first day?

About a B plus

I don't know, we should have moved you out

We'll survive

Not if Wei-Wei keeps cooking

Pa!

Pa!

Breakfast time!

Okay

What are our plans today?

We'll stay home this morning

You can do some calligraphy

This afternoon we'll get married

Get married?

Who?

We are!

You came for our wedding, right?

This afternoon?

Why wait?

We've prepared our marriage certificate,

and we have a marriage appointment at 2:00 PM

We planned to do it one day after your arrival

We came all this way,

how can you be so casual?

Ma, I've told you We're both very busy

and not much for ceremonies

Besides, her parents can't make it,

so why not keep it simple?

This happens only once in a lifetime

Think of the bride, if not yourself

Our friends and relatives gave thirty thousand dollars

to have a grand wedding

What will we tell them?

We're not marrying for them

If not for them, then for whom?

Ma, it's okay

A wedding banquet won't affect how we love each other

We're not into these traditions

Very well They're adults,

they will do what they want

Why should it be like this?

To have and to hold

For better or worse

for richer or poorer

in sickness and in health

till death do us part

Rings

Under the authority vested in me by the state of New York

I now pronounce you are husband and wife

You may kiss the bride

Gao!

Come on Gao

Excuse me, you guys

You need to switch to the other side

Good, now if any one here thinks

these 2 people may not legally marry

speak now or forever hold your peace

Okay, now repeat after me I Wee-ton

"Wai-tung"

Right, take Wee-wee

"Wei-Wei"

Okay, Wei-Wei to be my wedded wife

to be my wedded wife

to have and to hold, for better or worse

for richer or poorer

in sickness and in health

till death do us part

Okay, now you I Wee-wee

Wee-Wee

marry you, Wee-ton

Wee-wee

Okay to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold

Holding to have, husband, uh, mine

for better or worse, for richer or poorer

better and richer, no poorer!

In sickness and in health, till death do us part

till sickness and death

Good Rings

Under the authority vested in me by the state of New York

I now pronounce that you are husband and wife

You may kiss your bride

Come on let's take picture

Smile!

Happy occasion!

What's the matter, Ma?

It's all my fault, Wei-Wei

We came all the way for nothing

We let you down with such a shabby wedding!

Stop it, Ma!

Don't say that

I'm so happy to marry Wai-tung

She's so upset

Why don't I take you all to dinner?

We'll go to the China Palace My treat

Let them know

Simon is taking us out to celebrate

We're going to the best Chinese restaurant in Manhattan

We should be treating you

Hi, boss How come so late?

Traffic is terrible

When did that table arrive?

Table C?

Yes How long?

Quite a while They've been served already

Don't give them a check

Go order two more dishes for them,

General Tso's Chicken and Pan Fried Whole Fish

I'm going over there

Okay

Commander!

Old Chen!

What a coincidence!

America is so big

and we still run into each other in a restaurant!

I recognized you as soon as I came in

You're eating?

No I ate at home

Commander, this is my restaurant

Your restaurant?

It's my third son's But what is his, is mine

Congratulations!

It's a beautiful restaurant!

So, Old Chen, you finally made it

If it weren't for you and the Commander

I would be nothing

How ironic Chen has a restaurant, but Old Chang doesn't

Only these dishes aren't enough

I ordered two more dishes for you

This doesn't count

Next time, I'll treat you all to a whole dinner

You shouldn't do it We're full

Now you're Boss Chen, right?

Please join us

Oh, no I'm not worthy

of sitting at your table before you all

What is this? You're an important boss now

Come on, sit

Madam, just call me Old Chen

And I prefer to stand

Young master, how long have you been in America?

Ten years,

and I please don't call me "young master",

just Wai-tung

How time flies

And your friends?

This is Simon, my landlord

I drove the Commander's jeep for 20 years

Hello, Uncle Chen

And this young lady?

She's our new daughter-in-law

Young master, when did you marry?

I have no gift for you I must make it up to you

That won't be necessary

We just got married today at City Hall

Pa and Ma came for the wedding

You got married at City Hall?

That's right This is our wedding dinner

and we ran into you

Young master, I know you all well,

I know I'm out of line,

but the Commander is very well-known and respected

How could you have been so inconsiderate?

I'm only a servant

but even when my third son was married,

I had a banquet for 200 guests

Boss here are the special dishes

Our food can't compare to Old Chang's

I hope the Commander won't mind

Don't be so formal Old Chen

Allow me, Commander Hey, I've got an idea!

Although you kids want to be modern,

what is a wedding without a banquet?

So if you don't mind that my place is a bit small

and the food isn't so great, it would please me

if young master have a wedding banquet here

We have a party room,

and there is a hotel above

We can get a room

for the newly-wed

That would be too much trouble for you

No trouble All you have to do is show up

Old Chen wants nothing better than plan a banquet

Look at the smile on the Commander's face

Young master, I'm not doing this for you

It's for the Commander

He's been going to other people's banquets for years

He's witnessed a many of couples' weddings,

now it's time for him to get back some of the gifts he gave

If you don't let him have this, you're an ungrateful son

Won't this be too much trouble?

Then it's decided

Commander, leave everything to me

It'll be a great banquet!

You won't lose face in America!

Yes, she's from Shanghai

No no, it's not formal dress

Okay, both you and Shirley are coming, right?

Peter

I knew it was you

Come on, I'm in the bathroom

Just like our college days!

I'm too tired to get up

And you need your sleep for the feast

Yeah, for the final act

and then they're out of here

About time

I'm sick of sleeping alone

I'm sick of the whole thing

You sound tired

I am

But, let's just talk some more

Okay

I didn't walk far Only half an hour

I want to save my strength for today

Go wake Wai-tung up

Wai-tung

Come on Mr Groom Time to wake up!

Pa

Pa, Ma, go sit on the bed

Okay

We wish you a happy life and a long marriage

That's enough Enough!

How time flies

It seems like only yesterday you learned to talk

Son, you remember

how you used to love to sleep on my tummy?

I'd ask "Where's Wai-tung?"

you used to say "I'm here ",

You were so chubby that I wanted to eat you

and you came running

My little fat boy

I'll get Wei-Wei ready

No, stay a bit longer We won't probably get another chance

Stop it, Ma

Hello?

Ma?

Wei-Wei?

Why didn't you tell us in the letter that you'd call us today?

Did you wait long?

No, not long

Why are you calling, Wei-Wei?

No reason I just missed you

Have you eaten?

We were just starting dinner

when the telephone clerk came to get us

We dropped everything and came here

How's the new house?

Next week we'll have gas

The house faces Southwest

Here's your father

Wei-Wei?

Get up Wei-Wei?

I'm up You get ready

They really piled on the rocks

No kidding

You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen

Thank you, Ma

And thank you, Sister Mao

Don't mention it

It's a pleasure

to be your bridesmaid

Hurry up, it's almost 2:00 PM

Good

Just let me take a look

Okay, everything's fine Let's go

Careful

Sister Mao, please get the lotus soup

Thank you, Ma

Thank you

We're turning Wai-tung to you

And you Wai-tung must care well for Wei-Wei

I will

Here, a soup for a quick first son

Wei-Wei, you kneel down and let Ma feed you

Have some lotus soup,

a son will come quickly

Come on Wai-tung,

kneel down and have some soup with me

Having a son is a female thing

She can't give birth without your help, right?

You two grew up differently

You two grew up differently,

but fate has united you together here so far from home

It's something you should treasure

If differences arise in

opinions and habits,

you must work to resolve them

Talk and understand Always be thoughtful of each other

That's the key to a successful marriage

Ma and I met in chaos

Seeing you two together has a special meaning for us

We give thanks to our ancestors

Wei-Wei is a great artist,

Wai-tung,

you must help her succeed

Don't let this marriage My God!

Hinder her talent No! Don't do that!

You'll ruin the three-hour make-up

It'll be over soon Don't cry!

Stop talking everything's fine!

Stop crying!

How about that?

My speech really touched her, huh?

Yes, Pa

Would the groom raise his left shoulder?

Chin up

smile

Be sweet

Show your white teeth

Lower down your head, groom,

like you love each other

Turn a little more

white teeth

Yes, turn a little more

a little more,

smile a little wider

Turn some more okay smile a bit more

Come, Little Rock jump on the bed

to make a little boy like you

Chief Wang and distinguished guests,

my son's marriage to Wei-Wei

was very simple, sudden,

and caught you by surprise

With my sincerest apologies

I thank you all for coming

When are you going to finish?

Who's talking now?

The groom's father

I got 40 minutes

Have a big kiss!

That's a joke, once more!

One more only See clearly

Quiet everybody!

I'm Bob Law

everyone calls me "The Law"

I've known the groom since elementary school,

I provided him with his first comic books

to amuse himself in class

In high school, I took him to the best pool halls

In college, I got him into parties to score some chicks

So I was his biggest influence, worst influence

I hope you don't mind, Mr Gao,

it's just for fun

And after 16 years of friendship

I learned about the wedding only one week before

To everyone who feels as left out as me,

should we punish them?

Fry him!

What? You have the guts to marry, but not to eat this?

This is a cross cultural event

Everything goes!

Thanks

Drink some more!

Not so much!

Thanks

Thanks for coming

Everybody, sit down

This is wrong

You just can't toast an entire table

and just take a short sip

You can't do that before us

We all go back a long way

That's right

Give me a break!

You know I can't drink

I get drunk from beer commercials!

I'll drink for him

Protecting him already?

Come on!

Tofu head!

If you won't drink to us,

you must at least drink to Taiwan

Good That's more like it!

Wai-tung

We haven't seen each other for many years

I drove five hours to be here

Drink with me!

I'll start first Bottoms up!

Good

God, I thought the Chinese were meek, quiet, math whizzes!

You're witnessing the results of 5000 years

of sexual repression

No good guy left

How about me?

I mean you're not good!

Come, Wai-tung,

bottoms up with me!

What's the hell here?

You guys drinking or talking? Cut the crap

we can't wait any longer!

Wai-tung, we are here waiting

Show some guts!

Guo Wai-tung, show us some guts

Guo Wai-tung, show us some guts!

Guo Wai-tung!

Show Us Some Guts!

Guo Wai-tung!

Show Us Some Guts!

Gao?

Gao? Isn't this the Chen wedding?

The Chen wedding?

That's upstairs in the Phoenix Ballroom

Thank you very much for coming

Thank you, bye-bye

Bye and congratulations!

Thanks for coming

Congratulation! Thanks, bye

Are you alright?

Yes, okay

Okay?

Yeah I'm okay

Can you take Ma and Pa home?

Yeah,

I think they've had about enough of this

Mr and Mrs Gao,

me drive home

Thank you

Pa, you overdid it tonight

Are you okay?

Just happy

I'll call you tomorrow

See you See you

Commander

We are real trouble

Are you satisfied?

Thanks

You're welcome

Go home safely

Chen, thanks a lot

Please get home safely

Good night

You okay?

Room service New towel

Okay!

No! Don't open the door!

Surprise! We're invading the newlywed suite!

You really know how to choose a room, huh?

Number 10 '69'!

I thought you passed out

Passed out? Never! And miss the Newlywed Invasion?

This old glorious tradition we're now brought here

What are you doing?

Dear comrade lover,

we're staying here with you

The long struggle has begun!

Great

Aren't you touched by such friendship?

I am

Here we go Me first!

Had a bit too much, huh?

Yeah but I was so happy

Want your pills?

Okay

East

We'll be the next to marry,

we should have more harmony

Why they all call you "Hard Boiled Egg"?

Because I've got no luck,

It's always the same for me

No! I can't do it anymore!

Please spare me, guys!

He's had enough

Okay, we'll leave you alone,

after one last game, then we'll go

Another game?

Let's do it!

That's the spirit!

Okay, you two get under the covers

Oh, shit!

Then take off all your clothes

and throw them on the floor

Only when the last piece is off, we'll go

Where are the clothes?

I'm losing money

We play until I get it back

'Every minute of a wedding night

is worth 1000 pieces of gold'

That's the way!

Beautiful, just beautiful!

Bye

Will they be back?

I don't think so

They had enough fun for one night

Wei-Wei what's your hand doing?!

Just resting

Hey! Don't do that!

You's such a liar!

You told me women don't excite you!

What the hell are you doing?

I'm liberating you

No

Hello?

Hey!

Come on, there's no one around

It's been long time since we did it in the afternoon

Come on! What's wrong with you?

Let's go to my room

You're back?

Pa You didn't go shopping?

Shopping is a woman's game

It requires unlimited stamina

I can't keep up with them,

so I stayed home to do calligraphy

Age takes its toll I only had a few drinks

but it has taken me three weeks to recover

Son, have you found a home yet?

We can't live here at Simon's forever

You know, this gift has been very useful

Here, may I?

Don't worry, Pa

As soon as your pressure is down,

you can go home

They're back

Back?

It's okay here

There's more in the car

Some more

I am exhausted

Did you rob a department store?

Coming here is always a headache

So many gifts to bring back

We have been shopping for such a long time,

and we haven't bought enough

Fifth Ave

is too expensive

and when we find something suitable,

it's made in Taiwan!

Are you tired?

When Ma enters a department store,

she turns into Michael Jordan

You're so strong, you'll live to be 100!

You must be tired, too

I'm fine

Look at the time

They arrived before you, and there's no dinner

All you do is complain!

These are for your friends I'm doing your shopping!

I'm hungry

I thought we'd have sushi

No!

How are you? You don't like sushi?

You okay?

I'm fine

Hey!

You ready?

Yup, let me just get my jacket

No rush We'll miss the first show anyhow

Hey Wai-tung, Wei-Wei!

Hope you don't mind we're stealing Simon for the evening

Of course not!

Halves is waiting in the car

Simon has friends?

I didn't think he had any

See you all later!

Bye

See you

When'll you be back?

Good night

Where've you been?

Out

What does it mean?

Out

Out where?

Out having a reasonably good time

To the movies For a drink

I hooked up with Steve, and we went to clubs

Like life, remember? Our life?

Are you having an affair with Steve?

Fuck you

Listen Good night and go to sleep, ok?

I just had a really pleasant evening,

and I don't feel like dealing with your shit

Go!

Go! Really

What's wrong, Wei-Wei?

Don't touch me!

First it's Simon, now it's you

And my parents are still here

All I do everyday is pamper the four of you

My patience is running out

Sleep

All will be fine in the morning

It's worse in the morning

What?

What do you mean?

What do you mean it's 'worse' in the morning?

I know you can cook an egg,

give it a fry here!

Just trying to help

Pregnant?!

But I told you! Simon

Yeah, you were drunk You said,

and I quote, 'things got out of hand'!

Yeah, out of hand and next

Simon, shush!

What difference does it make, they don't understand!

I say what I want in my own fucking house

in my own fucking language!

It wasn't Wai-tung's fault I can explain

I don't care who or what he fucks,

but talk about stupid unsafe sex!

Hey

Hey I'm talking to you!

Are we overstaying our welcome?

Shut up and eat

Put down the fucking phone and listen to me!

So where do you get off?

This whole thing was your idea

You fucking busybody!

Wei-Wei wouldn't be here for you,

and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit!

Shit?

I'm shit?!

You're shit!

I wasn't calling you shit

Don't call me anything!

You user! You fraud!

Shit!

Did Wai-tung pay his rent?

You can't put your foot in your mouth if you keep quiet

Eat!

Wai-tung, it's me

Please don't be freak out, but,

your Dad just had a mild stroke

It's not too serious

We're here at St Sebastian Hospital

Well, about this morning

Ma

Wai-tung?

How's Pa?

Sleeping Visiting hours are over

Don't worry,

It's just a mild stroke

God was watching over him

He must stay calm

Wei-Wei and Simon?

They went to get supper

Ma,

don't worry about my fight with Simon

It's nothing

Such a big thing,

why did you hide it?

I

I was afraid you couldn't take it

It's been 20 years,

I've been living a big lie

There has been much pain and joy

that I've wanted to share with you

But I couldn't

Sometimes I wanted to tell you everything,

but I couldn't burden you

with what has been with me so long

I don't get it

Why didn't you tell us Wei-Wei was pregnant?

What is all this?

Ma,

I want to tell you

I've known it for a few days

After you guys fought this morning,

I told her that,

judging by her bad mood

she was carrying a boy

Congratulations, son!

Wai-tung

Ma,

my marriage is a fraud

Simon is my real "friend"

Friend?

Friend, lover

Ma,

I'm gay, and Simon is my lover

We're been living together for 5 years

Simon led you astray?

It's not true!

Nobody led me astray

I was born this way

Nonsense!

You had girlfriends in college?

Jean, Lei-Lei,

you were intimate with them!

That was the thing to do Every guy had a girl

I wasn't the exception

Ma,

It's hard for a gay man

to find someone compatible to be with

That's why I treasure Simon so much

Look around you How many so-called normal couples

are fighting, divorced?

They only wish they could be as loving as Simon and me

How can you accuse Simon of leading me astray?

If it weren't for Pa's need of a grandchild,

and your constant matchmaking

I'd be very happy the way it was

Is the child yours?

Yes

That fake marriage was to get her a green card,

and to make you happy

but things got out of hand

but things got out of hand

What a mess!

Your father must not know

I know

It would kill him

What went wrong?

He really told her?

Yes,

but it's to be a secret from his father

Damm

Stretch,

but not too much

That's alright You got it

What a pain! I wish I could have a cigarette

Right

Okay good A walk?

My mother is in Boston and my father is,

I think, in Arizona

Mother in Boston, father in Arizona

How tragic!

Where's Arizona?

Texas

Any brothers?

Do you have any brothers?

My father, who's quite old now,

did have a son by the first marriage,

I never met him He died in Vietnam War

No

Two sisters?

Do you have two sisters?

They both live in San Francisco

Yes, in San Francisco

Are they straight?

Ma!

Simon cooked for us today

Wei-Wei

Pa, don't serve me,

there's plenty of meat

I have hypertension

I mustn't eat fat meat like that

We must send her something when we get back home

Sure!

I'll do the dishes

Why?

Just eat Later I'll do the dishes

Simon cooked

I'll wash

Just leave it

Let me do it

They will finish that

I'll take a bath

I'll help you

No,

I'll do it myself

Just one more week,

and they're gone

Then what?

Everything goes back to the way it was?

What about Wei-Wei?

First they go,

then we would figure it out

Wai,

when they go, I think I might have to go, too

I know

Oh, it's you

Come here

Ma, you're looking at pictures alone?

Sit down with me

Wai-tung was so cute!

And Ma, you look so beautiful

Not really

I had a hard time with Wai-tung

He was a Caesarian birth

I almost died

The doctor told me I couldn't have baby anymore

He weighed so little,

like a little monkey

I don't know how I raised him

His father always away with the military

God knows how such a weak child grew

into such a big, able, and handsome man

He always did well in school,

and I never worried about his grades

I always bragged that I couldn't spoil him

Gao Ma,

forgive me, I want to return these

I want to return these

When a son grows up, a mother is forgotten

I'm sorry

I didn't know things were going to turn out like this

I didn't mean to hurt you

You can return the gifts,

But what about our love?

How can you return that?

I can't

I can only ask for forgiveness

But my love for you is real

I don't want them back

I can't accept them

I want my daughter-in-law,

my grandchild

I can't do it

I also have a future

We old women sometimes envy young women like you

independent, well educated, with your own life

you don't depend on men

You do as you pleased

We pay a price, too

It's not easy living here by ourselves

That's why Pa and you became my parents

A woman is still a woman

Husbands and children, are still most important to us, right?

Not really!

You're too young to understand

Will you go to the clinic with me tomorrow?

So, you've made up your mind?

I made the appointment for 2:30 PM

They asked me if you'll be there?

"Yes", I said

It won't take long,

only half an hour

Will you come with me?

I gave up too much for a green card

More than I can pay

Don't say that!

Maybe there are more important things in life

than hiding in America

We are so selfish

For our own interest,

we planned this bogus marriage

We let Simon down,

and your parents, too

If we continued,

we'd let the kid down too

As of tomorrow,

the lie will be over

I'll return to China

You'll make up with Simon

We won't have to live this lie anymore

Promise me one thing,

Pa won't ever know

I promise

Nothing

Where are you going?

Shopping

I'll come, too

Ma, no!

Stay and watch over Pa

If I stay here I'll go mad!

I'm coming with you

Wait for me,

I go get my purse

Don't leave without me

I'll be here immediately

Where's my purse?

You're hungry already?

You just had lunch!

I'm craving a hamburger

Can't it wait? It's almost 2:00 PM

No I've got to have one now

Happy birthday, Simon

Mr Gao? You speak English?

Please, Happy Birthday

My birthday?

Even I forgot!

Then you know,

you've known

I watch,

I hear,

I learn

Wai-tung is my son,

so you are my son also

Why you?

Well, thank you

When Wai-tung

No!

Not Wai-tung,

not mother,

not Wei-Wei should know

our secret

But why?

For the family

If I didn't let them lie,

I'd never have got my grandchild

I don't understand

I don't understand

It's 2:30 PM

You eat, I'll drive

Don't rush me

You can go by yourself if you want

I'm feeding my baby

You changed your mind?

You're keeping the baby?

What happens

if you want to get married one day?

What about the kid?

Don't worry,

one wedding banquet is enough in my life!

It's my child I'll find a way

Painter and mother

Can you be both?

I'll find a way

A tough man takes responsibility for his actions,

If you want to help,

get me a decent apartment,

no rent

Otherwise, just get out of the way

I'm gonna be a father!

I'd better ask the other 'tough' guy first

Okay, let's talk to Simon

Okay, so they can take the airport car,

when they take the luggage right?

2 hours before departure,

really? OK

That's one low sodium, and one healthy heart meal,

right?

Okay, thanks

How did it go?

You okay?

Wei-Wei wants to know

if you will be one of the fathers of the child

Sure!

Then you'll stay?

You must, for the sake of the child!

Now that I'm keeping the baby,

we'd better go tell Pa,

he's going to be the grandfather,

he'll be so happy!

What's so funny?

Oh! Nothing

Go tell him!

I'll be here

We at least tell him one true thing,

Wei-Wei is having a baby

That's true

Maybe it's only temporary

He may get over it

Maybe a woman hurt him

and he developed a psychological problem

It's not like that

I know

but maybe once he sees his child,

he'll get back to normal

I wouldn't bet on it

At first, I hoped the same thing

I knew it!

You also liked being

in that wedding gown

This garden will turn wild again after I leave

Pa

Good morning

Morning

I think it's time

Oh, yes,

don't forget to take the wedding pictures

Okay, let's go

We really should be going

Ma

Take good care of yourself

And come visit us in Taiwan

Simon,

thank you,

thank you for taking care of our son

The Gao family will always be grateful to you

Okay, time to go

Let's go!

What's wrong?

Nothing,

I'm just happy

I'm happy, too