Original subtitles

[crying] Boy! [door closes]

Boy! [crying continues]

Boy!

Hey, Davey. What's the matter?

Charlie. Charlie?

He died. Oh. Your turtle?

My alligator. He was only two months old.

Oh. Let's see him.

He was just a baby, huh?

And the best friend I ever had.

That's a shame, Davey.

But, you know, we've all gotta go sometime.

I know that. That's not the worst part.

The worst part-- Mom says I have to bury him.

Well, of course you do. What else would you do with him?

Put him in plastic, like a guy did at school with his lizard.

Plastic?

That way I could keep him and look at him forever.

Hey, that sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, but Mom says it cost too darn

much old money, and she hasn't got it.

At least till Dad gets back,

and he'll be gone the whole darn old week.

So I have to bury Charlie,

'cause Mom says if I don't, he'll start to smell.

Yeah, he will. She's got a point.

If there were only some way to keep Charlie till Dad gets home.

Yeah. [sighs]

Well, that's easy. Freeze him. Freeze him?

Sure. Put him in a bag in your

freezer, and he'll keep for months.

No kidding? Yeah.

Honest? Oh, boy!

Oh, boy. What?

I just remembered-- We haven't got a freezer.

Only the top part of a refrigerator,

and that's jammed full.

Well, we've got plenty of room in

ours. Want me to keep him for you?

- Would you? - Well, sure.

We've always got enough room in our freezer...

for the best friend Davey Selden ever had.

I wish he'd have known you, Gidge. He'd have liked you.

Tonight we feast.

What feast? I did the shopping.

Uh-uh. What gives?

Steak-- that thick.

Mushrooms...

and asparagus with hollandaise...

and the fixings for Cherries Jubilee.

We have some French fries in the freezer, don't we?

I don't know. What's the occasion?

Tomorrow afternoon, I am being

interviewed by California Weekly magazine.

You are? What for?

Well, it seems that word has gotten around...

that Professor Russell Lawrence, your dear old dad,

is not-- repeat, not-- one of those old fogies...

that goes around tsk-tsking at the younger generation.

I like them, I understand them,

I don't think they're outrageous,

I think they're perfectly normal,

and nothing they do surprises me.

That's great, Dad. Watch it.

- What? - Don't defrost the alligator.

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Well, I suppose if you have to keep an

alligator, that's not a bad way to do it.

Originally, we had him in a plastic bag filled with water,

but he just kind of flopped around, and

Davey was afraid that he'd freeze crooked.

This way, he's a nice curve-- Charlie.

Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, that was his name-- Charlie. May he rest in ice.

Here.

We'll put him next to the deviled

crab so he won't get lonesome.

Deviled crab! So it's beef stew.

In Charlie's condition, he'll never know the difference.

Don't forget the French fries.

Oh, I don't see 'em. If they were

here, Annie probably took them.

Doesn't your sister ever do her own marketing and cooking?

Not when she's gone over her budget, which is, like, always.

Tell me more about the interview.

Oh, nothing. A reporter coming tomorrow around 3:00.

He is going to take pictures, isn't he?

Of course. Of me.

Oh, Dad, it's just that you-- you photograph so very young...

that no one will believe you have a

full-grown daughter unless they see the proof.

In that case, we better phone Anne and have her come over.

Oh, Dad!

Hello. The, uh, Selden family live here?

Yes, sir. I'm Davey.

Your mother at home? She's gone to the market.

Oh. Well, tell her the man from the California

Bureau of Animal Protection was here.

You a dogcatcher?

No. It's about the alligator. Your

mother did buy an alligator, didn't she?

But we haven't got him anymore. He's gone.

- Gone? - Gidget's got him.

Gidget?

Larue, I don't have time to talk to you now.

[doorbell rings] Oh, no. Now look what you've done.

You've made me late and him early.

The reporter. That's who. He's at the door.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

[doorbell rings]

Hello. Hello.

I'm Harry McCann. Won't you come in?

Please sit down. Thank you.

We didn't expect you till about 3:00. You expected me?

Well, certainly. Oh, you must be familiar with the routine.

Most people aren't. Well, I watch a lot of movies.

So do I.

Now, uh, what is the full name?

Mine or his?

- His. - Russell. Russell Lawrence.

- And, uh, how's he doing? - How's he doing what?

Is he eating?

Well, sure, but I don't think

that'd make much of a story. Do you?

Who do you think I am?

I don't know. Who do you think I think you are?

I'm with the California Bureau of

Animal Protection, Wild Animal Division.

- Wild animals? Well-- Do you or do you not have an alligator?

Charlie? Charlie?

Charlie's the alligator. Russ is my dad.

You don't make yourself very clear.

I don't?

I thought you were somebody else.

But the little boy next door told

me that you have his alligator.

Oh, yes, I do.

- Then you do have it? - Right.

- Good. - In the freezer.

Fine. Now we've got that straight.

The point is you have to take out

a permit to keep a wild animal.

- In the freezer? - Yes.

- Why? - He's dead.

Oh.

It seems to me I'm not the one that's making myself very clear.

You see, when Davey told me how much he loved Charlie,

well, I wanted to do something to help him.

We gotta get you out of here, Charlie.

The man is an alligator catcher.

[laughing] All I can say is you've made my day.

[phone ringing] Go ahead. I'll let myself out.

Bye. Thanks.

Hello.

Hello. Is Professor Lawrence in?

Professor Lawrence? No, he isn't, but this is his daughter.

- Can I take a message? - This is Brian Mack.

Who? Brian Mack?

Oh, yes. The editor of the magazine. Hi.

I'm terribly sorry, but Mr. Tracy, the

writer who's going to interview your dad,

is stuck on the freeway with a flat tire.

I'm afraid he's going to be late.

Oh, that's too bad.

But at least now I have a chance to get dressed.

Will you tell your dad that Mr. Tracy won't

be there for at least a couple of hours?

Yes, I sure will. Right away. Bye-bye.

Gidge? Hoo-hoo.

Oh, hi. Hi yourself.

Who are you calling? Dad.

The reporter had a flat or something. He

won't be able to be here till 4:30 or 5:00.

Dad won't have to rush either. Oh,

darn. That certainly ruins my schedule.

I was going to the market after, and

now I guess I'll have to go before.

Life's full of tough breaks, ain't it, kid?

Professor Lawrence, please.

I'll see you later. Bye, Annie.

Dad? Relax. You've got plenty of time.

We just got a call from the man--

I wouldn't have to go to the market

if I only had something for dinner.

So, now I've got something for dinner.

[doorbell rings]

Hi. How do you do? Sorry I'm so late.

Oh, that's all right. Won't you

come in? Dad'll be home in a minute.

Hold it. Hmm?

You are from the California Weekly magazine, aren't you?

Yes. Oh, good.

I just don't want to make the same

mistake twice. What mistake was that?

Well, this afternoon-- Come on in. Oh, thank you.

This man came to the door, and naturally I thought it was you.

But it turns out it wasn't after all. Who was he?

Oh, he was from the California Bureau of Animal Protection.

Won't you have a seat? Oh, thank you.

About the alligator. Alligator?

In the freezer.

Hi. Anybody home? Oh, here's Dad.

Hi, Dad. Mr. Tracy's here.

And Anne and John said they'd be over later.

Fine, fine. How are you, Mr. Tracy?

How do you do, Professor?

I'm sorry about the delay and all. It's quite all right.

Worked out fine for me too. Sit down. Oh, thank you, sir.

Now, what we had in mind was an article about you...

in relation to your daughters, your students...

and your general attitude towards

the young people of today.

[chuckles] I'm all for 'em.

Good.

What alligator in what freezer?

Oh, that's right. I was telling you

about the man, about the mix-up.

What man?

Well, this man came to the door today,

and I thought he was from the magazine,

but he was here about Charlie.

- Charlie? - Charlie.

The alligator. It seems you need a permit.

A-- No kidding? [laughing]

- A permit? - And not only for alligators.

For all wild animals. But you can get three for $10.

Three alligators?

I suppose. But why would anyone want three?

I don't know why anybody would want one.

Frankly, I don't either.

But you said you had one.

Yes. But ours is in the freezer.

Oh, there I go again, forgetting to explain myself.

Charlie's dead, Mr. Tracy. That's why he's in the freezer.

[mouthing word]

Would you like to see him? No, not especially. Please.

I-I really wouldn't.

[chuckles] See what I mean about kids today?

They're smart, ingenious.

I would never have thought of putting

an alligator in the freezer. Would you?

No. No, I'm sure I wouldn't. Positive.

Yet how else would you keep one? Can you think of any other way?

No, but-- Then, of course, up till now, I've never tried.

[Gidget] Daddy! What in the world?

Daddy! Daddy!

Gidget, what's the matter? He's gone! Charlie's gone!

Gone?

Remember? He was in the freezer, right next to the beef stew.

Now he's nowhere. Maybe he got moved around.

Did you look inside? All those casseroles look the same.

He was in a casserole? What'll I do?

Where could he have gone?

He couldn't just disappear into thin air.

Oh, yes, he could. He was in our freezer, right? Mm-hmm.

And aren't things in our freezer always disappearing? Annie.

Who else? She was here earlier, and

she was supposed to go to the market.

But I'll bet--

Daddy, I'll bet she's cooking Charlie for dinner!

The alligator? Yes! Come on. Quick. Get her on the phone.

Maybe I'm in the wrong house. Please? I'm in the wrong house?

Anne? Did you take a casserole from our freezer?

Would you stop hollering? I only took one.

How do I know which one? Frankly,

Gidget, all your casseroles taste alike.

What do you mean, not this one?

Because it's what? What!

[Anne screaming] She took it all right. Listen to her.

She's probably already cooking it. Anne? Anne?

Let's hope she's got him in a slow oven. Anne?

[screaming] What is it?

Get it out! [screaming continues]

Annie, what are you doing?

Anne, listen to me.

- No! [crying] - What? What? All right, what?

- Here. - [Russ on phone] Anne? Anne? Anne?

Anne? Anne? Anne?

[garbage disposal grinding]

All right. It's okay. It's okay. It's all gone. It's all gone.

[Anne crying] Hey! Somebody! Anybody! Anne?

[crying continues] Anne?

Hello? It's all right. It's all gone.

What do you mean it's all gone?

What did you do?

Ohh. What is it? What'd they do?

They put Charlie down the garbage disposal.

Listen, I've been thinking.

Maybe it would be better if I came back some other time, hmm?

Yes, it would. Why don't you do that? Perhaps after dinner.

I'm, uh-- I'm terribly sorry to have imposed

our personal problems on you like this.

Oh, that's all right. They're very

interesting. Very interesting and unusual.

Most unusual. The most unusual I've ever heard.

Good-bye, alligator-- I mean, Professor.

Daddy, what am I gonna do?

Aw, come on, honey. Can't be all that bad.

Oh, yes, it can. It was all my

idea, and look how I messed it up.

Davey is just gonna be crushed flat.

He'll understand. He'll get over it.

Yeah, don't bet on it. Charlie meant

just about everything to Davey.

Do you remember the first puppy you ever had?

The day he ran away, you thought it was the end of the world.

Then I brought home that little beagle.

Things looked a lot brighter, didn't they?

Yeah, but that's different. Not really.

Look, why don't we get another

pet for Davey and help him forget?

Well, maybe he'd forget Charlie,

but every time he saw an

alligator for as long as he lived,

he'd think of me and how I let him down.

You've got one good thing going for you anyway. What?

Well, you don't hardly see very many alligators these days.

Daddy, this is no time to be joking.

Just getting Davey another pet won't take Charlie's place.

An alligator's an alligator, and you just--

Wait a second. That's it! Huh?

What are you doing?

[dialing]

Hello? Exotic Pet Shop? Tell me-- Do you carry alligators?

Oh, no, no, no. Small size. Say about 14 inches.

You do? Great.

Listen, I don't suppose there's the remotest chance...

of you having one that's, uh, gone on to greener pastures?

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Listen, I was only asking.

I mean, after all, we've all gotta go sometime.

[laughing]

[doorbell rings]

You'll see. You'll see. Will you stop?

I don't know what this is all about,

but I do know there has to be some explanation.

Hi. Hi.

[man chattering] Well, we're not out of the woods yet.

Have you ever tried to buy a dead alligator? See?

Won't you come in?

[chattering continues] This is my editor, Mr. Mack.

Gidget-- the youngest daughter.

How do you do? Hi.

No help from the San Diego Zoo.

Oh, that's Mr. McCann. He's from the

California Bureau of Animal Protection.

So kind of him. If anybody can

find us a dead alligator, he can.

Mr. Tracy. Hi.

Mr. Tracy brought his editor, Mr. Mack. Brian Mack, Professor.

Oh, sorry. My hands are wet. I've

been putting Sam back in the bathtub.

Sam?

[Gidget] He's a sick alligator we got at the pet store.

And he even looks a bit like Charlie,

which is a big break. How's he doing?

[Russ] Ah, poor guy just lies there.

[Gidget] Oh. Is he warm enough? Got enough food?

I thought you wanted him to die.

Mr. Tracy! What kind of people do you think we are?

- We most certainly do not. - No.

But then, on the other hand--

Oh, for heaven's sake!

I don't want two alligators on my conscience!

Oh, cheer up. Maybe John can save the day.

John? Another alligator?

Oh, no, no, no. John is Anne's husband.

And he has this aunt who has some pocketbooks--

Yes. He thinks he can find some skins

and put 'em together and stuff them.

More bad news. The TV and Motion

Picture Animal Farm out in the valley.

The only ones they've got are too

big, too healthy or they're working.

Right this way, gentlemen. We can talk in here.

Plenty of skin, but no head.

Oh, perfect self-description if I ever heard one.

- [Russ] My son-in-law, John. - Uh-huh. How do you do?

[Gidget] Don't worry, John. We've still got Sam.

Sam?

He's the sick one in the bathtub.

- What's the matter with him? - Don't know.

He seems on his last legs.

Mind if I take a look at him?

Don't you think you oughta take a look at your wife first?

Basic rule of the profession--

Never treat friends or relatives.

I said okay. Yes. All right. Right in here.

I'll see what I can do with Annie.

[door closes]

Hmm.

So.

What seems to be the trouble, little fella?

Okay, now sit down here,

and then, uh, I'll fix you some tea or something, okay?

Uh-huh. Oh, Annie, please stop crying.

I-- I can't. My tear ducts are out of control.

Gidget?

It's Davey!

Oh, no! [sobbing]

Davey! Golly, Gidget, can't you get him to go?

Who? The alligator catcher.

I'm running out of ice. What do you mean?

I used up all the ice cubes in our house,

and I spent every dime and nickel

I could find on the ice machine.

And now I haven't any more money.

And if he doesn't go soon,

Charlie's going to turn to slush.

Charlie? You mean you've got

Charlie? You've had him all along?

Sure. I couldn't let that man take him away.

Oh, Davey! Oh, thank heavens!

We were so worried. I'm so glad.

Boy, if it isn't slush, it's mush.

Oh. Come on. We gotta go in and tell everybody the good news.

But I thought we had to do the interview

today in order to make the next edition.

No, no, Professor. The kind of article we had in mind...

can be done at any time, right?

Yes, anytime. Any other time.

Stop worrying about Sam now.

He finally died? No. He's better than ever.

There was nothing the matter with him. He was just lonely.

Whatever it was was purely psychosomatic.

Great.

For the last time, Tracy, okay, okay.

- Okay. - [Gidget] Relax, everyone. Relax.

Davey has Charlie. He's had him all the time.

Isn't that great? Where did you have him?

Isn't it wonderful? I couldn't be happier.

You never did get a chance to see Charlie, did you?

Did you ever see an alligator? No.

[doorbell rings] I'll show you one. Just a minute.

Hello. Somebody said you were looking for an alligator.

How about Zelda? [hissing]

Oh, uh, well, I-- I think she's a little too short.

Too short? Too short.

Good night, honey. Good night, Dad.

I'm sure glad we got everything straightened

out with Mr. Mack and Mr. Tracy.

Yeah. So am I. I can't wait to see what they write about you.

I think they're going back to what

they originally intended to write--

How I feel about young people--

Now that the issues aren't confused with alligators.

I suppose they couldn't help being confused.

But, you know, in a way, it was their own fault.

I mean, if they didn't understand, why

didn't they come right out and ask?

What alligator? What do you mean? Where? How? Why?

They asked. Yes. But not hard enough.

You know, that's the trouble with a lot of people today--

They're afraid to ask hard enough.

If they did, they wouldn't have any problem

understanding anything about alligators.

Or young people. toodles.